Do You Have Any Dating/Relationship Questions?

Ok, so I know this post is old and my comment might possibly (probably) get overlooked but I had a question about women taking men out on dates. I’ve been on two dates with a man and want to go on a third. I think the guy I am seeing is very nice and I would like to get to know him better. He’s expressed interest in seeing each other again but hasn’t set up a date. I think men shouldn’t always have to initiate, plan, propose a date. Maybe I’m wrong, thinking that way, and if he was truly interested he would be putting in more of an effort than just casually saying he wants to see me again. All that aside, I’ve asked people to hang out before but I’ve never asked a man out on a date….I’ve never planned a date for a man. I like the idea of doing it but I feel sort of stumped. What would you plan as a third date for someone you barely know but want to get to know better? Maybe I’m overthinking it.

xoxo,

Hopeless and Romantic?

I’d like to hear more about how middle-aged women (45+) are successful dating. I’ve found that as we age, we’re more solid in our sense of what will work for us and what won’t. We’re also more complex as people, and I wonder how it is this age bracket fares in online dating, where it seems a swipe mentality favors those whose stories and faces are slick, young, beautiful and uncomplicated.

Another curiosity I’d like to read about: how relationships are evolving during and coming-out-of the pandemic. This will really rock even those thought to be rock-steady pre-pandemic.

I’m a 42yo single woman who has never been married, nor do I have any kids. Sounds alarming to most. I feel very comfortable being single, and have never made it a priority to be in a relationship. Although, I have had some wonderful relationships I haven’t been close to considering marriage. I have experienced a broken heart but many years ago and I believe I have healed. I wonder if I am an anomaly – are there any other single women my age out there that are comfortable being alone?

I’m wondering how you would cope with Living with someone who has very different ideas of what is appropriate protocol for Covid 19 safety? I’m 100% following the guidelines and my husband is pretty lax which really defeats any extra caution I’m taking.

This isn’t so much a dating topic, but for years I have been meaning to write to CoJ to ask for an article on engagement ultimatums.

A few years back on January 1st, after four years of dancing around the topic, I told my boyfriend that by the end of the year he needed to decide if he was ready to commit to a future together. I didn’t need an engagement, just the decision to continue on that path or not. I was hesitant to issue an ultimatum because I would never want to force anyone into anything, however I started discovering many women I spoke with issued some sort of marriage ultimatum to their partners. These were women of all ages, length of marriages, and personalities. I was completely shocked to learn both my mom (married to my dad for 36 years) and best friend gave ultimatums! No one talks about ultimatums and I think we should. It seems like they can be a helpful way to get a partner to address any commitment issues, fears, think long term, all those pre-marriage thoughts you know? I know there are wrong ways to go about ultimatums, but it sounds like there are some right ways that I would love to hear about from the CoJ community.

How do you know if you want to get a divorce? Or if your marriage is harder than it should be? For those of you who got divorced without some sort of big inciting incident: what was the thing that made you realize you wanted to do it? Do you regret it? Does every married person think about getting divorced? Can I reprogram my mind or is this telling me something big?
I’ve been married for ten years to a great man and we share a child together but things just feel hard most of the time. I’m no stranger to hard work but when I look back at the entirety of our relationship it feels like it’s been harder more than it’s been easy. There hasn’t been any cheating or any sort of betrayal that would feel like a deal breaker but we have had difficult things happen to us seemingly since the get-go: losing jobs, financial struggles, deaths in the family, depression, difficulty getting pregnant and things just sort of always feel stressful. We push each other’s buttons. I’ve always questioned our relationship off and on and even considered calling off our wedding but I also suffered trauma in my childhood and I know that it deeply impacts my connection to partners. I’ve done a lot of work in therapy and at times have realized how we are a really great match. In so many ways he’s a wonderful man and husband and father but how do you know if you really want to divorce and blow up your life? Or is it just that we’ve gotten into negative patterns and we need a deep reset? Is that even a thing? Can divorces just result from a slow burn of unhappiness?

I’d like to hear more about dating when you come from a verrryyy dysfunctional family. I have somewhat strained relationships with some family members and none with others. I’ve done a lot of personal work to be emotionally healthy and therapy, but I’m afraid of being judged, dismissed, or not believed. I know that it has and continues to impact how I approach relationships and am not sure how to bring it up in the event that a relationship progresses to being more serious or the timing when to do so. Particularly how to explain my limited ability to be entirely myself around my family (no longer believing in God for one example, but not able to have productive conversations with family about the topic, so I avoid it entirely).

I wholeheartedly support this team’s views and advice on dating! You’ve covered so many tough topics so elegantly so I know it will be thoughtful, honest, and helpful. It’s very much an area of my life where I could use more guidance.

I am in my early 30s and experienced a horrific breakup when I found out my fiance was cheating on me 6 months before our wedding. We had been together for 10 years and this broke me to my core. I was 100% caught off guard and I walked out immediately (cross country move, new job, and no communication). I have 0 tolerance policy for infidelity.

It’s been over a year since the break up and I’ve worked hard on myself to put most of my life back together. However, now I am struggling with the issue of meeting great men who are interested in me but I’m too scared to move forward with them. So I end it to avoid stronger feelings by finding excuses of why they don’t make sense for me. I haven’t dated many people as my last relationship spanned my 20s but now I’m not sure how to date going forward, how to assess what I need, and how to let go of the fear. The pandemic/getting sick makes it extra scary. Ugh!

I appreciate advice on dating as a woman who doesn’t want to commit to anyone!

I’m a working professional in early 30s, I’ve been married before and had serious relationships. At this point in my life all I want to do is enjoy the good things without putting myself under pressure/responsibility. I slip into a completely different mode when I partner up, and I hate it.

All I expect from the opposite sex is good company, good sex, decency and respect. How do I convey this in a flirty and playful way while not coming across as obnoxious or blunt?

I was supposed to get married this spring, but it got postponed for obvious reasons. During the quarantine, my fiance and I have had an awful time, fighting and arguing at every turn. I am wondering if it’s a sign that we just aren’t meant to get married at all. How do I know if it’s simply the stress of the pandemic, or if we aren’t meant to be at all?