Motherhood

Motherhood Mondays: On Having a Boy

My darlings, sorry for the late post today! I’ve been thinking about this one all day, and finally had a chance to write it out.

So, I’d love to ask: When you think of having children, do you ever secretly hope for a boy or a girl? Even though people don’t really talk about it, I actually think it’s really common to wish for one or the other.

When you’re pregnant, the most important thing on your mind, of course, is having a healthy baby. Anyone who is given that gift is blessed beyond belief. I definitely did not take that for granted and felt hugely lucky to be having a baby.

But also, in my heart of hearts, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I secretly hoped that we would have a girl. I had always imagined having a daughter and doing all those fun girly things together — playing with dolls, going to ballet lessons, having heart-to-heart mother/daughter conversations, and doing all the classic (and cliched) things that are part of girlhood. I loved being a girl, and I’m really close to my own mom; and I thought it would be such fun to raise one.

So when we found out that we were expecting a boy, I was so excited and couldn’t wait to meet the little man. But part of me couldn’t help secretly feeling a little disappointed. I felt really guilty for feeling that way (was I a terrible person? the gender shouldn’t matter as long as the baby is healthy, right?), but the feeling remained. I had always pictured having a daughter…and now we weren’t.

Plus, I kept thinking about how didn’t know a single thing about boy stuff. The guys in my family are all are obsessed with motorcycles and pranks and windsurfing and whisky. Would Alex and our baby bond over sports, while I wouldn’t be able to share that with them, I wondered? When we were growing up, my brother and dad talked endlessly about motorcycle parts and car racing; what if my baby boy wanted to talk about cars? I didn’t know a thing about them — or care! And I’m a wuss about rollercoasters and swimming in the ocean and those types of rough-and-tumble activities. What if he were into those things? Would I be the lame mom sitting nervously on the bench while my son bonded with all the more adventurous types?

I really worried that I wouldn’t be able to connect to a boy… or, more honestly, that he wouldn’t connect to me.

But then.

Toby arrived.

Once the doctor put my red-faced, wrinkly, sweet, beautiful baby boy into my arms, EVERYTHING changed. I can tell you with all my heart, now that Toby has entered our lives, it is the most incredible, moony experience, and now I CANNOT imagine having anything other than my delicious baby boy. When he was brand new, he was so tiny, vulnerable and sweet. When I breastfed him, and he’d snuggle up and put his little hand on my chest and look into my eyes, I would just swoon.

Now that he’s eleven months old, he is so lovely and has such a sweet, open demeanor. He giggles, he coos, he stands on full tippy-toe. He touches my face with serious concentration. He loves reading books and eating pears and looking out the window. Sometimes when he’s asleep at night, I’ll tiptoe into the nursery just to lean down and put my head near his; I love seeing his out-of-proportion body sleeping there: his big head, small shoulders, big diaper butt, and short legs. I pat his back and smell his sweet milky breath. I am totally enamored and enchanted by him. He is my little man, my lovely little boy.

Having a son has turned out to be the most amazing thing, and my apprehensions and fears seem so silly now. I’m so excited to bring him up, and previously boring things like baseball and water pistols are suddenly super thrilling, since I see them through his sweet little eyes. The other day, I was riding my bike downtown and saw a dinosaur-shaped balloon and couldn’t stop thinking about how cool it was. :)

Oh, how Toby has opened my eyes!

Anyway, I thought I’d tell you, since people don’t often talk about their preferences for a boy or a girl (it seems like it shouldn’t matter) but I think it’s very normal to initially crave one over the other. And I wanted to be honest and share how needlessly worried I had been. I’m curious: Do you secretly hope for a boy or girl? How have your thoughts changed, if you’ve had a baby? I’m so curious to hear — from everyone from mamas and mamas-to-be! Leave your comment anonymously, if you’d like!

(Photo credit unknown, via Abby Sharp)

  1. Morgan says...

    I am newly pregnant (7 weeks!), and my husband and I are hoping for a girl. We both grew up with only sisters…and he was a handful when he was a little boy. I’ve been anxious thinking about finding out the gender, but this post has helped me a little bit. When I was shopping for a friend the other day, I found myself mysteriously drawn to dinosaur pajamas…so maybe it is a boy! This post helps me immensely though. I so appreciate your honesty!

  2. My sweet darling baby girl is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, she’s 7 months now, there are no words for the love I feel.

  3. Julie says...

    I can Soooo identify with this. I wanted a girl from the very first moment I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t find out with any of my children what I was having. Bit I yearned for a girl, to dress her in pretty girly clothes, bows in her hair, shopping trips and girly chats as she grew into a woman… But the moment my son came into the world, all my dreams of a girl just melted away. I loved him soooo much.
    But after a while I STILL wanted a girl. My second boy was born and I felt exactly as I had with my first. Two sons and a playmate for each other. My third try… yep, another boy! But this time I cried. The midwife (quite rightly) crossly said to me “there are plenty who can’t have children”. But the moment he was placed in my arms I wept with guilt and told him I was ‘sorry’. I loved him so much.
    I had FIVE boys before I finally completed my family and had my baby girl! No drug on earth could make me as high as I felt having her. She is now 19 and we have EXACTLY the relationship I ached for! She has a son of her own, yep, she wanted a girl. But maybe I will get four more grandsons off her before she gets her happy ending!!

  4. Dee says...

    What a wonderful story!! We found out we were having a girl!! I was so excited!! It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant, and I always dream of having a girl! I love all girl things. But today we got the news, it’s a boy!! I cried for hours!!! I have no interest in boy things. My heart felt broken… I know I will love my baby boy unconditionally, and I’m so grateful that God chose me to be a mommy. I pray that having this little boy will open my eyes to new joys and love. This gives me hope, and I know within time, I will love the idea of a boy.

  5. recklessdaughter says...

    Oy vey…I found out yesterday that I’m having a boy and it was so incredible and exciting to find out one way or the other. In the car on they way home, however, I had a full-on meltdown – streaming tears, the whole nine yards. I am a very girlie person and have just always always expected I would have a daughter – most family/friends even expected it to be a girl. I felt so guilty for feeling at all disappointed that I worked myself into a state. I also immediately remembered this post from years before I was even considering babies! I have to say it was so comforting to come back and read it again as someone in the same position now. I know I’ll love being a mother regardless but I do think mini-grief over this is totally acceptable. <3

    • Anna says...

      Same here! I just found out yesterday that I’m having a boy, and I wasn’t expecting this at all… And I remembered this post from years ago, too. So nice to read that again!
      @Joanna, you’re an inspiration and your words are a relief for lots of us, even 6 years after the original post :)

  6. Deena Mathew says...

    I feel good after reading your post which made me cry. Even I was having doubts at first as I’ve always wanted a girl but now I have a cute baby boy and he is amazing. He is my world. He only cries when he really wants something that the loves the most, he’s so easy to look after, I’m truly lucky to have him. I can truly say life with them is an adventure. Here are just a few of the reasons I love having little guys around.

    Even I had come across this post about why having a baby boy loved reading the post. Check this out http://www.momjunction.com/articles/why-having-a-baby-boy_00356727/ But whether if you have a baby boy or baby girl, they are your child and world and such a miracle!

  7. Carley says...

    I appreciate your post, more than you can imagine. I have dreamt my whole life of having a girl and sharing the type of mother daughter bond that I have with my own mother. Although logically, I knew that having either sex was possible… I never really let myself go there in my head. As far as I was concerned, it was a girl. I am having my first child at 35 and found out a couple days ago that it is a boy…And then I cried for 3 days straight!

    I, unlike most, was very honest about my emotions and disappointment. This was uncomfortable for many in my life, but that’s just who I am. It is less about not wanting a boy, and more about grieving the fact that I’m not having a girl.

    I know that this feeling will pass, I know that I will be enamored and over the moon in love with my baby boy! I am accepting the challenge of raising a kick ass son, because the world needs more of them!

    I appreciate your willingness to admit that the preference sometimes exists, and so does the grieving associated with that.

    Cheers!

    • Christy says...

      Thank you for this. I’ve only found out today that I’m also having a boy at 36, possibly my only child, and I’m having problem adjusting to the idea to say the least.

      I also don’t think I can keep it secret because I’m usually an open book. I know I’ll get used to it, and be very happy eventually but it’s hard to put away the idea of my “future awesome daughter”. We’ve had “her” name for nearly a decade, ready to go, and now it’s not to be.

  8. Daria says...

    All my life I was dreaming to have a baby boy, and now I’m pregnant and it’s a boy! My husband says very funny thing: I think girls are more smarter, than boys and girls getting mature earlier Vs boys. So, at least he admits that boys/men are more difficult in comparison with girls. I think my preference was dictated by my early childhood, when I used to have the best friend and he was a boy, it was more easier for me to chat, play and find smth interesting to do with him rather than with girls. And of course I dream to say the day my baby boy will arrive: this is the most awaited man in my life!!!

  9. Sarah says...

    I came into motherhood pretty late; I gave birth to my son 3 days after I turned 40, and wow has he rocked my world in the best way. I too felt a jolt of disappointment at our 20 week scan when his gender was revealed; I didn’t “know” boys, I wanted what my mum and I have, not to mention all of the gorgeous girl clothes I was looking forward to dressing my child in. But the second he was born I fell in love hard and immediately. He’s the centre of my universe and is the sweetest, funniest, craziest, most boy-ish little boy I have ever had the privilege of getting to know and love.

  10. YSF says...

    ~Made me cry. Sweet words

  11. made me cry.. I read this before and though “how sweet” but now, with an 8 month old boy.. oh my heart!

