Design

Four Fun Things

Reformation Blouse

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks — this will be the last year of my 30s! (!) For a special evening, I’d love to wear a pretty top, like one of these: lace, ruffle and silk. Advice?

Call Me By Your Name

Have you seen Call Me By Your Name? Says Cup of Jo editor Stella: “It’s hauntingly beautiful and tender — so much so, I’ve seen the movie three times. At the end of the film, the same thing happened each time: the audience clapped, then sat back, struck, then clapped again. My 80-year-old seatmate at The Paris Theater actually clutched her heart. The story begins in northern Italy in 1983 and follows the first love of Elio (played by Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (played by Armie Hammer). As The Atlantic says, ‘This is a film to rush to, and to then savor every minute of.’ It opens nationwide on January 19th. Bonus: The audiobook is terrific, too.”

Best Interview Questions

January is one of the biggest months for job hunting and hiring. (For us, too!) Here are five smart questions to ask at an interview to both impress your potential boss and help you decide whether the job is right for you.

Olivia Rae James

Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions? Mine might be to pay closer attention to thin slices of joy. (“Right now, I’m a little thirsty, so I will drink a bit of water,” Chade-Meng Tan told CBC News. “And when I do that, I experience a thin slice of joy both in space and time… Thin slices of joy occur in life everywhere.”) For example, last night, I was putting Anton to bed. Usually I read him a book, give him a hug, and say goodnight; but instead, he seemed especially slow and sleepy, so I decided to hold him in my arms until he fell asleep. He curled up, closed his eyes, sucked his thumb and nodded off. It was such a cozy, lovely moment and I’m still smiling today thinking about it.

P.S. How to introduce people, and more fun things.

(Bottom photo by Olivia Rae James.)

  1. Anna Gray says...

    Call Me By Your Name is the most intimate and real portrait of a love story I have ever seen. Stella, Esther Garrel is definitely your celebrity doppleganger!

  2. Erica says...

    I’m late to the party, but I’m a career advisor at a college and I love the 5 interview questions!

  3. Carol says...

    Yesterday was my birthday as well. I had ordered the Reformation blouse and it arrived on my birthday. I wore it and absolutely love it although I am in the last of my 60’s. It is a beautiful, classy top that can be worn with slacks and skirts. I wore it as pictured with jeans. I enjoyed all the comments on the movie Call Me By Your Name. I have not seen it but plan to. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i’m so glad!!

  4. Jessica says...

    I was so prepared to adore “Call Me By Your Name” and ended up hating it. Ever since, I have by mystified by all the positive reviews. I thought it lacked the necessary characterization that would have helped me to care about this love story. I was reminded of “Blue is the Warmest Color,” which was sensual, genuine and moving – because the characters were so finely drawn.

    Also, this is a film about an erotic relationship between a 17-year-old teenager and a 24-year-old man. I’m as liberal as they come, and I still found this creepy (Hello, Kevin Spacey?).

  5. Ruffle top for sure!! So cute.

  6. sasha says...

    Oh, that Anton moment <3
    So much joy in that little story.

  7. I think that the ruffle top would look perfect on you.
    Thank you for mentioning slices of joy. I have been looking for goodness these days and joy is part of that. I love your story of putting your son to bed. My son called last night and it brought me so much joy to learn about what he has been doing and to hear his voice. Our babies are such a source of joy.
    Not to focus on myself too much, but I spent the first week of January looking for the good and I wrote about it here: http://seasaltandsailorstripes.com/a-week-of-goodness-starting-2018-off-on-the-right-note
    The project brought me hope and joy. I look forward to more of it in 2018.

  8. Haleigh says...

    When interviewing for a job, I think it is smart to ask, “Is there Information on my resume or about my work experience that makes you question my fit/aptitude for this position?” Gives you the chance to sell your growth, show some more dimensions of your work.

  9. Shira says...

    I love the look of the bell sleeve trend. So I bought one, and guess what? I can’t figure out how to eat while I’m wearing it! It hangs into the food. Am I the only one with this problem?

  10. Call Me By Your Name. I could watch it an infinite number of times. So beautiful, real, intelligent and just plain hear-warming!!

  11. Stephanie says...

    Thank you so much for the reminder about finding slices of joy. I am taking the year off from teaching to be home with our 3 1/12 year old daughter and 7 month old son. The year has been much harder than I ever imagined as each day I’ve set up unattainable expectations for myself only to be disappointed when I don’t achieve them. I imagine perfect days in my head that instead end in 3 1/2 year old tantrums, diaper changes, spilled everything, spit up and too short naps or no naps at all. Instead of seeing my children, I was seeing piles of laundry, messes everywhere and feeling as though I was constantly missing the mark of what I thought I should be doing. Today though, after reading about finding slices of joy, I stopped and let the laundry sit and instead I saw my son and daughter play together. I enjoyed my son’s laughter during a snowshoe and watched my daughter eat snow as we meandered to the car at pick-up. I reminded myself that those moments are why I’m taking the year off. Those bits of joy will stay with me forever. So thank you for the reminder and giving me a much needed change in perspective.

