Did You Have Sex on Your Wedding Night?

Couples are expected to have wild sex on their wedding night, but I’ve always been curious about how many people these days actually do. After such a big day, you’re just too exhausted! And that’s what the honeymoon is for, right? (In our case, Alex and I ate a giant burger on the hotel bed while I took bobby pins out of my hair for like an hour.) But maybe I’m TOTALLY wrong and everyone’s out there having sexy sexytimes? To test it out, I asked nine friends to share their funny wedding-night stories…

“We got into our New York hotel around 3am, and I sent Michael down to the deli across the street to get me a cream cheese and smoked salmon bagel because I was STARVING. He found about twenty of our friends in the hotel lobby and brought them all up to our room for a party. As he opened the door I called out ‘You better be alone!’ (because I KNOW THAT MAN) and he called back ‘Of course!’ I later heard there was a lot of frantic ‘abort mission! abort mission!’ hand gestures and miming as everyone ran for the elevators…” —Stacey

“I was sober and looking forward to drinking Champagne, chatting and maybe having sex. Then I turned ’round and in the last five minutes of the party my husband was so smashed he couldn’t walk! So when I suggested Champagne, he suggested coffee, walked into the bedpost and passed out snoring, and I took out bobby pins in a fury!” —Anne

“We didn’t plan on having sex (we’d heard horror stories of wedding night sex gone wrong). We even talked about how tired we were going to be, etc etc etc, and that we weren’t putting any pressure on the night (since we’d been living with each other and having sex for years). But, as it turned out, we ended up having epic, hot, mad-for-each-other sex. Maybe because it was the first time we’d been together in days, maybe because we hadn’t put any pressure on each other, who knows! I remember Ryan taking off my dress which had all these little buttons in the back and both of us going crazy having to wait. I remember feeling and thinking that sex as married people was going to be awesome. And, you know, it really has been. Afterwards, I took all the pins and flowers out of my hair (I couldn’t sleep with them LOL), and I sat down while Ryan slept and made a whole list of my memories from that day, a list I still have in a box someplace.” —Amy

“A savvy friend tipped me off, and we actually stayed in a hotel the night before our wedding so we could, um, pre-party. It’s a calculated move, which some might see as unromantic, but it was nice to have a stolen interlude to ourselves. And also nice for both of us to be freed up just to collapse happily into bed together after the biggest party of our lives.” —Olivia

“We were determined to do the deed on our wedding night. But as social butterflies we also didn’t want to miss the after party with all our friends. By the time we were finally in bed it was 5am. I managed to slip into a negligee, but I honestly can barely remember the actual moment. We were in a complete daze! That morning we left for Italy and I’ve never been so tired. We forgot to check our flight time and we ended up barely making it to the airport. My husband told the flight crew we were newlyweds and they had the whole plane give us a round of applause…little did they know, we really deserved it!” —Beth

“The first piece is that I did not want to take off my wedding dress. As in, DID NOT. But I bribed myself with some badass black lingerie. However, watching me work through my emotional dress-removal process required my new husband’s last piece of semi-conscious energy and so by the time I’d taken the leap, he was gone. As in passed out. On top of the covers. In his tux. At this point I thought, meh, and happily dove head-first into the mini-bar snacks.” —Melissa

“Our wedding after party involved In-N-Out burgers and booze until 4am, so sex was the last thing on my mind. But I was determined to do it, just so we could say we had! We cleared the rose petals off the bed and ate wedding cake on top of the covers…and then, with eyes practically closed and much less verve than a normal Sunday make-out session, we actually made it happen! Although the sex was mediocre, I’m still really happy that I can say we consummated the marriage on the actual wedding night. I’ve bragged about it many times, and I always give brides the advice that “you gotta do it, no matter how little you feel like it in the moment.” (My other piece of bridal advice is to reapply lipstick much more often than you think during the reception.)” —Louisa

“When we got up to our hotel suite, our only problem was that we couldn’t get my dress off. It had 50 tiny buttons down the back and my husband couldn’t unloop them all with his tired hands. Thankfully one of the gifts we’d opened was a set of knives, and we used them to literally cut my dress off.” —Ginny

