Relationships

One Easy Way to Have an Orgasm

An Easy Way to Have an Orgasm

Psst, want to have some girl talk?

In the Netflix show The Incredible Jessica James, two female friends have this exchange:
Friend A: “Do you only have one vibrator?”
Friend B: “Do you have more than one vibrator?”
Friend A: “Has one man ever fulfilled all of your needs?”

I’m curious, do you have a vibrator? Ever since my college best friend took me to get my first one, I’ve been really into them. You can have an orgasm just with the magic of your own hands, of course (here’s a great guide, and here’s a Q&A); but a vibrator is also such a fun, easy way to have an orgasm, learn about your body and take ownership of your sex life.

“The best advice I ever got as a teenager (from Oprah, naturally) was to learn how to masturbate,” says a reader named Annie. “It liberated me at an early age from ever compromising when it came to choosing romantic partners, because I didn’t technically *need* them to enjoy sex, but rather I could choose romantic partners because I *wanted* to. It has given me complete confidence and joy as an adult — both when I’ve been single and when I’ve been in relationships.”

I’ve tried a bunch over the years, and, I have to say, this little guy is amazing. There are five speeds and four rhythms, so you can mix it up and see what you like. Plus, it’s small, so you can stash it in your bedside table, or pack it in a weekender bag. And you can order it online or visit women-owned stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland, which are encouraging and empowering (the staff has SEEN IT ALL, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about any question or request).

You can also use a vibrator with a partner, especially if intercourse on its own doesn’t get you there. Want to hear a fascinating finding? As few as 7% of women can reliably orgasm from penetration alone — basically, if their clitoris is close to their vagina. “Clitoris-vagina distances less than 2.5 cm — that’s roughly from the tip of your thumb to your first knuckle — tend to yield reliable orgasms during sex,” writes the L.A. Times. But other women, with larger “V-C distances,” find it more difficult or just plain impossible.

Did you know that? How did I not know that? Seems like it should be taught during sex ed!

“Never in my life had I had an orgasm with a partner, and I worried that something was wrong with my body,” says a reader named J., a mother of two. “After 12 years with my husband, I couldn’t figure out why sex didn’t do anything for me, why hand stuff never panned out, why I couldn’t get there. It was leaving him with a terribly bruised ego, and my feeling like a failure. Eventually, I began faking it — and did so for 10 years — while taking care of my needs with a vibrator when I was alone. Then, recently, my husband was trying some hand stuff, and it was feeling uncomfortable, so I suggested letting him try my bullet instead and he was game. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. WHY oh WHY did we wait this long?! For real, ladies, if you enjoy a vibrator, use it with your partner.”

An Easy Way to Have an Orgasm

What about you? I’d love to hear, if you’re in the mood… ;)

P.S. Scheduling sex, and do people really have sex on their wedding nights?

(Photo by Land of Women. Reader comments condensed and edited for clarity.)

  1. Laura says...

    I’m late to this party but I love the comments!

    Not many folks are talking about faking orgasms, but I think that’s one of the side effects of not being sure what you want/how to make pleasure happen. I faked for years with many boyfriends, and married the first guy who gave me real ones ;) (He had other good qualities, too) Orgasms are sometimes elusive, and being with a person who wants to go through that process… and that you feel comfortable saying, today’s not the day, or, alternatively, today is the day and I need you to commit 5 more minutes to doing what you’re doing…

    It took me a long time to find orgasms, and when I did (in my 20s!) it was because of a low-tech vibrator. But they aren’t easy for me! It’s always so interesting to me when orgasms are assumed (both as an obvious part of sex and an obvious absence within sex). I hope I can do better for my daughter than my feminist mother did for me.

  2. Liza says...

    For everyone who’s saying “The Hitachi Magic Wand is too strong” — you can buy a little plug-in dimmer switch (like this: https://www.amazon.com/Router-Power-Tool-Speed-Controller/dp/B0012WKCXK/) , plug it into the wall, then plug the wand into the dimmer switch – then you have full control over the vibration intensity!

    My then-boyfriend introduced me to the magic wand + dimmer switch, and Oh. My. GOD! Not only do I get the exact vibe strength I want, but sometimes we play a game where I hold the wand, and he holds the switch, from a few feet away and, well, you can probably see where that goes…

    P.S. Surprise Ending…that then-boyfriend is my NOW-HUSBAND, because DUH DOY!!!

  3. Lenni says...

    For almost two decades of my sexual prime, I missed out on the girl talk that would help me have a satisfying orgasmic experience. (My boyfriends and now husband have all been very eager and accommodating).
    I was a bit of a late sexual bloomer so when my hyper-sexual girlfriends in high school gave me a vibrator as a gag gift at my birthday party (in front of some rather cute boys) and then cackled as I opened the box, I knew I couldn’t trust them to talk about anything intimate. They were in the know and I was totally left out of all conversations about sex. Then when I became sexually active in my early twenties, my college girlfriends made me feel like I was helplessly incompetent when I admitted that I hadn’t experienced an orgasm after being with my first serious boyfriend for six months. Well that was the end of sex talk with the women in my life for another decade.
    I wish I had known some Cup of Jo readers earlier in my life! What an incredible community. Thank you for providing a safe space. Every woman’s body and mind is very different and there is no one thing that will work for everyone. But there are lots of great ideas in here. :)
    P.S. If you have girlfriends that shame you about your sexual issues, or don’t express anything but support, compassion and good humor, time to get new girlfriends. So glad I did!

    • Sarah says...

      Glad you found better friends!

  4. S says...

    Yes to vibrators! Yes to oral! Yes to hands!!
    I’m not sure if someone else has made this suggestion, but in case no one has, if you can’t come during intercourse, try the following:
    Let your partner come (doesn’t matter position), then (while penis is still inside vagina), get on top (obviously easiest if you are already on top), and just keep going. The on top clitoral rubbing action, for as long as you need, might just do the trick. Works super well for me. And your partner might just get hard and get off again too.

  5. Casey Kimber says...

    The lelo siri! Hands down ;)) https://www.lelo.com/siri-2
    I have the original model which is a bit cheaper on Amazon I think. Really good intensity in a small package.

