How Did You Introduce a New Baby to an Older Child?

When our 2.5-year-old walked in the door and saw her new brother, fresh from the hospital and tucked into a bouncy seat, she said softly, “Is it a toy?” That will forever remain one of my favorite memories of that time.

Oh my goodness. We have a beloved happy baby who will be a big brother at 19 months. I admit to anxiousness about my baby having to have another baby around – reading these comments have made me well with tears, well ok cry quite a bit – for the love and care the commenters have shown on the topic*, the wonderful ideas, and the words of love. I especially loved Emma’s advice on “we love the baby, that just what we do”. Thank you.
*Jo, this just goes to show the extraordinary community of people you and your team bring together and honest conversation you facilitate. You should be very pleased x

So many lovely stories on here! My eldest was just over two years old when my youngest was born at home. My husband’s aunt came and took her to the park once contractions kicked in. They fed the ducks, played on the swings and went to the cafe for a special treat. My youngest arrived in two hours, so by the time they’d finished at the park the new baby was swaddled and snug in her bed. We were so excited for them to meet, but our eldest fell asleep on the way home and did an epic three hour nap in the buggy! So we took the opportunity to build the present (a dollhouse) and have it ready and waiting in her bedroom. She woke to a calm house, a sleeping baby, and a dollhouse, which to be honest occupied more of her attention than the baby. I did her bathtime and read her bedtime story so that she got some 1:1 time with mummy. The 1:1 time has been something we’ve continued with our eldest and I do think it helped – especially around the six month mark when the novelty of a new sibling had well and truly worn off and we were getting sparks of jealousy. The other thing that I think helped was our daighter’s nursery – they had her spend time in the baby room ‘helping’ about a month before Margot arrived. It got her used to being around little ones. Final tip – I always had my eldest kiss my youngest on the toes. Meant I didn’t have to worry about her accidentally hurting her head (she’s a very boisterous and strong little thing) and she could show affection without picking up on my nervousness. And who can resist delicious little newborn toes?! Good luck – it will be fine.

We tried the gify which was a bit weird for my 3 to at the end – he ubderstood that baby wasn’t able to really buy this one for him?
We tried also other parents tip to give older brother a task so he could focus on it during this first awkward moments. So I met my son alone, than my husband brought the baby and I asked him to count if he has all fingers and toes which he did and was so happy to help and I believe he felt important :) such a precious moment ahead of you!

Our story is a little different as we welcomed our babies through open domestic infant adoptions. We had been on the waiting list for a second adoption for over three years and our five year old began to voice doubts that “his baby” was ever going to arrive. We received a call in Sunday that a mother had made an adoption plan and chose us as a family for her baby ❤️. We could pick her up in four days! Since the baby was staying at a gentle transition home (a designated foster home through our agency where she was receiving loving unbiased care while her First Parents shored up the most heart-wrenching decision) we pick our son up from kindergarten and headed down to meet his sister. We had a stuffed hedgehog in the back seat of the car waiting for him as a gift from the baby and we ate pink donuts on the hour drive. When we arrived I held our daughter on the couch and encourage our son to come say hello. He was so tender and loving as he marveled at how tiny her little hands were. It was one of the most precious moments of my life.

We had a nursing basket (or a bottle basket). Every time the baby ate, we would get the basket down. Inside we had new toys, coloring books, snacks, juice boxes & fruit snacks (which I never buy), and the occasional lollipop. My older child was SO EXCITED every time her baby brother wanted to eat (which is always in the first few months). She would be occupied with a new toy and a snack. When the baby is done eating, all the new toys go back in the basket until the next time baby wants to eat. My 3 year would go up to the sleeping baby and say “Wake up! Don’t you want to eat again?!”

