How One Couple Lives Separately, Together

I loved reading this. While I don’t know that fully separate homes would work for me, I appreciate seeing different situations for different couples.
My husband works late nights during the week so we are like ships in the night all week; he’s still asleep when I leave for work and I’m asleep by the time he gets home, which means we really only see each other on weekends. A lot of people have asked us if it’s hard and, while it does have its drawbacks, we both love it. He can do whatever he wants to do during the day while I’m at work and I can eat popcorn for dinner and watch the same three TV shows over and over after work without feeling bad. And then when we do see each other on weekends, it’s almost more exciting because it’s been a few days since we’ve really been able to hang out.
Before we were married, we were long distance for a number of years and this feels like the perfect middle ground for us.

I really appreciate reading more “non traditional” ways that couples and families work! It amazes me that we can be so advanced as a society in some ways and so backwards in others… I’ve had close family members and friends think it was weird that I went on vacation without my husband once and recently spent 4 weeks apart while I scoped out the place we hope to move to and he stayed in our current city and continued to work. Everyone should just do what is best for them and their relationships! So what if it’s different??

This is my ideal – with the addition of a courtyard garden instead of a wall separating the two. Nice duplex’s are easy enough to find here as well though the garden arrangement would be a custom adjustment most likely. Imagine buying/renting side by side apartments would work in a city as well. If you own then you can just install a connecting door and you’re there.

Thank you so much for posting – it reminds me to keep the dream alive!

I’m trying to be more open to non tradtional living sitations. I was married and mom’ed my ex husband a lot. I never knew how much emotional and physcial work work I was doing to keep it all afloat. It was exhausting. Years later I’m in a new relationship with a lovely man. He has a 7 year old and he is the primary parent. His family moved in to help him. They are all raising the little boy together as the mother is not in the picture much.

He is so loved and it’s very beautiful. I live 2 miles away and I don’t ever see myself moving in I need my space. I freak out a lot what our future will look like as we want to to have a baby. I love my home. My garden. My quiet moments and shitty bachelor TV and eating weird shit for dinner. I spent so much time taking care of others and it’s ALL MINE. No gross underwear to pick up and only me to blame for the dishes. I feel lucky to be born in the time period and I can create whatever beautiful living situation I want.

When my dad and step mom started seriously thinking about marriage they had five kids between them, ages 13-18. They lived 40 miles apart and couldn’t afford a housing solution that would put all of us kids under one roof or two near-by roofs. They ended up waiting 6 more years to live together, when all of us were finally out of school. In the meantime, they drove back and forth A LOT. It worked, and all of us kids were grateful not to be crammed into either of the small houses. But it’s sure nice to hear about a family that found a closer solution!

I always enjoy reading stories that validate my own experience! My partner and I have been living apart together for nearly 10 years now. We each lived alone for many years before we met each other, so we were both accustomed to the privacy of our own places. Now, though, I’m more often at his place (two miles away, in the same town) when we want to spend time together; my place is my “room of one’s own,” where I can go for the alone time my introverted self craves, and he understands that and is not threatened by it—the only male I’ve ever met or been in a relationship with who isn’t! Even at his place, though, we sleep in separate bedrooms, which frankly has helped keep us from sniping grouchily at each other throughout the night and into the morning and beyond. But we almost always eat dinner together (unless he’s working) and we otherwise spend time together seeing museums, attending arts performances, going on walks or hikes, traveling, and doing other couples stuff together.

We didn’t set out to have this arrangement but it has worked out for us really well. I doubt we would’ve lasted this long if we didn’t have it (and indeed this has been the longest relationship for either of us, ever).

Yes, yes, yes! Cecilia and Gerry: thank you for sharing your lives with us and courageously following your own paths. There’s so much pressure to conform to certain norms that may or may not align with what we want. You are so inspiring!

My friend’s parents live apart but remain in a committed marriage, but here’s the kicker: when her husband moved out, she moved her ex-husband in! Apparently, they lived as roommates, and he occupied an upstairs apartment. They did this to appease the children from her first marriage, while my friend and his siblings from the second marriage lived apart from their father. He said they liked the ex though, and he was like a fun uncle to them. Now that all the kids are grown, his parents live together again.

It’s a head scratcher.

Very cool. Love that people can do it their own way! Sounds very relaxing for them! For me, I love sharing a bed. Sleeping with my husband makes me feel cozy and safe. However, for several years, we had a smaller bed, and I always felt too constrained (I like to move around when I sleep). 6 years ago, we bought a king sized bed. Oh my! I haven’t looked back! I’m star-fishing it and salmon flopping joyfully over at my side whenever I like. The best arrangement for us. Lol.

This is my family, too! We don’t have neighboring houses though, but we’re a couple with our own children who live as a “two-house family”. We’ve both been married before and this is what works for us. Not gonna lie, it’s perfect. We’re both introverts (actually, we’re almost all introverts except for my youngest) and our kids are all best friends. We spend time together two evenings a week as a family, and then on the weekends the kids go off with their respective other parents and my partner and I have super fun, grownup weekend together. We look forward to seeing each other EVERY SINGLE TIME (after almost 5 years!) and the best part is that we’ve never once had a fight about the laundry or bills or household chores.

like frida and diego :)

My parents, who had been high school sweethearts, always had a tumultuous relationship. It was hard on me growing up sometimes, but I never doubted their love for each other. The split up when I was in high school, and my mom and I moved two blocks away. Now, 20 years later, they’re the best of friends and spend tons of time at each other’s houses. It’s unconventional, but it works.

Isn’t it wild how different we all are? I love that this living situation works so well for this couple! My husband and I have been together for 14 years and lived in separate states for 8 of those years due to our jobs. For us, the worst part of this arrangement by far is not sharing a home because we enjoy living life the same way. The best part for me is all of the air travel – I fly to visit him most weekends, and I love airplanes and airport people-watching!

My husband and three month old share a room (I hear every little noise, but my husband only hears the important noises and only wakes me when he needs to eat) and I sleep in our bedroom. Before we part ways my husband kneels by the bed while I lay on the bed. We usually pray and then we talk for awhile. It’s my favorite part of the day. Before, since he wasn’t about to leave to sleep in another room, my husband would just hop in bed after we prayed and then that would be it. Something about him kneeling there makes us talk forever about everything and I love it! Sometimes he’ll try to lay down too, but the conversation just isn’t the same! Haha
It’s this blog that makes me feel good about our arrangement that works for us instead of feeling weird about it! We’re all happier for it!

I have an aunt and uncle that have been together for 30 years but live quite literally 1,000 miles apart. They spend holidays and vacations together (retired now so A LOT of travelling) and it seems to work so well for them. She has her urban condo lifestyle, he’s got a small rural farm. Wouldn’t work for me but they love it!

Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera famously lived in two separate houses joined by a walkway, and this has always seemed like the perfect living arrangement for romantic partners to me, as a person who likes having a lot of alone time!

I absolutely love this and I absolutely love that Cup of Jo showcases differences in families / living / occupations / etc. Thank you!

While the husband and I do live together, I relish the time he’s away for work, or with friends on trips, or every Sunday morning. I need that alone time.

Just like Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera.
Having separate space is healthy. Period.