“We got married at my husband’s family’s house, but the night before the wedding, I stayed at a nearby hotel so I could get ready there and show up all bride-y and stunning—I figured my soon-to-be husband didn’t need to see me blow-drying my hair and curling my eyelashes. We had a great wedding and people had a wonderful time and the party went on well into the night. And it wasn’t until I stumbled into our bedroom exhausted that I realized I had forgotten to pack an overnight bag, so I had nothing to sleep in, all my nice beauty products were back at the hotel and I had to wash my wedding makeup off with Dial hand soap. There was a brunch for guests the next morning, so I made my new husband go to the hotel and get my clothes early the next day—otherwise I’d have been wearing my wedding dress again. It was hilarious—the whole wedding day had gone off without a hitch, but I spent my first night as a wife sleeping in his old high school T-shirt with Vaseline Intensive Care on my face.” —Lauren

What about you? Please share your stories below, I would LOVE to hear… :)

P.S. 15 wedding dos and don’ts.

  1. Sara says...

    Our wedding night was horrible! We were tired but we had sex anyway, for me it was terrible and weird, for him he thought it was disgusting! Plus neither him or I could occupy the same bed together. He just sat in a chair and I did finally fell asleep. In the morning he wasn’t in the room, I got a phone call from the front desk that the pool cleaning people found some one asleep in a recliner out by the pool. They wanted to know if it was my husband and if everything was ok. I lied and said yes were Ok! And that’s how our marriage has gone for the last 53 years. To this day our marriage is the same, were dwellers of the same piece of property. the only thing we’ve done together is buy a home. The first thing he did was build a large out building for his shop and a place to rebuild his cars and a place to eat and sleep. He was also a workaholic, worked day, night, weekends, holidays and has never taken any vacation. I think he trained himself to sleep maybe three hours a night maybe less. Has to be constantly on the move! I was never really a part of his life and I whether through, he did take care of me though , I had anything I wanted a beautiful house, nice car, and lots of free medical benefits and lots of friends. I come and go when I want, go on month long vacations with friends from my church THe down side of all this I have no real husband and no kids. Sad but true!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Sydney Fitzsimmons says...

    I absolutely love our marriage consummating story haha. We had been living together for years and rented a large house with our bridal party on Maui for the wedding week so put no real pressure on ourselves, but had a possible plan depending on how we felt! We exited through the sparkler lineup to the car and had a friend quickly drive us to the house (about 5 min) before everyone showed up for the afterparty. One of my favorite memories of our wedding day is holding my wedding dress up as I ran through the rental house to the master bedroom with my new husband playfully chasing after me! I leaped onto the bed before he jumped on top of me and we quickly did the deed before our guests arrived. We giggled through the whole thing and had this delicious secret each time our eyes connected during the afterparty!

  3. karen says...

    My husband and i dated almost 3 years before we got married. After over two years and an abortion I had a real change of heart about the way we were living (together) and decided no more sex unless and until we actually got married.
    Our relationship survived, and we totally enjoyed being reunited as man and wife. Sincerely, our sex on the wedding night was the best of my life. I had a three- hour orgasm that lasted through a giggle-filled trip to the grocery store. The champagne was excellent, too!

  4. I love this post!
    We’re not married yet (hurry up, 2018!) but I don’t plan on having sex on the wedding night. That’s not to say we won’t, but since we’ve been together for 6.5 years already, if we don’t then it’s not a big deal.
    I suspect that since we’re getting married in the Caribbean with some good friends as guests, the party will go on quite late and we’ll end up doing the burger and bed thing mentioned above!

  5. I love this post! My husband and I were married in April in my hometown of Savannah, GA. After the reception, a lovely vintage car took us to a garden apartment downtown where we would spend the night. The minute we entered the apartment, I came down with the nastiest cold I’ve ever had in my life. Our hosts had spread rose petals on the bed and had baked us muffins for when we woke up. Despite all the sweet gestures, I just couldn’t do the deed! My husband had to help me out of my wedding gown while I wiped snot off my face and cried about being the least sexy bride in the world. After that, and all during our mini-moon, my husband teased me and called me “snotty bride.” At least someone had a sense of humor about it!