  6. Mel says...

    Just saw this article in NYT and immediately came *running* back to this post to share:

    “Women of Sex Tech, Unite: New York is becoming a cultural center for young women trying to disrupt the male-dominated industries of design engineering and sex toys.”
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/18/nyregion/women-of-sex-tech-unite.html?action=click&pgtype=Homepage&version=Moth-Hidden&moduleDetail=inside-nyt-region-11&module=inside-nyt-region&region=inside-nyt-region&WT.nav=inside-nyt-region

    How cool!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      SO cool, mel!!! thank you so much for sharing. off to read right now…. xoxo

  7. Kate says...

    I love this vibrator from Lovehoney – it’s tiny, relatively quiet, has lots of different settings for rhthym and intensity, and it’s USB charged. Absolutely revolutionary.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26627

  8. Alice says...

    EXACTLY what I needed. My last vibrator died a couple off years ago, just before my first child was born, and you have just rejigged me to re-stock. Perfect timing. Never tried with partner during sex but am now determined to. Thanks, COJ! Great post

  9. Jamie says...

    Just discovered my favorite vibrator ever called The Womanizer. It is. Mind blowing. It mimics oral sex and can bring you to orgasm in a couple of minutes!

    • Lisa says...

      Second that, Jamie! My husband got it for me and WHOA!

  10. Katie says...

    Shoutout to A Woman’s Touch in Madison, WI, where I live. Their website is super helpful for those wondering what type to buy, why one vs. another, etc. And if you’re in town, you HAVE to come by. They’re the best. They have everything, know everything, normalize everything, and are just nice people too!

  11. Kathleen says...

    I love this blog, and this post. I was never comfortable talking about sex (and orgasms!) for most of my life. Posts like this help. I’m 36. I have never been able to orgasm during sex but with an encouraging husband I’ve become more comfortable talking about it with him and figuring out ways to be satisfied :) Lately I’ve been looking into my retroverted uterus and learning about how it might be impacting my sex life and fertility. I appreciate so much how this blog Joanna opens up conversations. I love it. Thank you.

  12. My mystic wand is helping me get over some major pelvic pain following a few rounds of BV! It lets me relax and focus on the muscles, in a way that partnered sex doesn’t.

  13. Jenna says...

    Thank you for opening the conversation! My husband loves using them on me, and it has drastically improved my experience during sex. For those asking, I’d recommend getting a few and figuring out what you like. I have a bunch of cheap ones we got on Amazon and I especially like the ones with variable speeds because I like to start it on slow.

  14. Becky says...

    A funny story….the engineer that designs the “wevibe” is a patient at the Dental Office where I work…when the new model was released he showed up to his dental cleaning appointment with a box full of the previous model…18 wevibes in all and handed them out to all the ladies at the office :D smiles all around!
    The wevibe is a great design and has great reviews! Not your everyday vibrator!

  15. Michelle says...

    I want to take your advice on the Jimmyjane Form 2 (this is the second rave review I’ve read) but there’s an astonishing number of Amazon reviews saying it broke really quickly. Sounds like it’s an amazing vibrator that’s really poor quality. kinda tragic!

  16. Renee G says...

    What about lube? Drug store brands gross me out – and the more “natural” ones don’t seem to work as well. Sometimes they sting too, like I’m having a minor allergic reaction. Any suggestions?? :-)

    • Uberlube or sliquid. And everyone here should check out the comic Oh Joy Sex Toy for diverse reviews of toys, lube, even sex ed!

    • margie says...

      Pre-seed or pre. I haven’t used either of these in a while, but they are amazing. Only lube out there that doesn’t make my vagina feel like it is on fire.

    • Sarah says...

      Uberlube!!! Life changing

    • Kelsey says...

      Coconut oil! Coconut oil is natural anti fungal also which will help with any ladies who are prone to yeast infections. We’ve been using coconut oil for lube for literally like 5 years now and its the BEST and has never given me any issues at all!

    • caitstclair says...

      Good Clean Love is my favorite, by far. It smells good, doesn’t get tacky or longer feeling gross afterwards. AND it’s available at the grocery store (City Market/King Soopers/Kroger) so it’s super accessible.

  17. Sharon says...

    I would just like to give a shout out to all the amazing men out there who embrace the idea of adding something into the bedroom to help them meet our needs. My fiance was delightfully open and curious to know how it could “take things up a notch” and multiple points of stimulation is always a good idea… For all the upsetting and depressing news in the world today, this is something to celebrate!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, sharon! love that point :)

  18. TNelly says...

    I wish I could read all the comments!!! So far so good :)

  19. TillyMc says...

    Well, this was not how I expected today to go…

    I am mid-40s, married with young kids and a sex life in need of a pick-me-up. I have never used a vibrator and always found the idea about icky to be honest. I almost skipped this post. But, based on the recommendations below, I have just ordered two and they are being shipped overnight!! Ha. My husband won’t know what hit/shook him.

    Thanks Cup of Jo, I think..!

    • N Rogers says...

      Can I ask which two you bought?

    • Tristen says...

      Long distance high-five, Tillymc!

  20. Karolina says...

    Yaaassss! We sooo need to talk about it! All my girlfriends are using one and why shouldn’t we? It’s fun and we all deserve some fun.
    Now, mine is Gigi by Lelo https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002LVV3NO/ref=twister_B00LEINLU8?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 and it I had it for over six years. It wasn’t cheap, but it’s everything I wanted and more. In my mind, the high quality justifies the price. I’d rather have an expensive vibrator than an expensive handbag, but that is just a personal choice. Anyway, you can find good vibrators in any price range.

    • I’m ALSO love the Gigi (4+ years). It’s my second purchase from Lelo and I’ve yet to be disappointed by them…it’s a delightful little device and worth the price.

    • Becky says...

      Ohhhh! I have the Ina by Lelo and it is my #1! The Lelo products are the best on the market!

  21. Tess says...

    I’ve never liked vibrators. Something about the noise, however subtle, distracts me so it becomes like having a lawnmower or electric egg beater in the bed. Distractions during sex just don’t work for me. HOWEVER, I use my hands. I can make myself come pretty efficiently through masturbatiom, which my husband and I incorporate into our ‘sessions’ (not sure what else to call them!). Personally I agree with the Oprah comment. I think everyone should learn to make themselves come through masturbation. It’s a really big deal that as a teenager you understand what makes you tick sexually and how the individual mechanics work for you. It’s certainly a message I have started to gently give my pre-teen daughters (I’ll probably start being more direct with the message in the next couple of years).
    I’ve recently orgasamed twice from penetration alone and both were, I think, when my g-spot was stimulated. I’d always assumed the g-spot was mythical so this was a GREAT discovery. I’ve decided to go all scoentific on it and find out where exactly this is inside me (I’m literally going to have an investigative feel) as if I can pinpoint the exact spot then I can probably manipulate angles during sex to stimulate it.
    Anyone else found their g-spot? It really seems to exist. This one, random spot literally induces immediate (and multiple) orgasms – hence my mission to locate and metaphorically stick a flag in that sucker!