  12. Tricia M says...

    I love this idea of “slices of joy” but not “thin”. That sounds meagre and miserly to me. I’d go with “little” or “tiny slices of joy” instead. I thought about this today as I was cuddling my little granddaughter to sleep for her afternoon nap. She didn’t want to go down in her cot so I held her for a while until she relaxed. I just savoured that moment of holding her close, being in the moment together. It was my” slice of joy”. I’ve wanted grandchildren for so long and now she’s here.

  13. Liza says...

    Call Me By Your Name is hands down the sexiest book I have ever read. Like a lot of stories the novel has extra layers that are worth the read. I would see the movie first and then read the novel to explore Elio’s inner thoughts because that is where the real magic of the story lives.

  14. eg says...

    I signed up for Movie Pass after seeing Call Me By Your Name specifically so I can go see it as many times as I want without spending $18 a pop!

    • Laurie says...

      Oh I want to hear how this went, I thought a ‘gotcha’ was that you could only see a movie once

  15. Juls says...

    I love the lace one! Will suit you perfectly! I will too have a birthday soon – will be 38. Can’t go out though – my babysitter goes to a memorial dinner of her friend’s father which apparently takes a whole day and therefore can’t let us go for a small celebration. Still makes me a little mad but at the same time it is kind of funny. Again, go for the lace one! And happy early birthday to you))

  16. I saw Call Me By Your Name last weekend and have been finding my mind being pulled back to it all week long. One of the most beautiful films that I have ever seen. I’m on the wait list for the book at the library now!

  17. I love the lace top, that would be my pick – lace is super versatile because on its own it’s so romantic, and then you could put a tailored blazer over it for some modern polish or a leather jacket for an edge. Be careful of the bell sleeves, though, and make sure you want them — I LOVE that look but in the practical word, bell sleeves often end up in bowls of food at the table, or getting wet when you wash your hands at the sink!

  18. Jo says...

    That lace shirt is so gorgeous! It looks like the style that you put in your top 3 and then generally opt for something more classic, from my limited view on the blog :) I say go for it this time!

  19. Thank you so much for that job interview article! So helpful! And I love the little slice of Happiness idea! Love you Jo!

  20. Call Me By Your Name has wrecked me. It’s the best movie I’ve ever seen (and I’m a film person so I’ve seen all the greats). So, so incredible.

    briana

  21. Martha says...

    glad I’m not the only one who has seen call me by your name three times!

  22. Natalie says...

    The thin slice of joy metaphor really resonated with me as just today I experienced one! I take my two young children (3 and 11 months) to a wonderful class called “Music Together”. I often feel isolated as a stay at home parent living in a community where I have no long term connections since we moved here a year and half ago for my husband’s job. At the beginning of class, all the caregivers and kids sit in a circle and sing “Hello everybody, so glad to see you!” And then we welcome each child by name in the song…I felt this sense of connection and solidarity with all the other caregivers in the room, each of us just trying our best to foster loving atmospheres of growth for the children we care for…I got a little choked up and felt sustained in the work I do, which so often feels unnoticed and wearisome. It was a thin slice of joy…and now I have a name for it! XO

  23. Steph says...

    I missed the bedtime routine last night with my 1-year-old because of a class I’m taking (a resolution of its own). We are still breastfeeding but have worked hard the last few months to stop doing so in the middle of the night. I missed him when I got home, though, and when he woke at 3am calling for me, I couldn’t resist nursing him back to sleep. Probably set myself back a month but it’s only now that his babyhood is almost over that I am able to really enjoy quiet middle of the night moments that I know will only become fewer and farther between. A moderate slice of joy, holding his sleeping body in my arms and watching the rain outside his bedroom window.

  24. Andrea says...

    I may be in the minority, but Call Me By Your Name creeped me out. Armie Hammer comes off in the film as in his mid-30s and his love interest is a teenager. I just kept flashing on Roy Moore. Also, the really bougie setting/ assumptions left me cold. It’s hard to feel for people whose lives are that over the top.

    • Jill says...

      Thank you! I watched it the other night and it was all I could do to get through it. It did creep me out at the age difference and the young boy wasn’t even legal age. If that had been a young girl, would everyone’s thoughts change?

    • Shannon says...

      This is the same comment that the entertainment reporter on WGN In Chicago had. It makes me not want to see it.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i hear you on the age difference of the actors themselves, who are 21 and 31. ten years seems far apart, especially at that age (less so, of course, as you get older, and age differences kind of even out a little more).

      fwiw, in the movie, the age difference between the characters is 17 and 24. the legal age of consent in Italy is 14 years old. interesting to think about!