  12. Morgane says...

    I could have written this. <3

  13. I am older than most of you who read Joanna’s blog. We have had a very large family and the one magic thing that happens with each new baby is that they arrive as themselves. Boy or girl it is all about the reveal, as they teach us about who they are and what they love. Boys are the best and the girls are dreamy. I always feel honored to be their mother!

  14. Doris Hanno says...

    Years late to this posting, but so glad I read it, love the emotional honesty here…..Unlike most of the comments, I wanted a boy and was worried about how I would connect to a girl! I was a tomboy as a child, didn’t have a great relationship with my mom….my husband was so convinced we were having a girl that I finally asked him if he would be upset over a boy! Anyway, two sons later, we are thrilled every day with our beautiful boys and I secretly thank God that he gave me my hearts desire.

  15. Sunray says...

    I just came across this post…years after you wrote it but I feel the same way! I was hoping for a girl for the same reasons you mentioned above. and it turned out we got a boy. I was worried like you too, but now (4 years later), I can’t imagine having anyone else but my little Grey. :) Like you said, he totally opened up my eyes to a whole new world. Now I’m excited seeing little kids Star Wars tee shirts. I would never have guessed!

    And we are now expecting another boy and I’m so so excited!

  16. I always thought I was born to have a girl, being super girlie myself what could I offer a boy? Then I had one and now my world is full of cars, dirt and sticky fingers as they wrap around me. Not a day goes by I don’t wear something he is eating or playing with which goes against everything a prissy girl wants or believes in. But at the end of each day as he cuddles up on my lap for his story and last of the day cuddles and I look at him I thank God for my special gift in being given the opportunity to be his Mommy and I look forward to what tomorrow with my son will bring because I know it will start with a hug and big smile as I enter his room when he gets up!

  17. Yincee says...

    I already had two step-sons and both my hubby and I wanted a girl. I checked on the Chinese conception calendar (in a baby magazine in the supermarket) and saw that I would have a boy. It turned out to be true, I voiced my disappointment to my husband who just smiled and said, we will love him anyway…Geez and was he right! that precious little boy crept into our hearts and showed me what unconditional love really means. He is everything and I swear that I am so glad I didn’t have a girl. Too much maintenance for me. hahaha.
    Thanks ever so much for this post.

  18. Tammie says...

    My son is just over 2yrs old now and I can remember both my husband and I thinking we were having a girl. At 24 weeks we found out we were having a boy and both of us were a little shocked. we prepared for a girl. I wasn’t sure if I would be a good mom to a boy… Now after 2 years I absolutely love having a boy. I am his first love and every time a certain song comes on the radio he runs to me and asks me to dance and we dance around the kitchen. The way he says mama fills my heart. He is rough and tough and he is 100% boy but he is so soft to his mama. I love being a mom to a boy.

  19. love that you shared this. I’m expecting my first, a boy, and there is that little disappointment over not having a girl. This post is so comforting in that I am so thankful he’s healthy and so thankful that I’m pregnant and I’ve been hoping that when he arrives those little anxieties over having a boy will disappear.

  20. Joanna, I have read your blog for years and yesterday to my great surprise the doctor who told me that I probably was carrying a little girl, told me I was having a boy! I was so unprepared and hormonal I just got to the car and cried. No more princesses, and tea parties…but I have thought so much about it and read this post. Thank you for writing it, and for your encouraging honesty. I am sure from the moment he is born I will love our sweet little boy!

  21. I had to come back to this post. I’m pregnant (with my first) and before I knew what I was having, I hoped for a girl. I know I want a daughter someday, and maybe it will never happen. When the U/S tech told us that we’re having a boy, I was numb. I cried all the way home. Not because I don’t want this boy that I’m having, but because I felt I was mourning that possibility that I will never have a daughter. it was incredibly painful. It only took a couple of days, though, to fully absorb the idea of a little boy, and now I’m very excited to experience the mother-son bond that so many people talk about! Thanks Joanna, for being so honest about this subject. Seeing your sweet little boys really proves that gender doesn’t matter. I’m now just feeling so lucky to be pregnant with a big healthy baby.

  22. I thought having a boy would be tough because I mainly have women on my side of the family, but I couldn’t imagine my life without my son. I thought he may not be as close to me because he is a boy, but it is the opposite. The love he shows me at the age of two is amazing and I can’t believe I doubted that. :)

    -Erin
    http://www.thecurlyroots.com

  23. This is my experience EXACTLY. Imagined, expected a girl, felt lke an awful person for being disappointed…but then I met my beautiful, giant, grunty baby boy and of course, of course he’s perfect.Thank you for writing this! It’s something I’ve tried to express and just haven’t gotten right.

  24. Hey Jo, love the blog! :) What strikes me most about the first part of this post is the gender stereotyping; not your fault just something that is very prevalent in our society. I think it’s more harmful to us than anything else. Why would you consider swimming in the ocean as a boy’s activity? I’m a girl and I love swimming in the ocean more than anything and I don’t think I’m an exception. I just wanted to make the point that the more rigid we are about what makes boys boys and vice versa keeps us stuck in roles that we might not want to play. Let’s stop labelling things as boys activities and girls activities and let’s just enjoy the plethora of choice that this world yields to us.

    Best wishes,
    Claire from London

  25. How funny, I had the same thing when they told me I was having a girl. I ‘felt’ it was a boy and was secretly disappointed, even if I kept saying ‘I’m trilled it’s a girl’. I was a real boy when I was a kid, a knew everything about boystuff… So I was afraid of all the girly stuff and that I wouldn’t connect with my baby. How silly! Now she’s with me for 4 months and couldn’t imagine me anybody else then my little sweet Sofia! And to be sure, I made my sister (who is extremely girly) godmother, so if the girly stuff was to much for me, she could always count on her… :)

  26. I just found out today that my little baby is a BOY, when I imagined him as a girl all along. I, too, harbored that secret longing for a girl (although it made me feel incredibly guilty) and I didn’t quite squeal with glee at the ultrasound because I was so shocked.

    But then I remembered this post and how sweet it was, and I came back to find it and read it again. Thank you for sharing thoughts like these because they are a great comfort to many readers who are having very similar experiences! I am the first of my friends to have a baby, so a lot of your motherhood posts offer that great sisterly advice that I sometimes miss.

    It’s only been a few hours since the big surprise, but I’m already smiling thinking about this unique and wonderful little guy that I already love; this post really helped ease my fear.

  27. Sorry, but I find this post and the comments really depressing. There doesn’t seem to be much room for a child’s behaviour outside of the traditional gender norms. How can you make assumptions about a person’s preferences who doesn’t exist yet? It seems really restrictive, old fashioned, and super heteronormative too. I also really hope these posters don’t assume their children aren’t/ won’t be queer, otherwise everyone may be in for a difficult time.

  28. I’m so glad you are addressing this. I felt like a terrible person for feeling the same course of emotions that you shared. It took a good day and a half for me to stop thinking that I was going to be a terrible mother who would have no connection to a boy whatsoever. Now at 29 weeks pregnant I am so super excited! What helped me get there was all my friends with boys saying the same thing: “little boys love their mommas”. I can’t wait to give and receive that amazing love.

  29. I did secretly hoped for a girl. But I knew he was a boy from the beginning. I began planning and I thought I would be one of those “gender neutral” moms. That was until I found out my son is obsessed with Cars (the movie and real things) and basically anything with wheels (wheelchairs, cars, strollers, doesn’t matter). It has totally changed my perspective of all things boys. I’m still not sure about sports, but he is a mini-me with doing all of my habits and looking just like me!
    I am happy with a boy, especially one with a fashion sense he was born with. It saves me money in the fashion department. ;-)

  30. I was terrified at the prospect of having a boy. During my first pregnancy I worried constantly about it. I knew nothing about boys. I grew up with a sister, I had never BEEN a boy! I had been the girliest little girl I knew.

    I am now the mother of two little boys and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They are 6 and 7 and fantastic. They play football, build lego spaceships and know everything about Star Wars. And so do I. And it’s fun!

    And everybody knows how much boys love their mummys. Mine are no exception and I never, ever wich that I’d had a girl.

  31. Thank you for this post. I’m 6 months along and since we found out we’re having a boy, I’ve been, sadly, a bit nervous/disappointed/apprehensive about the whole boy thing. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who had those conflicting feelings.
    Again, thank you for your honesty and helping me see that in a few short months I’ll be a mom to the best kid ever (boy or girl)

  32. I always wanted girls because I wasn’t sure what to do with boys. Then I had a son and he has coloured my world. We have such a special relationship. Sons make their mothers feel like rock stars. Such a unique and precious bond.

  33. This sums up my experience perfectly! It’s not that I wished for a girl but I only picked out girl names (they were so much easier to come up with than boys names) and only looked at girl clothes :-) Now, I couldn’t imagine having anyone other than my little boy! I’m sure it’s because he is my Benjamin that I am so happy to have had a boy.

  34. Wow this is exactly what i needed yesterday i had my gender revealing party i cried all night after everyone left i wanted a girl so bad i couldnt see myself with a baby boy but this post was so honest positive and reassuring i cant wait to meet my little Eligh thank you jo

  35. OK, over two years since you wrote this post, but…you have a Toby! I have a Toby too, although mine was born in 1996 and just turned 17. Yikes.

