How Did You Introduce a New Baby to an Older Child?

When our 2.5-year-old walked in the door and saw her new brother, fresh from the hospital and tucked into a bouncy seat, she said softly, “Is it a toy?” That will forever remain one of my favorite memories of that time.

I was two when my little sis was born. When my parents took her home, I was apparently quite cute and impressed… but at some point during the day, my parents heard my sister cry in her nursery and went to pick her up and I had taken one of her socks off and had (aggressively) bitten her tiny little foot! My parents were both very annoyed and amused by it.
Today my sister is my best friend, my soulmate, my favourite person. And she still brings up how I tried to bite her foot off on her very first day of existence!

Oh my goodness. We have a beloved happy baby who will be a big brother at 19 months. I admit to anxiousness about my baby having to have another baby around – reading these comments have made me well with tears, well ok cry quite a bit – for the love and care the commenters have shown on the topic*, the wonderful ideas, and the words of love. I especially loved Emma’s advice on “we love the baby, that just what we do”. Thank you.
*Jo, this just goes to show the extraordinary community of people you and your team bring together and honest conversation you facilitate. You should be very pleased x

As an older sister, I was around 5-years-old when my little sister was born. I got to give her her first bath in the hospital along with the nurse, gently pouring little cups of water on her tiny head. I remember feeling special and important (and very “big sister-ly”) to be able to do that – and it’s obviously something that stuck with me for years to come! :)

So many lovely stories on here! My eldest was just over two years old when my youngest was born at home. My husband’s aunt came and took her to the park once contractions kicked in. They fed the ducks, played on the swings and went to the cafe for a special treat. My youngest arrived in two hours, so by the time they’d finished at the park the new baby was swaddled and snug in her bed. We were so excited for them to meet, but our eldest fell asleep on the way home and did an epic three hour nap in the buggy! So we took the opportunity to build the present (a dollhouse) and have it ready and waiting in her bedroom. She woke to a calm house, a sleeping baby, and a dollhouse, which to be honest occupied more of her attention than the baby. I did her bathtime and read her bedtime story so that she got some 1:1 time with mummy. The 1:1 time has been something we’ve continued with our eldest and I do think it helped – especially around the six month mark when the novelty of a new sibling had well and truly worn off and we were getting sparks of jealousy. The other thing that I think helped was our daighter’s nursery – they had her spend time in the baby room ‘helping’ about a month before Margot arrived. It got her used to being around little ones. Final tip – I always had my eldest kiss my youngest on the toes. Meant I didn’t have to worry about her accidentally hurting her head (she’s a very boisterous and strong little thing) and she could show affection without picking up on my nervousness. And who can resist delicious little newborn toes?! Good luck – it will be fine.

I was really concerned about this too. We have an almost 5 year old daughter., February, and had her baby sister, Odessa, 3 weeks ago today! The first meeting went really well and their new relationship is off to a great start. First of all, while we were at the hospital for three & a half days, February got totally loved on & spoiled by my mom, so it was a really special, fun time while my husband & I were away from the house. Then, when she arrived at the hospital (well fed and not tired), she was so excited she could barely contain herself. My husband & I had placed a relatively large photo of her in a frame on my bedside table. I’d read this was a good thing to do to make your older child feel like she was still important to you, and I think it really had an impact! She burst in so excited to meet her sister, but kind of stopped in her tracks and just stared at the photo of herself for about 4 seconds, and her smile got even bigger. I scooted over in the hospital bed, she washed her hands, kicked off her shoes, and climbed in for a snuggle to meet Odessa. It was joyful and exciting, but I think that photo really said something powerful to February that she we couldn’t have communicated to her nearly as well verbally. Good luck with your introduction!!!

We tried the gify which was a bit weird for my 3 to at the end – he ubderstood that baby wasn’t able to really buy this one for him?
We tried also other parents tip to give older brother a task so he could focus on it during this first awkward moments. So I met my son alone, than my husband brought the baby and I asked him to count if he has all fingers and toes which he did and was so happy to help and I believe he felt important :) such a precious moment ahead of you!