    • den says...

      hey, just as a little heads up.
      when ages of consent are that low it is to protect kids who want to. you know. have sex with other kids…not for adults to prey on those kids. honestly, im 24 year old gay man and it would NEVER (NEVER!!) cross my mind to date or have sex with a 17 year old?

    • Sarah says...

      Dan, have you seen the movie? There’s nothing predatory about the relationship.

    • Nicole says...

      So glad you mentioned this. I have been thinking it, but I haven’t heard or read any outcries about it from the media or film critics. Happy not to be the only one…

    • While I agree that that age difference could come off as predatory in some stories, in the movie it was anything but. Elio was 17, he knew his own mind, and he was the pursuer here. I find it a little frustrating as a writer (and human) that people sometimes think in such black and white terms: he’s 17 so THIS IS BAD whereas if he’d been a few months older everything would have been fine. People mature at different ages.

      I wouldn’t have had a problem with it if it was a girl, if it was depicted this way–as two people falling in love. I had a brief relationship (much like Elio and Oliver’s!) with a 29-year-old when I was 19 and certain aspects of this movie kind of reminded me of my own life. I was young and naive, sure, but he did anything but take advantage of that. When you’re that young, it can be really refreshing to date someone older and more self-assured instead of a teenager like yourself who has no idea what’s going on. I look back on that summer very fondly.

      In short, I saw one of the best love stories I’ve ever seen and I think it’s too bad people couldn’t get past the age difference to see that, too.

  25. I love the idea of little slices of joy!

    xx

  26. I really love that idea of thin slices of joy. I find opportunities for those cropping up in moments of transition—before bed, after waking up, between shifts in energy, etc. In 2018, I’m trying to savor those moments of change and transition and interject a moment of pause, joy, and peace into them whether they are changes with a positive or negative force. I’ve been dealing with some health things and each time I pause, I close my eyes and breathe deeply thinking this is what it means to be alive. Yesterday, between a doctor’s appointment and returning home, I picked up a mini bouquet and it’s now sitting on my desk giving me pause and smiling for the changes ahead.

  27. Joanna, I love the concept of savouring a slice of joy. When my Mom was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in 2013, I took time off work and spent two full days a week with her going on adventures.
    “What do you want to do today. Mom?” We went everywhere and did everything.
    She taught me slices of joy. She would ask me to stop on our walks to close our eyes to feel the sun on our faces, hold my hand in the car while I drove, or smile and thank me for being able to put on her eyeliner exactly how she wanted t.
    Those small moments of joy, contentment and presence have helped my grieving process since she passed away and have forever changed how I see life. Small slices of joy are everywhere.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is really, really beautiful, lindsay. i’m so sorry about the loss of your mom. she sounds like such a wonderful person, and i’m sure you brought her so much joy.

    • Alison says...

      this is so beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing.

    • denny says...

      I rarely leave comments (though I frequently read them), but I want to say thank you for sharing. I have tears in my eyes at my work computer as I type.

  28. Kate says...

    My main resolution is to try and change my personal narrative. So rather than saying “I should go to bed early” or “I should eat better” I’ve started saying “I deserve to go to bed early” and “I deserve to eat better”. It allows me to acknowledge my own self worth, and what I can gain by better habits. It’s also, I think, a more positive spin that will hopefully keep me in check during the stress of the term.

    (Also! I suggest that you go with the silk or the lace)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      such a smart, beautiful change, kate!

    • Amy says...

      This Kate. I feel like I am able to be more compassionate to others, when I am more compassionate to myself first. I’m writing this at the top of my planner today. Thank you.

  29. Sara says...

    The lace top feels special! Happy (early) birthday.

  30. Julia says...

    At the end of interviews, I always say “I do have some questions, but before I ask them, was there anything I said or alluded to that you’d like more clarification on?” I sometimes have a hard time explaining myself verbally, and also I feel like it’s a nice transition. Usually I’ll make a little joke about how interviews can feel so prescribed, and it helps to turn things into more of a back-and-forth conversation. I can gauge their response and tell how much they like me, too, since it’s a little more informal :) Normally the interviewer says no in one way or another, so then I have my backup questions like “how does a normal workday go for the person you’ll hire into this position?” I LOVE that one about what differentiates the good from the great. And I always end by asking the next steps for their hiring process/how long it will take before they have a decision if they haven’t told me already!

  31. Lisa says...

    Having a child fall asleep on you is one of the best things in the world! My son resists sleep like crazy, so not only does having him fall asleep always feel like an achievement, but it’s so lovely feeling so warm and snuggly and listening to them snore. I currently have my baby daughter snoozing away in my arms

  32. Ooh, wear the ruffle one pictured. It is so feminine and sexy! Also, happy birthday!

  33. Courtney says...

    This is random comment. However, I read your post about making friends and now I am reading the comments from other posts and it struck me that I want to be friends with all of your readers! I know you are New York based, but is there a way to host meet-ups in other major cities?!

