The Easiest Relationship Tip

When I was first dating my husband, we were both broke. He knew I loved things that are blue and white. I have many dishes that are B & W. I know old fashioned, but well, I am. One day he came home from work with a card, and a small package 8-10 blue and white printed paper napkins. It was such a small gift. But I loved it. And it was calorie free. He’s gone now. But one thing I loved was that he always shared any goodie that he got half and half. He’d divide it right down the middle and say here, sweetie. We ended up building a budget, and getting married, traveling, etc. It was so nice to have these little surprises. Once, a glass frog, once a little tiny glass iridecent heart, once a polished rock for me to carry in my pocket matched his wedding ring and also a rock in his pocket) Halloween candy he got at work, cake from a potluck, a gizmo for this or that that I didn’t know I needed. He’d bring me a snack while we were binge-watching Netflix. A little of this and a little of that. Like pretzels and salted peanuts on top of popcorn. He also insisted on making the bed WITH me every day we rose at the same time. He said it was so much easier. I agree. He always said things with tact, and expressed true gratitude. He always said the relationship was more important than making any point; to communicate with the end you wanted (a better relationship) in mind, that being more important than the message. One of the loveliest things he did was to be kind to those who were important to me. That is love.

My boyfriend and I usually go shopping together, but when he gets the groceries by himself it is THE BEST because (1) I don’t have to do it (2) he has very little food guilt and will buy all of the snacks I usually deem too expensive or too unhealthy. Not for every week, but every once in a while, it is so so nice :)

Aw I love this! My husband and I do this for each other a lot too. He’s always thrilled to receive a jar of something pickled.

This year, we’re having our first baby around Christmas time, He’s obsessed with Christmas, so he’s pretty bummed that we won’t be able to go to our usual family Christmases out of town. I agreed to let him decorate early this year (usually I have a strict “not until after Thanksgiving” rule), and yesterday I surprised him with a light up ceramic Christmas tree like the old ones my grandmas has, and he was THRILLED. I’m still making him wait until after Halloween to plug it in though :)

Thank you so much for this reminder. It prompted me to buy my wife a gift that I’d been planning to give her for Christmas– a new cookbook by her favorite cookbook author. Not only did she have a neat surprise this morning, now I don’t have to worry about her finding out that the book exists before I give it to her!

I just ordered my husband a five-pound bag of his favorite sweet (Albanese gummy bears). They’re hard to find in stores for some reason. I couldn’t help but tell him “I got you a treeeeeat,” which may have killed the surprise but now he’s eagerly anticipating the shipment. How fun! Thanks for the tip :-)

A few years ago my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I were travelling indefinitely and doing a lot of very long bus trips, say from Argentina to Brazil. At some point he would always manage to sneak a chocolate bar or some other kind of treat into his bag with our other snacks. He’d then pull it out a few hours into the trip and surprise me, 5 hours into a fairly mundane journey. It was the best!

Bodega Santa! My husband – ran (literally) to target down the street to grab whip cream on my birthday when we discovered the key lime pie we bought didn’t have any on it. Me – hopped in the car to grab cream cheese for bagels & lox on Yom Kippur for him to break fast (I don’t fast) when we discovered ours was moldy.

These examples immediately came to mind. I will channel them when I’m so annoyed that he is offering solutions to my problems when I just want him to *listen*.

My dad once gave me the marriage advice to try to “surprise and delight” each other. I remember him writing little songs, planning a candlelight dinner at home while a good friend played the cello nearby, and even buying up all the confetti poppers at the dollar store and making the kids hide up in the loft while he danced with my mom in the entryway below. At the designated time, we exploded all of them at the same time so they were showered with confetti!
I’ve tried to extend this into all my relationships, not just with my husband, but also with my kids and my friends. There’s something about an unexpected tiny gift or experience that says, “I’m thinking about you, even when there’s no reason,” that never fails to bring me closer to people I care about.

I only go to Costco a couple times a year because I go full Santa mode and buy all the goodies that I love, the ones my boyfriend loves, and some for my roommate. The quantities make it completely out of control and I end up eating snack lunch for weeks to try to make it through all the dips, cheeses, croissants, cookies…it is out of control.

Bodega Santa is my new favourite term! (Convenience Store Santa doesn’t have the same ring to it even though we don’t call them bodegas in Canada). I do this for my mom. She can’t get out because of COVID so I’ll pick her up a bag of Reese’s PB cups and she’s so appreciative. A little snack that goes a long way. Love this post and that it can be applied to anyone. :)

When my husband and I were first dating he traveled for business quite a bit and I would sometimes leave him post-its with little notes. He still to this day has one I left him that says “Jo loves you Robby” and pulls it out every once in awhile. Even though his love language is definitely physical touch / affection and all he ever wants is for me to rub his back or hold his hand, it warms my heart that he still keeps that silly little note.

