Relationships

Do You Have a Vibrator? Truly, Get a Vibrator.

It’s a rainy Thursday, so let’s have some real girl talk…

During college, my best friend took me to buy my first vibrator. I was visiting her in San Francisco, so we went to the women-owned shop Good Vibrations, and she helped me choose a little one that I could carry home in my bag. I was curious to try it, so I went home and…

Let’s just say, vibrators are fantastic. They help you have an orgasm in an easy and fun way, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You can use them on your own or while having sex with a partner. In Sex & the City, Charlotte was obsessed with The Rabbit, which looks a little intimidating. My recommendation? The Iconic Bullet from Jimmyjane. It’s small, simple and costs $16. Done and done!

So, tell me, do you have a vibrator? Would you try one out? Would you even comment on a post about vibrators? :)

(I first wrote about vibrators for Glamour four years ago and wanted to write about them again today.)

  1. Mandy says...

    Good points Joanna and I think that recommended bullet vibrator from Jimmy Jane is perfect. I’d be really careful to make sure beginners buy something simple just for your clit or else you might be biting off more than you can chew (so to speak) and turn yourself off because you didn’t have a great first up experience. http://vibratorvixen.com recommends to never start off with a rabbit vibrator or a g-spot vibrator or something too powerful like a hitachi wand. Just go for a simple clit vibrator like you’ve recommended to start off with.

  2. Anonymous says...

    YAY!! Im married and I love a vibrator when my husband is away. Its my little moment to myself…very relaxing during stressful times…and makes me even more wanting my husband than ever. Sex of all sorts, the more you practice, the better it gets! ;))

  3. i love vibrators! Especially the rabbit vibrators

  4. I love that you posted this, I’m single and have been thinking about buying a vibrator for a while, and now I’m convinced it do it, Now just to decide which one…

    • Imogen DeVeaux says...

      I just bought Blush’s Vilain Audre and it’s the best vibe I’ve ever owned. A little pricy, but worth it. Also got one for my best friend (as her first toy) and she said she loved it.

  5. I just had to comment here. Here is my story: I am 32, a mom of 2. Have NEVER IN MY LIFE had an orgasm with my husband or anyone else. The only way I have EVER had them is using some type of vibrating bullet or…other things…lol…now I’ve beenarried for 5 years, and in this relationship with my now husband for 12 years. Let me tell you what, it is DAMAGING to a woman to feel like your body just does not work right. I could never figure out WHY sex didn’t do anything for me, why hand stuff never panned out, why I couldn’t get there…even my husband unintentionally made me feel like a freak of nature. And it was damaging to him too, to feel like he just could not accomplish what he was supposed to be able to. I tried so many times to explain to him that my body just doesn’t work that way, but still, of course it was leaving him with a terribly bruised ego, and me feeling like a failure. So eventually, I began faking it. I couldn’t bear to see him feeling so down about something that he had no control over. So that’s what I did for the past 10 years or so. Faked it, and took care of my needs myself when I was alone. So just recently, he was trying some hand stuff, and I just wasn’t…um…lubing up well and it was feeling uncomfortable, so I suggested letting him try my bullet instead and he was game. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. WHY oh WHY did we wait this long to try this?! Mind-blowing crazy good for about 30 minutes straight until I could handle NO more! I just let him run with it, had him ease up here and there when things were getting a little too intense…but WOW. For real, ladies, if you enjoy a vibrator, USE IT with your spouse! I never knew just how much I could get out of that. Doing it on my own was NEVER that good!!!

  6. Found out about these little numbers late in life after ending a 22 year marriage. New man took me “shopping” and we found what opened a new life for me. Enjoy..this life is so short. FYI..electric toothbrushes are also fantastic and much cheaper:)

  7. Props to you, Jo! I teach the Human Health and Sexuality course at a large university in the midwest and this is definitely a topic that is widely discussed in my class! Thank you for educating more women on the benefits of taking their sexuality into their own hands..literally. -graciousgracie.weebly.com

  8. I love my vibrators and it’s good to see other ladies that aren’t even in the adult business so open to talking about it. I personally enjoy my hitachi/magic wand especially if I am wanting to build up my orgasm. I also have a gspot!! vibe that I have squirted with as well. It is very good to experiment with new toys. I highly recommend the gspot vibe.

  9. I don’t have one, but honestly i don’t even know how to start looking for one, or if that one is going to be something i won’t end up regret buying.* i wish i had an expert to help me LOL

  10. I have wanted to own one but its not easy finding one in India. Sigh! Maybe the next time I’m travelling abroad :)

  11. I got the iconic based on your blog post and it was a bust. Not blaming you, but I have to tell everyone else here (however old this post is) that it really was not worth it. I read reviews of it later on that confirmed it broke on them quickly too. It is, of course, an unreturnable product. It was one three times and ka-boom, it was busted.

