How Many Children Do You Hope to Have?

I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I always thought I’d want a perfect trio. But now I’m a grown-up and i see how hard it is for my friends who have JUST ONE! Everyone I know who has 3 def didn’t mean to have that last one. The 3rd always seems to be the “Oops, I’m preg again” baby! Lol. Except for my cousin who just had her 3rd and is already talking about a 4th. She’s insane – we live in the San Francisco Bay Area! Who can afford 4 kids living here?!?! But I guess the more the merrier, right?!

This is way after the original post (which I read before I had kids)…but I have to say that after having our daughter my mind has changed. I am totally enthralled by our beautiful girl, but mommin’ ain’t easy. The baby/toddler stages are particularly stressful and all consuming. So the truth is that if we can give our girl a sibling at some point in the next couple of years that would be great. But that would be it in my mind. I initially thought I would like a house full of joyous children running amok, but the reality is that 2 is probably what I can handle. I hope that doesn’t sound awful, but is what’s real.

I have two girls and am currently pregnant with my third daughter, due in March. I always thought we’d probably stick with two, especially as my two are so close in age but within two years of the youngest being born and having weathered the trauma of two under 17 mos, biology overtook my pragmatism and the yearning became all consuming. It was never about chasing the boy but an incompleteness and knowing there was another face out there for me to love. My husband was not on the same page as me, for all the practical reasons of having three children bring and I understood that and never pressured him, but the sadness never went and enveloped me. It was hard for us finding the compromise and I’m so thankful that we did, but then we miscarried our baby at 11 weeks. I was too scared to try again in case life overruled me, again, but too scared to not, being 38 and having time against me. The regret would haunt me. We did try again, loaded with Prosecco we took the what will be will be mentality and we are currently 23 weeks pregnant with our third daughter. I am so grateful to have this again and so sad this will be our last, that I wonder if the saying ‘every woman has one less baby then they hoped for’ is true.

We want no more than 7! My husband is 1 of 6, and loved it, and I grew up as an only child and it was miserable. We plan to do foster-to-adopt as well as birthing our own. We are both very extroverted, relational people and know that having a big family won’t prevent us from having intimate relationships with each child or cause us to neglect each other. We still plan on waiting 3 or 4 years to grow our family though!

My husband and I have been married for two years and are trying so hard to get pregnant. I have always said I wanted 4+ children, and still see myself having at least 4. I hope some are through adoption. My husband has 3 adopted siblings so we have a heart for that as well. I’ve always loved having 2 siblings and would’ve loved having more. A big family sounds like the perfect life for me.

We have 3!! All girls.. and I do wish to have the 4th one.. I have that feeling like I’m missing one more. Could it be because, my second pregnancy I was carrying 2. But only one born. I love my kids and even though it geta Crazy. I would not change a thing and will do it all over again!!

What a sweet pic! Would it be okay if we feature it on our instagram feed? We’ll of course give credit to your site. Thanks so much! http://instagram.com/lalabubaby

We have a boy and a girl now. I am always very firm on having 2, especially now I have a boy and a girl. A lot of things make sense with 2 in today’s society, one parent takes care of one, travels where room occupancy is 4, sitting in a car comfortably with 4 etc. Not to mention expense and time commitment for your children’s activities and interests. But, few months ago, my son asked me for a baby, he sincerely asked to have another baby to care for and he promised to help me. That really touched my heart.

31 + in a relationship (not married) yet– this is something I think of more + more as I get older. I have always wanted three children, so that they could grow up with siblings. But, realistically– I am starting to think just two. But who knows where life will take me!

I am 33 and have two, I got married at 29 and had my first at 30. My husband had cancer as a child and we weren’t sure if the chemo and radiation he had would mean no children at all, period, and we’ve been blessed with two children. I plan to have as many as God gives me, I am nowhere near feeling “Done,” and I do hope to have more, if it happens!

:) lovely… sending you lots of love, and i have a question: did you stop breastfeeding anton or still keep going on?