  6. TH says...

    We did, but really it wasn’t great! We hadn’t had a ton to drink, but were tired and just not feeling 100%. It felt more like an obligation unfortunately. In the middle of the night my husband woke up with food poisoning! I think the early signs had started to set in as soon as we good back to our room. The next morning we went down to breakfast with family (stayed at an old mansion that’s an inn with a nice restaurant), then came back up to the room for a nice relaxing bath and were able to enjoy ourselves a little more! (He was feeling a little better by then, though as soon as we got home that afternoon he went and took a long nap, something he never does, to sleep of the rest of the food poisoning. Luckily we’d decided in advance to leave for our honeymoon two days after the wedding just so we wouldn’t have to wake up super early on day 1 (we were going for almost 2 weeks, so missing one day didn’t feel like a big deal). Definitely something I recommend doing (both 10+ days, and leaving on day 2) for anyone who can!

  7. Norma says...

    lol @ Stephanie Loudmouth. I didn’t have sex with my husband before we got married but I wasn’t virgin. I’d had sex quite a number of times in one previous relationship but with him (to his dismay), I wanted to keep that out. He brought in a bunch of friends to our hotel suite after the wedding party (to my dismay), but they were off after about an hour. We had the most unromantic sex ever after. Took a flight back home a day after and for the next one week, we couldn’t get out hands off each other!

  8. We didn’t plan to…we thought we’d both be exhausted and weren’t expecting anything to happen. When we got back to our room (which had a hot tub) we both on too much of a high to sleep, so we got into the hot tub for a couple of hours….in short…yes we did, and it was amazing – cliche yes, but amazing!

  9. Wendy says...

    when the party was over, we went into our room (in the same hotel when we had the party) and and I took a shower, and naturally he went in shower with me, and yes we had sex in our weeding night…

  10. Kel says...

    I was so adimate that we have sex on our wedding night after so many horror stories of friends throwing up and passing out on theirs. We had an open bar but stuck to Shirley Temples and sips of champagne during toasts. My father rented this Irish Pub for us to have an after party at since the wedding was over by 10. My dress weighed like 30 ilbs and when I sat on a bench waiting for our ride I shut down. I wasn’t going anywhere but the hotel. The MOH and Best Man (they’re married, we met when we were in their wedding) drove us to our hotel and hung out in the room awhile. The boys hung out on the balcony while my friend unlaced the dress and helped me remove the corset. They didn’t stay long and when they left we started giggling and kissing. The hotel suite had a wall of glass overlooking the ocean and we were 20 stories up. It was amazing. It felt like the first time and we had been together 5 yrs. We were shaking it was so exciting. I believe it was the best sex we ever had and the first tike I felt like I was making love.

    • Our wedding night felt like the first time again too…and we’d been sleeping together for 12 years before we got married!

  11. Jennifer says...

    We also had waited until we were married, so I was ready to go. But since we had a 6:00 a.m. flight the morning after, we were spending our wedding night at the airport Marriott. Not the most romantic venue. Despite the fact that we were upgraded to a two-story suite, my new hubby still wanted to wait until we got to our private bungalow in St. Lucia. Understandable. But we did do a few other fun things after I walked out of the bathroom in a body necklace and not much else. Then we took a shower together and he helped me remove 75 bobby pins from my hair. Once we did make it to St. Lucia and he finally carried me over the threshold of that bungalow, it was pretty fabulous.

  12. Jen says...

    Honestly we were just so excited about finally being married we wanted to celebrate!! Some of our friends had stayed in the hotel we also stayed at so after the wedding we invited them all back to the room for left overs from the reception, wine & Drinks, then we all went downstairs to the bar and played pool until the bar closed at 2am lol. Of course everyone took an hour/hour 1/2 to come to our room after the wedding. That whole time my husband and I just sat watching Tv on the couch and relaxed after dancing all evening at the wedding while we waited for them to show. xD

  13. SummerStorms says...

    I totally love the idea of um, ‘pre-partying’. Getting to share your connection in a lazy and less pressured mode kind of to prep you for all the madness that is the lead up to “I Do”.