  12. I’ve been using a vibrator for years. My friends all thought I was crazy when I said they should bring out a rechargeable one to save having to replace the batteries all the time… and now brands like Lelo have loads of rechargeable vibes – they even have ones you can charge using your computer’s USB port! I must say that vibe usage amongst my friends isn’t particularly common though.

  13. It’s a shame this topic is such a taboo. Thanks, Joanna, for writing frankly about female pleasure! Keep it, eh hem, coming!

  14. If you want to get advanced with a male partner, try a “Screaming O” Turns your guy into a human vibrator! ha! It’s pretty awesome.

  15. Hi
    I was given one as a gift just this past year.Before that I had only bad experiences of an ex boyfriend who got one and then insisted I use it only on him.:( after that I didnt want my own, and have been reluctant to use the one I have.I masturbate frequently but not with the vibrator.But positive vibrator experiences should be encouraged for all^^
    Cheers for the topic.

  16. Awesome post! I got my first one when I was in high school…have owned literally dozens by now. My current one is amazing, my partner bought it for me and she thinks its made our sex life amazing, haha.

  17. Vibrators are fabulous! My favorite I have tried is the Lelo ‘Gigi’.

  18. Never owened or tried one, but reading your post now makes me wonder to try one

  19. Hooray for vibrators! I <3 my vibrator and I <3 Good Vibes. Good Vibes also has an antique vibrator museum and they have antique vibes in all of their locations. It’s amazing. I’ve been known to buy my girlfriends vibrators and take them to buy their own first vibrators. I’m very pro-sex toys.

  20. Vibrators are wonderful! I love the “LELO” brand available on Amazon. They’re shaped for a woman’s comfort, not just to replicate a penis. Worth every penny.

  21. I just bought one after reading your blog. Can’t wait. the vibarator ring where Court is talking about realy great! true recommendation!

  22. I bought a mini bullet in my early 20s, but never liked it. I think Im too sensitive for a vibrator. If it works for others though, then by all means … no judgment here!

  23. this post title caused me a classic double take ;D
    what a real, honest post.
    props Joanna

  24. well i dont have any vibrator. maybe you should buy me one:D

  25. I bought mine at bed bath an beyond, trojan mini little thing, $14. the male cashier blushed when he rang me up! Vib buying should be on a girl’s bucket list! :)

  26. I have never tried one but you’ve convinced me haha!

  27. This totally made me blush! Five years ago it wouldn’t have…but something changed in me since having kids…I’m a little more modest :)

    I love this post though!

  28. Heck yes! On a business trip to Tacoma, the hotel of course offered a hospitality basket of snacks and items for purchase, and it included a small box with the title TEASE on it. Upon further inspection I learned it’s a “personal intimacy kit” and included a small “personal massager,” lube, and two condoms! So progressive!

  29. hurl yea i have 2! one is (fake) diamond encrusted.

  30. Eu says...

    I do have one and I’ve used my alone and with my boyfriend.
    Every woman should try it!!!!

  31. So funny how a lot of people find this post controversial. I’m glad you’re not afraid to talk about such things, Joanna. That’s what makes your blog real. I’m still trying to be as ‘brave’ (not really the right word, since I think this should be a matter we should all be able to discuss) as you. x

  32. Wow, I was shocked when this came up on my blog feed, well done for broaching this subject.
    I do not have a vibrator. I don’t really know how my husband would react if I told him I wanted one. Maybe offended?
    I don’t know. I’ll have a think about it…
    GREAT POST….got all us girls thinking and chatting!

    Louise xo

  33. I am so impressed you took on this topic! I love how the topic has gone mainstream (I think it’s a Fifty Shades thing?) and that women are more comfortable having these discussions in more public forums (like this!). I also love this new high end, high design thing that’s happening in the industry and have to recommend Ola by Minna Life. Sleek design and no buttons or knobs…squeeze/touch controlled. Also rechargeable and waterproof.

  34. Ha – Jimmyjane is great. I especially love the rechargeable ones. No batteries needed! :)

  35. fully support! and if we are giving out recommendations here…the WeVibe is fabulous!! it plugs into the wall to charge, so no batteries necessary. and the BEST part…it comes with a remote control!! ;)

  36. Joanna, you’re the best! I love how you talk openly and honestly with your readers. Thank you!
    xo

  37. ok i was gonna comment on the giveaway post but got distracted here! totally blushing – love this post – love that you wrote it. i think i’ll have to go shopping…. ;)

  38. Vibrators are great! And they can be used while alone or with your partner (people always seem to forget about that). I like the Smitten Kitten… its an amazing store in Minneapolis that now also has a huge online store.

