Have a Fun Weekend.

agree!

::high five:: from another parent who was educated by Octonauts.

When our oldest child discovered the show, my husband watched a couple of episodes with her. He said “this seems like a fun way to learn about the ocean.” And she (around age 5) said “oh, no, Dad. This isn’t for _learning_ This is just for _fun_.” He says, “sure.” hahaha!

Dance break!

It is another expense, but term insurance might give you peace of mind.

You can also interview CFPs and get a sense if their services might be worth it to you, and if not, get some basic advice.

Finally, this article gave me a great perspective shift in the two young kids season of life. Key quote:

But consumption smoothing pays homage to an existential reality: Life itself is the ultimate scarce asset. The future is unknowable, and religiously maintaining a double-digit savings rate through the worst squalls of life is not of the utmost importance. Having that special dinner with friends at 23 is, for instance, more valuable than having a couple hundred extra dollars in your retirement fund at 73. By this logic, building a budget that makes you comfortable and happy in the short term, even if that means varying your savings rate from decade to decade (or year to year), is the better approach.

I think that would be a great discussion topic. I’m at the other end of it now… we were relatively frugal, and sometimes I questioned whether that was appropriate. But now my other friends are stressing about money in retirement, and I worry about them. It isn’t something I have to worry about.

Jen, I used to feel similarly. You might check out You Need a Budget software. I’ve been using it for 10+ years and it has been a game-changer. I feel very empowered financially now. Each month, you assign each dollar that comes in a “job” – mortgage, groceries, annual property taxes, emergency savings, 529, etc. It makes it easy to see where your money is going and how you might be able to reallocate. The hard data may also help open up a line of communication with your husband, so you can get on the same page. We may be entitled to them, but secrets are tough. Good luck!

I love the topic of finances and when I am feeling a little out of control of the situation or that I could be doing better, I read a personal finance book- one of my favorites lately is “Get good with money” by Tiffany Aliche. There are also some good podcasts! Gets you pumped up and inspired to do better, and I love learning about money psychology and re-doing my budget, tracking more. I am personally in a spiral of saving a big chunk at the beginning of the month then having to pull it out to cover things! 🙃

My mother always told me to have an F-You Fund… whatever amount squirreled away to be able to walk away no questions asked (from a job, from a partner) if everything hit the fan. I get wanting that peace of mind. Good job.

Does your husband have life insurance? One way to feel more secure in the event of the unthinkable. Hugs.

I was an at home FT mom to a FT military spouse- for my financial well being we took out a life insurance policy to cover the possible loss of income on him. Now in my 50s & divorced, I wish I had a separate account for me back then for this time now where I have no assets & wish I did. Hopefully one day soon I’ll own a home again.

Your husband needs a good life insurance policy so that if something happened to him it wouldn’t be an immediate emergency for you and your children!

Oh, me! I just parted ways with the last client in my (tiny) literacy tutoring practice. Last summer I worked through the whole time while also parenting full time (why is camp so expensive??) and I vowed to never do it again. On the one hand, I am immensely grateful for this privilege and do not take lightly the fact that we can survive on one income. On the other hand, we are struggling to save and my own “secret” savings are now officially at zero. I often think about navigating a life without my spouse should something happen, and I feel dismayed by the fact that at 41, I have no income, no savings, and no financial independence. The message I continue to see projected onto women is to always ensure we are not financially dependent, but there’s no allowance for those of us in fields (for me, teaching) that bring in less than the cost of childcare. Why should I work in order to just barely break even, or worse, cost our family money? I know sooo many people, all women, mostly former teachers and social workers, in this same situation, yet very little information on how to navigate these muddy waters. I don’t WANT to be reliant on a man, I don’t WANT to work 60+ hours a week (because let’s be real, no teacher works 40 hours) in order to afford childcare because I’m too busy teaching. I don’t WANT to enter another field at my age. I know there’s no easy answer, and maybe standing in solidarity is the best we can do right now. So Jen, I see you and I hear you. Thanks for your comment.

💯… from someone who left her job just as the pandemic started, knowing it would cut our income in half, knowing relying on only my husband’s paycheck would cut my own confidence by even more. I struggle with it, but I also know it was the best decision for me, for us at the time. Change is hard, but worth the effort if it leads to something new.

Very interested in this topic!

I feel the same way. I would love to hear more about this topic, it’s so interesting to me! For me, getting a term life insurance policy has given me a lot of peace. For about $30/month I know that if something happened to my husband I would be okay financially and could focus on the emotional side.

Have you considered securing life insurance policies for you and your husband, should something happen? May bring you some peace of mind. Enjoy those babies. They grow up so quickly. ❤️

Hi Jen,

You’re not alone:) Do you and your husband have term life insurance in case anything happens to either of you (knock on wood)? If not, the rule of thumb is to get enough to cover the other person’s income until your children reach 22-24 years old.

Hope that helps!

Get life insurance for your husband and for you, asap.

Hi Jen, totally understand about the need to have a buffer, especially now you have children. You might also want to look into organising life and income protection insurance given the importance of your husband’s income to your family’s stability and security. That he doesn’t recognise the need for savings has made it your effective responsibility. Sorry. Good on you though for shouldering that responsibility! Plus every woman should have some private funds. It is indeed a woman’s right (a human right) as well as an absolute necessity for a parent and mum to have some back up money. Good luck!

No, not everyone feels this way and you don’t have to either. 1) take out life insurance on your husband bc then if he does die (hopefully doesn’t happen for 100 years) then you will have that security; 2) reduce your spending however you need to do you can save 6 months of expenses (some ppl are comfy with 3 months, ymmv) 3) make more money yourself. If you’re freelance you set your own rates, so make them higher so you can support your family. 4) make it look like you are more successful than you are. Have a baller website and network as much as possible and just tell ppl you’re not currently accepting clients (if you wanna keep focusing on kids for now). This way, all the infrastructure is in place for you to ramp up if needed. 4) have a serious convo with your husband about your financial needs so he gets it. 5) it doesn’t sound like you are saving for retirement, and if you’re not and your husband doesn’t make enough o save for the both of you, perhaps reconsider whether you might want to both raise your rates and work more so that future you and family are cared for.

This is literally what life insurance is for – so if something happens to your husband, you won’t be in that emergent situation.

I laughed a lot reading this, because it’s so true!

Same here! I had to leave mine with my daughter when I moved out of state. It had a chip after she mage chili one day and viola’ I got the new one shipped to me. Mine was 25 years old!

Me too! Although it probably helps that she has access to lots of clothes. If my parents had the money for new outfits each day I’d love to rock her style.

I bet she uses Depop haha! I’m a middle millennial who got depressed about in-person thrift stores no longer being worth it (selling Shein and H&M for pricier than the original prices) and then my gen Z little sis tuned me in to that app.

LOVE to see a teen into fashion. Like, being completely themselves into fashion. I loved making my own clothes in high school, thrifting from GoodWill, the whole thing. Probably a side-effect of forced uniforms in grade school. You also don’t need money to be into it! It really bums me out when I see 5 teens walking down the street in the same matching sweats or just a sports bra and zip hoodie. C’mon!