    I hear you completely about fear of bonding with a son. I too was afraid of that, before I married and children became a probability. For some odd reason, once I met my to-be husband and knew we were our futures, I (note the pronoun) decided we’d have two children, one of each; that the boy would come first, and that his name would be Tobias. Because it goes with Henley. We’d name him Daniel too — Tobias Daniel, after my father Dan. The girl would come next, and we’d name her Elizabeth Jean, after her paternal grandmother Eliza, my mother Elizabeth, my mother-in-law Jean and my wonderful step-mother Jean. I did have back-up names in case we had two of the same gender. And they would both be redheads, as I am but as my husband isn’t.

    And my children did come in that order, with those names, and they are redheads.

    But I digress.

    I was less afraid of Toby’s development because my husband and I are bookish, computer-addicted types and there are no close masculine role-models whose interests differ vastly from ours, but that bonding! Oh my god, the bonding. I would go into his room at night, pick him up deep in sleep and sit with him until I felt centered and ready for bed. This became essential later when Toby was not quite a year old and my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Always a nervous flyer, before Toby I’d imagine my cat sitting on my lap when things got rough. After Toby I’d put myself back in the glider, him on my shoulder, warm, heavy and smelling milky. It always calmed me down then, and calms me still as I write this. Sometimes better than sex, that warm milky silence.

    Anyway. Glad I discovered you. Congratulations on your success! Blog on!

  36. When I read this, I felt as though you had actually expressed everything I have ever felt! Picturing my “ideal life” I thought that I would get married and then have two kids (a boy first and then a girl). But when I found out I was pregnant and I was five months along, I secretly hoped for a girl. I thought to myself ‘if this is the one child i’ll ever have, I really hope it’s a girl’

    Then my beautiful, sweet little boy came along and I couldn’t be happier! He is 14 months now, and is so cuddly and affectionate. He is the happiest baby I have ever seen, and is so full of character! If I am having a bad day and i’m a bit upset, he comes up to me and starts patting my back and lays his head on my knees, and if that doesn’t cheer me up he starts trying to do anything he can to make me laugh!

    I do get a bit concerned sometimes, like the other night when he saw monster trucks on TV and sat completely mesmerised by the whirring engines and the giant, flying, brightly coloured trucks, and then cried when I turned the TV off and the trucks went away. “Manly” hobbies like monster trucks and wrestling really aren’t in my realm of interest, but I know that we have a strong bond and that he loves me, and i’m sure as we get older we’ll find other activities to do together.

  37. Jo,

    I felt the same way you did! My whole pregnancy (we didn’t find out the gender until birth)I was hoping and even praying for a little girl. When that little boy surprised me, I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else. He is only two and half months now, the little squirt, and I can’t wait to see him exploring the greenbelt with daddy or finger painting with me. Thanks for your honesty. I was always afraid to admit I had wanted a girl because of my little boy finding out and feeling that I didn’t want him. You have inspired me to write a blog about it!
    Check out my blog if you have the time. I’m still working out the kinks. Let me know what you think. http://dropsofapril.blogspot.com/

  38. Just wanted to say how much this post meant to me. I found out a couple weeks ago I’m having a boy (due in July, too!) and was a little disappointed at first, I’d just always dreamed of having a daughter and don’t really know anything about boys! This post made me feel much more positive and excited, can’t wait till the little one comes!

  39. I absolutely adore my four-year-old son. He just gets better and better, as if that’s even possible.
    I always wanted to be a mom; I never could have imagined this much joy, bliss, and love (or sleep-deprivation).
    I love having a boy. Presumably I would feel the same way if I had a girl…I suppose?

  40. I felt the same way as you. Had two girls’ names picked out; no boys’ names; etc.
    I immediately fell head over heels in love with my son. He is now four-and-a-half and just gets more wonderful, as if that’s even possible! I love having a son. I presume that I would feel the same way if I had a daughter…but…I don’t know…this is awesome!

  41. My husband and I were ambivalent about having children, but both hoped for a boy – I because I’m not the girliest girl there ever was, my husband because he grew up with mostly males leading us to believe we’d be able to relate to a girl. After years of not not trying to the point of my thinking there was something very wrong with me, we got the surprise of our lives. I immediately knew I was having a girl because my relationship with my mother is in such shambles that she would either help us heal or continue the trend. As time wound down to my 20 week ultrasound, it suddenly occurred to me just how ridiculous I was being. Here I was with this great blessing. Shouldn’t I be more concerned that my baby be healthy? Then, like Lori above, I realized that this would be MY baby and our relationship wasn’t doomed to follow any pattern we didn’t create for ourselves and I stopped fearing having a baby girl and just enjoyed the fact that I was pregnant. My husband and I ultimately learned we were having a baby boy.

  42. I am new to your blog and already so addicted to your Motherhood Monday posts. I am not a mom nor will I be for a while, but I love the truth of your writing and the descriptions you have, they are so sweet and make me smile just imagining your life!

    When I think about my future with kids, in the past I always wanted a girl, but ever since I began having a close relationship with my new nephew, I have understood how fun boys are, too. I had the same feelings about how we would play with boys, how we would connect, and I am starting to see (after years of babysitting), girls can be hard to play with! I no longer have my 7-year old imagination dressing up and playing with barbies, and sometimes it feels awkward when they ask me to play. Boys, though, are a lot easier-going, building blocks, dancing around the living room, squishing bugs (those things I thought I would cringe over, I actually find quite adorable).

    I think there are pros and cons to each gender and either way you will love them unconditionally. I think every mom has some fears about connecting with their boys, but little men have more love than you originally imagine, and nothing softens my heart more than when my nephew squeals with excitement to see me or cuddles up on my lap while watching tv or gives me his big gooey kisses and hugs. :)

  43. You wrote this a year ago, but thank you for writing it! It is exactly how I have felt. It has been so reassuring hearing from those who had hoped for girls say how it all changed once the baby arrived. So thank you for broaching what some people feel is a “taboo” subject, although my guess is that it is a lot more common than others think.

  44. I know this is an old post, but I came back to it this morning after learning that our first is a boy! Even though I didn’t have a strong preference (just wanted a healthy baby!) I had a slight bias towards girl. I don’t know why; I was a terrified of princess stuff, was a difficult teenager myself, and have always fit in a bit easier with the guys. But when they said BOY in the ultrasound yesterday, I had a slight twinge of disappointment. Then, the technician showed us a great 3D image of his sweet face and I knew it didn’t matter.

    I loved re-reading this post, and suspect I will come back to it as I readjust my perception of parenting a boy.

  45. Thank you for this beautifully and honestly written post! I totally needed to hear this. I am pregnant with my first and just found out it is a boy. I have ALWAYS pictured myself with a girl (and mostly because I had three little sisters and no brothers growing up). I have been in shock the past couple of days and burst into tears when I saw cute little Christmas dresses for little girls at Target… knowing that I will never buy one of these for my own child. In the same sense, I have been feeling an incredible amount of guilt because of this twinge of disappointment… I have been trying to focus on how lucky I am that after a year of trying, we were actually able to get pregnant and that so far, the baby appears to be healthy! I feel better knowing that I am not the only one. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

  46. So we just had a Gender Reveal Party for our twins (expected in May!!) last night. We had two lovely cakes and I was not-so-secretly hoping for a boy and a girl, or two girls, but not two boys, for all the exact reasons you listed in the first half of your blog post. And then we cut the first cake…bright blue! And the second cake…bright blue!! So I’m going to be a mama of two little boys. I really, really needed the encouragement of this post today, and don’t think it was at all coincidental that I just read it for the first time. Thanks, Jo. You eased my heart. :)

  47. I was exactly the same Jo. I’d always envisioned having a girl, I thought it was part of my destiny, like because I’d seen myself with a girl in my mind, that this was the truth. That it was inevitable.

    I purposely didn’t find out the sex of our baby. This was because I knew there was immense pressure on us to have a girl (they are not existent in my husband’s family) and grandparents were no-so-secretly hoping for a girl. I didn’t want to sense, even for a second, their disappointment if it were a boy. And if I’m honest, I too didn’t want to be disappointed. I think because, deep down, I always knew my baby was a boy. I wanted to be the special daughter in law that provided the elusive granddaughter.

    But as my son was born and placed on my chest we were told ‘congratulations, it’s a boy’, and we responded with ‘of course it’s a boy’. I hadn’t seen my future with a boy and I thought I wanted a girl but I couldn’t have been more wrong. My son is the most precious gift I’ve even been blessed with. He is a wonder to me and every day I fall more and more with his little face, his little ways. I love that I have a son. It makes me so so proud and although I know I’d feel the same if I’d had a daughter, I’m just thrilled that I can say I have a son, his boyish charm has won me over.

  48. nicole says...

    I had to laugh at this sweet and diplomatic line “But part of me couldn’t help secretly feeling a little disappointed. I felt really guilty for feeling that way…” Girrrrllll…when I found out my baby was a boy (during an amnio) I burst into tears. The nurse was so mean and said I should just be happy I was having a healthy baby. Then I cried for THREE straight days. I wrote angry journal entries about how I would not be allowing certain things into my house, like violent video games and football and Spiderman. Despite being married and hetero, I disliked boys in every way. I have always sort of been scared of them. I’m the girliest of girl’s girl. It NEVER even occurred to me that I would spawn anything other than a female. I was angry, sad and shaken. Then I came to terms with it. Because honestly, what else can you do?!?

    Then you hold that boy and wow. There is no other love, is there? Now at 4 1/2 he still often wants to sleep curled up next to me with one hand on a boob territorially. He says, “I love you beautiful mama”. Sigh. He is my favorite little boyfriend…husband who? I still wouldn’t allow a video game, but I’ve had to get over the fact that his favorite thing in the world is a play gun. (Ugh) I’ve pushed him more toward Superman than Spiderman, because he just seems a little more wholesome and all American. But in the end, this kid is the love of my life and clearly here to teach me about boys.