  39. my husband bought me one & I love it with him and when he’s gone. it’s just fun and I’m waaaay to open about it in public once I get a few drinks in me :)

    totally blushing right now. but I’m OK with it.

  40. um… get the rabbit. just do it.

  41. This is so funny! I have to share this story: I got a kinky Holiday themed gift set for one of my girlfriends for her bachlorette party, and it included a vibrator. When she opened it, she was shocked that I would get this for her, and said at my bachlorette party I would be getting it back. When my party rolled around and the set didn’t show up, I called her out on it. She giggled, turned bright red and said the vibrator was the best part. I’ve wanted one ever since;).

  42. I’m 37 and have never owned one. Too self-conscious to ahem ‘bite the bullet’, put on my big girl panties and actually buy one. . . . Man am I a late bloomer!

    • MrsJones, try Amazon. You can find one that you like and have it sent discreetly to your home.

      Also, I was in Spencer gifts (the store I didn’t even know still existed since high school) just before Halloween, and they have a huge play section. There is no way you could run into anyone you know in that store (unless you teach high school), and it is not as creepy as the shop where I bought my first toy.

    • If you live in NYC – go to Babeland – there are 3 locations in and they are amazing. They will make you feel super comfortable, confident and get you exactly what you never knew you needed. Happy shopping!

  43. I love this. I was actually thinking about this yesterday… I’m a new, nursing mother, and I was “taking care of business” and I had a letdown in the middle! Nothing kills your mojo like leaking breasts! Love this post- love the honesty in the comments!

  44. I’ve been a big fan of vibrators since my twenties and have a variety of different kinds, big and small. After becoming a mom in my mimd thirties, I’ve enjoyed them even more. As I write about at Love, Sex, and Family: After 64 hours of labor, I experienced pain during intercourse for approximately a year. I would still lust and long for sex, especially after nursing (“some even reach orgasm during breast-feeding. This is a perfectly expected physiological response: Oxytocin, the hormone that triggers the letdown of milk when a baby suckles, is the same hormone that triggers orgasm”). However, by the time my husband had returned home and our baby was asleep, my desire for anything except sleep was sapped.

    An occasional quickie by myself with the vibrator while my baby napped became one way for me to feel sexual and not just like a human pillow, my breasts “transformed from erotic icons to infant smorgasbord,” as they put it at Babytalk.

    And once intercourse stopped hurting, I would still get out my vibrator if my husband hadn’t already for me and we. I know just how it feels best to me when I use one, but I love it when he takes control of it too, stimulating me. In order to come, I prefer to take charge myself though because to me orgasms are all about surrender and, perhaps ironically, I prefer to be in control of that surrender myself. I say that without implying that orgasms are the ultimate “fulfillment” of intercourse (as sex educator Charlie Glickman recently posted, emphasizing orgasms as vital “for every single person on the planet” ignores the asexuality of some people who “genuinely feel no sexual attraction to other people,” or who “experience sexual arousal through masturbation, either with or without orgasm.” — and incidentally, Marilyn Monroe had the inability to orgasm until she learned how to masturbate at the age of 36, encouraged by her psychoanalyst).

    I appreciate sex–be it a quickie or not–without obsessing about achieving that big O. But I do welcome the latter. And in my experience, a vibrator can increase the intensity of a quickie too and the lasting feel-good effects afterwards.

    From my post at http://www.lovesexfamily.com/2011/06/quickies-and-vibrators-make-for-happy.html

  45. I have the jimmyjane form 6. It’s spendy, but beautiful. My work designed the different forms. (I’m a graphic designer at a industrial design studio) It totally works.

    • Ditto big time. The 6 is great if you’re g-spot-centric.

      btw, impressed that you work with people who designed it.

  46. I love how sometimes you just come out with these random posts like this! Love it! I actually didn’t own a vibrator until earlier this year (and I’m 24). My boyfriend actually bought it for me. I went through a hard time where I just was never in the mood for sex so he thought if he bought me something that I could use alone that it may boost my libido. It actually worked!! What a sweet guy ;)

  47. I second the comment on the Hitachi Wand, also known as “The Magic Wand.” It plugs in, so you won’t be stealing batteries from the remote :).

