Design

Have a Loving Weekend.

Have a Loving Weekend

What are you up to this weekend? The boys are learning to ride bikes!!! We’ll be cruising very slowly around the neighborhood to celebrate. Thank you also for the honest, insightful comments on this post. Take care of yourselves, and here are a few links from around the web…

Three women on why they walked themselves down the aisle.

Good news!!!

The career question that changed my life.”

Loving this little guy for rosy cheeks.

9 life-changing time management tips. “Economist Tim Harford points out that saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else that you could have done with that time: ‘Will I write a book review and thus not write a chapter of my own book? Will I give a talk to some students, and therefore not read a bedtime story to my son? Will I participate in the panel discussion instead of having a conversation over dinner with my wife?'”

A pretty dress for date nights.

Brooklyn Bridge Park is building a pool!

The trick to making caprese salad even better.

A great apology has three parts.

Into these goddess pots.

Plus, two great reader comments:

Says Erin on kids in conversation: “The other day, my son commented that one of my teeth looked chipped. I explained that it wasn’t chipped, just crooked, because I’d never had braces. He said, ‘Don’t ever get braces because I love you too much like this.’ Omg. That one comment solved years of self-consciousness about my teeth.”

Says Abby on the magic of summer: “I love feeling tired on a hot summer evening after a day in the sun, putting on a loose T-shirt and comfy underwear, lying on top of crisp, clean sheets with a fan on at the foot of my bed, reading a delicious book.”

(Photo by John David Quate. Goddess pots via Tina. Time management tips via Erin.)

  1. Inge says...

    I love those Goddess pots! These are also great from another ceramacist http://www.instagram.com/mariannepots_ceramics – they remind me of sitting on a river with my girlfriends at uni- eating strawberries and drinking ‘ champagne’ – cheap thrills and priceless memories x

  2. Sarah says...

    I walked myself down the aisle too as a sign of my own strength and independence. My dad died by suicide when I was 12, and it took years of work on my part to be able to trust and form any kind of new relationships. The fact is that I didn’t need my husband or any other person to save me from those years of isolation. All I needed was my own strength, and walking myself down the aisle felt like a visual representation of how I saved my own life.

  3. Erin says...

    I loved the first article that you included on why women are choosing to walk themselves down the aisle. I was never a little girl who dreamed of her wedding. I wasn’t a girlie girl and my thoughts just centered around friendships, soccer and school more than anything else. As I’ve grown older, I’ve had different ideas of what weddings would look like with various boyfriends, but the one thing that I did ponder was what my daddy/daughter dance would be and how it would feel walking down the aisle arm in arm with my dad and seeing my to be husband under the alter. My dad was the most important person in my life and he was diagnosed with Leukemia in December and passed away 30 days after hospital admittance. I’m with the same man that I was when my dad’s diagnoses was made and my heart breaks to think of our possible wedding day. I don’t know what I’ll do or even how I’ll make that walk alone, but I do like the idea of the single red rose.

    • Alex says...

      Omg, this must be so hard for you. Sending hugs, and lots of love and strength !

  4. Mina says...

    On walking down the aisle: Here in Sweden the tradition is for couples to walk down the aisle together. It symbolises them coming as equals, of their own free will, together. Strangely, the royal family has gone away from this tradition lately, but the church of Sweden recommends for couples to walk the aisle together and it feels very in line with the way we value equality here.

    • Katrin says...

      Yes, same in Germany! I hope it stays that way, but more and more women choose to adopt the English-American tradition of having their dad walk them down the aisle, because of all the Hollywood movies, which really disappoints me in a way.

    • Andrea says...

      Mina, on behalf of all America, may I apologize to you and the world for infecting popular culture (via American movies) with the idea of a bride being “given away” by a man? It’s a trope that is hard to beat down, even though it makes little symbolic sense, other than the passing of property from one man to another.

      Who knows where it comes from? It seems to have a life of its own in movies. The Catholic Church also advises against it and asks that the couple walk in together as part of the opening procession.

    • Kate says...