We have my son a gift from his baby sister. I wanted to have the baby in her bed when he arrived but in the end he arrived right when I was feeding her. Later we did get a nice cuddle in bed just the two of us though. I highly recommend this book to give your child ideas about how to interact with “their” baby: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2935895-101-things-to-do-with-a-baby

Our story is a little different as we welcomed our babies through open domestic infant adoptions. We had been on the waiting list for a second adoption for over three years and our five year old began to voice doubts that “his baby” was ever going to arrive. We received a call in Sunday that a mother had made an adoption plan and chose us as a family for her baby ❤️. We could pick her up in four days! Since the baby was staying at a gentle transition home (a designated foster home through our agency where she was receiving loving unbiased care while her First Parents shored up the most heart-wrenching decision) we pick our son up from kindergarten and headed down to meet his sister. We had a stuffed hedgehog in the back seat of the car waiting for him as a gift from the baby and we ate pink donuts on the hour drive. When we arrived I held our daughter on the couch and encourage our son to come say hello. He was so tender and loving as he marveled at how tiny her little hands were. It was one of the most precious moments of my life.

Though maybe my first instinct was to protect the older brother from the new baby by not giving the baby too much attention in front of him, instead I did the opposite. I gave the new baby the natural amount of attention and loving in hopes of modeling to the big brother how we treat the new baby. Sort of like I didn’t give him a choice in the matter. We love on the baby. This is what we do. I felt that if I shielded him, or if he felt I was nervous about it, it might put ideas in his head (no idea if that is a rational thought or not). That being said, I was open to exploring any of his feelings of displacement, resentment or anger but I really don’t remember that happening. I’m a real believer that kids pick-up on your anxieties and try to be aware of mine when I’m interacting with, and in front of, my kids (easier said than done). I hope you take a little bit of what resonates with you from everyone’s advice and experience and know, no matter what, both your babies are the luckiest little babies in the world having parents who care so much about their feelings.

Hi, this is my story: when our second child was born I stayed in the hospital with her while my husband immediately drove home to bring our first child (3) to meet his sister (he was with my mom). When he arrived, the baby and I were cuddled under a blanket. He came close without hesitation and just sat with us on the bed, watching her and cuddling with us until finally someone showed up to help us get dressed for our way home. We then left the hospital – four hours after the birth – and returned home as a family of four!
We only had one plan: to bring the brother as soon as possible to meet his sister. So we just sat together, watching the baby and taking in this feeling: we are a family of four now and we belong together like this.
All the best for you and your family! Sina from Germany

Our kids are a little more than 3 years apart, which was a distance that has worked very well for us. We talked to our first about the baby a lot. We asked how he was going to teach her things and what she was going to be like. I actually read on this site that someone recommended when Baby 1 comes to see Mommy and Baby 2 in the hospital, make sure Mommy’s arms are open and ready to welcome Baby 1 vs. holding Baby 2. He took to her right away, wanting to feed her and hold her. Some of my favorite videos and pictures are from our early days as a family of 4. We asked him once was she smelled like and he said: “Good! Sometimes milk…sometimes maybe lollipops…but teeny tiny little lollipops.” I was so worried about a new sibling, but Baby 2 will be three in July and it’s been amazing.

Oh, Lexi! Congratulations! We welcomed a second daughter last June and let me tell you, watching their friendship grow is the sweetest thing in the world.

However, I was very terrified of my oldest daughter not adapting well. We did all the things you talked about, we had a “gift” from her sister (dinosaurs!), and I wasn’t holding the baby when she came in. We got to snuggle and talk for a little bit before she met her sister. Things seemed to go well, but when it came time to say goodbye (my oldest was leaving with grandparents who spoil her, so it wasn’t so bad), she seemed a little worried about me. Similar to what a previous commenter said, I think she was thrown off by the fact that I was in a hospital bed, surrounded by tubes, etc.

I think all the work you’re doing leading up to the baby’s arrival (talking about the baby, etc.) and making sure you carve out one-on-one time with your oldest once you get home (even if it’s quick play sessions while baby naps or even hugs) help cement those reminders of love.

I can tell you that our daughters LOVE LOVE LOVE each other and my oldest even scoots the youngest’s high chair toward her at mealtimes.

You are going to have so much fun!