  48. Oh, heck yes. I was a happy happy single woman with one (or two) and am a happy happy married woman with them. Bravo for such a great public personal statement (on this and on Obama’s win…Whew!). High five!

  49. The Hitachi Wand has been rocking our world for the past decade! My husband and I LOVE it!

  50. This post and thread is awesome on so many levels!

  51. Ummmmmm yes I do, and its the best thing in the world!!!!! Haha. If any of you don’t have one – GET one. I mean obviously a guy is great too – but these little do-dads can come in handy. Especially on a rainy thursday !!! Love the fireworks pic ;p

  52. let me just say how much i love that the accompanying photo to this post is fireworks.

  53. absolutely love that you posted this! women and our sexuality should be embraced and enjoyed!

  54. Oh, the Vibrator!

    I think they are great, though… once I started dating my fiance, I found that I like the way he does things a little better than the vibrator can.

    The bathtub faucet is nice too. ;)

    *blushing!*

  55. I think the most entertaining part of this post is reading the comments! I can’t believe how many people asked if you had been hacked. It is so interesting that people are perfectly okay with talking about other sexual things (i.e. how many dates before going all the way, when/how to kiss, etc) but that this (even among women) is still so taboo. I’m fascinated. Thanks!

  56. I love my vibrator! I bought my first one at Babeland in college, and I have never looked back. My husband likes that it’s around, and I could not do without my 24 hour access to quick and fun stress relief. Ladies, if you have never had one, just buy the cheapest one to try… you have nothing to loose, and it will probably change your life for the much better!

    Kathleenm, sounds like you could really use a goround with that cute little bullet!

  57. Awesome! I don’t like the rabbit. I find it painful. I’ll give your recommendation a try. Thanks!

  58. Yes, and yes. Good for you for this little PSA.
    P.S. I’ve found that they’re not only fun when you’re alone- the man gets a huge thrill out of “helping” me use it. ;o)

  59. I’ve never had one, but I’ve always been curious! Maybe someday…
    At the risk of repeating most of the other comments, I love that you posted this. It obviously makes some people uncomfortable, but I think it’s great for women to talk about these things.

  60. AQ says...

    You have officially become my favorite blog (well you were pretty close to #1 before….) What an honest and realistic, but taboo topic. Kudos for the courage and thank you for opening the conversation!

  61. Tacky? There is nothing tacky about women being confident in and eloquent about their sexuality! Have loved your blog for a long time Joanna, and this is exactly the sort of interesting, personal, well informed and funny post I would expect from you! xxx

  62. Kudos to you for being straightfoward and open! Had one for years. A real man isn’t intimidated by them…

  63. There is a song by a Puertorrican singer that is call ” Con mi amigo en el baño”. It translates as ” With my friend in the bathroom”. It is about a girl who discovers this marvelous thing (a vibrator of course) in a sex store and basically writes a letter to her ex-boyfriend telling him that with two batteries she was able to get from the vibrator what she never got from HIM. Ja! funny funny song. You should looke it up.

    • LMAO! I just looked it up on youtube. Loved it!

  64. Oh, Joana. Disappointed to see something so tacky on your lovely blog.

    • this isn’t the 1950’s kathleen. i’m disappointed to see a woman shame another woman for talking about sex.THAT is tacky.

    • How is this topic tacky? Because it references sexuality (in a pretty subtle way, actually!)? Glad everyone doesn’t think like you!

    • pearl-clutcher.

    • Oops, guess we forgot that female sexuality is dirty and wrong! Thanks for the reminder.

    • Why is it OK for everyone to post a comment that cheers Joanna on and it isn’t OK for someone to have a problem with it?? I’ll bet all you women that are making these jabs at kathleenm are the same ones that preach “tolerance” all the time. Let the woman have her opinion. I for one have no interest in a vibrator and was surprised to see the post. I don’t think it is the least bit tacky, but I was surprised. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, remember? This is still America, right?

    • It’s OK to cheer Joanna on because this is her blog. While it’s fine for kathleenm to have a problem with this post, it’s not okay for her to post her comment because it was unkind and it perpetuates the notion that women and sex don’t mix, an idea that has led women to feel pain and shame. I will tolerate people’s opinions until they use those opinions to hurt others. After that, all bets are off.

    • And to answer your question, Joanna, no, I wouldn’t comment on a post about vibrators. Oh whoops, I just did! Hahahaha.

    • *High Five* re-du home furnishings!

    • It’s also OK to post any problem she has with this post because it’s a public blog. If it was private and didn’t specifically ask for comments, then I would say this woman is out of line. But it isn’t and it did. So, all people should voice their comments. And my goodness, almost everyone is so excited for this post that to pick on someone that doesn’t is bullying.

