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Psst, want to have some girl talk?
In the Netflix show The Incredible Jessica James, two female friends have this exchange:
Friend A: “Do you only have one vibrator?”
Friend B: “Do you have more than one vibrator?”
Friend A: “Has one man ever fulfilled all of your needs?”
I’m curious, do you have a vibrator? Ever since my college best friend took me to get my first one, I’ve been really into them. You can have an orgasm just with the magic of your own hands, of course (here’s a great guide, and here’s a Q&A); but a vibrator is also such a fun, easy way to have an orgasm, learn about your body and take ownership of your sex life.
“The best advice I ever got as a teenager (from Oprah, naturally) was to learn how to masturbate,” says a reader named Annie. “It liberated me at an early age from ever compromising when it came to choosing romantic partners, because I didn’t technically *need* them to enjoy sex, but rather I could choose romantic partners because I *wanted* to. It has given me complete confidence and joy as an adult — both when I’ve been single and when I’ve been in relationships.”
I’ve tried a bunch over the years, and, I have to say, this little guy is amazing. There are five speeds and four rhythms, so you can mix it up and see what you like. Plus, it’s small, so you can stash it in your bedside table, or pack it in a weekender bag. And you can order it online or visit women-owned stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland, which are encouraging and empowering (the staff has SEEN IT ALL, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about any question or request).
You can also use a vibrator with a partner, especially if intercourse on its own doesn’t get you there. Want to hear a fascinating finding? As few as 7% of women can reliably orgasm from penetration alone — basically, if their clitoris is close to their vagina. “Clitoris-vagina distances less than 2.5 cm — that’s roughly from the tip of your thumb to your first knuckle — tend to yield reliable orgasms during sex,” writes the L.A. Times. But other women, with larger “V-C distances,” find it more difficult or just plain impossible.
Did you know that? How did I not know that? Seems like it should be taught during sex ed!
“Never in my life had I had an orgasm with a partner, and I worried that something was wrong with my body,” says a reader named J., a mother of two. “After 12 years with my husband, I couldn’t figure out why sex didn’t do anything for me, why hand stuff never panned out, why I couldn’t get there. It was leaving him with a terribly bruised ego, and my feeling like a failure. Eventually, I began faking it — and did so for 10 years — while taking care of my needs with a vibrator when I was alone. Then, recently, my husband was trying some hand stuff, and it was feeling uncomfortable, so I suggested letting him try my bullet instead and he was game. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. WHY oh WHY did we wait this long?! For real, ladies, if you enjoy a vibrator, use it with your partner.”
What about you? I’d love to hear, if you’re in the mood… ;)
P.S. Scheduling sex, and do people really have sex on their wedding nights?
(Photo by Land of Women. Reader comments condensed and edited for clarity.)
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