I was 2 when my little brother was born, and have absolutely no memory of the moment I met him… It wasn’t a “thing” back then, and still isn’t here in France I think, so I didn’t get a gift “from him” or anything; but what’s funny is that I was never jealous of him – apparently he was jealous of *me* in his first year and a half!! It didn’t last, mind you, we were very close growing up, but it just goes to show that sibling rivalry doesn’t always go the way we expect!

When he came to meet the baby, my 3.5-year-old son was a bit overwhelmed by the hospital environment and seemed a little worried about me. (I was totally fine, but was in a hospital gown and still had an IV line in my arm.) He also seemed tentative about the baby, and just shy of the whole situation in general. It was different than I expected, because I remember meeting my own little sister at the hospital as more exciting than Disneyland.

But bringing my younger son home was much more fun. Big brother was a lot more comfortable because he was in his own space, and he was “showing the baby my toys” before we even got the baby out of his car seat. The photos of this are my favorites of all the baby pics because the older one is soooo excited and the younger one has the classic “newborn, confused, can’t see two inches in front of my own nose” facial expression. My mom got some small “big brother presents,” but we didn’t say those were from the baby; they were just treats from Grandma.

Congrats, Lexi! You have lovely, fun times ahead.

I had grand fantasies of bringing our older son (then 2 1/2) to meet his baby brother in the hospital. I was going to have the baby in the bassinet to be free for big brother hugs, we were all going to take a cozy picture on the hospital bed as a family of 4! Little did I know, I would be stuck in a shared recovery room with ZERO personal space, and made a speedy exit in less than 24 hours after birth. Instead, our older guy was at school when we got home from the hospital, and was beyond thrilled to meet his baby brother when he got home. It was actually lovely to have that moment NOT be at the hospital – it felt very comfortable.

In terms of the “gift from the baby” thing – we did it, and honestly he couldn’t have cared less. He was way more excited about getting a baby brother. What he WAS excited about was the gift HE had picked out for the baby. During one of the trips to the store to prep for the baby, we had him choose a special gift for the baby from him. To this day (20 months later), he still likes to remind us that he picked it out, and that his brother loved it.

Related: make sure you take photos JUST with the 2nd child! I’m a 2nd and have practically no photos that don’t have my sister in them. I love her and she’s great, but I was looking for a photo of just my Dad and I and I actually don’t think that photo exists. I have several of me and Mom, but even those are limited. I actually don’t even think I have a solid one of just her and I when I was born. Sister is in that, too. I’m thrilled that they did take a LOT of photos, so I have plenty of good photos (and lots of just me with my grandparents, which is amazing), but it’s sort of a bummer when I’m going through and there’s tons of her and our parents and none of just me and them.

I don’t have any advice on the older sibling meeting the new baby. But that quilt! Looks lovely in photos!

We gave our 4,5 year old son a quite big lego set (a police station!) right after he had met his baby sister for the first time. We didn’t say it was from his sister but that it was a “big brother gift”. He was so incredibly happy he couldn’t stop thanking us! Our situation was a bit different though, since we went home later the day of our daughter’s birth and so he met her at home and we could whip out the gift. The lego was a double win since he and his father spent a lot of time building it during the first baby days, so he didn’t mind me being tired and absorbed with the baby!

I purchased a small gift for my son “from the baby”. A book and a little stuffed doggie. The meeting was cute buthe was also really little (17 mos) so he was more mesmerized by the hospital technology and wires than me or his new sister. He liked opening the present and then we took him on a little walk around the hospital floor just me and my husband. That was really sweet. I didn’t expect how much I would be missing him so it was nice to have one-on-one time. I recommend keeping expectations kind of low and then try to carve out a few minutes where he is your focus. Congrats!