      “unkind” – your opinion.
      “perpetuates a notion that women and sex don’t mix” – wow, you got all that from “tacky”? Good for you!
      “use those opinions to hurt others” – did Joanna say she was hurt? Or do all bets need to be off because you want them to be off and use that as an excuse to be rude.

      I for one think that anyone and everyone has a right to their own opinion. Everyone. I grew up being taught that we have that right. And you know what, y’all are being quite the bullies to gang up on someone that has an opinion different from your own.

      Bullying and intolerance. Be proud of yourselves, Ladies. Be proud.

    • i’m with you re-du home furnishings.

    • No one’s bullying you. Stop whining. If you don’t like it, move on. That’s always my way of going about it.

  65. Yes I would definitely post about vibrators and my favorite so far is the Lelo, beautiful and modern looking and incredibly worth the price.

  66. Great post! Vibrators are also great when you’re feeling a little blah or unsexy… I’ve found that they really help you get your mojo back.

  67. I had a similar experience! My best friend in college took me to a store and it was actually a key chain vibrator. Needless to say, it didn’t hold up very long. It really is a necessary item to have!

  68. changed my world……smiles

  69. Bahahahahahah. I plead the 5th.

  70. I used to be one of those women that couldn’t have an orgasm even if my life depended on it!
    This: http://www.eroscillator.com/
    changed everything!
    It literally taught my body to have orgasms….soooo happy!

  71. My husband went with me when I bought my first vibrator! I agree with a previous poster. I think he’s able to relax knowing that we can both get some at the same time. In fact, he’s the one who always brings the vibrator out!

  72. My husband went with me when I bought my first vibrator! I agree with a previous poster. I think he’s able to relax knowing that we can both get some at the same time. In fact, he’s the one who always brings the vibrator out!

  73. I recently just had a great heart to heart with my Aunt about owning our sexual confidence and we both revealed that getting vibrators seriously changed our life for the positive. Not only are they just seriously fun, but they allow you to be in charge of your sexuality! I was in the market for a new one, and the next day she surprised me with one! We laughed and joked that we knew what to get every woman in our family for christmas.

  74. I love my vibrator. And I love that you opened up this conversation! I got my first one at Good Vibrations as well – my boyfriend (now man-lover) and I bought it together. Every woman should own at least one! What is everyone’s favorite one? ~ Denise (Chez Us)

  75. AJ says...

    My true story:

    My darling baby girl is at the age (14 months) where she is learning she has many different body parts. We have done the discussion with the pediatrician that we explain to her it is natural and a private thing we do. A constant teaching experience, as any toddler mom will attest to.

    The other night when I was putting her to sleep, she kept pressing her vibrating teether toy between her legs. Eventually I just took it away because I wanted her to fall asleep! It definitely made me laugh at how much you don’t read about in parenting books..

    Love the girl talk and the honesty Joanna! Bravo!

    On a side note, in gorgeous Ottawa for a business trip. Should you want a sweet winter gateway with skating on canals, beautiful buildings and a family centered city, come here. So much fun!!

  76. I had a few in college and bought all my friends their first. But my therapist, who happens to be a specialist in sex addiction/disfunction, was against it. She said that it desensitizes your love-bits. I don’t miss it, but also my hands are magical- hahahaha.

  77. My husband and I really like the we vibe 3! It is a little pricey but great.

  78. I’m a sex-positive mom and wife and I think it’s great that this is a conversation we can have as women in 2012. :)

  79. I got my first one in twelfth grade. I was in a really horrible depression and being the overly academic, type A woman that I am I was doing excessive amounts of research on depression and one thing I found in an academic article was that orgasms are (OBVIOUSLY) linked to endorphins which are linked to an uptick in your mood. I wasn’t very skilled with my own hand and I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time so I borrowed my mother’s car and drove out to a sketchy part of town where there was a Sex Shop. I bought a 10 dollar vibrator and I’ve never looked back. I didn’t tell men I used one until masturbation came up. I’ve been using it a lot recently because my husband has been traveling a lot. He isn’t intimidated by it and is perfectly fine with me having it but we don’t use it together. I think masturbation is an awesome topic to discuss on a blog. I’m always shocked by how many puritanical women read this site.

  80. this is exactly why i love your blog so much. it’s real and you write about things that everyone’s thinking but doesn’t have the guts to put online!!! love it!

  81. I had a rabbit once and I liked it a lot. :)

  82. JJ says...

    Indeed I do :) Loved this post!