    Now I’m pregnant with #2…another boy. I only had one sad pang of…no pigtails or frilly dresses! No little future feminist? Well now I’ve got two boys to raise who will become loving, respectful men out in the world. And they are going to love me like no one else and I’m going to be queen of the house!

  49. Anonymous says...

    Jo,
    i am a mother of two. my first was
    a boy, and growing up a tom boy i couldnt wait to get down in the mud and climb trees again, then my beautiful daughter was born and it is all about pink and tea parties. i guess i got lucky and get to live the best of both worlds.

  50. Anonymous says...

    I’m realllly afraid of having a girl. I’m not sure I can understand exactly why but I totally love my younger brothers and I guess I just feel more comfortable with guys.

    I have been thinking about babies a lot lately and am not sure it’s okay to go into a pregnancy with a preference. Thanks so much for sharing your honest feelings here, Joanna—it sounds like no matter what things will work out the way they’re meant to be. So glad you’re eyes have opened, that’s pretty darn cool…

    xoxx

  51. You have said what I think about time and time again. Having a boy was such a gift, I don’t think mothers and daughters always have such strong bonds, at least not as organically.

    Funny, I was reading LOVE YOU FOREVER by Robert Munnsch to Wyatt, my 7mo old this morning and started tearing up. Then I opened up my computer and there was your post which was everything I had been thinking.

    Jillian

  52. Anonymous says...

    I have three amazing girls and just found out this morning that my fourth is a boy. I have been crying all morning and feel really dumb because you are right that a healthy baby is all that matters. Your post about your son brightened my mood. Thank you. You are so right about dinosaur balloons, they are very cool ;) I’m going to start picturing those if I feel sad.

  53. I loved reading this; thanks so much for sharing! I don’t have children, nor am pregnant, nor married for that matter, but when I think about my future children I go back and forth on what I want. I want a girl for all the reasons that a woman wants a girl, I know girls, I am one. But a boy, I would absolutely love to have a little mama’s boy. :) Thanks so much for your openness.

  54. I loved reading this; thanks so much for sharing! I don’t have children, nor am pregnant, nor married for that matter, but when I think about my future children I go back and forth on what I want. I want a girl for all the reasons that a woman wants a girl, I know girls, I am one. But a boy, I would absolutely love to have a little mama’s boy. :) Thanks so much for your openness.

  55. Anonymous says...

    I wanted a boy first – so he could take care of his little sister :) And after my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage – we tried again and I got the most amazing little boy that I could have ever imagined. So after 2 1/2 years we started trying for our girl. But then I had another miscarriage…so when I got pregnant the again and I knew the baby was ok, I thanked the Lord for a sibling for my son – but I secretly prayed super hard that I would have a girl. Just thinking about it would make me cry. But for both babies I kept the gender a secret until birth. I have also been going through a lot of other difficulties and challenges so I felt that God would gift me the girl and my hearts desire to kind of level the playing field…(silly, silly me)

    So when I gave birth 4 weeks ago to my 2nd son I instantly felt relief that he was out and disappointment that I’d had another boy, and exhaustion at the the thought I’d have to try again because I want a girl more than anything…

    I love my precious little boy though. He too is amazing, and beautiful and perfect but he looks so much like a girl I sometimes second guess myself like are you sure you are a boy? (yes even 1 month later and after a thousand diaper changes). I’d kept that though to myself until my mother told me that she thought he looked like a girl and if I put a bow in his hair no one know..lol. Thanks mom.

    I come from a family of 5 girls…no boys…my sisters have girls, and everyone has already begged me to try again…as if there is some guarantee that I will ultimately get the girl next time.

    We get what life gives us so who knows if I’ll try again. I’ll probably have to hit the lottery first and start trying again soon with my age and my issues…and I am not sure if I am up for the challenge. My cousin tried and ended up with 3 boys and my girl friend ended up with 4 boys…and they each said to stop while I am ahead lol. (jokingly I am sure) But one thing is certain having struggled to have kids, it is not lost on me that I am blessed beyond measure to have 2 healthy babies. No matter what the gender. And I do love that my boys have each other. And I have them and I get to be their mommy. And I am proud, blessed and better for it.

  56. Dear Jo!

    Found your fascinating blog only today and I`m already a huge fan of it! Thank you so much for deep, thrilling, hillarious posts.
    I`m expecting mommy of little Staś and your comments on being pregnancy and motherhood are so helpful!:):)
    I and my fiance were nearly 100% it will be a boy. But we wished deeply it will be healthy infant…
    Now I`m thinking of how HE will be look like…Three and a half months left to see.
    My dad is so happy:):) I think he always wanted to have more than only me and now he1s so excited to have little boy.
    Thank you once again for…being discovered! Thank you for your insights. Looking foreward to reading your posts and exploring more.
    Have a good day,
    Małgorzata

  57. I’ve never really thought about this.
    I’m only 17 (haha) but I’ve always wanted more than one child so I’ve assumed I’ll have multiples of each gender.
    I’ve been set on international adoption my whole life. It’s just something I’ve always been drawn too, and I believe the biological children will come later, but all from my heart.

    No matter the gender, I just want my children to be raised in a multi-cultured home, where they can grow in love, be open-minded, learn acceptance, and fall in love with all the beautiful things around them.
    At the end of the day, that’s what I care about. They’ll all turn out alright.

  58. This comment has been removed by the author.

  59. The exact same thing happened to me. Maxwell (Max) is just over 9 months and I couldn’t imagine having had a girl! My sister had a girl 6months before he was born, and so I knew i’d have the opposite, as the ulltrasound confirmed. But I went crazy with blue and since he was born found ways to be just as cute, vintage and lovable as I imagined it would be with a girl. Now I can’t imagine having a girl and having girl things and everything pink. Is it just me or is it easier for a boy to wear all kinds of colours and girls just end up with a waredrobe full of pink – not to mention the theme continues in toys and blankets etc!

    Max still wears vintage – overalls and jumpers, jackets and shoes and more! And only having sisters I thought I’d really have no idea…but my husband tells me all the cute things about his childhood and I love re-inacting them with Max!

    bxx

    Boys are awesome!

  60. I also always wanted a girl. So when I found out I was pregnant with my son I was SHOCKED. But then, like you said, he was born and it was AWESOME. I couldn’t for the life of my understand why I had previously wanted a girl, or why ANYONE, for that matter, would want a girl!

    Of course, then when I was pregnant for the second time I wanted a GIRL! I figured I had my first child, my male child, and that was perfectly as it should be, and now it was time for my girl. And yes, I had a girl! (he is 3 she is 8 months). And yeah, it’s pretty much perfect).

    Anyway, LOVE your post. Just how I feel!

  61. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m one week from my due date and we didn’t find out the baby’s gender. I am consumed with anxiety that if I have a boy I will not bond with him or love him like I would a girl for many of the same reasons you give above.

    After four losses I thought all I really wanted was a healthy baby, but a couple of months ago I let myself stop feeling guilty and let myself admit that I desperately want a girl.

    I hope that when I meet our baby in the next week or three I am as enamored with him/her as you are with your little boy. xo

  62. Anonymous says...

    Our first child was a boy, while I’d unknowingly been hoping for a girl I was thrilled to have another man to love, he’s now 7 and the sweetest most compassionate smartest kid I know.
    Second (and 4th actually)pregnancies ended with miscarriages.
    3rd pregnancy (2nd child) I was sure was a girl. The pregnancy was VERY different than the first, but on the way to the 20wk u/s it hit me like a ton of bricks, B.O.Y. And it was right. I was so upset. I’d just assumed that as we already had a son this one had to be a girl. Of course nothing could change how much I love him.
    3rd baby, yet again, another boy!
    We both wanted one more child, though I’m fairly certain if one of those first 3 had been a girl we’d have stopped at 3.
    Fourth time was not the charm. We have 4 boys from 7.5 yrs-9.5 months.
    They’re all loved equally, they’re all loved for their crazy boy-ness, it’s one deafening house over here!

    But somehow people, whom I assume think they’re being helpful, always seem to say “having a girl doesn’t guarantee a good relationship”. Damn straight, I know that. But never having a daughter DOES guarantee never having that mother/daughter relationship. My sister and I were raised by our mother and are very close to our grandparents. Never having a daughter just never registered to me.
    Yes, I may have a great relationship with potential future daughter in laws, but that just isn’t the case in most situations.

    I’d never wish away any of my sons, but I do not feel that I’m not allowed to mourn the daughter I never had.

  63. Wow you have a lot of comments so hopefully you get to see this one:) My good friend sent me this post many months ago when I found out I was having a boy. I didn’t think I would care if it was a boy or girl but it turns out I did. Now I have my boy and he is the best thing to ever happen to me in the world. I LOVE boys. They are so cute and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my son. I’m a videographer and made this video to share with my friends and family that we were having a boy. Made it months ago but my friend told me you might like it and I should send it to you. So here it is: http://vimeo.com/21051498

  64. Rebecca says...

    Hi Jo, I have been meaning to comment on this post for a while. I was also hoping for our first bub to be a girl.
    When I found out we were having a boy I was excited but also a little lost about the idea of being able to relate to a little baby boy properly (or as well as I thought I could with a little girl). Your lovely post helped me to feel that it was quite normal to have these feelings and more importantly has helped me to feel more connected to my little man. Little boys are so lovely. Yours is soooo sweet by the way! Our bub is due on the 20th of September and we cannot wait to meet him!

