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We love discussing everything intimate, from scheduling sex to sleeping in different bedrooms. So, without further ado, here are 12 lovely and wise reader comments on sex…
On timing:
“I was a virgin until I was 29 and started dating my now husband. My lack of experience embarrassed me, and I didn’t know how to broach the subject… until our fifth date when we went upstairs to his bedroom. After getting hot and heavy, I decided to blurt out, ‘Wait, I’m a virgin!’ at the most inopportune time IMAGINABLE. After the shocked look left his face he hugged me and said ‘I wish I had known, I would have planned a more romantic encounter!’ We laughed our heads off and made plans for that Friday to make it special.” — Jule
On solo sex:
“For everyone who says ‘The Hitachi Magic Wand is too strong,’ you can buy a little plug-in dimmer switch (like this). Then you have full control over the vibration intensity. My then-boyfriend introduced me to the magic wand + dimmer switch, and Oh. My. GOD! Not only do I get the exact vibe strength I want, but sometimes we play a game where I hold the wand, and he holds the switch, from a few feet away and, well, you can probably see where that goes. Surprise ending…that then-boyfriend is my NOW-HUSBAND, because DUH DOY!!!” — Liza
On making time:
“With three young kids, my partner and I realized we were not having much sex. So, we started making Sunday afternoons a thing. Once we get everyone down for naps, we rush to the garage office with a baby monitor. We went to a nice dinner the other night, and I said, ‘I’m thrilled I don’t have to rally to have exhausted sex with you tonight.’ And we could laugh because we were planning to have it in two days. Scheduled sex is the best thing ever.” — Meghan
“Scheduling sex may lack spontaneity, but I’m not sure who decided good sex has to be spontaneous. It ignores a very important sex organ, the brain. The fun part of scheduling sex is that you end up thinking about how you’re going to have sex throughout the day, and that can go a long way to ramping up arousal.” — Jessica
“Sex is different for lesbians. Because there is no official end, and you only really stop when someone taps out, I think of sex as a several hours long event. We just do that on Saturday and Sunday now because our work schedules are nuts. We’re both very comfortable initiating it, and that makes me confident we both are having our needs met.” — R.
On books and podcasts:
“I hope everyone gets a chance to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski! I’m midway through with a well-worn copy that has passed through the hands of four girlfriends. The author breaks common misconceptions and makes strides to personalize and authenticate women’s sexuality. — Jessica
“One thing I have stumbled upon are podcasts that tell an erotic story. There’s one called Friday Night Fun that has short, sometimes more tame but still super sexy stories. There is another titled Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica, which are more explicit and longer. The stories definitely do the trick!” — Judy
On being on the same page:
“I grew up in a strict, religious household, and found myself away at college at 18, never having kissed a boy. When I met my first boyfriend, I was totally upfront, and he offered such a sweet, practical solution to consent and boundaries. He said he’d act as my mirror, and would take my advances as permissions that he could ‘go there,’ too (can you tell he was a theater nerd?). I never felt pressured, and it encouraged me to be assertive with my desires with future partners when I was always more inclined to just ‘let things happen.'” — Liberty
“Consent is so sexy. I’ll never forget the guy (a one-night stand in another city) who told me in a kind voice, ‘Just tell me if you wanna stop at any point.'” — Katie
On first kisses:
“Sophomore year, a new boy joined my English class. I crushed madly on his confidence and humor, not to mention his tall, dark and handsome looks. As the quintessential ‘good girl,’ I had zero experience in the kissing or flirting department. But one night in 12th grade, after we watched a movie, Chris kissed me. He told his best friend the next day, ‘If I kiss her again, I will marry her.’ So, there was no more kissing. At least, not until my senior year of college when we reconnected. Six years of dating and 17 years of marriage later, I live a happy life with a man that I crush on to this day. Incredible, really.” — Elle
On trying new things:
“I was listening to an interview the other day with Dan Savage, the sexpert, and he said a fun way to get the spark back is to commit to having sex somewhere other than your bed three times per month. I’m dying to try this.” — Lana
“My husband and I both work from home, and the Cup of Jo tip about arriving separately at a restaurant was definitely a good one for us. Seeing your significant other arrive from the opposite direction when meeting for drinks is a nice little reminder of why you love them.” — Chloé
Have any spicy stories to add?
P.S. 15 more reader comments on sex and who initiates sex in your relationship?
(Photo by Heather Hazzan for Land of Women.)