  83. Vibrators have NOTHING to do with your marital status or the quality of your sex life. Only insecure men are threatened by them. It was a dear girl friend that gifted me my first, after having been married for three decades!!! I had no idea the importance of pleasuring myself….it had nothing to do with my partner. Unless I choose to invite him along for the ride. My one and only is the jimmy jane form 2. pricey but worth it.

  84. Love that you posted this, and the hooray for Obama post! Way to be honest and open. I have had to stop following several bloggers whose views don’t coincide with my own and make it known how ultra-conservative they are. You are one of the few blogs left I really look forward to reading, and feel like we could actually be friends in real life. :)

    And yes, vibrators are awesome. I highly recommend one from Lelo, a little pricey, but looks as slick as a mac book air, not intimidating at all.

    • It’s too bad that you’re only okay with people being honest and open if they’re views “coincide” with your own.

      I think honesty and openness is always the best policy, no matter what your views are! :)

      Thanks for posting this, Jo!

  85. Yes, although I’m tiring of my little bullet and am thinking of getting something with more (metaphorical) bells and whistles. My boyfriend loves it when I bring it out during sex though, I think he feels like he can relax more and doesn’t have to worry that I might not be enjoying myself. Win win situation!

    On a side note: I’m amused by the commenters who’re surprised that you’re posting on this subject. I’ve always felt your blog is a written down form of the conversations I have with my girlfriends and we talk about sex quite a bit. Especially slightly non-mainstream things like toys and anal and roleplay and stuff. I think today’s ’empowered’ young women (we’re all in our early twenties) like exploring and playing and doing things our mothers generation were afraid of/felt weren’t proper but I also like knowing I’m not the only one doing it!

  86. True story: I accidentally found out what a vibrator could do when I was just 6. My mom had just gotten a back massager and I was playing around with it, giving everyone massages, and held it between my legs (like a witch flying a broom – I was 6, i had noooo idea). Anyway, it’s been a love affair ever since. My mom knew what I had just discovered, shamed me and disallowed me from using it, but I would sneak it. I didn’t know that good feeling and an orgasm were the same thing for many, many years. Hahaha. Anyway, there’s a parenting tip for ya! :P I do wonder if it’s desensitized me…

    PS: I don’t know why, but these women who say they don’t “need one” because of their man….I just think that’s so funny for some reason.

  87. Would never live without one. Got one right when I left for college and have worn out my fair share ever since. Sometimes it adds spice to my hubby and i’s couple play and other times it’s nice to just knock it out! Love the post.

    Memoirs & Mochas

  88. Love this post–I wish more women were open about this! I have a couple and at first was reluctant to let my husband know that I had them, but after awhile, he became very open to having that “third party” around. Honestly, I use it almost every day and consider it part of my mental health therapy–better than meditation and certainly more pleasurable and takes almost no time! Girlfriends–GO GET THEE ONE!!

  89. I got a bit desensitized, so now I get my husband to do the heavy lifting. It’s so much more fun!

  90. I have a few! Love them! My boyfriend bought me my first one. So sweet :)

  91. I love mine! I got it from Good Vibrations too! I use it all the time – alone or with my fiance. I have dated guys that were weirded out by it or against it completely, but my fiance loves it when I use it during sex. It feels great for them too! So glad you posted about this!

  92. Two enthusiastic thumbs up!

  93. No ma’am!

    Scared of them when I was younger- and don’t need one now! :)

    Eat Cake

  94. I love that you posted this :) I’m single and have been thinking about buying a vibrator for a while, and now I’m convinced it do it :) Now just to decide which one…

  95. What a wonderful post! I wish more women were comfortable talking about this out loud! I hosted a “sex tox party” last spring for some of my friends from school. Much like a Mary Kay or Tupperware rep, a woman came to my house who presented all of her sex toy wares. She brought toys, creams, props, and books for us to look at and pass around, making it a truly hands-on experience! I’m not sure that all my friends were comfortable with the idea going in, but by the end, we were all laughing and excited to try our new loot!

    My husband bought me my first vibrator, so we’ve always been on the safe page about trying new things together. I think it’s an important conversation to have with your partner, regardless of whether the outcome is in favor of using them together or not!

  96. Wow! What a post! Love it! Don’t know anything about vibrators (yet?), but I think it’s great you are discussing such a topic on your blog.

  97. Hah! I am three months pregnant and having some lame complications and I have been instructed by my doctor to not have an orgasm (it causes the uterus to contract which in my specific case is a bad thing). Urgh! Its so mean to know that I am not allowed! But your post made me smile. thanks!