    • Lidia says...

      Me too! Wouldn’t it be great if the blog had a “reader connection” category, where it lists every state and we could create mini forums/groups by area within the state? That way we can all plan our own meetups! I just moved to Phoenix six months ago and I’ve had hard time meeting people. I’d love to meet fellow Cup of Jo readers here!

    • Yesss! I doubt there are many Cup of Jo readers in my small city (Kingston in Canada!) but I would love to hold a meetup regardless!

    • Kate says...

      Hey Nicole, I guess we’re in the same city!

    • brianna says...

      I love Lidia’s idea. Is there anyone in Reno/Sparks, Nevada?

    • Kate, that’s so funny! I love finding Kingstonites on various blogs/message boards. :)

  34. Cynthia says...

    I like the lace top and the silk shirt. The silk shirt is so classy and you could wear it for casual or dressy occasions. I just love the feel of silk.
    I find slices of joy in every day. Yesterday I received the sweetest thank you note from a little girl for the fabric scraps I gave her and the lessons on using her new sewing machine.

  35. Ah! I love the thin slices of joy idea. I must be more intentional about noticing these moments, because they are so delightful to carry us through the day!

  36. Alice says...

    I’ve just finished reading Call Me By Your Name, and it was just the most incredible book. I was trying to finish it last night while the guy I’m dating was over at my house and he decided he would read the final paragraph to me. He was trying to do it as a joke but actually it ended up being perfect. I haven’t seen the film, but couldn’t recommend the book more!!

  37. Jad says...

    That movie really was something else, i was so impressed by the actors! They both brought such life to those characters and Timothée Chalamet was out of this world. Those quirky dance moves and bursts of energy just felt so natural and passionate. Loved it!!

  38. Melinda says...

    Oh gosh, that looks like a wonderful movie! Thank you so much for the great movie recommendations always. Please keep them coming! If you liked Call me by your name, then check this one out: Die Mitte der Welt. It´s a German movie that has the exact same vibe like the one you recommended. I hope you find an english version of it online or on amazon prime or wherever. XO Melinda

    • I did a keyword search for “Call Me By Your Name” on this page hoping that others would have suggestions for movies! I loved Call Me By Your Name so much, can’t wait to check out your recommendation!

  39. Mariana says...

    Love the thin slices of joy and that moment with Anton! This is a bit random but: do both your boys still suck on their thumbs? My baby does this too (and looks so adorable doing it) but I keep hearing these terrible stories about being 20 years old and still be doing it…when/how do they stop? Thanks and happy almost birthday!

  40. Alice says...

    Great fun things today :)

    I recently bought a dress from British label ME+EM that has a similar frilly neckline https://www.meandem.com/frill-neck-swing-dress
    and the jumpsuit version is rocking too
    https://www.meandem.com/frill-sleeve-wide-leg-jumpsuit

    Slice of joy yesterday – one son lay on me and the other curled under my arm and we just chilled together. Rare harmonic calm.

    Thanks for the interview questions – I have applied for a job recently and hope to get one! Any tips on going from freelance to part time contracts job? Everyone seems to be doing the reverse, but I fancy giving an office a try! Fed up of working on the bed and with kids toys at my feet.

  41. ariane says...

    Call Me By Your Name was incredible! So heartbreaking

  42. Laura C. says...

    I turned 40 last January 4th, and since then I feel really DIFFERENT. And better!, I think I’ve overcome my little depression and anxiety!
    I bought to myself a thin cotton plaid shirt. And a lip gloss. Less is more!
    Thanks for this little fort you have given us. I really love to read all of you, and I love to reply comments as well. It’s a very warm and cosy feeling when someone from this community reply my comments too.
    Love you!

  43. Farah Sanders says...

    The lace top for sure

  44. Rachel says...

    Call Me By Your Name was so gorgeous, sumptuous, and heartbreakingly emotional. I loved it.
    Also, to the folks concerned about the age difference in CMBYN, it’s the same age difference there is in Dirty Dancing and I don’t remember too many folks getting that uncomfortable with that film. I think it’s important to question if a lot of the reaction is because it’s a gay film. There’s no power indifference, the older character is still a student himself, the younger character is over the age of consent and the film explicitly deals with consent before things happen physically. I think there are things more pressing and worthy of our attention when it comes to consent and our society than this beautiful film.

    • Jill says...

      Not everyone agrees with you and I feel like you should respect their opinion. Maybe it was just the ages of the actors, but it did bother me. And I thought it was slow and rather boring actually. But to each their own……

  45. kash says...