      I appreciated the Elle article on walking yourself down the aisle, but take exception to its tone. We hear about a woman who walks herself down the aisle to avoid hurting her mother’s feelings, a woman who walks herself down the aisle because her parents did not approve of her chosen spouse, and a woman who walks herself down the aisle because her father has previously passed. The subtext is that each of those women otherwise would have been “given away” in the normal way of things but for those circumstances.

      My husband and I walked down the aisle together as a symbol of our unity and equality. We’re reasonably close to our families and had their full support; the decision was deliberate, not circumstantial. For us, it was important to us to both reject what we saw as symbolism inappropriate to our relationship (that of one man giving a woman to another man) and to create our own symbolism that recognized both of us as strong, independent people entering freely and together into one of the most significant decisions of our lives. The only negative: We were both choked up by the time we reached the altar, hand in hand!

  5. Lore says...

    The Abby coment is totally me! 😄 That is the most I love about
    summer. Regards from Spain

  6. Rebecca says...

    My husband and I are both close to our families, but felt very strongly that I shouldn’t be walking down the aisle to meet him there: so instead, we walked down the aisle together, to where our parents waited together to meet us. It really symbolised to me the way that they will always be there for us when we need, but also that our marriage is something that we have to do together, just us, while they wait on the sidelines to offer support when it’s needed.

  7. Megan says...

    I try to follow the rule of the apology sandwich. It goes like this: First say you’re sorry, then give a brief explanation (not an excuse) for what you’re apologizing for, then finish with a final ” I’m sorry “. Often times we get caught up in the explanation part that we omit the actual apology. When an apology is warranted, the offended simply wants to here that you are sorry, not so much the explanation, so start with that you are indeed sorry.

  8. Says Abby on the magic of summer: “I love feeling tired on a hot summer evening after a day in the sun, putting on a loose T-shirt and comfy underwear, lying on top of crisp, clean sheets with a fan on at the foot of my bed, reading a delicious book.” <<< yasss! me too! fan going now… except i do a men's undershirt instead of a loose tee

  9. Rachel says...

    On walking down the aisle, I had no aisle to walk down as my husband and I eloped. We’re private people and decided to elope so that we could have the intimate ceremony that felt true to us. We had our legal ceremony in a park at home, and a symbolic ceremony in Paris. For the legal ceremony, I wanted my parents as the sole witnesses (this was my husband’s second marriage, so his family didn’t feel strongly about being there). My mom had been diagnosed with cancer less than a year earlier, and undergoing chemo all year, and I just felt very strongly that I needed her there for me at my wedding and I wanted to include her in some way. So while there was no aisle to walk down, I told my parents that I wanted both of them to give me away. My mom joked about being the one to give my husband away because she loved him so much, and we had a great laugh. Little did I know that just 25 days later, I would lose her. That sweet little ceremony in the park with my parents was the last time I got to spend quality time with my mom – one where she was lucid, laughing, and telling stories. I’m so thankful my mom was there with my dad to give me away.

    • Leah says...

      oh rachel – what a beautiful memory. i’m so sorry about your mom.

  10. Kay says...

    I walked myself down the aisle (but hey, I also wore a red dress so tradition was not that important to me) because I had been on my own since 16 and arranged the whole wedding etc. I have a little niggle of regret that I didn’t have a way of acknowledging my (divorced) parents on the way down the aisle – a flower to give them or something, I would definitely do that now.

  11. I had both my parents walk me down the aisle. Meant the world to them both. Also, when I turned and saw that man up there, I got seriously weak in the knees and was glad to have the support.

  12. Anne-Hélène says...

    My husband and I decided on walking *together* down the aisle, without our parents. It made more sense this way for us : we had known each other for 12 years (lived together for 10 years) before getting married, so our wedding was mostly about getting our loved ones’ “official” blessing on our relationship. On that note, during the ceremony, our wedding bands, tied together by a ribbon, were passed around and we asked everyone to take them in their hands for a moment and make a vow/give us their love/blessing. I love looking at my wedding band and thinking of all the good feelings it carries from our families and friends.