    • Alex says...

      Yes! The g-spot is real and you all have to find it. For me, it has been tricky to find and unreliable and we can’t always get there… but when we do… oh boy. It’s a different (dare I say better) orgasm than a clitoral orgasm, and definitely worth working for!

    • Saz says...

      Agreed!
      The G-spot, for me at least, can be impossible to find when I’m actually “looking” for it. But when I find it by accident… WAHOO!

  22. Anne says...

    Everyone needs to know the name Kim Anami. She’s a miracle worker. Seriously. Look her up – now.

    • CJ says...

      Welp, I guess I shouldn’t’ look her up on my work computer. Blocked!

    • Sharon in Scotland says...

      Just went to her site and signed up for 2 salons!
      I’m 53 and came (no pun intended) to the whole sex thing quite late. I am now determined to do something about it before it’s too late, so I’m online dating…………but with more confidence and not taking any crap. I’ve just had the intense pleasure of reducing a man 10 yrs younger than me to a quivering wreak just by a few well chosen words. I felt completely in-charge and powerful, it has made me smile for days! If I can to that all by myself, I might be off the scale with a bit of focus. I also own a lelo, bought ages ago from Coco de Mer in London, (one of the first sex shops for women, very warm and welcoming). It is pale blue/green and looks like a small pebble with a dent in the middle. They used to sell a solid sterling silver one…………so beautiful!

    • Wow! She’s loaded with info and clearly has a good sized following. Her Bali retreat for May 2018 is sold out.

  23. Love this post! Vibrators can get a bad rap, but there’s nothing sexier – or more relaxing – than being in control of your own experience. Nothing wrong with a little extra help!

    For any interested parties, Nox is an up-and-coming online shop featuring a curated selection of toys and mood-setters for women and couples. Come say hi on Instagram @noxshop :-)

  24. Anna says...

    I haven’t used one since the bullet that I got as a joke when I was 21 … it was way too intense for me! Are there some really gentle ones?

    • Gwen says...

      1. I’ve heard that a towel/some fabric between a too strong vibrator and you can be useful (just in terms of experimenting).
      2. I also wholeheartedly recommend the minna lemon. It has a continuous intensity range (as opposed to high/med/low settings), and you control it by squeezing it – how hard you squeeze = how intense the vibrations are. I think it also has some patterns? I like that the controls are really intuitive, and that it’s shaped like a lemon, so there is a firm nub (good for targeted stimulation) and the rest (which is a bit more diffuse).

      I’m not a fan of super strong vibrators (so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to people who really like, say, the hitachi magic wand (which is kind of famously intense), and ostensibly meant for shoulder/back massage ;) ), but I love this one, and would recommend it to almost anyone.

      I also sometimes read a (super NSFW) online comic “Oh Joy Sex Toy” by Erika Moen, and it’s really great, and a nice way to get really matter of fact(and often funny!) reviews.

  25. Morgan says...

    dodsonandross.com is a favorite website that can encourage women to own their orgasm.

  26. Katie says...

    Have never had one before but just ordered the form 2 on your recommendation! Excited!!!

    • TillyMc says...

      Looks like there’s going to be a run on vibrators today!

  27. Sheepish says...

    I have a bit of an embarrassing question… how do I know *which* one to buy? I actually read your last post on vibrators last month and was so excited to get one and then got totally stumped and ended up not buying anything. I just wasn’t sure which one I should buy. I can’t afford to get a few and try them out and I would need to use amazon (I don’t live in a bigger city). Can someone help a girl out? (Insert blushing face here.)

    • Duane says...

      Just read the reviews on Amazon and purchase an inexpensive one with variable speed settings. You have to experiment to find what is the best for you. Good luck.

  28. Bets says...

    Wait, what? How do you use a vibrator while having sex at the same time? This sounds magical! When I first met my husband, I would orgasm every time we had sex and most times, it was before him. Ha! That lasted for a few months and then all of a sudden I’ve been back to not orgasm-ing. I definitely need clitoral stimulation so maybe using a vibrator during sex could help?

    • Andy says...

      Look up a toy called a c-ring! Basically the man wears it around his parts and it has a knob attached that vibrates your clitoris just right. It is magical! You will never worry about having the O again. Or you can just use a regular vibrator while having sex. I just kind of push it to the side of his parts so it vibrates my clitoris while we are in action. I hope this helps :)

    • Kim says...

      You can use a small handheld vibrator quite easily during sex (like the bullet) – especially if he’s behind you or in other positions where you have more space. I hold it myself so there is nooo guessing at the best angle/perfect spot… the combination of penetration + clit stimulation basically works every time!

    • I would HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend a little doo-dad called a We-Vibe. One part goes inside (WITH your man), the other hits your clitoris. When *cough* MY HUSBAND BROUGHT IT HOME I was like “ummmmm how is there room for everything in there??”
      THERE IS. And mine recently died and I’m dying for a new one but (downside) they’re pricey.
      You’re welcome.

    • Laura C. says...

      This makes me remember, about ten years ago (we weren’t married yet), my husband and I got a condoms oack and we had a “ring” free. It had a little battery that made the ring vibrate, and it would last twenty minutes or so.
      Well, the ring is STILL on our drawer, because I know my husband and we are pretty sure that, if we use it, by the time we have finished laughing, the battery is gone.
      ?

  29. Sandra says...

    Sigh. My husband is just not into toys, which is such a bummer. He has used them to humor me, but I can tell he just isn’t into it and then I feel awkward. Once I went to one of of those sex toy parties and (after a few drinks) came home with a bunch of stuff. We tried each thing once, but I started referring to the drawer they were in as the “Isle of MIsfit Toys” since my husband wasn’t really enthusiastic about using them again so I just got rid of it all.

    It’s not like he’s a selfish jerk or anything…I do have orgasms during sex one way or another. But the variety would be so nice!

  30. Jules says...

    I’ve been wanting to talk about this for ever!

    When I was in my 20s (I’m now 42) I had a vibrator and I loved it but then I found that I couldn’t have a orgasm without it so we parted ways. I am lucky in that I can orgasm on my own but it would be fun to have some help getting there. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting one again but I’m terrified I’ll come to rely upon it, just like last time. How do you find a balance?