  65. Lovely post Joanna. I’m pregnant with my first baby and we’re finding out tomorrow what the sex is – I’m so excited I can barely contain myself!
    Initially I wanted a girl for all the reasons you mention, but now I think it might be a boy, I just don’t care one hoot. It’s lovely to know that no matter what, a girly girl’s lack of knowledge about sports and bike parts won’t get in the way.

    Very happy to found your blog!

  66. Holy comments. I’m sure this one will get lost in there somewhere, but to answer your question yes I think we all hope for a certain gender. I have a very “male” husband as you referred to the males in your family. We have been blessed with two boys (3 and 2 years old), and we are expecting our 3rd boy. I kind of knew I was having a boy, but let’s be honest at this point I was HOPING for a boy. When the tech told me last week that I was having a boy, I cried the rest of the ultrasound. Not a real cry, but a quiet tear stained cry. My husband could not comprehend why I would be sad about having another boy. I’m not sad about having another boy, I just hoped for a girl deep down inside. I won’t give up until I have one, but in the meantime, my boys are my job.

  67. Non avrei mai creduto di poter avere dei figli, ma quando questo è accaduto desideravo con tutte le mie forze un maschietto. Sentivo nel mio profondo che lui era un bimbo. Adesso lui è la mia vita, il mio sole. Amo comprarli macchinete, moto, palle ecc. E quando lui mi abbraccia il tempo si ferma per me…perche lui è il mio amore
    Saluti,Eva

  68. Always wanted a boy for my first child and he’s two and a half right now.

  69. i am so glad i stumbled upon this post. i found out tuesday we are having a boy. i couldn’t believe it. i had really only been able to imagine a girl. i only have been able to think of girl names I like. so when we found out I cried & felt terrible about it. it has only been a few days & i am warming up to it. i figure this is a normal feeling, so i appreciate your honesty.

  70. This is basically exactly how I felt before I had my son. I look back at my feelings and thoughts at that time and just laugh at myself. It is really nice to hear other people have felt this way. I always thought I was just a bit of weirdo. Thanks for this post.
    maeve

  71. Anonymous says...

    I never wanted kids, atleast not any time soon (I’m 22) then suddenly I met fiance and when I met him I was aware that he had a 3yr old son..but it wasn’t until we were serious that I found out he was actually raising him alone! So here was this tiny boy who was incredibly charming. He had so much energy and spunk and his own little mind that it astounded me how quickly I went from being a single 20 yr old to falling head over heels for this man and his son. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now, and I have been raising him as my own (even though his bio mom recently came back into the picture) and sometimes I fear that we won’t bond as well because I don’t care for boy stuff but when that happens I am happy with just watchin him and his dad play and it’s all ok. I do want a girl tho for our next child. I can’t get enough of all the cute clothes and being able to teach, guide, and support her the way my mother never did.

  72. What a wonderful post. I haven’t stopped by for a while, but I’m so glad I did. This is a very similar experience to my own. I now have two gorgeous boys and can’t imagine my life without them!

  73. Beautiful post, i love how u talk… brought tears in my eyes…

    I think that most men want to have a daughter in fact, mu husband did.

    Just like u dreamed about having a girl, i saw myself walking by the hand with a little boy, blond hair blue eyes. Something like that.

    And my intuition was right. We have a blond little fella now, blue eyes, he is two, and so funny and cute, and brave… His head is huge thats true, and his round tummy is comming out when he walks or stands so cutely. I love him so much.

    I guess u love what you get and forget all your previous wants and hopes, as they don’t matter when u see a sweet little face of your child, the most beautiful one.

  74. It’s so nice to hear your honest take on it. I feel, like you said, nobody every admits to wanting one over the other.
    When I was pregnant with my third baby (after having two boys), I think I did secretly hope the third would be a girl. But of course, I had already had two babies and I knew (like you) that the minute that perfect little bundle is born, you immediately feel you’ve known him all your life, and couldn’t possibly imagine it any other way. So… when our third was born and it was a GIRL… I was completely overwhelmed. It feels perfect… as it would have if she was a boy, I suppose.
    Anyway, I did secretly hope for girl. Although I was adamant that I didn’t care when the WHOLE world assumed I must want my third to be a girl.
    xo Courtney

  75. Love this. I don’t have a child yet, but I can’t wait for the day. I definitely lean girl, but little boys are so stinkin’ adorable too. Plus, my little boy will be the “IV” so we have a name to pass down!

  76. Anonymous says...

    When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I both secretly (although I suppose it really wasn’t a secret since we both confided in one another) for a boy, and we were blessed with a boy.

    When I was pregnant with our second child, three years later, I secretly hoped for a boy because I so thoroughly enjoyed the relationship that I had with my son (yep, he’s a momma’s boy!); instead we were blessed with a girl.

    And just recently, I gave birth to a third child, a boy. While we told everyone during my pregnancy that we didn’t really care what gender the baby was since we already had one of each, I secretly hoped for a girl because daddy’s little princess had such a bright and vibrant personality.

    After three kids, I’ve now come to the realization that it doesn’t matter what gender the baby is, I just can’t help falling in love with newborns…

  77. I just have to say that our family has been “blessed beyond belief” with our little girl who happens to have Down Syndrome….

  78. Hi Joanna
    Let me start off by saying I love your blog, its so inspiring. And now for the good stuff. When I started reading your post I began to get a knot in my throat and eventually started crying. My husband and I found out we were expecting a boy he was thrilled of course and I was terrified. So many mixed emotions I felt awful for not being as happy as my hubby but I kept saying to myself he is healthy and I am blessed. Everything sank in and I could not ask for anything more. When Noah arrived in our lives there were no words to express the love I have for him. He is exactly what I wanted a healthy happy boy full of life. Thank you Joanna for letting me share this.

    Cynthia
    http://www.memoirsdeamor.blogspot.com

    p.s. Many blessings to you and your growing family :-)

  79. Anonymous says...

    My first baby was a girl. I had to have a girl & she was! So happy. So when I got pregnant for the second time, of course I needed another girl, because Quinn needed a sister. I have two brothers and zero sisters, and have always craved that sisterly bond that I will never experience. I sincerely wanted that for my daughter. In my heart, mind and soul, this second baby was a girl. However. The ultrasound technician disagreed and informed us that our unborn child was a BOY. I cried for the remainder of the ultrasound and for most of the rest of that day. Everyone told me how ridiculous I was being, my husband told me to pull it together. I didn’t bond with my son until I went into preterm labor with him, eight weeks early. The SECOND my water broke, he was mine- always and forever, my boy. It was instant worry, concern, and an instant deeply rooted bond that really is inexplicable. Now he’s here & five months old and the love of our lives. Quinn adores her little brother and barely leaves his side. I am no longer concerned that she must have a sister to love. She has a brother to love forever and she’s already great at just that. <3 God sends the children we are meant to have.

  80. Anonymous says...

    I totally relate to your experience. We never found out the sex of the baby while i was pregnant and when people asked what i was hoping for i would say that i didn,t care. And i didn.t really, but i thought that i would prefer a girl. I think it,s fairly common for women to want a daughter and for men to want a son, you tend to go for what your familiar with. But as soon as they,re born yodo are so in love with them that you could,t imagine them being anything else.
    Also, I can,t explain it, but I think there is something so special about the mother son relationship and also the father daughter relationship. My baby boy turns one on Thursday and he is the love of my life.

  81. Don’t you worry.

    You can have a boy and still do wonderful girly things! :)

    Look at this adorable picture of mother and son.

    http://tinyurl.com/5wteetf

  82. Joanna, I hate that I’m just reading this post now, because you’ve described exactly how I feel (and felt), to a T. I’m girly, grew up with a sister and knew nothing about boys. I thought I would LOVE having a little girl. Now that my son is 11 months old, I’m smitten and so, so proud to be the mom of a sweet and determined little boy. Even one who already counts manly grunting as one of his favorite things to do :)

  83. JB says...

    i know what you mean. I’m running out of time to have kids but I’ve always thought I’d like a girl over a boy but the reality is, I will be lucky to have a baby regardless. I try and keep focussed on that. !

  84. At eighteen, I don’t have kids – or plan to in the near future – but I was six when my little sister was born. My brother Caleb and I so badly wanted a baby sister that we mixed up a “potion” for my mother of colored sugar and milk and some other stuff to make sure that she would have a girl…. and she did.
    Now my aunt is pregnant, and I still kind of hope she’ll have a girl – and this is partly because it’d be nice to do all the things I did for my little sister again, like walk her to ballet and read Pride & Prejudice…
    My brother is quite possibly my best friend in the world, but he doesn’t like ballet or girly movies, if you know what I mean.

    windeater.blogspot.com

  85. I have been fortunate to have one boy and three girls. I have to say though my son who is the eldest of my children when I found out I was pregnant with him I felt a moment of wistfulness because I only knew girls I was a girl I had two sisters what would I do with a boy! Then I had him and I was in love and he was/is the best and I thought I can have boys alone and I would be good. So much so that when my first daughter was born it took me months to adjust to the fact that she didn’t have a little package between her legs LOL.
    I have to say I am blessed to have both boy and girls they are all wonderful and special in their own way! Lovely post!

  86. This is so touching and really sums it up. Sometimes I just take a moment to “take in” my baby boy and the feeling is overwhelming. Thanks for putting it all in perspective so beautifully.