  13. Amy P says...

    His parents walked him down the aisle; my parents walked me. Our mothers gave us the rings to give to each other. Our fathers took turns praying. I had no interest in flower girls or ring boys, and I really didn’t like the idea of my dad “giving me away”, but I did like the symbolism of us coming with support from our families to start a new one.

  14. The peaches look so delicious! Thought the post will be about food and salads! Anyway, great article about carer! And I did find a nice salad, avocado caprese salad!

  15. Emily says...

    My boys are grown, but at the time, we taught them how to ride a bike by watching “Pedal Magic”. That VCR video was passed all throughout my neighborhood! The principles should work for adults too, but it does require a helper. I looked it up, and you can now purchase the video on their website.

  16. Audrey Johnson says...

    I agree with Abby. Summer is just so magical. I wish it was year round. Living in Michigan that is not possible. But I can dream, right? There is just something about the way you can work until you are tired out and feel good about your day! Thank for sharing this week.

  17. Nane says...

    On walking down the aisle: the (female) pastor of our community once told my mother that in Germany the bride traditionally does not get walked down the aisle by someone. But nowadays many people have a perception of a perfect wedding that was made by american movies. Interesting, right?

  18. Mare Lem says...

    I just read the piece on time management. In the section where she talks about agonizing over selling her closet space to her neighbor, so her neighbor can put in a bathtub, she finally decides to consult a male friend. The advice he gives her is to say “Sorry, but I want my closet.” Why do we have to put the word “sorry” in front of every statement about what we want. Can’t we learn to say what we want and what we care about without apologizing. I realize even that was a big step for the author, to realize that she really didn’t want to sell her closet space, and that she was going to be honest with her neighbor about it. I just feel like we, especially women, are always apologizing for things that don’t need an apology

    • Sarah says...

      I understand where you’re coming from, but I disagree. I think saying “I’m sorry” just adds a little kindness to our days. It’s such a small thing but so easy, and we all need more kindness and gentleness in our lives.

    • Michelle says...

      And to flip Sarah’s comment, just replying “no, I want my closet” makes you come across as kind of a jerk—as though you haven’t taken the time to recognize that your desires, while valid, impede on the other person’s valid desires. I too think that a gentle apology is in order here.

  19. Marissa says...

    Speaking about public pools in NYC: In september we’re visiting NYC for a week and we’re looking for recommendations (for everything really!!). Are there any nice public pools to visit on a hot day?
    Have a lovely weekend! X

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      how fun, marissa! there are some public pools, but they’re pretty crowded with lots of rules in the summer. honestly, i wouldn’t recommend them as the best way to spend time while you’re visiting. instead, i’d suggest central park, the met (including the rooftop with lovely views over the park, and you can get wine and chips), moma (including the sculpture garden), walking around nolita and all the lovely shops and cafes, and maybe a sail on the hudson — https://www.sail-nyc.com/browse-by-boat/schooner-adirondack/

      hope you have a wonderful time!!!

    • I just got back from an NYC trip, and even though I had lived there many years ago, I never visited Governor’s Island. This was SUCH a perfect way to spend a Saturday, and I will be tempted to go back again on my next trip!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, yes! i’ve heard such great things — it’s by april bloomfield, who does the spotted pig restaurant in NYC. she’s amazing!

  20. Aleisa says...

    I’ve watched three little boys learn to ride a bike, and each time, I think of this poem:

    To a Daughter Leaving Home

    When I taught you
    at eight to ride
    a bicycle, loping along
    beside you
    as you wobbled away
    on two round wheels,
    my own mouth rounding
    in surprise when you pulled
    ahead down the curved
    path of the park,
    I kept waiting
    for the thud
    of your crash as I
    sprinted to catch up,
    while you grew
    smaller, more breakable
    with distance,
    pumping, pumping
    for your life, screaming
    with laughter,
    the hair flapping
    behind you like a
    handkerchief waving
    goodbye.

    —Linda Pastan

    • A Martin says...

      This fiddled my heart strings. I am currently teaching my daughter to ride a bike without training wheels. Such a beautiful poem ❤️Thank you for sharing.