    • t says...

      YES! I would caution against using a vibrator too frequently and on high settings. I used to be able to orgasm easily without one and not it is much more difficult (and I am a lesbian so it is lots of clitoral stimulation). But I FULLY support using vibrators. I just don’t use them every time now.

  31. Tristen Chang says...

    I joke that there are only three appliances in the house that, should they break, I will immediately replace, at full price if need be, no questions asked: the BlendTec, the Roomba, and the We Vibe ; )

    • jill says...

      Oh god, that is fuuunny – same.

  32. Tricia says...

    Love this! I highly recommend Unbound (https://unboundbox.com/) for researching and shopping. It’s a really well curated online shop for female sexual health and wellness products, and they donate 6.9% of profits to organizations that support female sexual health and wellness. Full disclosure: my sister is the founder, but that doesn’t make it any less great!

  33. Elizabeth says...

    Oh my gosh, I don’t think anyone has mentioned the Womanizer yet, which is BANANAS because it is seriously magical. The name and branding are terrible, but the device is outstanding. It simulates oral sex– it kind of feels like someone is sucking on your clitoris — with little puffs of air. Buzzfeed has a couple articles on it, including a video of women who thought they couldn’t have orgasms discussing their experiences with the womanizer. I used to have a pretty easy time with orgasms, until I went on anti-anxiety meds. Now it’s pretty difficult for me to get there, and my old vibrator (the layaspot) doesn’t really help, but the womanizer *does*. Highly recommended! Thanks for talking about this, Joanna!

    • Laura C. says...

      Elizabeth, the anti-anxiety meds. Those have ruined my sex life,I think, bc I don’t want to have sex anymore. Now that I’ve quitted I hope that I can get some desire! Sex toys are not for me though, my husband does not fancy them either. Like many other readers, showers and long baths have provided in my younger years!
      Thanks Joanna for the topic, it’s refreshing too!

    • TillyMc says...

      I was so convinced by your recommendation that I just ordered one!! Ha. Thanks.

    • Elizabeth says...

      Yay, Tilly! I’m so excited for you! Keep in mind, you don’t have to use it exactly as they recommend (super directly) if that’s too much stimulation for you. It can be placed above, below, nearby, etc. Have fun ;D

  34. Lea says...

    A hand-held shower head with adjustable pressure is all I will say ;)

    • Diana says...

      Hear hear! Not as transportable as a vibrator, but it’s cheap and readily available.

  35. Tricia says...

    Love this! My sister started an amazing e-retailer for women’s sexual health and wellness products a few years ago. If you’re looking for a place to research or shop that doesn’t feel icky, have a look: https://unboundbox.com/!

    Plus they donate portion (6.9% to be exact) of all sales organizations that promote female sexual health and wellness, like planned parenthood.

  36. Heather D says...

    It took me years to get comfortable using sex toys with my husband, but it’s so liberating! It totally helped me rock my self confidence after years of feeling like an orgasm failure. Highly recommend this route!

    That being said, I think I’m the one woman out there who doesn’t like the Hitachi Magic Wand! It’s way too much stimulation / power for me.

    • Lily says...

      Same with me. It’s too fast and makes me numb! I need softer stimulation.

      (Can’t believe I’m writing this online!)

    • k says...

      agreed! not a fan! i like lelo brand. also cannot believe i’m writing this online. :P

  37. Jessica* says...

    Vibrators never did it for me! I’ve been masturbating since my pre-teens. And living in a crowded home made the bathroom my haven. I don’t even know how I learned this but good water pressure ALWAYS did the trick. I was just the one in the family that enjoyed long baths. ;)

  38. Caroline G says...

    This vibrating cock ring is amazing: http://www.svakom.net/Tyler/. It’s like using a vibrator while having sex! You get the internal and external clitoris stimulation at once. Worth every penny. I think its cheaper on Amazon.
    Also CVS sells temporary cock rings for about 10 bucks if you wanted to try out a smaller one first!

    I tried the Eva mentioned above and it did not stay in very well during sex. But maybe it would work better for people with a slightly different anatomy?

  39. C says...

    https://www.pureromance.com/Shop/Couples/Sex-Toys/Maya-6-Function-Silicone-C-ring

    Vibrators like this are great if you have a hard time with orgasm during penetration but want to achieve with your partner :). There are many options and price points of “vibrating rings”. My girl friends had a sex toy party in college and still consider this type of item the greatest find of all the things we discovered!

  40. Janine says...

    Hitachi Magic Wand, or the Adam & Eve generic version (less $$, same output). It’s a serious piece of equipment, but it’s INSANE.

  41. Fran says...

    I owe so so much to the vibrator I got on a whim at ca 21. I never managed to have an orgasms by myself or with a partner, despite trying a plethora of masturbation techniques over the span of YEARS. I honestly reigned myself to the fact that I couldn’t have them and felt like a complete loser. At that time evryrone around me seemed to be having orgasms without even trying! It felt so unfair and honestly, embarrassing. Fast forward a couple of boyfriends, I decided to try again and orders a random vibrator off amazon (I remember you could pick a fake label tonne stuck on the parcels like from spme eneroc sounding electronics company). Unbelievably, the first time I used it, I came instantly. It then worked almost immediately by working my hands. And to my complete surprise, a couple months later, I suddenly started coming during penetration too! Isn’t that weird?! Like a switch had been activated. Nowadays I come 100% of the time during penetrative sex but still use my vibrator from time to time. Those early adult years seem so so far away. Get yourselves vibrators everyone!!

  42. Jenn V. says...

    Bless you for talking about this. Seriously. I love that you talk about sex and parenthood and style and work and worry and masturbation and food and travel and family all in one blog. It’s all life! It’s all part of being a whole person! The lack of conversation about sex and female pleasure does such damage to women and their perception of what is healthy and normal. I think you’re brave and wonderful.

    • Amen!

    • Lindsay says...

      well said! ??

    • Liv says...

      Yes to all of this!

    • Bec says...

      Why we all love cup of joe!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you so much :) that really means a lot, thank you.

    • Kay says...

      yes to all of this. thank you!

  43. teeny says...

    I have never actually used a vibrator. Is it harder to have an orgasm during penile/vaginal intercourse after you become accustomed to a vibrator? I’m afraid that if I start using one I’ll never be able to orgasm without it.

    • Catie says...