    My man and I did have sex on our wedding night. We hadn’t discussed it but assumed we would. We were super exhausted when we got there though, and it was way after midnight. So we actually made a cup of tea (hah!) and ran a spa and just sat and chilled out for a good while and ended up cuddling in the spa. That turned into lazy touches and eventually lazy sex on towels on the nice four poster bed, lol.

    I think the relaxed feeling helped. I also think we were lucky that we weren’t SO exhausted that it just couldn’t happen, but it’s good to make sex a priority.

    • TH says...

      I agree about the relaxed, I’m sure the bath helped. We did it the night of the wedding but were really just wanting to go to bed, but the next morning took a nice bath and enjoyed ourselves much more

  14. I’m with your friend Louisa. We were dog tired, but he still carried me over the threshold, and we did consummate the marriage regardless of our tiredness. And I am so happy we did. Also, I WISH I had reapplied my lipstick even once during the reception….we got married three weeks ago so I haven’t seen the photos yet, but I’m sure they show that I could have used a touch-up….

  15. So, I know this is an older post, but I found it via the Newlywed Game and thought I’d share. My husband and I didn’t have sex before we were married, so we definitely knew we were going to do it! We had a really low key reception, and there was no late night post parties, so we got back to the hotel at a pretty decent time giving us lots of time to do stuff. We were so anxious to do it, that any foreplay went right out the window, and we forgot to pack lube, so it was a little dry down there. We did succeed in doing the deed with some help from gravity-friendly positions, but it was the least sexy sex we’ve ever had I think. It was only after all of that, that we realized we were starving but nothing was open, so I think we had to settle for food from the vending machine. Ah, weddings.:)

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  17. We actually did! All of our married friends said we would be exhausted but they were wrong. After our wedding we went out to a bar with a group of my college friends and stayed out until 3am. We grabbed some late night pizza on the walk back to the hotel. I thought we were going to bed but my hubby had other plans. I’m so glad he wasn’t tired ;). It was very romantic and sexy :).

  18. So many virgins! I officially feel like a slut. But at any rate, I do hope my baby daddy and I have sex on our wedding night. If not, I’m sure we’ll still have fun!

  19. After our wedding we were both starving, so we decided to stop for burritos….only to discover that we could not find my husbands wallet or my purse. We spent the next hour frantically calling everyone who was at the wedding venue cleaning up, hoping that they would find our wallets. We had awesome sex in the hotel while we waited for someone to call us back. They eventually found his wallet in the venues kitchen and my purse ended up being packed in my suitcase by a well meaning bridesmaid. Memorable, but not exactly what we had imagined!

  20. We waited til our wedding night! After 4 years of dating, we were beyond ready to try the whole sex thing out. I put on a sexy bra under my strapless dress, he took my dress off, and I sat on his lap in my undies while we read love letters to each other. We hopped in the shower, then tried to do the deed. It’s a lot harder than it seems like it would be! We didn’t worry about it though, because we were just enjoying being together. We sat in a big bathtub together and talked about being naked, haha. We finally “did it” the morning we woke up on our honeymoon. We celebrated with mimosas!

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  25. hell yeah we did! we waited before we were married (yikes!) to have sex. so this was going ON! in fact, when i went to change for the reception, my husband performed…oral sex (TMI!!??) on ME before we went. so yeah, needless to say, there was sex that night. lol

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  28. Leading up to the wedding, I couldn’t imagine not having sex that night, but my husband and I both woke up with the stomach flu on the morning of our day. We were in the ER an hour before pictures! We made it through the wedding even though I puked all night in my gown. We had so many friends staying at our hotel for the after party, but I saw none of it. I went straight to bed, curled up in a ball, getting up only a few times to hurl. HA! It was terrible. Sex was definitely NOT happening. True story!

  29. While these are some great stories and interesting to hear, I think “you gotta do it, no matter how little you feel like it in the moment” is the WORST SEX ADVICE EVER, wedding night or not.
    If you don’t want sex, don’t do it.
    Aside from the slippery slope of “forcing yourself” to have sex and its eerie, vaguely rape-y implications, I honestly can’t imagine anything worse than a great day spoiled by bad, half-hearted sex at the end of it – I’d much rather stick with “we were too blissfully tired, but did it like rabbits the next morning”, thank you very much.