  87. We lost our fist child, a girl, to cancer when she was 1 1/2. I wanted my girl back, and as I couldn’t have that, my next wish was for another girl. I felt a little ‘owed’.
    When our next baby was born, a boy, it turned out so awesome, because I got to make a big, fresh change. Bought boy clothes, did boy playdates. There weren’t as many comparisons as I think there would have been with a second girl. He got to be him.
    Four years later, we had a girl, and YAY. (It’s been fun to break out all the girl things I’ve saved.)
    To be perfectly honest, (since you have been, and everyone else here) I’m glad I didn’t have to miss out on a girl, because I probably would have gone through life feeling gypped of a girl. I am gypped, but it’s of a person, not a gender.
    Only now do I have the perspective to realize it doesn’t matter. I don’t know that I would have seen that, I don’t think. How long would I have been jealous of everyone who had a girl? I’m very thankful I’m not fighting that battle! (and, Hooray for kids!)

  88. Anonymous says...

    what a sweet and honest confession :) when we found out i was pregnant, i was dying for a girl. i am super girly, and extremely close to my mother and girlfriends. we waited to find out the sex, and when HE arrived, we learned he was born with a heart defect. he is my miracle. every thought about wanting a girl was wiped away. i wanted a healthy baby. today, he is two years old, and stronger than ever. he has opened my eyes and changed my life in a way that cannot be explained by words. he represents everything good in this world. he is my sunshine, and the most joyful person i have ever met. not only am i thankful to have a boy, but this boy. my luke. and now, we have two boys. i am lucky to be their mother, and the world is lucky to have them. now, i can’t imagine having a girl. i wouldn’t know what to do. i am so used to cars, trucks, dirt, tractors and dinosaurs. and i like it. love it.
    -s

  89. maureen says...

    While I was pregnant with my two boys I did secretly hope one would be a girl but that thought disappeared immediately once they were born. That’s why I’m glad that finding out the sex is not the norm here – months before birth is probably not biologically the right time. I’m sure it also makes people define a baby more in terms of gender, limiting their expectations and aspirations long before they’ve had the chance to define themselves.

    Not finding out the gender till you meet your baby is really not scary or odd in other countries.

  90. Anonymous says...

    When we learned that we were to have twins, I knew that it would be a boy and a girl: the perfect balance. When the little tykes emerged with not a penis between them, I felt a burst of disappointment.
    But then, as Joanna says, that vain thought was banished totally by the excitement of meeting the two newcomers and in getting to know their extraordinary selves.
    I never made that mistake again.

  91. I too wanted a girl. As the eldest of Irish triplets and from a family led by matriarchs, I KNEW I was going to have a girl. So when my husband and I found out we were having a boy, we were a little in shock. My middle sister said, “A boy? What will we DO with him?” and I replied, “we will do a zillion fun things and teach him to grow up and honor women who are strong and have their act together”. Since our boy was born this January, I too, can’t imagine what it would be like to have a little girl. I am head over heels in love with my Jack and think of all the things we will do together at various ages. Have an “excavation” birthday party where we bury dinosaur bones in the backyard and have he and his friends uncover them. Take him to Spring Training for baseball, teach him how to build a kite and a derby car. A whole different world is opened for this girl who was a bit of a tomboy. And my mom is cherishing a world of blue and lions instead of more pink bows.

    I am also so glad that you posted about this as I too, felt guilty to have a preference especially as now I know how wonderful our baby son is…

  92. I just had a baby son two days ago (the sex was a surprise) and you absolutely just took the words right from my brain. Reading that makes me feel better about the little guilt I feel for being a little sad that I wasn’t going to have the little girl I have been dreaming about. But I cannot imagine my life without this little man…the love for him is nothing I have ever known.

    Thank you for writing this and putting that out there.

  93. So, I’m a little late to the party but thought I’d give my 2 cents as well. I always wanted boys & that’s what I got. But I did always wonder if they’d be “boring” once they were not infants/babies/toddlers any more. Would an 8 year old still have exciting things to offer? I did feel quite silly asking my mom this question and she so graciously didn’t make fun of me or look down one me. Now that I have an 11 year old & an 8 year old, I can say that my fears, too, were silly. They have TONS to offer and are not (in the least) “boring”.
    Kudos to you for coming out and saying what almost everyone feels. I’d say that more than 90% of women secretly hope for one or the other. Love that you were so honest!

  94. pamela says...

    so i am sitting in my office reading your post literally crying!
    probably because i’m hormonal being preggo with baby #3, but mainly because i can relate to every word. my 1st pregnancy i was preggo with triplets and when i found out they were all boys i wept for hours. however after losing 2 of the babies, i was so overjoyed with my beautiful baby boy. pregnancy #2 brought me another boy which everyone but me was disappointed it wasn’t a girl. i just couldn’t imagine anything but a boy! now 10 weeks into pregnancy #3 (a surprise one!) i am really hoping for a girl, but after my two boys, another one would not disappoint.

  95. This was beautifully written, and I did appreciate it. However, I would like to second the one or two comments from the (apparent)minority. Saying “I just want it to be healthy” implies that you would not want or love a baby as much if it were not healthy. Yet time and again, we hear of loving, wonderful parents who are making it work and loving their children despite (or maybe extra because of?) their disabilities. I wish the language “I just want the baby to be healthy” would disappear. In someone’s post (on another blog), someone wrote “I just want a living baby.” There is something to be said for that. ;)

  96. yes, The Epic Adventurer, i totally agree that boys and girls are their own individual selves and shouldn’t fall into stereotypes — i totally, totally agree. but in my family, the girls are very girly, and the boys are very boyish, so i was trying to get that across in the post since that’s what i was worried about when i was pregnant (maybe i didn’t do it very clearly). but i agree with you that every child is unique and doesn’t necessarily fall into gender stereotypes — maybe toby will want to be a ballet dancer! :)

  97. maggie says...

    * thank YOU ;-)

  98. maggie says...

    i secretly hope for girls. thank yo for being so honest!

  99. I love this post. I Had the same exact experience. My first is a boy who I secretly hoped was a girl but I’m sooo glad he is him. He completes me and I love him to no end. We just had our second baby and I got my girl. Life works out exactly the way it is supposed to…sometimes we need to set our hopes aside and know it will happen the way it is supposed to. Life is divine like that.

    Thanks for sharing!

  100. yes, oh yes. When I was in my first trimester I begged for a boy, and at that magical 18 week ultrasound when we were told, its a girl. I cried. I cried for all the mistakes I’d made as a girl, all the self esteem issues i went through, for middle school taunting, until my partner finally set me straight saying, “it isn’t a mini you, she’s a mini us.” Ella wouldn”t be doomed to repeat my mistakes, my little sugar pumpkin would make her own.
    And, then, as you said, I met Ella. In this first year, where gender is a non issue, I fell so madly in love I can’t imagine her as anything else, or even remember why I was so eager to have a boy.

  101. I wrote about something similar a while back. My boy took me by surprise too – as did how much I actually loved having a boy. They’re, quite simply, the best.

  102. What I found disappointing about this post, Jo (and usually I am a huge fan of your blog), is that you really stuck girls into the pink princess ballet world, and boys into cars and motorcycles and sports. I think when we raise future generations, part of our work as parents should be to erase those arbitrary boundaries, limits on what each gender “should” do. Because you’re right — you didn’t have “a boy,” you had Toby.

  103. Like the other 500 commenters before me, I just loved reading this post! We recently found out we’re having a boy, and there was definitely a part of me (bigger than small) that felt a little nervous and disappointed. For some reason I thought having a girl would be so easy and fun, simply based on the fact that I myself am a girl.

    But then I thought about my two little brothers and what sweet kids they were (and pretty cool adults, too), and my husband who’s a wonderful son to his parents, and I started feeling really lucky. I still think it’s normal to feel some disappointment if your expectation was different, but of course you get over it and realize that whichever sex it turns out to be is really the best one possible.

  104. A part of me was disappointed every time I found out the sex of each of my children. Even on the third one when I already had one of each. I think for me it was because the instant I found I was pregnant I began to have dreams for a son and a daughter and when the sex was definitive one set of those dreams became impossible. I think the dissapointment was more intense after I had a frame of reference in the form of an existing son and daughter. I don’t think these feelings were unique to me. I think a lot of women probably feel the same.

  105. To be honest I did not care either way being the oldest of seven – 3 brothers and 3 sisters, I was prepared for either, however I did like dressing the girl more than the boy :) My Mom on the other hand was worried when we found out I was having a girl for our first child, she kept saying “another girl to suffer in this world,” to date not sure why she said that as I was always a very strong and independent female maybe she was thinking of her own past even though she left my dad and raised her 7 kids on her own…So fast forward 27 years I have a daughter the eldest and a son 4 years younger and I can say that for me even with all the difficulties that my son had, an over achiever daughter, it has turned out to be that she has made my heart run a little faster than I liked it to and skip a beat here and there because somehow you seem to worry more about the girls than the boys silly of me as both can get into the same amount of trouble :)
    I will say it would have been great to have a 3rd and that one to be a girl as for the last 10 years I have been outnumbered at home by the boys, maybe my first grandchild will be a girl…
    ♥ Noemi
    Fashion: Classy N Glamorous
    Travel: Across The Sea

  106. What a sweet blog post! You’re right…no one really talks about a preference but many have it! Thanks for sharing your story :)

  107. I have 2 boys… when I was pregnant with second one I was VERY disappointed to find out it was ANOTHER boy… BUT they are TEEN BOYS now and I’m THRILLED that I had BOYS!!!! If I could go back and do it all again and have girls I say NO THANK YOU… my BOYS are a DELIGHT!!!