      Don’t worry on this front! Using a vibrator will not in any way ‘desensitize you’ per se to manual stimulation. I’ve seen this question come up several times at workshops and educational things on campuses, and the educator has always explained that if it *feels* like it’s harder/takes longer to have an orgasm without a virator than with one, it’s usually just because we’ve become accustomed to things happening more quickly…not because we’re any slower without them than we were before :) Vibe away, worry-free!

  44. Lindsay says...

    If you ladies like the Magic Wand, I strongly suggest the PalmPower. It is very similar in many ways, but about 1/3 the size. It also plugs into the wall. ;)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      ooh good to know! thank you, lindsay!

    • 123 says...

      They make a rechargeable (cordless) version now…

    • My mystic wand is like a portable, quiet version, but my God do I go through batteries.

  45. J says...

    Yes to all of this.

  46. Olivia says...

    I also love vibrators and use mine often with my partner. However,in the last year or so, I have been finding more difficult to reach orgasm with oral sex and wanting to go back to the vibrator as it is easier .. Does someone else have this problem?
    Love the post (as always!)

  47. Anguished says...

    I can’t tell you what a relief it is to read an actual statistic about the rarity of female orgasm via penetration. My hunch was that it was rare, but I still want it to happen, so badly… and when I opened up to my two oldest friends about the fact that it’s never happened for me, they both reacted with horror and pity and bewilderment. As if they couldn’t even fathom it being a difficult thing to achieve.

    If I try to stimulate my clitoris during penetration, or if my husband tries, I feel like both sensations are dulled, almost canceled out. And I get distracted too, either by my own efforts or by trying to coach him. It’s so frustrating, because according to everyone else, that’s the only way I’m going to get there, but it actually takes away from the experience for me.

    AND it just occurred to me for the first time, that it just doesn’t make sense! Because:
    1. I’ve been able to get myself off via my gspot (though admittedly after a lot of clitoral stimulation)
    2. when my husband is going down on me and slips a finger in, those are always the hottest orgasms.

    So why doesn’t it work during P-in-V?!

    • Kim says...

      Try using a small handheld vibrator during sex. It’s faster than handwork and less distracting. There’s no way I could touch myself during penetration and orgasm, but a vibrator almost always does the trick!

    • Emily Towne McNeil says...

      Yes, what Kim said! That does the trick for me! I also would like to mention that after 2 babies, my Os all but disappeared. They were like a whisper compared to the giant thunder boom they used to be. I was absolutely devastated! I am happy to report, however, that after some experimentation, they finally came back. It was as if I had to trigger something that had been broken or lost in childbirth. Once they came back, they’ve never quieted down again. If anyone else is having that problem, there is hope!

    • Kat says...

      It’s probably to do with the angle… when he’s using a finger it’s easier to control exactly which spot is being hit.
      What I’d suggest is trying different positions to see if that hits it – girl on top, doggy etc – but also try different depths. Sometimes my best orgasms are when my partner goes slowly and shallowly for a while before going all the way in.
      Also once you’ve come once it can be easier to come again, so maybe have him go down on you and make you come and then try making you orgasm from penetrative sex.
      Hope that helps!

  48. Saz says...

    I’m a HUGE fan of vibrators! I got my first with a friend when I was 17/18 and never looked back! I currently have 2, similar styles, but different sizes.
    If I’m alone and feeling in the mood for a long session of pleasure, I use the smaller, less powerful one. And then if I want something quick and dirty, I use the bigger, more powerful one.

  49. Heather says...

    Eeeesh a request to please bury the lede!! I’m sure I’m not the only one who works in an open office and checks Cup of Jo from time to time… thank you for posting this, believe me I will be reading it later, but maybe a slightly more subtle headline next time!

  50. Chelsey says...

    I really resonated with the reader comment that you included in this post. I think my own teenager sexual experiences would have been so much healthier if I had known how to take control of my own pleasure.

    This is a huge aspect of sexual health education for young people that is sadly missing in most (if not all?) curriculums. I (now as a sexual health educator ) hear from so many young women and girls that the expectation is sadly that sex will be uncomfortable or even painful.

    We must empower girls to take charge of their own pleasure and I think a great vibrator is a good place to start!

  51. Hope everyone gets a chance to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski! I am midway through with a well-worn copy that has passed through the hands of four girlfriends. The author breaks common misconceptions and really makes strides to personalize and authenticate women’s sexuality.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      sounds so good, jessica!

    • E says...

      Preach! I actually recommended this on a previous CoJ post. It’s SO helpful.

    • Cassandra says...

      Yes, I loved this book.

    • Michelle says...

      Agreed, it’s wonderful.

  52. Franziska says...

    The main reason that I don’t own a vibrator is the price tag! I wouldn’t want to get a bad one either, so I’ve just been relying on my own hands (thankfully, they’ve not let me down!). Fun thing about masturbating for me was when I studied abroad at a college in the States and for the first time had to share a room, which led me to trying it in the shower instead – and I liked it, ha! The things you learn about yourself in college…

    • Vivian says...

      This sex-positive tumblr I check on occasion has a code for 50% first purchase from Adam&Eve. It’s ORGASM if you’re interested

  53. Nan says...

    Don’t laugh at my ignorance – do they make noise??? Because electric toothbrushes sure do (saw at original post that someone recommended them – ha ha).

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      they make a small amount of noise, but not that much. if you turn on, say, a noise machine, you can’t hear it above that!

    • ne says...

      Haha! Did they? I will never look at electric toothbrushes the same way again… and I will start all my mornings with a smile ;)

    • Many online retailers rate them by number of “vrooms.” You’re not the only one who wants to know!

  54. Jill says...

    Seconding the recommendations for OMG Yes! I held out from buying for ages because it is a bit on the expensive side. But I have to say, it’s totally worth it – cheaper than I’d pay for a meal out at a nice restaurant, and the pay-off lasts for a lifetime! I love the way it’s built around lots of interviews with ordinary women, explaining/showing through what gives them pleasure, in a completely matter-of-fact way.

    • Her’es a third for OMG Yes! It’s so interesting and I just genuinely like the way the site was conceived and presented.

  55. Liza says...

    I would love to know where I can find a vibrator that does not fit in a weekender bag? ;)

    • Hani says...

      HAHAHAHAHAHA! Same. ;D

    • justine says...

      :-) hilarious!

    • Ann says...

      Lololol

    • Heather Struck says...

      Haha. Well I don’t know how many people would pop their Hitachi Magic Wand in a their duffel bag, even though that thing makes stars collide!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahahahaha i meant that it can fit in discreetly with all your other stuff, unlike, say, the magic wand. but now i’m really laughing out loud.