My grandfather used to do this. He hated onions but Grandma lived them, so he would present her with one when he’d been running errands. She’d make what she wanted to eat, with the onion of course + serve him his favorite, bacon + eggs.

Haha, I didn’t realize until someone capitalized ‘Santa’ in the comments that I might be alone in pronouncing this “bodega santa” like it was all Spanish (i.e. a saint). Verily, bodega saints are the holiest saints!

The COJ reader comments just might be my favorite thing about the internet, ever.

This is such a sweet way of feeling seen by someone who loves you.

I highly encourage doing this for good friends who are single or who live alone. Friends need love too– especially if they don’t have a clear daily source of that love. If they live nearby, drop a favorite candy bar or a used book you think they’ love off at their house while you’re on your daily walk or way home from an errand. If they live farther away, send a short little note of affirmation in the mail. I’ve been doing this more for friends lately (but I could definitely do it even more), and it really helps to increase a sense of closeness and feeling of belonging. And as someone who is single and lives alone, I know from experience just how buoying it is to know a friend thought of you during their day.

My husband and I have both been working from home since our UK lockdown in March. I often worked from home before so have an office with a desktop screen I connect my laptop to with wireless keyboard and mouse too, but there’s no space for both of us in the office. So we now take turns plugging our laptop in and we each have our own keyboard / mouse that live in a drawer when we’re not using the desktop. My keyboard is always connected by Bluetooth and sometimes when I’m working on my laptop in the room next door my husband hits the space bar on my keyboard and writes a sweet note in the search bar on my laptop! It’s so silly and little, but so sweet to see it pop up when I’m working!

Tony’s chocolate!! What a lovely surprise to see! I’m so happy that our Dutch treat is ‘making it’ outside of our little country! Although, it was always handy to bring them as gifts when travelling, so now I have to think of something new… the purple wrapper (toffee & pretzel in dark chocolate) is the best! But I think the orange wrapper (salted caramel) is most popular here and I regularly bring one home from errands as a treat for my husband. Tony’s also have creative/strange flavor combos that might be fun for your boys.

I am saving this post for another rainy day when I need reminders of all the sweet small things people do for each other. The tiny things add up, they really do. Thanks for sharing all of these stories, all, this made me smile after a long and especially quarantine-bluesy day!

And- my husband hates peanut butter cups and Cadbury eggs but always grabs them for me and hides them in the cupboard. Best surprises.

i am not very good at receiving gifts since my nearest always feel i am not easily satisfied.
and im really bad at picking presents too.
but my niche is finding the perfect everyday surprises…ill suddenly come home with buratta and tomatoes so dinner will be canceled.or ill come home really late with marons glacé because we need to realise christmas IS coming!
my sis is also really good at this…ill often find a glass of water with ice on my bedside because she knows its one of my favourite things on this earth!

This entire comment thread is so heartwarming. @Janet – your advice is breathtaking and lovely.

Since the pandemic hit, I’ve been making my husband a bag of lunch and snacks so he can go to his studio safely and not have to get takeout. He likes the same sandwich every day, and one day I slipped in an extra ingredient, pesto. He texted me that day (he normally never texts during the workday) to say “honey the sandwich was extra delicious today”.

My husband and I live very frugally but we occasionally battle over slightly different values – I will happily drop silly dollars on “fancy healthy” groceries because I figure what’s the point of living frugally if you can’t spend the money you’ve saved on things that truly improve your quality of life? My husband does not share my love of pretentious health foods and will raise objections to the cost. The day before my birthday last year, he brought home a grocery bag filled with chia seeds, cacao nibs, coconut yoghurt, berries, kombucha etc etc – things he termed “Nina groceries.” It was really sweet.

Another one of my favourite birthday gifts he ever gave me was a reusable coffee cup that he’d filled with dark chocolate-covered dates. He hates dates but he knows I love them.

So…is anyone going to tell us whose arm that is in the photo or do we have to guess?

A few things popped into my head when I read this. The first is a story of when we were newly married, maybe not even a year into it. I was working as a freelance artist and designer, making handmade wedding invitations, etc. I was using a lot of glue, specialty papers, blades, and we were young and not making a lot of money. My husband came home one day with his hand behind his back and said he got me something special. I immediately chastised him for wasting money on flowers that would die within the week and that while I value his sentiment, we could hardly afford to spend money on something that wouldn’t last more than a few days. He brought his hand out and it was a bundle of glue sticks!! He knew I used it a lot to make the handmade cards and albums, and saw it was on sale, and thought of me. It was really one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten.

Second thing, whenever we have something to eat, say we’re each having an orange, or an apple. The food item will get split in half (or thirds, if our daughter wants any), and we will each get a section. This way, if one tastes awesome but the other isn’t so great, we all get a little of each.