Would You Do a Wedding First Look?

Congratulations and thanks for sharing your story and first look- just lovely!

We did a first look, mostly so we could get right to socializing with family and friends after the ceremony (vs. pose for photos… though we did sneak away for a few minutes and a quick drink by ourselves before joining cocktail hour, at the suggestion of our coordinator…which I highly recommend!). It was a sweet moment, but got silly VERY fast when the photographer suggested my soon-to-be husband… hold my veil in the wind while I run around him in circles?!?! At one point, it landed on me like a giant fishing net. It was weird, but we laughed a lot and the photos are some of our favorites.

What a beautiful couple!

I did a first look with my husband, AND I did a first look with my dad. My mom got to help me with the dress that morning, so giving my dad a first look was a sweet way to give each of my parents some special attention before the ceremony. My sister is a wedding photographer, and she told me that some of her best photos are of a dad’s reaction seeing his daughter as a bride. Sure enough, she was right. The photos of my dad and I are some of my favorites, and it was such a beautiful moment.

We are actively planning our engagement right now, so this is timely. (Pandemic shoutout to anyone else who had spring engagement plans that went sideways!)

I have no idea what kind of wedding we’ll have, but I’d really love to do a big getting ready thing with our closest friends and family, like maybe two rooms for men and women, but in the same house/space and no “rules” against seeing each other, freely going back and forth between the rooms, etc.

Neither of us has a lot of family support, so we’ve built important friend groups in our lives. We’re also both prone to anxiety about the idea that we’re alone in the world because our family is so distant from us. I don’t see why I would do things on our wedding day that feed that anxiety, when I could feed the foundation of stability I’ve worked very hard to create.

I know other people have different stories, and so the first look means something totally different to them. But overall I see myself panicking if part of my brain feels like I’m “hiding” from my future spouse until a designated time, when I already know I need lots of calm reassurance that things are already great, just as they are.

Lots to say on this topic! I am a wedding planner/coordinator and got married 3 years ago.

I always have recommended a first look to couple for logistical reasons (easier from a coordination standpoint for a variety of reasons) and because it is sometimes the only part of the day they have alone together, plus they can join cocktail hour. BUT I have always said that if a couple wants to keep the tradition of not seeing each other, then it’s totally doable.

My husband and I are both Jewish and it is traditional to see each other before the ceremony for Bedeken and Ketubah signing, so that was an easy decision (we did a private Bedeken just the two of us after Ketubah but close enough).

Despite my years of wedding coordinating, there was one thing I didn’t expect to learn from my first look: For the most part, modern couples marry for love and consider our parter to be our best friend. We often live together and see each other daily. So to not see each other for the majority of the day on a HUGE day is just weird. My wedding day is a bit blurry and anxious leading up to first look, but then once we saw each other, I was able to relax and enjoy. Hopefully that helps couples make a decision one way or another :)

My husband comes from a very Scottish family and they have been known to sport their kilts here and there. From the moment we became engaged I asked and hoped and prayed he would wear his kilt (I truly think there is nothing more sexy) and he played it so cool– we kept our outfits secret. Finally, a week before the wedding he said “please stop asking, it’s not going to happen. I bought my suit, it’s all settled!” which I accepted as truth. When I went to walk down the aisle with my dad later that week–Ye Banks and Brase played on small pipes and harp, what is life?– I saw a dashing Scot at the other end of the aisle wearing his MacLellan tartan and the rest of the full-meal-deal (socks, purse thing, jacket, oh my!). I couldn’t believe my eyes and I yelled to my dad “HE’S WEARING A KILT” and started bawling. It was so funny and deliciously authentic and everyone laughed and cried and I’ll never forget it as long as I live. I even more loved that it happened in front of everyone. I think if I had done a first look I would have cried too hard!!!

My husband and I didn’t do a first look and it was the BEST decision ever (for us). To be at the back of the church, music playing, doors open and everyone stands to look at me – and yet all I could see was him. I was nervous about all of that attention on me prior to the moment but it was truly the most emotional I was the entire day. I wasn’t someone who “dreamt” about my wedding day from childhood on but it was truly out of a fairy tale. For me, I knew that a first look would have ended up being more about the photos than the actual moment and I loved the idea of seeing him for the first time that day, walking towards my fiance, but walking out at the end of it as husband and wife. There’s no wrong way to go of course – just wanted to toss it out there for the people who aren’t sure!

