Six Words to Say to Your Child

I read your post 10 years ago and those words stuck. Every game, every time, I say it to my now 10 and 7 year olds – I love to watch you play. And it’s true. Thank you.

I read this piece when it was published seven years ago, and tried it with my then four-year-old son. I still use this phrase with him, though he’s now an 11 year old mini-man, and also with my eight-year-old daughter, who responds invariably with a beaming smile, and even more enthusiasm for whatever it is she’s doing at the time. Thank you for sharing such genuine and beautiful advice. I have always, and will always love your blog.

I think to myself what should I say to my daughter to praise her for her participation and first year of learning how to play basketball at 7 y.o. who is 1 out of 3 girls (rest boys) basketball team. Not to mention she is the shortest and smallest child on the team. I was worried she would have difficulty reaching the hoop tossing such a heavy ball that high up ( the hoop is lowered to accomadate the young children too! ) My goal is to keep both my dtrs involved in a sport or activities they enjoy and I have insisted each sport offered to join and in the end they can decide if the sport is for them or to try out for another sport. Today is game day and is the 5th game this year. Compared to the first game where they werent sure what most of the rules were, which way to run and ran carrying ball alot of the time…they are now grasping the rules of the game which shows my their confidence out there on the court. I have said to my daughter in the past during and after the games, “I am so impressed Ava, your an awesome basketball player” to acknowledging her improved skills to providing ponters what to do better next time. I am not sure just how much she actually enjoys playing. In the old days the kids didnt play on a co-ed team and I feel that prevents my daughter from gaining the entire experience because later in her life if she continues to play, such as in HS the teams are not co-ed and your not having to play side by side of the opposite sex. Remember that when she plays she is the only girl with 4 other boys as they rotate in/out through the games. The option of playing with all girls isnt possible as long as she continues to play for her school. After todays game I am going to say, ” Ava, I love watching you play basketball ” I agree this takes off any pressure she may feel, if she does idk, but I love the concept and will implement it today! Thanks for the recommendation!

Ugh, Jo, you did it again. Thank you. I love reading your advice!

cute …

This is the best parenting advice EVER. I also clicked on how to talk to little girls, which was a fantastic reminder for me to keep working on the conversations I have with kids. Mostly, conversing with kids baffles me. Fortunately, my own daughter can talk forever with just the odd ‘oh really?’ thrown in by me.

I think this is just a beautiful thing for parents to say to their children — it sends the message that your pleasure in them is unconditional, which is exactly what little ones need from their mom and dad!

I do have a problem when this attitude extends everywhere — the classroom, the playing field, etc. The reality of it is that some things in life ARE based on performance. A parent’s job is two-fold — one, to love them and two, to prepare them for adulthood in the real world. If they are only exposed to positive affirmation, no matter the quality of their performance, it breeds the type of delusional culture our “generation X” is suffering from by expecting fantastic jobs, living situations, cars, friends in exchange for no effort.

This is great! I don’t know anything about montessori (maybe I’ll have to read up on it) but one of the best compliments I have ever received was from a guy in college who said that he loved to listen to me talk about biology. He said he hated the subject but he loved how I’d light up and be so passionate talking about it that he could listen for hours. Maybe that was just him trying to get in my pants but it made me feel great. Even thinking about it now puts a huge smile on my face.

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Jo, don`t stop writing, I love this blog. I`m from Bulgaria and the differences between us are big, but you are great.

Great Advice

This post is exactly what I needed! My husband and I have this continual disagreement about whether you should praise your children, even if their drawings suck or whatever, and I think after reading this my husband is the winner. Well, sort of. I just need to rephrase the praise I will give my future child :)

My boyfriend is a wonderful cook and likes to try new recipes out on me. I love watching him cook…but when he catches me watching and asks, “What?” I always smile and answer, “Nothing.” Now I’m interested to see how he responds when I try this. Thanks for sharing!

I am constantly inspired by posts from Hands Free Mama.
I think it’s such a beautiful thing to share and say!

xoxo PARIS BEE kids blog

Thank you for sharing.
It’s a great post and the advice is also great!
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Thank You! Great post! :)

Oh… now I know why the only compliment I remember from my childhood is my grandmother telling me “I am fascinated watching you creating things” – I was about 8 or 9 and was putting together some kind of towel-doll just for fun. It is one of the clearest memories I have of me and my grandma.

I don’t hjave a child but I think this is so applicable to how to talk to anyone you love! Boyfriend for sure! Thanks a million for sharing.

Dakota
http://dakotabee.wordpress.com/

Reading those words gave me chills! Thank you for sharing Jo!
P.S. your little man is the cutest!

So cute!
I’ll keep that in mind for when I have my own little ones :)

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love the photos!

http://www.pinklemonincrystal.blogspot.com

Oh that is awesome, I’ll use that – words are powerful aren’t they. I also heard an author on Oprah once say, what does your face tell your child when they walk in the room? I have used that many times and it envokes the same sort of response… their little face lights up too. x

Thank you for this post! I’m going to try this with my french little boys!

I think this is so true. I played tennis professionally and I know I loved it when people said to me “its such a pleasure to watch you play” instead of “you’re really good”. My parents werent very aware of such things and I had a total tennis dad so that’s a whole other ball of wax. I read this same thing somewhere recently adn I’ve been saying it to my daughter who swims, dances and plays the violin. And just like Toby, she beams. You can see the happiness rise inside them right? Great great tip to share if you ask me.

I am a teacher, and this is amazing teaching advice as well- so often we see kids learn, and when they’re on the right track, we want to praise them to keep them motivated, but instead we say things such as, “That was fabulous, but this is how it could be even better!” Backwards compliment. I’m definitely going to incorporate this into my classroom environment!