    ENJOY!
    Fifi

  108. I think when I finally get a kid of my own, I want a boy. I grew up with a family of all girls and a dad and an uncle. I’m not nervous AT ALL that I may not know guy things. I’ll learn. Thanks for the post :)

  109. I read a great book by steve biddolph, he says there are 3 stages to a boys life 0-6 ish they belong to their mother for pure love and devotion, then from 6-13 they are their fathers for strengthening, then from 13 onwards they are in the hands of their mentors, friends, uncles and other for Guidance into their independance. As a mother of three boys (and 1 girl too!) I can see it unfolding and I am now planning some really good influence ahead for their teens! So Dont worry about all that guy stuff ahead you will always be first in the queue for their love.

  110. Ditto ditto. I so wanted a little girl so I could put her hair in braids and dress her in gingham bloomers. But now I cannot imagine not having a boy! He’s the my little buddy! And now I think I’d be fine having all boys, I think. Though I still do want to dress a little girl in bloomers.

    Really, it doesn’t matter who your children are. You will love them more than you could possibly imagine, regardless of their chromosomes!

  111. This brought me to tears. Funny thing is, I truly wanted boys…I was always a tomboy (a coaches daughter) and still love sports and I think guys are just generally so much more fun and cool. Well, I had two boys (true love) BUT…I inherited a step-daughter (then aged 4, now 20)she brings me so much joy and laughter that I can hardly imagine life without her. Funny how life works out. The daughter I was somehow meant to have…lucky me.

  112. m says...

    Oh man, I’m so glad you wrote this. I have always always only wanted a girl, and my boyfriend’s family has had about 12 boys in a row, going back generations, which is apparently something a family can be genetically predisposed to. And it’s made me so anguished about having kids, which I know sounds stupid! But this made me feel a bit better.

  113. How i understand you…i´m also pregnant and i want a baby girl so badly that I can´t stop telling it to everyone who asks me if I have a preference…
    we only have a name for a baby girl, and my preference seems to have the same logical reason that you described…

    I´ll have to wait 5 more days to know the child´s sex…what unbearable days…
    Thank´s for sharing, make´s me feel more comfortable with my own thoughts…

  114. Well there are a few things I think of when on this topic. One is that girls frighten me!! I don’t know what I would do with a girl! I am not really a typical girly-girl, so I am not sure what I would do with the little one who wants to be a princess! That said, I’d really enjoy little dresses and braiding my daughter’s hair…and teaching her that girls can do things like bake and sew, but also go out with Dad to the workshop and work on the car.

    The second thing I think about is the fact that my husband and I lost our first son via a stillbirth. His name was Henry, and I think about him every day. When I was pregnant I just knew he was a boy…

    And eventually, later, when we got pregnant again, I also knew it was a boy. There was some relief…some sense of trying this again with a better outcome, and honoring Henry with a little brother. Our second son is Finn, and we intend to tell him about his big brother who is in heaven.

    It felt kind of right, like life coming full circle and giving us the boy energy that we had longed for when we were so devastated to lose Henry. Finn isn’t a replacement — he’s a different boy and Henry would have been different from Finn — but it just felt right having a son.

    If we had another I am pretty sure it would be a boy too. For some reason, I think we just make boys.

    I am so in love with this little man. He is utterly amazing, and I do consider him a miracle baby. He came three months early and was in the NICU for seven long and scary weeks.

    He is eighteen months old today and so healthy, you would never know there was an issue with his birth or early life.

    Thank you for this question, Jo, and the discussion it has inspired…

  115. I always pictured a son, mostly I think because I wanted a little clone of my hubby ;) But during the ultrasound, when they said “its a GIRL!” I said “oh yay!” and that is when it dawned on me, I really didn’t care! Having a baby and growing your family is so overall exciting that its amazing no matter what! And if having a healthy baby wasn’t enough, my daughter looks SO MUCH like my husband it is just beautiful! She has his smile and dark hair, his cheeks and eyes! I really think you always get what you need most, even if you didn’t know it ahead of time!!

  116. I am soo glad you wrote about this. Its 100% true. I wanted a little girl for the same reasons you did(pink, dress up, dancing/cheerleading, baking, shopping, etc)but we had a little boy. I remember crying like you did and feeling like the worst mother in the world. Of course I wanted him to be healthy overall but I really wanted my girl. When my little boy arrived it was the most amazing experience I will ever go through. He has me wrapped around his little finger and I wouldnt change it for anything in the world. I may not have pink and bows right now but I do have a wonderful little fella that relys on me for everything and I am just honored that I get to be a mom. Maybe the next one will be a girl..and if not..we will just have a TON of Legos and GI Joes laying around.

    thank you again for writing this..i think it hits home for a lot of people.

  117. Anonymous says...

    I was an only child and so was my mother, so my experience with boys was pretty limited. my mom and I share a very close and loving relationship and I couldn’t wait to have this kind of relationship with a daughter–the long, til-your-ear-hurts phone calls, the shopping trips, secrets from dad, etc.
    We didn’t find out the sex of our first child, but I KNEW he was a boy and I was okay with that. every girl should have an older brother to protect her.
    we decided for practicality’s sake to find out the sex of the second baby and at the ultrasound, there was no denying his “maleness.” was I disappointed?–in a word, yes. do I secretly wish i had a girl? sometimes, but only when I imagine her all grown up –past all the hormonal trials of puberty.
    i can say with all honesty that i LOVE having boys. they are so fun and busy and they teach me new things all of the time. and boys adore their mommies; mine stroke my hair when i sing them lullabies and touch my cheeks before kissing me.
    Jo, you nailed it when you said you have a newfound appreciation for boy toys and activities. I, too, see the world through my sons’ eyes and it is a beautiful place.
    thank you for sharing your reflections. they are wonderful to read.

  118. We don’t have children yet, someday, hopefully! :-)
    If I had my choice, I would say I would like to have a boy, at least for the first, and maybe for all boys if we have more than one! Part of the reason is that there are all girl grandkids on my husband’s side, 3 girls from each of his brothers, so it has been left up to him to have the grandsons! However, if his brothers’ genetics hold true to him as well, we’ve got no chance of a boy!

  119. this is so sweet. thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. i’m on my couch crying at the realness of this, because of my own fears. if my husband and i are able to have children is this a great encouragement to me!

  120. Thank you so much for this post! It really speaks to me because as i write my husband and i are expecting a baby boy in early August. Our first baby. I too was secretly hoping for a girl for the same reasons you expressed. And since we found out it’s a boy i’ve been having ALL of your same concerns. It warms my heart to hear how special your little boy is in your life and how all those “silly” concerns have disappeared. I know they will for me too. I can’t wait to meet my little man and experience nursing him and looking into his sweet little eyes as you described.

  121. Beautiful, Joanna! Thanks for a well-written and honest piece on a rather sensitive or “hush hush” topic.

    My boyfriend and I plan to have children in the next year or two. And I think a lot about having children, every aspect of it, including gender. I think about how life will “just be” with either a girl or a boy. And I also think about twins! I want twins. It runs in the family on his side. No less, however, I do find myself yearning for a baby boy. But I’ll take either or, of course! Or maybe one of each!? What a perfect world that would be!

    I think the reason I would prefer a boy is because my entire life has been just me, my older sister, and my mom, raising the two of us – a single mother for the majority of our lives. But just us girls! I want a change! But of course, I feel I need to say that, I would love a boy or a girl, no matter what! Health is all I can really wish and hope for :)

  122. Hi Jo,
    loved your post!
    I have a wee boy who is the SAME AGE as Toby:) his name is Jasper, he is georgeous.. like you I also ‘secretly’ hoped for a girl (easier and more fun to dress/do girly things with) but Jasper came along, and now im seeing things through his eyes..like you. Im also pregnant with number 2! (yeah..no waiting round here!) and I again ‘secretly’ hoped for a girl..but found out we are having boy number 2!!! Im actually quite happy now, i think itl be neat for my Jasper to have a playmate 16 months younger than him. I have grown up with only sisters (3 of them!) and i always thought i might be given boys..and this has come true…so far:)
    You may get another boy too!

  123. Anonymous says...

    i would have bet everythign i had on our baby being a girl, but it was a boy! i stll cant believe i had a boy, i secretly wanted a boy first because i didnt think i would ever have a boy, dont know why, maybe cause there are so many girls in my family!
    but we are stoked and he is the coolest most amazing person i know. and hes only 9 months old.
    now i hope the next one is a girl, even though i did the ring test and it told me i would have 3 boys…

  124. Anonymous says...

    When I was pregnant I was convinced I was having a boy. When I found out it was a little lady in there I was very underwhelmed (can’t believe that now, what an ingrate!).
    Now my little girl is nearly 3 and she’s the best person I know.
    I think the bond you have with a small child, whether boy or girl is priceless. I feel so, so lucky.

  125. Anonymous says...

    I always said that I wanted a boy, and I really did! Mainly because I feel like my brother is the most perfect human beings alive (my husband is also pretty incredible too). However, the moment I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed by this desperate feeling that I HAD to have a girl. I can’t explain it. It was so overwhelming that I became very vocal about wanting a boy as not to jinx it. I was terrified that if I admitted how badly I wanted a girl I wouldn’t get her. So bizarre!!! Anyway, I ended up convincing myself and everyone around me that I was having a boy so when we found out it was a girl – i don’t know – it was the most amazingly stunning feeling I’ve ever felt. My sweet darling baby girl is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, she’s 7 months now, there are no words for the love I feel. And I absolutely adore watching my husband and brother dote on her. I do hope to have a second baby and I can honestly say that, now that I have my girl, I would be thrilled with a boy.

    p.s. I LOVE the Mommy Monday posts!!!