    Happy almost-birthday, Jo! I love all the tops (especially the sheer ruffly one!) AND I went on the reformation website and I think this would look so outstanding on you, with your lovely hair and slim frame! it reminds me of something anjelica huston might have worn in the 1970s, which is a great vibe for your 39th birthday https://www.thereformation.com/products/penny-bodysuit-toffee

  46. Marie Lamensch says...

    I adored “Call Me by Your Name”, a beautiful movie about desire, lust, art, love, heartbreak and the impossibility of love. The fact that it takes place in Italy (naked statues of athletic men and gods), in the summer, makes the poetic nature of the film even more striking.

    I cried my eyes out at the end though but I highly recommend it…(although it will make you long for summer)

  47. Kelly says...

    When’s your birthday?? Mines the 25th and I will be 40 too!! Ahhh!!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      January 31! :) xoxoxo

    • Sara says...

      Hi Kelly! My birthday is the 25th too! Birthday twinsies! Will be thinking of you in a few weeks and hope that the year ahead brings you all the joy, adventure, and cute shoes that you can handle. XO

  48. Daynna Shannon says...

    Call Me By Your Name is easily the best movie of the last several years, maybe decade. Was blown the hell away when I first saw it a few weekends ago and then promptly dragged the husband to see it not even 24 hours later. I just so badly wanted to be immersed in that film again. It felt like coming back home to my best friend, my summer once in a lifetime love and a long lost family member all in one. There aren’t even enough adjectives to describe how beautiful and amazing and emotional this movie is. That Last Scene!!! Just comepletly wonderstruck by this movie.

  49. Stephanie says...

    The lace the lace the lace ! ! !

  50. Dallas says...

    Today I followed a tip I learned from CoJ… I asked for a big honking raise (that was overdue, that I deserved) and I made myself say the biggest number I could say without laughing. And you know what? It worked, and I think by doing it my bosses and I gained a new appreciation for what guts I have, which is what it takes to do my job.

    I did this because of my new year resolution, which I made on my 36th birthday at the end of November (I have bigger commitment to my own new year). In my 36th year, I will listen to my inner voice, the first one that speaks, before it gets covered up by fear, doubt, people pleasing, trying to get it right… I noticed in my 35th year that my inner voice is spot on. First thought, best thought. I finally decided to listen to the part of me that believes in myself completely.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      YES DALLAS!!!!!!! That is so awesome!!!!!! Really happy for you and impressed by you.

    • Meg says...

      You are a badass.

    • I’m turning 35 in April and I’m stealing literally all of this! Congratulations on your raise and your bravery, and thank you for sharing!

    • Carolina says...

      Congratulations! Great resolution.

    • “First thought, best thought” – I love that, Dallas! Thanks for that insight and congrats on asking for the raise!

      I like this similar quote as well: “You are the answer you’ve been waiting for.” :)

    • Katherine says...

      ??????????

  51. Chelsa Williams says...

    everlane top – it will serve well beyond birthday as it would like great dressed up/down. (and it’s everlane). love the sweet moment w Anton. We still snuggle/rock our 2.5 yr little dude before bed every night. it is those small slices of moments that mean the most – to all of us :) i had a flash back to your slow parenting post!

  52. Mel says...

    Happy birthday! No on the H&M top- not after that horrendous advertising of the children’s sweatshirt
    .

    • Katherine says...

      Agreed, Mel, I came here to say the same thing. That was a serious misstep on their part; I’m glad people have called them out on it. No more H&M for me!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you for the head’s up, mel and katherine! we’re taking the H&M link out of the post right now.

  53. Jean Goddard says...

    Ruffle blouse! And I love “thin slices of joy.”

  54. Beth says...

    I heard about thin slices of joy while listening to NPR just a few days before our son was born very prematurely. The days after his birth when I was in the hospital and he was in the NICU and later when I would take the train to visit him in the NICU in Boson, I intentionally tried to focus on thin slices of joy to get me through the days. I can remember a sip of coffee, the sun on my face on the train ride home, the perfect song coming on the radio or the smell of his little isolette when I arrived each day. I can vividly remember some of those slices because I took the time to notice. What I didn’t know then was that he wouldn’t survive long and my time at the NICU was brief. I’m so thankful that I took the time to find the thin slices of joy in those short days because I remember them with fondness and gratitude and that somehow makes my memory of his little life more sweet.

    • Sam says...

      I am so so sorry for your loss. You sound like you were a wonderful mother to your son while he was here – sending hugs your way.

    • Maggie says...

      Oh Beth, thank you for sharing that lovely, bittersweet memory. Hugs to you.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “the smell of his little isolette when I arrived each day,” so beautiful. i’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy, beth. what was his name? he sounds like a wonderful little person.

    • Lindsay says...

      I was overcome by emotion when reading your comment and the responses. What a beautiful way to honor your boy, by remembering those little slices of joy amidst such heartache.

    • Laura C. says...