I had this plan of marriage at 21, first kid at age 25 and we would have 4 children and I’d be done having kids in my early 30s. Well, I didn’t get married until I was 25 and now at almost 33 I have two boys. Our first is 5 and has ASD. It was really hard to have our second son, who is just 2 months old now. It didn’t feel like a blessing when it was so hard having #2 but it definitely helped to give 100% of my attention to our first son and it has been a somewhat challenging road at times with his needs. Those 4 children I planned on have now become “I’ll take them one at a time”. I feel inside of me that I’m a “boy mom” not a girl mom, but I’d like one girl at least. I still want those 4 kids, sometimes I’ve considered a fifth, but the reality of life may not bring them. I’ve actually considered adopting a 2-3 year old to sort of fill in the gap, but I don’t know if I’m up for that yet either. I’m just going to enjoy these little sweethearts I have. Time is flying by way too fast! I’m afraid to move too quickly on #3 because I don’t know if I can take multiple kids with ASD so I want to see how #2 develops. So far he’s actually ahead of the game with social cue’s. Just so grateful I get to be a mom!

Well, I was set at 2 but that picture is making me want a third……! :)

I was diagnosed by my doctor last year that I suffer from a condition called “Premature Ovarian Failure” – I can no longer have babies. I went to get my body check because I stopped getting periods after the birth of my second baby. It’s heartbreaking – I know we’re blessed with two beautiful daughters, but it was painful news when my husband and I were ready for a third and not being able to conceive. But again, I feel maybe our family is meant to be this way – fantastic four…

My mom always said exactly what you said! I think it’s really great to follow your intuition. I have three siblings and my mom said she felt that someone was missing and when she had my younger sister, she knew instantly that she was the last piece to our puzzle, it just felt right, everyone was accounted for:)

@lovely_amazing I agree we need to broaden our idea of parenthood (adoption, fostering, mentoring, etc.)
@Eliza well said, thank you!
@Rebekah environmentalism is a pro-human (and every other species) movement.
@Martini – I’m sorry for your loss and can’t imagine what that would be like. I happen to be “one and done” and felt comforted by a comment upthread from @Martini who loved being an only child. There are so many potential tragedies and losses in life. Not sure if you’ve had to deal with the decline/loss of your parents yet, but in a way your single child will not have to endure that. I always think, what if something happened to me or my husband? Won’t it be easier for the surviving partner to take care of one over multiples? In addition, sometimes siblings are not always close, or worse. Try not to regret! xo

I’m still a few years from being a mom. My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, but we don’t really have any plans to get married or start a family until he finishes school and I no longer have to be the primary breadwinner. So, I’ve had to stifle my baby fever for a bit longer than I would have liked. :)

I’ve always wanted two kids. I love babies, but for some reason, I always felt like I’d be the best kind of mother to one or two children. I think two is pretty much perfect, especially when they’re close in age, because then the kids have a playmate and a friend to grow up with.

P.S. I’ve been a longtime reader, and I remember you asking this before, but I have no problem with repeat posts. Like some of your other readers have mentioned, I think it’s ok to revisit topics even if the answers don’t change. For example, I love when you ask us about our celeb crush or where we’d like to travel. Please don’t take the angry readers out there to heart, because your blog is always a pleasure to read. :)

We wanted 3 or 4! Our third is now one. 3 can be uncomfortable at times. The baby can be soooo unreasonable;), and of course he’ll forever be the baby. We’ve decided that everyone is here so to speak. After the third was born I implored my husband to go for a vasectomy because once the youngest turned one I’d be thinking about a fourth. It’s an addiction with me. As the first year has been survived I am relieved, but sad, that there will not be a fourth. If that vasectomy had not been taken care of…

This is a great question! My husband and I both come from big families and we want 4 or 5. He is one of 5 and I am one of 6. We both love having a boatload of siblings for so many reasons but Frank Bruni says it so much in this NYT op-ed: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/05/26/opinion/sunday/bruni-the-gift-of-siblings.html

When people bring up the over population/ environmental argument against having more kids I think about this quote from Raising Arizona: “and Ed felt that having a critter was the next logical step… Her point was that there was just too much love and beauty for just the two of us and every day that we kept a child out of this world was a day he might later regret having missed. ” such a beautiful and inspiring perspective especially on those tougher days of parenthood!

We have two (a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old son). We’d love to have more, but we always take one addition at a time, so we don’t have an ideal number in our heads.