    • Rachel says...

      haha! literally laughing out loud.

    • Vivian says...

      Saddle vibrators?

  56. Allison says...

    Mine is from good old Amazon and I didn’t get it until I was 26! Changed. My. Life. The first time I orgasmed using it, I started CRACKING up. Such an incredibly liberating experience. Now I’m a total convert.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is awesome, allison.

  57. Trish says...

    Ugh…. I’ll never forget when I was twenty, my younger sister and her boyfriend helped me move out of my apartment. My hot pink vibrator fell out of the box her boyfriend was carrying and rolled down the driveway. The look on that teenage boys face was priceless. Hahaha……

    • Hannah says...

      This made me laugh out loud!! Omggggg

    • Katie says...

      This is so funny!

    • Sandra says...

      Hahaha! Something similar happened to my friend’s roommate…my friend and her mom were carrying the roommate’s nightstand when they were moving into a new apt. and the “dirty drawer” came open and her vibrator and condoms, etc., fell out.

  58. Judy says...

    I am totally down with whatever a woman might need to feel good. I know some women/men might worry a man thinks using a toy means they can’t do the job themselves, but instead if everyone can remember it takes some of the pressure of making sure everyone successfully has an orgasm, I think there would be less hesitancy to include it in the routine.

    One thing I have stumbled upon are podcasts that tell an erotic story. There is one called “Friday night fun” that are short, sometimes more tame but still super sexy stories. There is another titled “Kiss me quick’s erotica: Sexy stories with Rose Caraway” that are much more explicit and longer stories. My husband and I love to listen to them together while sipping wine or champagne. I have also listened to them on my own knowing we wanted to be frisky that evening, but life has been busy enough that day that I am distracted and not feeling sexy or in the mood. The stories definitely don’t trick!

    • Katy says...

      Ooh, good comment – sometimes I like to find something to read earlier in the day to help me get in the mood for later that day/evening, because otherwise so much of the time I end up going to bed earlier than my husband, or our moods don’t match up right at the same time…I’ll have to check this podcast out!

    • Katie Larissa says...

      Katy, I do that too!

    • Lee says...

      I was going to mention how getting myself in the mood “upstairs” is just as important to my satisfaction as what is happening “downstairs.” I’ve found I can orgasm much more quickly through penetrative sex when I’m in the right headspace, and it helps with lubrication as well. If I wake up earlier than my husband I’ll read a few erotic stories on my phone to get my mood going and then pounce on him when he wakes up. This site has a wide variety of stories in case you’re interested: https://www.literotica.com/s/.

  59. Candace says...

    Yes to the shout out to Good Vibrations! It’s an amazing, woman-owned company. The staff in SF told me that they all get at least 40 hours of training in sexual education, which they say is more than most MDs get. They really are totally comfortable discussing absolutely Anything and it’s a totally non threatening space. My (now) husband and I started trying out new things after strolling through a similar shop when we were newly dating and kind of prodding at things going, huh, this could be fun, let’s see how we do. During and after college I encouraged a lot of my girlfriends to be ok with walking into a sex shop and adding toys to their love lives. They’re still thanking me :) That said, the vibes have been gathering dust lately…maybe it’s time to bring them back into the fold, so to speak.

  60. Kathleen says...

    YES!!! I am the HUGEST proponent of vibrators, and I always recommend them to friends if they feel like they’re in a slump. I got my first one about a year and a half ago (I’m a college student, and really not into the hookup culture) and it’s honestly changed my life. Also I think that controlling your own sexual pleasure is a SUPER important part of autonomy as a woman…if men can do so (so easily!!), then women should be able to as well!

    • C says...

      unboundbox.com also has a really well done website. I got my favorite vibe from them and it came with a drawstring bag to stash it in.

  61. Celeste says...

    YES! Use it with a partner. Use it on your own. I’m one of those people who can’t get an orgasm without, er herm, help, but when I use a vibrator during intercourse? GAME CHANGER.

    Should be non-negotiable during quickies, especially, when the pressure is on to make stars align on a moment’s notice. Gets you right where you need to be with zero frustration on anyone’s end.

    Thanks for these resources and the girl talk today. ;)

  62. A says...

    I’m someone who needs a vibrator to orgasm (I actually have that exact one–the Jimmyjane form 2), and it’s always been part of what my husband and I do together. We both people who generally have to be concentrating on it to orgasm, if that makes sense, so we’ve always just taken turns.

    One thing that I haven’t liked about the Form 2 is that because it’s so small, it’s really precise, which makes it hard for a partner to use. I’m thinking of getting a magic wand to fulfill that role.

  63. Mistie Brown says...

    Vibrators are a no-brainer. I really want to know what women read or watch to compliment and intensify the experience. There seems to be a lack of material for women to access while using them…and stumbling upon a violent and/or degrading video can totally kill the mood.

    • Ashley says...

      Check out the Hysterical Literature video series!

    • Angela says...

      Oh my God yes! I am really turned off by degrading /abusive behavior toward women and that probably describes at least 50% of the heterosexual content I browse through.

    • C says...

      I actually like Tumblr feeds for a little inspiration– no weird story lines, just some hot photos and gifs. I just google whatever I’m in the mood for.

    • Kirsten says...

      I was just going to comment saying that I would love to read a post about ladies and porn use! It has recently been something I’m more interested in exploring, but so much of it out there is SUCH a turn off.

    • Katy says...

      I’ve been going to Literotica.com for like 15 years now when I need a pick-me-up. The website layout has not changed one iota in that time but people are still posting some really, really great stories. You can just search around and find the genres and writers you like! I like reading so much more than watching because then I’m not distracted by actual people – fiction is a lot easier to sink in to :)

    • The Ripped Bodice in LA always gives me great erotica recommendations!

    • jess says...

      Check out http://-cream-and-sugar.tumblr.com/

      A tumblr feed that celebrates sensuality and sexuality. It is my go-to for inspiration and stimulation :)

    • Crystal says...

      This year I found xconfessions by Erica Lust. Google it. Films made entirely by women, using fantasy stories often submitted by regular humans. It’s gooood!

  64. Karine says...

    Great post, as always!

    I guess I am lucky: I have never had to have a conversation about it with sexual partners. I just take my vibrator out of the drawer (along with lube and condoms) when the action starts and no one ever had a bad reaction. In season 2 of Love on Netflix, she also just gets her vibrator without even mentioning it before she has sex with her partner, and it’s closer to my reality than anything I’ve seen on TV before.