I forgot another genius tip! A few weeks before delivery, I gave my oldest a little photo book I had printed, with pictures of her as a tiny baby: sleeping, nursing, crying, in the sling, in the crib, in people’s arms… We even had a picture with an exploded diaper ? it helped her to see what babies do and that we did the same things for her when she was a baby. She still looks at the book from time to time, almost 4 years later! (she’s now 6.5)

My sons were both born at home, so the intro was quite immediate. Our older son was 3 when baby brother was born and watched the final stages of the birth and helped to cut the cord! That’s obviously a longer more emotional story… :) But, I remember meeting my baby brother for the first time. I was 7, and it was the best day of my life. My dad picked me up from school and we went straight to the hospital. I remember washing my hands before we entered the room and maybe having to put on hospital garb? Including a cap? Maybe not! But it was ALL exciting. When we entered the room my mom was holding the baby and she looked all flushed and tired but so happy. I remarked on his elongated head which I described the next day at school as “triangular.” The baby pooped and it maybe leaked on the blankets? And I remember thinking it was so funny, and a friendly nurse came and changed him. My parents told me, “We are naming him Timothy Robin.” We had seen the first Robin of the season that week (he was born in spring) and I thought that was a very cool name choice. I felt I was very much part of the “we.” I don’t remember holding him that day but I did a lot of holding and helping with diaper changes when he was a baby and he remains one of my most favorite people on earth (with his own son now!) I think as natural as you can keep it, the better. Your son will be having his own emotions and experience no matter what you do. I did have my newborn give my older son a truck, but in retrospect that felt a bit forced and unnecessary. I think a gift having to do with being an older brother would be more appropriate. As a big sister I was given the best gift of all- a baby brother!

When I was pregnant with my son, my daughter would start singing to my belly. We talked a lot about how it would all be: we had a planned homebirth while she was with grandma, but had also prepared her for a possible stay at the hospital. When she met her baby brother I made sure I wasn’t holding him, I embraced her and we went to look at the baby together. She had bought a toy for him beforehand and the baby brought a toy for her too (a baby doll that could also be bathed, so the next week’s she was little mommy besides me, breastfeeding her baby doll, wearing her in a sling, bathing her, changing her… It was so sweet to watch her. Another great tip I read about beforehand was to create a special box with books, crayons and toys that would only be used during baby feeding times. And I cannot recommend enough the book “sibling rivalry” by the writers of the equally genius book “how to talk so kids listen, how to listen so kids talk”! Good luck, 2 kids is so much nicer than just 1 :-)

Our nurse held off on bathing our son until our 3 year old daughter could be present. After the initial intro, the nurse made a big production of our daughter being the big helper during bathtime . The nurse had her hold the new baby’s hand and sing while he got his first shot and commented on how great she did at soothing him. After the exhaustion of childbirth, it was sweet to sit back and watch my two kids interact with each other for the first time without the pressure of trying to create a moment. And it carried over to my daughter wanting to be the big helper at home!

We just welcomed our second son two weeks ago. Our first, a two year old boy, was very excited to know a baby was in my tummy and told everyone we came across about “my baby, Donna” (a name we still can’t figure out the origin of, but stuck for my 41 weeks of pregnancy). We expected an adjustment period of transitioning to a family of four, but didn’t expect our toddler’s first question upon meeting his brother to be “where will he be living?” We laughed — how sweet — but stopped laughing when our first whole day home as a new family consisted of our first born hiding behind a chair screaming. He had never had a meltdown or tantrum to date. I cried wondering if we really did ruin his life (post pregnancy emotions contributing to this I’m sure), and my husband and I questioned what to do next. Do we send him to daycare so he has some consistency in routine or will that make him feel like we’re pushing him out while we spend time with the baby and so forth.

In the end, we kept his routine up, scheduled visitors during nap time and his daycare hours and asked people to ask our toddler questions about himself oppose to baby related comments and questions (“Do you love being a big brother?” “Does baby cry a lot?” “Are you helping care for the baby” are all well-meaning questions but still a reminder that all attention is on the new baby). Each day got better as we moved from day one of screaming, to day two and three of ignoring the baby, to back-to-normal by the end of the week. The hardest part about having a new born for us, was having a toddler as we balanced trying to rest/heal post-delivery, with having our normal energy to keep up with an active little boy and his big feelings during the change.

A very clever mum-friend of ours gifted us a sensory play box filled with candles, rocks, play dough, moon sand, coloured noodles, tongs, little farm animals etc. to pull out during feeds to give the bigger child some independent play time that will keep his attention for some time. Another friend suggested downloading an app with tracing activities and setting up little obstacle courses through the house to get the big-kid’s energy out during cold winter days where you just don’t want to go outside.

You’ve got this :)