Our son was 3 when we found out that we were expecting a baby girl :-). When I was about 16 weeks pregnant we told him about it and from then on we included her in every possible conversation so he had time to get used to the idea that someone new will be joining us. And when she finally came earthside it was as if she was always there! He wasn’t jealous or acting out at all. However, we did the whole “baby giving him preset and vice versa” thing and it was a hit as he still talks about it. We also warned friends and family to first greet him when they come over. :-)

Also, I want to share the best possible advice I was given – to have baby’s bedtime routine two hours before our son’s usual bedtime. So, his bedtime was at 9 pm and we decided to start putting baby down at 7 pm. At 6:30 we would bath the baby and then at 7 she was down for the night, which meant she was waking up for the next feeding at around 10 pm. Therefore, we had two hours to spend solely with our son while baby was sleeping and his bedtime routine stayed the same, which really helped him adjust well.

Sending love!

My eldest was 4.5 years old when my son was born. She “met” him the same time we did at the first ultrasound (after the technician gave the all clear). She came to every appointment and scan and the midwives were wonderful letting her use the heartbeat monitor and involving her.
We had a natural birth so she was with us for the whole labour and at the business end of the delivery! At one point when I was struggling to get on top of my breathing she instinctively got in close to my face and blew on it and my breathing calmed down and matched hers. She cut the cord with her Dad and examined the placenta. It was the most amazing experience to share with her. It seemed like a normal and natural thing to include her. I should say We also had my mum and sister on hand to entertain her, take her for breaks and in case she wanted to leave. Totally get that it’s not for everyone or every child. She is a pretty switched on, mature kid and with prep she knew what to expect. I thought we might need to do a whole bunch of debriefing after but she was totally unfazed by it all!

I wouldn’t put too much pressure on the moment—it’s the years of life together that really count. Neither of your kids will probably remember this one moment, so I’d just try to enjoy whatever happens. My oldest was 20 months when he met his brother, and really cared more about the buttons on my bed. ;) When their sister was born, the boys had a cold and couldn’t come to the hospital, so they met her at home—and I have no memory of it! We next went through the agony of introducing them to their stillborn brother, which was heartbreaking but crucial for all of us. And lastly, we adopted our youngest daughter as an infant out of state, and after a week with just the baby my husband flew home and got our four-Year-old daughter and brought her to wait on the paperwork with us. I have such a special memory of my older daughter coming in, me crouching down at the foot of the stairs and introducing her to her new baby sister—and my older daughter has no recollection of this! Our boys, who were 6 and 8, remember when we finally came to get them at my parents’ house and they couldn’t grasp what the infant car seat was: “What’s in the basket, Mommy?” :) So all the memories are different and special and make up the story of our family. Whatever your moment is like, it will become part of the unique story of your family. Best wishes to you! (And I think being fully prepped for baby to come is overrated. Babies don’t need much at first; people can bring stuff to the hospital if you forget it; you can order diapers from amazon after you get home! I say take the pressure off yourself!)

All of our babies (we have six children) have brought the next-youngest sibling a gift when they’re born. We also do a little party for the new big brother/sister, and emphasize that the baby can’t have cake but they can because they’re the big one! My kids all still talk about their parties; it is literally one of their earliest memories and I love it!! We also always refer to the baby as “your baby” rather than “the baby” and talk a lot about how lucky the baby is to have a big brother/sister who is so good at (fill in the blank).

I’m really curious if anyone asked their first child(ren) how they envisioned meeting their new sibling before the big day. I’m certain that many ideas need guidance towards a realistic scenario, but it also seems pretty special to give them some agency in choosing the situation.

However you decide to do it, my one piece of advice is to try to get the “meeting moment” on video. I have 2 such videos- my first meeting my second, and my first 2 meeting my third, and OH MAN those videos reduce me to tears every.single.time. Have someone else filming (husband, sister, etc.) so that you can focus on the kids and so you are IN the video! I’m just so glad I have those…

Our two year old wasn’t allowed into the hospital to visit because it was flu season so they met at Home. I think that was best as he would have had a hard time leaving without us. Have someone else video and just soak in that precious moment!