      Sending you a big hug. You are such a strong woman. So sorry for your loss, Beth. I’ll pray my Granma to have an eye on him in Heaven.

    • Beth says...

      Thank you for the love. His name was William. Every once and a while you post something that so perfectly links to his memory or connects me with the words of other’s who’ve experienced loss and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. I’m pregnant with his little brother and due in March. I’ve been finding slices of joy throughout this emotional pregnancy and plan to do so into this new little guy’s babyhood now that I know how powerful it can be in good times and through challenges.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      William. What a beautiful name. He’s lucky to have you as his mother, when you were with him and also loving and protecting him from afar now. I’ll be thinking of William today, sweet boy. xoxo

  55. Thin slices of joy reminds me of this Brian Andreas print that I love: “Important Action Item: There’s a part of you that feels the joy that’s right here all around you all the time & just so you know, you don’t really have to get all that other stuff done first before you pay attention to it.” :)

    Also: my New Year’s resolution is to read War and Peace. So far I bought the book. Have not yet opened it!

  56. Joanna says...

    Definitely the lace or the silk Everlane (which is amazing in real life!

  57. Amanda says...

    *Teary* eyed over here reading your little piece of joy with Anton last night. So beautiful. I am transitioning my son into daycare for the next couple of weeks as my maternity leave draws to an end, so this was such a touching reminder to see and enjoy the little things while it’s really just been feeling overwhelming and heartbreaking.
    A Xx

  58. edie says...

    I’ll be seeing CMBYN in a few weeks, but I do feel a tiny sense of hypocrisy in purchasing a ticket. Why? Ugh. Personally, I feel it somewhat sugarcoats a relationship that (potentially) could cause young men to seek out relationships with older men. Does that make sense?

    And I’ll add, I’d also be uncomfortable with this film being about a young woman falling in love with an older man. It has nothing to do with the orientation of the characters, but my discomfort arises from their respective ages. In the era of #metoo, it seems we should be much more careful when it comes to this sort of thing. Maybe I’m crazy…

    • not crazy at all!! i am hesitant about the movie as well because of this! regardless of “legal age of consent” anywhere, relationships with age gaps like this (i.e. where the people involved are going through dramatically different stages of their lives — and honestly i am 24 and the idea of even being remotely interested in a 17 year old sounds mind boggling to me, they are still basically kids!– as opposed to two adults one in their 30s and one in their 40s who might be going through more similar life stages like work, family, etc) are very very iffy and almost predatory in a sense. I get that the movie is fiction and that actually both actors are over the age of 20, and I have heard great reviews about the plot/performances/cinematography/direction/soundtrack, but it is worrisome that the movie might also be romanticizing this type of relationship when in real life something like this would definitely not be ok in my book.

      wow, that was long, lol.

    • Lauren says...

      While I respect both of your points of view, it is also easy in our current social structure in Western culture to immediately villainize a relationship based on age because of our obsession with wanting children and young adults sheltered at all costs. This has led us to view young adults as sensitive, fragile children unable to make informed decisions about their sexuality and personal relationships.

      While I completely agree, there are relationships in which an age difference could be of a predatory nature, an age difference certainly doesn’t automatically mean it’s predatory. This film is not just a love story between two men at different life stages, it’s a story of self-discovery for both parties and, more importantly, a powerful message about the relationships we keep both of sexual and platonic nature.

      Hopefully that didn’t come off as combative. Definitely respect the opposing view point but do feel that the film is incredibly powerful and should be celebrated for the phenomenal story it tells.

    • edie says...

      Sisu and Lauren,

      Appreciate what you each said.

      Glad to hear I’m not alone, Sisu. :) It just seems like it could cause confusion at age when I think young people should be in romantic relationships with peers and not adults.

      And, Lauren, I’ve heard so many good things about this film, but I still feel uneasy about normalizing this sort of relationship. I think there’s wisdom in respecting the ages of those involved. Definitely my Western perspective :)

    • M says...

      I agree with Lauren that age difference does not automatically equate predation. I know someone who met her spouse when she was 18 and he was in his early thirties. They’ve been happily married for 30+ years (this is in the US).

      The world can be a scary place. Sexual predators do exist. But so do totally healthy relationships between two people with a large age difference.

    • Vicky says...

      Hi Edie, I agree it is discomfiting to see Armie who doesn’t look 24 be with Timothee. However, I encourage you to listen to this wonderful podcast in NPR discussing CMBYN that touches on the age of Elio and Oliver.
      https://www.npr.org/sections/monkeysee/2017/11/22/564883557/call-me-by-your-name-love-their-way

      To me, the film took pains to establish that these two did not enter the relationship lightly and were treated with respect. The treatment of their journey was not exploitative. As the film progressed, you sort of forget their age as you get immersed in what is essentially a beautiful first love. Sorry, I can’t explain it well! But I hope you watch the movie and enjoy it too.