  21. Marie says...

    Okay first of all, you triggered me with the photo of peaches.. I simply cannot look at them the same way after CMBYN. lol. Good luck to the boys with their bikes!

    • Katrin says...

      Haha, same here! And speaking of which, Joanna, have you seen the movie? Didn’t you love it? Does someone from the CoJ-team feel like writing about it so we can geek out about it? Pretty please;-)?!

    • Katrin says...

      Joanna (see below), thanks for the reminder and the links – I must have forgotten your mentioning of CMBYN (shame on me!), and I am so glad you mentioned it and loved it, haha! And that New Yorker Article is so hilarious and brilliant, I laughed out loud, showed it to my husband, als it overall made my day:)!!!

  22. Sarah says...

    I walked down the aisle by myself and never really thought it was a big deal. We didn’t have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Just my little niece and nephew walked before me. It was very sweet.

  23. Lauren says...

    “What the f*ck are you doing?” Amazing. That is one bad ass lawyer, indeed! So glad to have read that; thanks for sharing.

  24. Amanda says...

    Please write a post on “How to Ride a Bike” – adult edition. I never really learned or had the opertunity to learn as a kid and I am really (really!) struggling as an adult. Help?!

    • I don’t know how to ride a bike, either, Amanda. I regret that more than not really being able to drive, honestly. I almost never tell people that I don’t drive or ride a bike or know how to swim. It’s embarrassing to be an adult who can’t do basic life skills (and there’s literally nothing preventing me from doing any of those things).

    • Laura says...

      Same here! I’ve tried to learn a couple of times as an adult with no luck. What am I missing?!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, i would love to!!!

  25. Amanda says...

    Please (PLEEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE) write a post on ‘How to Ride a Bike’ – adult addition. I am desperately trying to learn from my husband (who is a great and patient teacher <3) but I am really struggling. I didn’t have the opertunity to learn as a kid and he grew up riding 30+ miles a day! … Help??

    • CB says...

      A friend who is almost 40 just learned how to ride a bike. He called our local bike shop and asked if they could give him a lesson. They said yes and apparently he learned how to ride in about 20 min!

  26. Amy says...

    In one of my favorite weddings I’ve been to, the bride and groom walked up the aisle together, arm in arm. I had never seen that before, but it made so much sense for a couple that is truly egalitarian. It was beautiful and refreshing, and I wished I had thought of it for my wedding. It seemed like they were saying “Here we are, approaching this marriage on equal footing, with each other every step of the way.”

  27. Cynthia says...

    I walked myself down the aisle because my dad had passed away four years prior to my wedding with cancer. No one could take his place, so I walked alone.

  28. Samantha says...

    I walked myself down the aisle.

    My husband did the same.

    Our parents walked down before us, each of our mothers carrying lanterns. Our fathers gave our respective readings.

    It felt right to have them light the way for us. As happily married couples with a combined 70+ years of marriage between them, I see them as models of how to walk through life hand-in-hand.

    It was beautiful to be able to walk toward them and my now husband entirely on my own.

    And I absolutely adore the photos I have of my parents holding hands and beaming at each other as they walk toward the altar, knowing I’m right behind them.

  29. Sarah says...

    I think that If I ever get married, I would walk up the isle with my husband to be. I’d like to think of it as a way to express that we are in this thing together and the walk up together would symbolize our decision to be a team….

  30. Erin says...

    Yes, please take care of yourselves everyone, and know that there is always someone who will be there for you. I hope everyone can find some comfort in the comment section of this blog, because honestly, I’ve found blog comment sections to be (maybe somewhat surprisingly) one of the best places to discuss mental health struggles, personal struggles, and just difficult times in life. Sometimes discussing these things with someone in your life feels daunting, or you might not have the person to talk with, but speaking to a complete stranger may seem even more daunting. But, I feel like there is a real sense of community on this blog and putting something out there (even anonymously) to strangers with whom you feel that sense of community feels somehow easier. It’s like somewhere in between strangers and friends, which can actually be the perfect combination in certain circumstances.