My daughter was born at home this past spring and my two older boys ( almost 4 and 6 at the time) were able to be there for the birth like they had hoped. She came so quick that the midwife hadn’t arrived yet nor the paramedics she told us to call if I started pushing before she got there! It was a beatiful and sacred family moment followed by a bit of chaos with the paramedics and then midwife showing up. But after all the hubbub passed the boys came back in to meet their sister and my oldest held her in his arms but my middle one said he wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t want to force him to hold her until he was ready and he finally decided he was ready… two months later! Different kids respond differently to the arrival of a new babe so just read their cues and let them adjust at their own pace. And, when they do hold their baby sibling in their arms it will melt your heart!

I’m due in about 4 weeks as well!! I’m completely in the same boat with not having things ready (oy). I’m getting there, but I feel like I’m tempting fate. The hospital that I’m delivering at offers a special class for kids who are about to become new siblings. Maybe yours (or another by where you live) offers one, too?

Congrats, mom!! I hope you and your baby are doing well!

xo, Sofia

My in-laws arrived with my two year old son while I had just hobbled into the bathroom post c section. So I didn’t get to see that first moment when he met his little brother! I am still a bit ‘harrumph’ about it… but it can be hard to stage manage when you’re post c section and everything is crazy! My top tip – insist that someone takes photos of the four of you together as a family. It sounds silly but often other people don’t think to offer to take the photos with you in them.

Oh Lexi, I’m also due in four weeks, and I also have the exact same things on our to-do list! Glad I’m not alone ?

When my second was born, my oldest was nearly three. I really didn’t plan much at all. I bought him a small lego train “from the baby” to give him at the hospital. My husband brought him and I think he looked at the baby for two seconds before he started playing with the buttons on the hospital bed. He then went with my husband to get Chipotle for lunch and we all ate burritos in the hospital room. There’s a photo of me in the hospital bed with the baby next to me and my older son clutching his wrapped burrito. I really don’t think that I could have planned it in any way that the outcome would have been different. It was what it was. I think most of his memories revolve around the time he spent with my friend who drove up to be with him when I was in the hospital and the time he spent with my husband after she went back home.

When my third was born, my oldest was 7 and my middle was almost 5. My same friend had come up to be with them. She and my husband brought them over to see me and the baby. My 7 year old was really into it, he held his new sister and brought an older kid maturity to the situation. My middle guy definitely took notice, but really it didn’t last more than a few minutes.

I honestly think that as parents we tend to hype up and preplan many situations far more than is necessary. This might be one of them. Hug your original kid when they come to visit, let them hold the baby if they are old enough, snap a few photos, and call it a success. It really is what it is and there’s not much you can do to control what happens or what memories your child carries with them through the years of the event. It’s far more precious a moment for the parents than it is for the kid.

My favorite memory from when my brother was born (I was almost 4) was my dad taking me to pick out flowers for my mom before. Other than a very, very vague memory of seeing my brother in the hospital, that’s what I remember the most.

Good timing, my #2 is due in four weeks as well! But it’s funny, I haven’t really thought too much about the big first meeting — what I keep stewing on over and over are 1) who will end up taking care of the two-year-old when we go to the hospital and how that will all play out (middle of the night? will she be around while I’m in labor and what if that’s scary for her?)…we don’t have family in the area so will be some combo of babysitters but everyone is available only at certain times and 2) that Uber ride from Brooklyn to the hospital in Manhattan, and whether it’ll be super traffic-y and the labor will be much faster than the first time around, as everyone seems to say. Gulp!

Regarding the first meeting, one interesting piece of advice I’ve heard from a few parents lately is to not have the big kid come to the hospital unless you’re planning to all go home together — bc imagine how it might feel for him or her to finally be reunited with the parents but then have to say goodbye and leave them with the baby? I think at least for our daughter us being out of sight/out of mind until we’re all reunited for good might be less disruptive for her