  59. Melissa says...

    The lace top is beautiful and fun. Perfect for celebrating the end of your 30s! Happy early birthday!

  60. Danna says...

    A question I would always ask is, Is there anything we’ve discussed today that would prevent you from further considering me for this position? If there is it gives you the opportunity to respond/clarify immediately any disqualifying thoughts they may have about you. Or if it comes down to a lack of qualifications, experience or salary requirements you know that right up front.

    • Amy says...

      Be cautious with this question! I sat on an interview panel where the hiring manager was very displeased when a candidate asked a similar question. The candidate was terrible, by the way. I would ask if it only when you feel the interview is going well!

    • Kelly says...

      This is such a great tip! Leaves you with so much less of that wondering “how did I do” post-interview feeling!

    • Emily says...

      Whoa, this is BOLD….but I like it! I’m a very direct communicator and appreciate the clarity this brings to the table.

    • Lisa says...

      I had a candidate ask this in a second interview, and it was actually a great question to ask as we could be honest about our reservations and the candidate theirs. They got the job!

  61. Lana says...

    I’m so excited to see this movie and Lady Bird! My NY Resolution is to try and meditate for five min a day. Just five. That should be doable, right? Lol! I’m also ditching exercise for just moving naturally. Oh, and I read this great article the other day about limits, so I’m setting limits for and being gentle with myself. Here’s an excerpt from the article. “I am limited in my amount of leisure time so I will read a good book, not watch a stupid show.

    I am limited in my work time so I will focus and not be distracted by social media.

    I am limited in my cooking time so I will choose easy recipes.

    I am limited in my ability to remain sane so I will say no to opportunities, events, or responsibilities that stretch me Past The Point.

    I am limited in my willingness to constantly clean the house so I will get rid of unnecessary clutter and unused toys.”

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      these are so smart and clear-headed and lovely.

    • Laura C. says...

      May I follow those too, Lana?

    • Lana says...

      Of course!! :)

    • Katha says...

      Kelsey, I love your resolutions!

      Such a good idea. They‘re all great. If I had to I would pick: Be more present. Take more weekend trips.

  62. Savannah says...

    When my Winnifred was first born I used nursing time (aka all the time) to read and send the family photos and updates of her. But now she’s eighteen months and I feel like each time she nurses might be the last. I’m hyper aware of each slice of joy- her sweet small hands playing with her hair and mine and her stillness and even the knee in my gut! The little moments.

    • No way! I have a Winifred (one n)! She’s five and I’ve never met another! I love her name so much!

    • Savannah says...

      I’m embarrassed to say I found it because I’m obsessed with the name Fred and I knew it wouldn’t fly as a boy name with my husband! But now I only call her Winnifred.. go figure. I love knowing she could run into others with her name out there!!!

  63. Jenny says...

    Call Me By Your Name is hands down the most beautifully delicious movie I’ve ever seen. I loved every second of it and didn’t want it to end. However, when it was over and I wiped a little tear off my cheek, my husband said, ” I didn’t really get it.” Go figure.

  64. Emmie says...

    The lace top! Ive been disappointed by everything I have ever ordered from Reformation. Get a blow-out and professional eye make-up then meet up with people all day long, coffee, lunch, happy hour, dinner, movie, after-movie drinks. Happy almost bday

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      LOVE that idea, emmie! thank you :)

  65. Oh, I love those thin slices of joy too! Joy is so delicate and strong at the same time. It comes out of us and feeds us simultaneously. I love how my daughter now uses her hands when she’s talking – she’s four :)

    I have built my life around helping people expand love, joy and peace in their lives through my Breathwork meditation practice. Here’s a Breathwork meditation video all about expanding joy if you’d like to check it out:
    https://youtu.be/TPEwDnzDWbo

    Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life each day through your blog!

  66. kathryn says...

    Definititely the Ref option. Followed by the lace. Unless you are going to rock pants, in which case Everlane. Although the dots are the most chic, if you are doing a chic thing. So, basically, EVERYTHING works. You’re welcome. ;-)

  67. 100% agree with Stella on Call Me By Your Name. I asked my boyfriend to come see it with me. He likes Sufjan Stevens so he agreed, and he ended up weeping through the last third of the film and then said far too loudly in a tearful voice “that was a masterpiece!” when the theater was silent and no one had started clapping yet.

    I had a small fear that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the film because of the age difference between Armie Hammer (31) and Timothee Chalamet (21). Sometimes I fear we aren’t as protective of young men like we are of young women, and I thought watching this might make me feel guilty. But the characters they were playing who are supposed to be 17 and 24 felt like like they were nearly equals when it came to emotional maturity. Thank god, because it was such a spectacularly beautiful film!