  126. I always just knew I would have a girl. My husband and I even talked about it before we got married. He had dreams about a little girl who wore butterfly barrettes in her hair. We just knew, it was a given. So at my ultrasound when the tech said…”there it is, definitely a boy!”…we were shocked. I worried about my husband’s disappointment, and I worried that I – not a girly girl but definitely not a tomboy – would never be able to bond with a boy. When he arrived I just couldn’t stop staring at him. Watching him. Just soaking him up. He was (is) the most amazing thing ever. Ever. Now he’s 6, and he has his rough and tumble play side with his Papa, and is the absolute sweetest, most loving, amazing boy with Mama. I can’t imagine anything else but this wonderful BOY now. And I feel silly for thinking gender would make a difference. Love is love.

  127. Denise says...

    Thank you so much for this post. I’m expecting my first baby in June and don’t know the gender. Being completely disinterested in sports and boy stuff, I don’t even know what I’d do with a boy. Your post just reinforced that once my precious baby is here, none of my fears will matter.

  128. JoanieO says...

    A late comment, sorry.
    You are so right Joanna about it being one of the many things to do with pregnancy about which we never dare to speak. Why do women keep so much to themselves when everyone around us has probably been feeling the very same things?
    For me it was the opposite, I secretly wanted a boy, because the pressure of having a girl seemed too much to bear. I didn’t want her to grow into her mother as we all tend to do, because all I focused on were my faults that I was scared she would inherit. My husband is awesome and I just wanted a boy who would grow to be like is father. But we had a girl and I LOVE her, and she is her own person, not a mini me.
    And in the future I hope she learns all the best bits of being a woman from me.

  129. i love that you wrote this. because EVERYONE feels this way. no matter what they say.

    i read a magazine article about this exact same thing. that when people usually answer “as long as it’s healthy” it’s not true. they really want one sex more then the other.

    and that is not bad! it’s normal. and human! the only time it would be “wrong” is if you treated that child bad for not being the sex you crave.

    so bravo! and who ever goes off and bashes you, prefer’s a certain sex and just can’t admit it. :)

  130. I have loved your blog for so long but now I just feel like reaching across the Atlantic to hug you! I am not even pregnant but since my sister had a girl who is a sweet gentle artistic little soul I always thought oh no I don’t wanna have boys and be on the side of the football field in heels pretending to care,but you’re right, if that happened, I would care, you’re such a clever, sweet person Joanna xx

  131. Natasha says...

    Posts like this are the reason I keep checking back in with your blog in a sea of so many – bravely and beautifully expressed! Now I had been jonesing for a baby girl ever since I was conscious. You wouldn’t need a psych degree to guess that this was related to my abandonment issues with my own mother and other women that nurtured me. Apart from all the said fun of sharing girly things, I had an intense longing to get that mother-daughter thing right one day. Well, I got my beautiful baby girl and gave her the name I’d picked out for her 15 years before. The love we share is just as I’d imagined so far (she is three). The reason your post and so many of the comments resonated with me so much is because my daughter was born with Down syndrome – totally unexpected and definitely the opposite of what you dream about. But for my husband and I,the most devastating news of our lives quickly turned into the sweetest surprise that has ever been revealed to us. We wouldn’t change a single thing about our little girl. She has gifts we couldn’t have imagined, and has shown me how silly I was to have ever doubted my own capacity to give love unconditionally to my child – no matter its gender, its physical or cognitive abilities, its sexuality, its anything. I wasn’t a mother yet, so I didn’t understand.

  132. We had 6 pregnancy losses before our son was born (5 miscarriages and 1 ectopic). Our son actually started out as a twin pregnancy, but one embryo stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks. I can honestly say that gender didn’t matter to me one bit. Having a healthy baby is just such a miracle that’s all I could focus on. But that said, I think it’s pretty normal for people without our history to have some preference re: gender. But to me that just felt like a luxury, if that makes sense.

  133. Thank you for this wonderful post. (And stimulating the amazing comments!)

    I don’t have kids yet, but used to struggle to see myself as the mother of anyone other than girls. But recently the very idea of raising a son who’s *just* like my husband makes me pretty emotional, so I guess I’d be up for whatever the universe grants me. And this post is pretty reassuring as well. :)

  134. I’m rocking my 4 month old sleeping son as I’m reading this. Happy tears. I have a 4 year old daughter and when I got pregnant again I hoped for another girl. We are super girly around here and I am ridiculously close to my mom and sisters. I too was scared to have a boy. Sport… ewww. Car…., boring! But now when I hold him I can’t wait to buy him matchbox cars and play in the mud with him. Awww boys… they’re great!

  135. Dee says...

    I look forward to Monday’s because of your Motherhood posts. I have been a reader of your blog for the past year, but have never left a comment until now. Thank you for all you do.

    I am expecting my first and have to wait one more month for the second ultrasound to determine the sex. Like you I have always imagined having a girl, but after seeing my sisters little boy I am in love with the idea of a boy equally.

    Thank you for these beautiful posts, you have such a lovely way of expressing yourself that has brought me to tears at my office a number of times. Your voice is so nurturing and full of love. I often have to look up at the ceiling to soak up the tears before they drop. Such an exciting and emotional time!

  136. Anonymous says...

    Boys are incredibly sweet in their own way. They keep us busy. I am not the mother in the store walking idly by with a cute girl in tights sitting quietly in the seat of the cart while I peruse the wine aisle. I am instead, the harried mother hurrying through the aisles, shopping list between my lips, grabbing up an item from the shelf before my mischevious son can snatch something himself. But my son, such a staunchly independent little being at times, still curls up with me on the couch at night for his last warm drink before bedtime, and he greets me at the door when I return from work with a great bear hug in which he wraps his arms around my neck and presses his lips to my lips or cheek, holding on as for dear life, so happy to see me…as am I to see him. Boys are a great treat! And I would not be disappinted if our next little creation would be a brother.

  137. Jo – Is there any way you can put my second comment up next to the first one? I meant the question in an anything but homophobic way. If you read many of these comments, you see that mothers dream their babies will be one way or another, given the immediate biological gender. They have feelings about “girly stuff” and “boy stuff” that may or may not come true. I was hoping to open up the discussion. One of the most important things mothers can do is to hold the whole spectrum of gender and sexual preference in their minds, as a possible path for their children, and do so from the beginning.

  138. Kelly says...

    Great post! My husband and I are expecting…due in September. We too, of course, wanted a healthy baby, but we both really wanted a girl and we found out March 30th that we are indeed having a girl! I felt the exact way you did about the sports and cars, etc., but soo glad to hear that everything changes! :o)

  139. i read your post on monday, and then tuesday went to our ultrasound and – surprise surpise- boy!

    i am thrilled, but to be honest… this post was totally on my brain bc thinking i couldn’t help but be a teeny bit saddened that it wasn’t a girl. but a boy! oh what fun.

  140. I read your blog daily, and I want to say as nicely as I can that I feel left out of your story. Maybe it’s just me who does not fit into your readership. All the talk and comments,except maybe one so far, talk about how much it matters to have a healthy baby. I guess everyone puts their wish list in. Coming from a family of three children, one with NF(a genetic disorder,)and the other with a mental imbalance (both of whom have died prematurely) I wonder how disappointed you would have been if your child was not healthy? What really matters is being responsible and accepting to new life, isn’t it?

  141. I have two boys and both times I was pregnant, I was *sure* they were girls. We knew we wanted onyl 2 children, and when I found out my youngest was a boy, I cried…and mourned the girl I’ll never have. All made worse when the doc who did DH’s vasectomy asked us ‘if we wanted to try for a girl’. But I am obsessedly (word?) in love with my boys and their goofy rowdiness. I think of it now that I get to be the measure of what they look for in girlfriends/wives/whatever. :)

  142. Anonymous says...

    Ask a mom of a son (me) and she says “there is nothing like having a son.” Ask the father of a daughter (my brother) and he says “there is nothing like having a daughter.” Gender is only a small part of the equation. Even if you know gender, you never really know the personality until you are in the thick of it. Thought-provoking and very sincere post to read. Thanks for bringing it to the surface!

  143. This is a beautiful post that reaches out to so many women who feel a little guilty for wishing their baby is a boy, or a girl. That is natural for many mothers-to-be. I also think it’s natural that as women we often wish for girls, simply because we relate to girls, we are female, we often feel more confident with girls.

    And then the baby comes and we are in love with our baby because they are our baby!

    I come from a big family and I have 2 brothers and a sister. I love having both.

    My first pregnancy I wanted a girl so bad, for the same reasons you did. I was a little nervous about being a mother and about raising a boy. And little girls are so adorable. I got a girl the first time. :)

    I love my little sister and so the second pregnancy I wanted another girl. There is nothing like a sister. You know. We got our second girl! They are best friends now, ages 12 and 14.

    The third time around I didn’t care what sex the baby was. I assumed we would have another girl. God gave us a boy. A feisty, red haired, funny, rambunctious boy. He is turning 8 this weekend. I wouldn’t want it any other way. He runs around after his sisters, driving them nuts sometimes. They loved him the moment he came, and still adore him.

    Many blessings to you and your family.

  144. with my two children I wanted boys … but had girls instead. I LOVE having girls and the thought of having a boy scares me now haha! :)

  145. I didn’t even secretly hope for a girl, I just blatantly told the OB-GYN not to bother telling me if he thought our baby would be a boy, because I was so sure she would be my little girl. And it turned out she was. I really wanted to have a girl, mostly because of the relationship I have with my mother. The bond between mother and daughter is so special, I really wanted to have that in my life (on both ends). But now that I have a baby, I know that it doesn’t matter, you’ll completely totally and utterly love that little creature from the first moment, and that love will only continue to grow.