  98. I’m really not into that stuff. Plus, I’m married to a man who makes these kinds of things really obsolete.

    • I have to agree with you. But it looks like we’re in the minority here.

  99. I have several and can’t imagine life without them!

  100. I’ve definitely taken a slew of girlfriends to get their first ones after a friend gave me my first vibrator! They are AMAZING. If you are feeling pent up and just need a quick release…it’s an easy and amazing way to start the morning!

    But for realz honesty time: I peed my pants the first time I used mine because I had no idea that an orgasm felt similar and I hadn’t ever had one before. Hehe thank goodness I was by myself!

    #noshame

  101. did you really post this? has you been hacked?

  102. So glad you wrote about this! I wish more ladies would get them and talk about them and use them and they’re awesome and we should make them mainstream! We talk about condoms, let’s make this a thing!

    I love mine. It was $15. I use it by myself, with my boyfriend. I love it! I hope you’ve checked out Babeland. Love that store so much! So much fun stuff to explore!

  103. i bought my first one when i got divorced, and felt it was worth spending a little money as i wanted to be alone for a little bit before jumping into the dating world. i bought a LELO nea, and i still have it. it is pretty, rechargeable, discreet… and fun.

  104. my bff bought me a small one in college and i had it hiding in between my mattress. when i moved across country i gave away my bed and the guy i was casually seeing at the time picked it up for me. i completely forgot about the vibrator. he & his friend lifted the top mattress and the room went silent. i was in the closet packing and had no idea what was going on. they were outside already when i went back into the room and saw my little gem. embarrassed! :)

  105. It seems I am missing something in my life. I will have to remedy that.

  106. This is the best post title I’ve seen in a long time. For real.

  107. So I have tried a few vibrators, but none of them were all that powerful, and it was hard to… you know, get somewhere with them. So we bought a back massager (also an idea from Sex and the City) and that works great! The best thing about using a vibrator is that if you are having sex and you husband finishes before you do, you can whip out the trusty vibrator together and get the job done.

  108. So did you plan this post to follow the one about blushing?
    Such a perfect segue!
    Who needs blush?
    xo,
    p

  109. My husband bought me mine for Valentines Day one year. Best gift ever!

  110. I was recently introduced to several styles of vibrators about a year ago with a new boyfriend who was really keen on playing with me with them. They were actually a lot of fun! Now he’s gone, and so are they – for some reason I’m not shy to play with them, but too shy to go and buy one for myself! Guess I could always order one online ;)

    • Oddly enough Amazon.com has a great selection! No one suspects the Amazon.com box!

  111. I was actually thinking about this topic completely randomly this morning. How ironic? I also love that your first post today was on pink cheeks (blush) and this followed. Great post!
    Hellobougeotte.blogspot.com

  112. I had one, and then my husband and I ended up breaking it. Would like to get another… they are definitely fun and are a bit of a saucy way to mix it up once in a while.

  113. I hope Jean and Lucy are not reading today!

  114. Haha! I saw this in my facebook feed and was like…whoa, really? Awesome, Joanna! Question though – is it true they desensitize you to regular sex?

    • I think it’s different for everyone but I kind of found that happening to me so I just gradually stopped using it haha. It was good while it lasted!

    • Myth!

      From Go Ask Alice (I cannot comment on the reliability of this source, but her summary echoes ideas I’ve heard from reputable women):
      “Good news for all the women who masturbate out there (and the people who love pleasing them) — the idea that frequent and regular masturbation causes desensitization or numbness of the clitoris, preventing women from orgasming during intercourse, is false. In fact, masturbation, with or without the aid of a sex toy, helps women increase their clitoral sensations, improving the quality of their orgasms. Many women masturbate regularly as a healthy part of their lives. Through masturbating, women (and men) can explore their bodies, discovering what feels good to them. Learning what feels good is an important step toward feeling pleasure more regularly. Gaining the information is a step toward teaching a partner how to please you.

      Since some incorrectly believe that masturbating or using vibrators desensitizes the clitoris, many women and couples also fear adding vibrators to their sexual repertoire. While some women may experience mild discomfort after long or vigorous use of a vibrator, the effect is only temporary. This can even occur after longer, vibrator-free masturbation sessions or extended periods of oral or vaginal intercourse. Using vibrators also causes no long-term risk of clitoral desensitization. So a woman’s body will respond with pleasure once again to her fingers, vibrator, partner’s touch, etc.”