  68. Your comment about cuddling Anton to sleep made me miss the time when my boys were little. They were much like yours…older one was dark haired, younger one blonde. My little one was always the more cuddly of the two. They are now 18 and 20 … and whilst I still get cuddles and the “little” one still sits on my lap from time to time, it is not quite the same :) Thank you for the sweet memory and smile.

    • Amy says...

      Thank you. My three (6, 4, 2) have been really emotionally and physically demanding the last couple weeks, and I know my cuddly 4 year old needs more attention (he’s flat-out asking for it) but I haven’t had it in myself to give him much. Thanks for the reminder that I have a limited amount of time in this phase of life, and to prioritize better.

  69. Libbynan says...

    The lace blouse, definitely…….it has a ruffle on the sleeve, too. If you are worried about it being sheer, wear a spaghetti- strap tank. I think you would look so beautiful in it. Incidentally, my daughter and I have decided that your Toby and my great-grandson Philip are brothers from another mother.

  70. Molly says...

    Happy birthday Joanna! We are so grateful for you!!

    I love, love your new years resolution. So precious and something I would love to implement myself!

    My new years resolution is one word: Equanimity. This word means balance of mind, evenness of temper. It has been very empowering, especially being a small business owner and a rather emotional person. When I get riled up from a tense client encounter, I say “E q u a n i m i t y”…just like that… followed up with “I don’t have to take that on” and it immediately settles me. Funnily enough, I thought I was being so clever with this word but now I am seeing it in random places — even Dave Chappelle’s new show on Netflix is literally titled, Equanimity. LOL!

  71. Selby Shlosberg says...

    it makes me laugh because in a few weeks i will be starting my last year of my 20s, and i just picked out my top – a biking shirt. i’m hosting a “tour de franzia” party where everyone wears bike attire and drinks franzia. i swear i’m grown up, but when compared to your “birthday” shirt, it reminds me how young i still am. happy almost birthday!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i LOVE that, selby!!!! happy almost birthday!!!

  72. Ramona says...

    My vote is for the Pippa top. It’s so versatile in black, but I love the boho vibe of the California color also. Happy early birthday to you!

  73. Caitlin says...

    oh my GOSH Call Me By Your Name knocked me right out. I felt like I was staring at a really beautiful piece of art–just feeling so many emotions and not really being able to articulate what they were. Timothee Chalamet is a gift and the last scene was unexpected and so incredibly moving. I’ve seen almost all of the projected Best Picture movies this year (I always try to see them all before the Oscars) and this one, to me, is the standout.

    • Stella Blackmon says...

      AGREED, Caitlin!!! This and Ladybird are some of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

    • Sam H says...

      I totally agree with Stella about Call Me By Your Name. Saw the movie twice and can’t stop thinking about it. Definitely have developed a crush on the too-young-for-me Timothée Chamalet.

  74. Joana says...

    Call Me By Your Name it’s a beautiful movie with an amazing soundtrack… I cannot stop listening to Sufjan Stevens. I also got the book and the audiobook :)
    I hope you have a Happy Birthday!

  75. Frankie says...

    Love that comment about holding Anton to sleep. I’ve done the same with my four year-old of late…pausing between stories to hug and doze.

    • Morgan says...

      “so I decided to hold him in my arms until he fell asleep. He curled up, closed his eyes, sucked his thumb and nodded off” *swoon* Motherhood at its simplest and finest.

  76. Jennie says...

    Don’t wear a semi-sheer top to your birthday party. You will spend the entire time wondering “Do I have ballerina posture? Is my tummy showing? Do I have muffin top?” when you should be focused on listening to all those delicious birthday toasts, delighting in the company of loved ones, and being the belle of the ball. And eating. Not cake for you ;-) since you don’t care for it, but definitely eating something yummy.
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO! Enjoy 39 you will LOVE 40.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      you are the sweetest, jennie! great tip, thank you xoxoxoxo

    • Stephanie says...

      Cheese! She’ll be eating cheese. ;)

  77. Kelley says...

    Another question to ask during interviews that I really like is something along the lines of, “What is the lunch culture like here? Do employees eat together and chat? Go out for walks together? Does everyone eat at their desk? What’s the vibe like during lunch?” It’s a great way to get a feel for how the team interacts and what’s expected during this break time.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s a smart one! i would have never thought of that.

    • Tracy says...

      What a fantastic question!

  78. I love all of these so much! Happy Birthday, Joanna! Cheers to a year of slivers of joy – currently mine is a warm heat pad on my shoulders. Feels so good!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      love that, eva!

  79. Oh, I love that lace top! I bet you would look so beautiful in it, Joanna. (Although the dotted one is very Jaquemus!) And Call Me By Your Name was one of the most beautiful, moving films I’ve seen in a long, long time. I can’t wait to read the book! (I went looking for a transcript of the dad’s soliloquy at the end, and came across so many stunningly beautiful quotes that I knew it was going to be at *least* as fantastic as the film.)