I’m awaiting a call from the doctors who are currently removing two blood clots from my father’s legs. Surely, Cup of Jo would offer the distraction I needed! Sure enough, I saw this beautiful couple, and was reminded of what justifies all the far less pleasant things in the world. My dad would surely agree. Maybe I’ll share the story once he’s resting at home. ?

What a beautiful, radiant couple. Wishing them every happiness.

What a gorgeous couple! Both those dresses are absolutely beautiful–and more importantly, you look so, so happy. :) Congratulations!!

We chose to do a first look! But I was SO jittery and nervous and on such a blissfully weird emotional high that day, that instead of the sweet blushing bride tap on the shoulder that most people probably give to their groom, I crept over to him like a freaky little dinosaur-creature and full-on yelled ROAAARR!!! as I pounced on him! I have no idea why I did that but he was definitely surprised.

We just got married a few weeks ago. My whole life, I’ve dreamed of that moment when my husband would see me coming down the aisle as his bride.
As things began to fall apart (or come together? It’s amazing how things work together for our good), I felt frenzied, trying to hold our wedding together. We tried to hang on to the simple things we cared about– what music we’d have, how our friends could still attend from afar– and forgot all about what color cake box we should buy.
When our photographer told us we’d have to do a first look to make the pictures work with our covid wedding plan, I just laughed. The casual change just added joy. I was so happy to spend all the day with him, laughing and enjoying what was to come!
I’ve grown to love shattered expectations. They make room for so much more.

Sooo sweet! ?

We didn’t, but I wanted too like many other brides. Instead my now-husband was high and brought his niece into the bathroom where I was getting ready to meet me. My dress, my face, my anticipation (mostly) were focused on a romantic notion of meeting him in an embrace before standing before our friends and family. Well, almost 30 years later it must still rankle or I wouldn’t have commented. But it’s just one of life’s experiences where we don’t get a do-over. Marrying him though? Never a do-over, this is solid.

My husband and I didn’t do a first look, but I love looking at other photos for people who do. All the love!

I know this wasn’t the focus of this moment, but big hugs to Aveena for her parents not being at her wedding. As someone whose parents weren’t in attendance because my marriage didn’t sit well with them, I found it to be simultaneously hard and so liberating. I’m so glad they had a beautiful day where they could freely express their love for each other and be themselves completely.

We did a first look for the practical reasons of taking wedding party and family portraits before the other guests arrived. So our first look wasn’t super private, although everyone kept their distance while I walked up to my husband and tapped him on the shoulder. I learned later that he was already mic’d up, so our videographers heard our silly baby talk, hah. Super not private.

But we ended up having our private moment together between guest portraits after the ceremony, and cocktail hour. After we took photos with our guests, they were all ushered over to the bar, and we just hung back at the ceremony spot. We didn’t plan it, but the event staff dropped off some hors d’oeuvres for us, and we just hung out for 10 minutes as newlyweds in bliss before joining our guests at the bar. It was a sweet quiet moment together in the middle of a busy and chaotic (in a good way) day.

I really wanted the romance of my husband seeing me in my dress for the first time while I walked down the aisle, so we didn’t do a first look. But we also only had 25 people so it still felt very intimate. For us, it was perfect.

My husband and I got married in Brooklyn and did our first look down at the piers in Brooklyn Bridge Park. I didn’t know what direction my husband was coming from so our photographer asked me to hide in the bushes while she went and got him. I wound up being in there for like 10 minutes! It’s still one of my favorite memories of the day, me in a long white dress, hiding in the bushes, and lots of New Yorkers just walking by and flying kites like it was totally normal.

I would definitely do a first look! All the primping and planning as a bride or groom is mostly for your beloved, so why not take that moment before the cameras, friends, tears, and toasts arrive to enjoy each other in your wedding wear.

This is such a beautiful post! <3

I would love to see more LGBTQ+ content on CoJ. As others have said, this is a wonderful, inclusive space and minority representation of any kind feels respectful here, not tokenistic.

I still remember and treasure the essay you published a year ago today by Haylie Swenson, about discovering her bisexual identity whilst being happily married to a man. In a society that tends to view things in black and white, bisexual visibility is so, so important and I will always be grateful to you for sharing Haylie's experience.