    Sorry to hear that some partners are not into it. Is there some stigma around vibrators that I am not aware of? 100% of the men I have had sex with are never ashamed to ask for things, yet whenever I talk about sex with my girlfriends, I hear a lot of women who are unsure about how to ask for things.

    If your partner is not OK with adding a vibrator to your sexual life, I feel like it is the equivalent of women telling men that they no longer want penis vagina penetration to be part of their sexuality. To me, it would feel like my partner is denying me pleasure, and I would not be able to continue to have a sex with someone who doesn’t believe in orgasm equality. The best way to explain this to your partner is by asking him how he would feel if you no longer wanted penis-vagina penetration when you have sex. If he doesn’t get the hint, maybe it’s time for a sex strike. You can always rely on your vibrating friend while your partner comes to his senses!

    • Julia says...

      I suppose a lot of men should read your comment! Very well put into words!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Great comment, Karine!

      And i loved this: “In season 2 of Love on Netflix, she also just gets her vibrator without even mentioning it before she has sex with her partner, and it’s closer to my reality than anything I’ve seen on TV before.”

      Also, relatedly: Remember that short video showing a couple making out while also chatting where they were going to get a condom? love that normalcy of figuring out protection + even making it sexy. https://cupofjo.com/2016/05/fck-yes-web-series/

    • Rose says...

      “If your partner is not OK with adding a vibrator to your sexual life, I feel like it is the equivalent of women telling men that they no longer want penis vagina penetration to be part of their sexuality. To me, it would feel like my partner is denying me pleasure, and I would not be able to continue to have a sex with someone who doesn’t believe in orgasm equality.”

      Whoa, feel like you’re taking huge steps here.

      I personally would be very annoyed by a partner whipping out gear without asking about my opinion.

      For me, I do not need a vibrator to have an orgasm and I think it is quite flagrant that a lot of women rely on something store-bought to get them off. I did use vibrators or electrical stimulation but the orgasm that I got when I realized how truly in love I was with my boyfriend (and also much more comfortable in my own body than I had been in years and years, stopped watching porn and took a hiatus from social media and started taking lots of long walks and working out more) really made me understand lots of the descriptions about orgasm so much better.

      Mind you! I’m not saying it is bad that women have difficulty to get off, but I think it is a cultural symptom and tada! there’s a market to repair it…

      Also: the way the clitoris is described as being removed from the vaginal opening in this article is deceiving. In fact the clitoral tissue spreads around the vagina (and this was found out in the 90’s people, the 90s). Once we know our bodies better, understand how we view sex with our partner as well (I often felt that sex for him would not be good unless I orgasmed… making orgasm a must for sex, and mostly.. for his pleasure).

      It’s incredibly hard to talk about this, because we hardly control our own bodies and the way they perceive pleasure, but a lot of it starts with uncomfortable quesitons

  65. Caroline says...

    I have the Hitachi magic wand but haven’t used it in ages. You ladies inspired me to break it out tonight. I agree it is one vibrator that always hits a home run.

  66. Angela says...

    I got one at a “FUN PARTY” when I was in college and probably used it only a handful of times. I’ve been masturbating as long as I can remember and for me it is really all about fantasy, the vibrator was a distraction, a reminder of reality. Also I feel like I would have to thoroughly clean it/disinfect it before use and before storage, which is a bit of a hassle, it would make masturbating a production vs. absent-mindedly drifting into it whenever the urge hits.

  67. Kristie says...

    I love a vibe when I’m solo, but find them usually too bulky for my taste with a partner. The Crave Vesper (I swear I’m just a delighted customer and not an ad!) is SO GREAT with a partner, though! They market it on a necklace, which made me think it was silly when I first saw it, but if you take the necklace off it’s just a small, lovely vibe. The whole surface vibrates. Both my husband and my boyfriend (Yes, I’m a lucky woman) enjoy it during intercourse slipped against the base of the penis for more oomph, too, and neither of them was into a vibe ever before. That little thing is magic!

  68. Emily S. says...

    I’ve gone through many vibrators (and dildos) over the years! Love them.

    Most recently, I bought a Magic Wand (which plugs into the wall, making it VERY powerful). I absolutely love it, though sometimes I think it makes me come quicker than I want to. I’ve been experimenting with ways to draw out my pleasure. ;)

    • emily d says...

      ha yes! my husband actually bought me the magic wand during a spell when our drives weren’t aligning (thank you THANK YOU for a creative husband – toys instead of complaining!). but i’ve found i have to be careful or i’m done way too early!

  69. Meghan C. says...

    I’ve always been enthusiastic about masturbation but more enthusiastic about communication! From water pressure and electric toothbrushes as a kid (don’t worry I had one specifically for that purpose) to my Bullet now, I’ve always had a fulfilling solo sex life. Solo sex taught me what I liked and age has given me the courage to communicate it. With my partners, I’ve don’t fake it. It’s giving negative feedback and encouraging practices that don’t lead to success on both ends. My husband and I have an agreement that sex is for connecting and relaxing, not necessarily finishing. When we started dating, he had just gotten out of a bad marriage and had terrible self esteem. If I didn’t (or couldn’t) get off, he would be devastated for days afterward. After months, really years, of “Ooo a little to the left”, “Less pressure”, even “NO THANK YOU”, we have a gorgeous sex life. Removing the pressure of reaching the finish line together, or at all, has improved our sex life by 1,000%. My husband is in his fifties; his drive and ability is below mine. A vibrator has really helped with his feeling inadequate about meeting my needs or my feeling unfulfilled. Sometimes we make out and he helps me masturbate, sometimes he just watches, and sometimes we go all the way. ALWAYS we discuss our needs, wants and desires; it makes us both feel secure and loved. Knowing what you like + having the confidence to share that with the person you love? A total win win.

    • Jill says...

      Meghan, I love your comment! It sounds like you have developed a very mature, very loving solution to being in a relationship where you and your husband have different levels of ability and drive, as you say. My long-term partner and I have struggled with some of these same issues and at times I think we lose sight of the fact that sex should be like any other facet of our relationship – i.e. fun and full of love, not a source of stress. Thanks so much x

    • Kim says...

      I chuckled at the water pressure and electric toothbrush comment… finallty another reader who discovered self pleasure young and in creative ways! ? I honestly think water pressure orgasms are still some of the best I’ve ever had and have no idea how to replicate them with a partner.