      Also, Rookiemag did a great article about masturbation that is pleasantly straightforward and unapologetic, if anyone is interested!
      http://rookiemag.com/2011/10/do-it-yourself/

  115. Great post!!!! I have two and use them all the time (this morning as a matter of fact). If you don’t have one get one (or two!!!!)- for all the reasons Joanna states but also because you get to know your body in a more intimate way. What you learn will help you with your partner!!!

  116. Yes Joanna!

    Just as I think I couldn’t love you more…

    I only bought one (a mini-sized rabbit) after the end of my first long term love. Best. Decision. E v e r .

    I honestly can’t believe I never had one before.

    Since moving home from university though I live in fear of my parents finding it. Worth the risk though. So worth it.

  117. This is not the first time I praise your writing, vision and instinc…but, it never gets old. This post is truly great! I ‘ve never used a vibrator. You certainly got me intrigued. As for using it with my partner…hmmm…not sure how he would like it. XOXO

    • It’s not for him, silly, it’s for YOU!

    • I feel I should have elaborated. I have used one with a partner and he did find it a little strange at first (he said it made him a little numb when it pressed too much on him), but he LOVED how excited it got me – that really made it work for him – so don’t dismiss it too quickly – he might be all for it after seeing how happy it makes you :)

  118. My husband bought me mine for Christmas several years ago. Still love it!

    • My husband- then boyfriend- bought one for me too. What great men we’ve found!

  119. Haha, I’m Swedish, so this doesn’t scare me off! :D I think it’s great that you brought this up, and I think women should stop being ashamed of their sexuality. We all have needs, and we all need pleasure in our lives!

    Of course I have a vibrator. It’s amazing. The only downside is that mine is charged via usb, and who wants to have a vibrator sticking out the side of the laptop?? :D

    • i love this! surely there must be a better way?! X

    • Hilarious imagery! :)

    • I can’t stop laughing:)

    • use an apple iphone (ipod, ipad) wall charger- they have a usb end and then you plug it into the wall.

    • The have USB wall adapters, much like the iPhone wall piece? That might be a better option :)

  120. And I thought bloggers were too careful about what they talk about…this after reading From the Right Bank and how some of her readers prefer her not to stray from her usual decorating posts (she posted a yay Obama post yesterday)

    Yay for more straight talk on blogs, and vibrators and politcs.

  121. i have both! a rabbit and a bullet. Love them both. i am a married woman and i have needs! no shame here at all!

    • SAME! And Joanna, wow, first politics and now vibrators, I am VERY impressed with you this week! Bravo. xo

    • seconded, love this week’s posts so far- great to see you not worried about alienating those few who may not agree with your views!

    • I’m married too and have one! The only rule that we have (which I created) is to only use it when we’re together. :)

  122. Yes! & I think everyone should at least give them a go. I bought mine in college when my boyfriend studied abroad & a bullet is always great to use together.

    I actually recently got rid of both of them but they were fun for a bit. I kind of stopped using them and never looked back. It’s good to spice things up though :)

  123. Joanna? Have you been hacked? If not, you’re a much braver woman than me for branching out and posting about this topic. Toodles.

    • This should be no surprise though. Joanna was Glamour’s Smitten (sex and relationships) writer for years while writing this blog.

      Thanks Joanna!

    • This should be no surprise though. Joanna was Glamour’s Smitten (sex and relationships) writer for years while writing this blog.

      Thanks Joanna!

  124. I love that you comment on this so frankly. It’s always been annoying to me that it’s accepted that all men masturbate, but when girls talk about it–even with each other–it’s taboo! I’ve been wanting to get a vibrator, but I live in an ultra-conservative town with my ultra-conservative grandparents, so I think I’ll wait until I move out. . . .

    • Then get a “neck massager”! :P I saw a saying recently that said, “The world would be a better place if men admitting to crying and women admitted to masturbating.”

    • sumslay… i truly agree!

  125. So agree. I openly support vibrators and all my single girlfriends are embarrassed to even admit if they have one! It’s not a shameful thing ladies. They’re amazing.

  126. thumbs up!

  127. Not a personal comment, but I clicked on the Iconic Bullet link and was surprised to see they suggest keeping one in your glove compartment. I guess it would make being stuck in traffic more fun.

    • i once heard from a trucker that more women “have fun with themselves” in traffic than men do! i found this interesting… but it also would make me think twice before doing anything in my car… you never know when a high-sitting trucker is going to pass along by.

    • Hahahahaha!!!!

    • my husband works at a hospital and they once had a patient who had a major car wreck when she was otherwise distracted….. she was the talk of the unit for quite a while.

  128. I love that you posted about this! I agree with all of the things you said above … and I should probably close out of this page now since I’m at work *blush* haha!