When I clicked onto the New York Times homepage this morning, I expected the usual news: vaccination efforts, stimulus checks, basketball scores, maybe an essay about marriage during the pandemic. But instead, a gruesome headline filled my phone screen. “Suspect Charged With 10 Counts of Murder in Boulder, Colo., Shooting.

Honestly, I don’t know what to write here. There have been so many shooting sprees in America — including one just last week. I’ve suggested places to donate; I’ve tried to think of comforting words to write. We’ve come together; we’ve looked toward the future. But when does it end? When is enough enough?

My body feels filled with rage but I have nowhere to put it. Instead, I cuddle my children in my arms and smell their salty hair. I make breakfast and lunch and tonight I’ll make dinner. We’ll take a walk. I’ll go to the grocery store and make sure to know where the exits are.

I wish I had a magic wand to make everything better. Last week, I read Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam, a novel in which things keep going wrong and the world feels more and more out of control. It’s eery, it’s disturbing. As the Guardian wrote, the novel “captures the generalized panic of 2020.”

What will you do today? How do you soothe yourself during times like these? Remember that there is good in the world. Call your loved ones; splash cool water on your face; put one foot in front of the other. I love you. xo

(Photo by Kari Herer.)