  31. Jojo says...

    There’s something annoying about people who talk about “learning to say no.” It always comes off as humblebragging. Am I supposed to feel sorry that you have *such* a busy social life and *so* many professional opportunities? This is a “problem” that some of us would be thrilled to have! (so I think as I watch the tumbleweeds roll through my Gmail calendar …)

  32. For my wedding, I didn’t want to walk down the aisle by myself or with just my dad. Instead, I decided to walk down with my tribe: my parents, my brother and sister in law, my best friend and her husband. We had a small wedding so it was my tribe coming down to meet my husband’s tribe of family and closest friends. My tribe had been my support during all my years of singleness and I wanted them to be with me literally and figuratively as I walked into this new phase of life. Then, as both tribes came together, they stood in a circle around me and my husband as we said our vows to each other. I loved how intimate and participatory it felt!

  33. Kaitlin says...

    Hurray for learning to ride bikes, regardless of age! I learned how to ride when I was 24, the same year that my 8-year-old niece learned. My husband taught us both and it was a really moving experience of being vulnerable with him, overcoming the mental and emotional barrier that had existed for me since I was a child. I’m now a crazy commuter who rides 5 days a week in the warm months!

    A practical tip: Start with the seat low, so they feel safe, and with the bike in the lowest gear. If they’re particularly nervous about falling (um, what is it with fear of falling becoming more of a thing the older we get?), learning to ride on soft grass will take away some of that, knowing the they won’t get scraped as badly. It makes it harder to cycle and really get going, but while you’re establishing balance, it definitely feels safer.

    Good luck to all four of you!

  34. Patricia says...

    Well – I am in love with the Goddess pots too, and was thinking of exactly how many I would order and who for……go on the website and EVERY SINGLE POT IS ”SOLD OUT” …….

    • Lesley says...

      No!!!!!

    • Julie says...

      yep. all sold in a weeks time. I wonder if that’s the point?

    • Tracey says...

      Lots of ceramicists are doing these sorts of things. Google “boob pots”. Laurie Melia does some, hers are a step up in eccentric though.

  35. Katie Herklotz says...

    Love the idea of a pool in Brooklyn! I’m thinking about moving to NYC in the near future, but my biggest gripe is where do people swim in the summer?? It’s so hot, I really imagine people need to take a splash from time to time. Is taking the train to Coney Island really the only option? Would love to know some tips from New Yorkers looking to take a dip!

    • Sam says...

      Oh, don’t ever swim at coney! Take the train to Flatbush Ave and bus it to Jacob Riis beach + fort tilden! These are the cleanest and most chill NYC beaches by far. You’ll love it! For winter, I join the Y to use their pool.

    • Nicole says...

      There are many public pools around the city! https://www.nycgovparks.org/highlights/places-to-go/pools
      We also have other beaches, Orchard Beach in the Bronx, and Rockaway in Queens (the ferry ride to Rockaway is great and the same price as the subway), plus we’re not far from others on Long Island or New Jersey as well.

    • Patricia says...

      There is a public pool near 7th Avenue and Bedford. It’s free (or it was when I used to go), but you have to have a lock with you. The last time I was there was at the onset of the big blackout in 2003. What a crazy few days that was!

    • Katie says...

      Thank you all so much, I’m so glad I asked! Screenshotting your recs, so appreciated!

  36. Steph Thorne says...

    On walking myself down the aisle… I was very headstrong going into my marriage; I didn’t want a massive wedding and we compromised on just immediate family at home for the ceremony and a party at night. I’m so close to my parents and was definitely a ‘daddys girl’ growing up but I was adamant on not being walked down the aisle as I viewed it as not making my own decision to wed my husband, that my father was giving me away to another man to be cared for. Last minute, I grabbed onto my Dad and he walked me across our small lounge and he just looked so damn proud and happy and I realised in that moment is wasn’t about my feminist views, it was about my Dad having a special moment on a big day in his daughters life.

    • Sara says...

      OMG. Crying. Steph, you’re amazing for coming to this realization.

    • Andrea K says...

      This is so sweet!

    • Stella Blackmon says...

      LOL!

    • Katherine says...

      Bahahahhhahaa this made me lol. And they look so sad! Perhaps it’s the prickly prick?!