  70. Gemma says...

    The Water Dancer – lol at what they call these things – but it works every time! With or without partner :) And you can use it in the shower! You’re welcome. xo
    http://amzn.to/2v5XV9n

  71. thais says...

    The Satisfyer Pro 2 <3
    Try it. Really.

    • Wondering says...

      There’s a website called Lovehoney that lets you purchase and return anything for a full refund! I tried the satisfyer, liked it but didn’t love, and returned. Then I realized,,, agh, many products from the company have been used???

    • Clara says...

      yes, yes, yes. so good

    • Kat says...

      Hey Wondering, I don’t think they can legally resell used sex toys, it’s like Sephora returns, they do it for the good customer service.

  72. Emma says...

    Can I just say bravo for your photo of a woman I can identify with instead of a Super Model in skimpy undies that would cause any mere mortal to have to walk funny.

  73. Kate says...

    Have you heard of the website OMG yes? It’s a website with woman talking in detail about masterbating and a little writing on the science behind the technique plus some video tutorials (though you could skip those if it’s too much info that way). I think it’s a game changer for woman that haven’t had a ton of success masterbating, either by themselves or with a partner, but also good for learning new methods.

    • Jaime says...

      OMG YES I have. ;)
      Such a cool site. I love that they feature women of all races/ages/sexual orientations.

    • C says...

      I’d never heard of OMGYES, so I just looked it up. It’s a digital vagina users guide! OMG. YES. If every woman shared this with the hetero men in their life, the world would be a better place.

    • Samantha says...

      Yes to this website! I just recently bought season 1 and my husband and I tied out the edging suggestions and I had the most INSANE orgasm. I can’t wait to try out all their other tips alone and with my partner. On another note, I have never been able to have an orgasm from penis in vagina intercourse. I always need direct clitoral stimulation. I’Ve tried vibrators and they are not really for me, I prefer hands or oral. I like penetrative sex but I can’t come with it. at 33 I have finally owned this and do not make any apologies. Can you imagine a man apologizing or feeling bad about the way he reaches orgasm?

  74. DD says...

    Love this conversation! Any suggestions about how to start the conversation with your partner?

    I tried to spice things up last Valentine’s Day by giving my husband (adventurous couple together for 10+ yrs, in our early 30s) a very simple, innocent vibrator for us to play with. He got super embarrassed, stashed it with my stuff in the bathroom, and we haven’t even talked about it since.

    Would love advice on revisiting the topic playfully. Or any other suggestions for turning up the heat…

    • Ashley says...

      Start by talking about it! Frame it as an add-on, not a replacement.

    • Natasha says...

      I find that when I want to try something new I’ll find a movie or a TV show with [insert sexual act here] and watch it with him. Then I can be, “Oh hey! That looks like fun. What do you think?” It allows me to open up the conversation in a fun way without any pressure put on him to do it right then and there.

    • Meghan C. says...

      Have you tried letting him watch you use it? I’ve had success introducing it that way – I love making out with my husband for a long, long, long time and then finishing like that as I kiss him. My vibrator’s not a substitution for my partner, more of an accessory to help us enjoy each other more. Some men are very visual! And not everything is for everyone! Although we have a varied sex life, my husband and I have intercourse basically the same way every time. Why? Because we both love it. It works for us! I have some super adventurous friends and sometimes when we chat I feel FOMO which is crazy! I adore my husband and what we share is sweet and special. We might not be wild and crazy in the bedroom but we’re happy. THAT’S what really matters.

  75. Leah says...

    I’ll throw this out there for the travelers: get one you can remove the batteries. I once recovered my buzzing suitcase from the luggage carousel. Not sure the TSA appreciates…

    • A says...

      The Jimmyjane one linked in the post has a travel setting, so it doesn’t get accidentally turned on–which is totally a lifesaver!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahahaha, leah, that’s hilarious!

    • Ness says...

      Or when you travel your husband and family… Your dad gets your bag from he trunk and he insists you open it because something is buzzing! Seriously wanted to crawl in the trunk myself.

  76. Jacqueline says...

    All hail the Hitachi Magic Wand. Having an orgasm is complex for me. I’ve never had one with a partner, and it’s a different sensation for me than it seems like for most. I’ve only – ever – had one with the wand. The attachments are fun too…

    • Savannah says...

      The Hitachi Magic Wand is the best thing in the world. I have depression and am on antidepressants – and that little baby pushes me over the edge no matter what antidepressant I’m on.

    • Kate says...

      Yep, this. Hitachi Magic Wand for the win.

    • Emily S. says...

      I am with you ladies! I love mine.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      a friend of mine recently got one and really loves it. she wrote me this email:
      “i just got the BEST vibrator. it’s supposed to be a muscle massager and it’s GIANT and HIDEOUS. but it’s a DECADES-long favorite of good vibrations. apparently kind of a feminist icon. and they’ve done research on it where women who thought they were anorgasmic are no longer anorgasmic with this vibrator.”

      so fascinating!

  77. Courtney says...

    My husband and I are expecting our second bebe and looking for ways to have more fun in bed. This offered some fun reminders. Also, it made me think about the fact that my girlfriends and I talk about almost everything, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a real conversation about masturbation with any of them. Why don’t we talk about self-pleasure?! Thanks for the recs and for starting the conversation.

  78. foundryandforge says...

    For someone with a deeply addictive personality, I found myself falling fast in love with my vibrator and concurrently, out of love with my boyfriend. If I were to get another vibrator, I would probably only use it with my partner, just for safer measures ;)

    • L. says...

      Just read about the Eva (https://www.dameproducts.com/products/eva). It is meant to enjoy with your partner. Haven’t personally tried it but looks fun! BONUS: created by women for women.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      wow, the eva looks really interesting! what a cool idea.

  79. Natasha says...

    The magic wand changed my life. The stress of the female orgasm can really dampen the mood. But, with my buzzing friend an orgasm is guaran-damn-teed. My husband loves when he gets a text from me at work asking when our next session with Buzz Buzz is. I get an orgasm, there’s no stress for him or me, and we can just enjoy each other!

  80. Colleen says...

    $80? Why are they so expensive?

    I’ve never, I’m 38, my husband and I are really ok with it.

    • Ashley says...

      You can get a bullet vibrator at Walgreens for ~$10. Don’t knock it till you try it!

    • For what it's worth... says...

      I have never paid more than about $20 :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes! here’s an $12 one that gets good reviews: http://amzn.to/2w5odNC