The overpopulation posts are interesting. I have read scientific articles on both sides of the spectrum. It does irk me that some commenters seem to think they have the definitive answer, and appear to be trying to shame anyone for dating to have more than two kids. The world has faced many previous challenges (there was a worry that each of our historically varying sources of energy from wood to coal to oil would run out), and so far humans have been innovative enough to survive and thrive. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I did recently come across this article and found it thought provoking:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/14/opinion/overpopulation-is-not-the-problem.html?_r=0

Depending on what age I was my answer would range from “a bunch! five!” to “ONE, only ONE” as of now I don’t really know. I’m not having children for a while so I guess we’ll see:)

We have a daughter of almost four, and we wanted another child but someone had other plans and a surprise for us. I am pregnant with twins.

We were only planning on 2 for sure, but now i’m expecting identical twins! Surprise baby #3! :)

You’re great! Maybe when I start having children I will have the same feeling that “everyone is here.”

I read someone was opposed to you having more children due to overpopulation. I think they’re confused with overcrowding.

No bother, economics and science have a way of helping the world oscillate people in and out. Here’s some more information about the subject: http://overpopulationisamyth.com/

I always said I wanted 3, but currently we have a 2 year old and a 5 week old, and maybe it’s just that I’m in newborn mode, but I don’t think I could handle another one! Of course I may change my mind in a few years but I doubt it. I think 2 is our number!

@Martini, I am so sorry. Your story makes me so sad. :( But you brought up a really good point. I also think an only child feels extra sadness and loneliness after the death of a parent. That has been my husband’s experience. At 40, he still regrets being an only child. He says he wishes he had someone to reminisce about his mom with.

We have two and are hoping for four, although some days I’m tempted to just quit now and enjoy not being spread so thin down the road! That said, our family doesn’t feel complete yet and I’m excited to have at least one more baby to squish and cuddle :)

We have 3 and it feels absolutely right. We are totally done now. I was one of two and always wanted a younger brother or sister. My husband was an only child and he wanted 3 or 4. Frankly, I think the adjustment from 0 kids to 1 kid was way harder than the jump from 2-3. I have two girls and a boy and really couldn’t feel luckier.

When I was young, I wanted a huge family. I was one of three, and knew I didn’t want that because someone was always the odd man out and being ganged up on… usually me, because I’m the oldest but smallest, and my younger sisters are twins. Now that we are older, my husband and I have decided that we just want one… but are mentally preparing ourselves, in case we get pregnant with two, because there are twins born in every generation of my family. It’s interesting how peoples ideas of how many children they want, evolve, with time. That is what makes posting about a similar topic as you had a while back, interesting, we get to see how your opinions develop, just as we explain to you and the other readers how ours have.

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Dear Martini:
I am so sorry for what you posted. I cannot imagine how is like.

But what you had mentioned it is one of the reasons I’ve always liked big families. (I posted before about it).

Some time ago I lost a friend, she was just 21… She had to fight against cancer… Her siblings helped her more than you can imagine, and now they are the reason for her parents to keep smiling…

From my experience, big families are the best to share the happy moments. And the best support through difficulties.

all my life i thought two was the magic number. then i had my daughter in 2012 and decided our family would be complete with three children. in march we found out that our second child is actually twins….twin girls. now that we got to three faster than we planned we wonder if a fourth child will be in the cards. time will tell i suppose.

I have one and one is all I want or need. Getting pregnant with him took several years due to health issues and I’m so glad I have him. He is very social and wishes he had siblings (he now has an older stepbrother but the 8 year difference means they aren’t close)but that was something I was unable to give him for physical and financial reasons. That makes me sad, sometimes, because I grew up mostly with multiple half and step siblings and that is a special club to belong to. But we don’t always get what we want in this life and I am just so happy that I was able to have him at all. :)

Joanna, I know what I’m about to share is redundant for you already, but if it will help just one couple then I will be glad.

I’d never suggest having just one child.
We had just one, had hoped for more but I just never got pregnant again.
We lost her when she was a teenager.
Just before she died she mentioned she wished she’d had a sibling. How sad it made us feel for her.
How we wished we’d had more children. Even just one more.
It’s been 27 years now we’ve been childless and it’s been agony.
It makes us cringe when we see only children.
Being left childless surely is worse than being left with “just one child”.
This happens more than you imagine.
Have that second child and/or more.
We know what we are talking about.