Design

Have a Lovely Weekend.

roses

What are you up to this weekend? Alex is making pasta bolognese for my birthday, and the boys are drawing pictures, which is so sweet. Once Toby was asked what I’d like more than anything in the world, and he said, “A statue of her kids.” He’s not wrong! Hope you have a good weekend, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Warm ankles are back! (New York Magazine)

A dog practicing faces in the mirror.

We got this family board game, and it’s been really fun to play.

Dame is offering 15% off with code CUPOFJO15. (Um, does this look like the most amazing thing on the planet?)

What I learned about love when I stopped being honest.” (The Atlantic)

This Moscow apartment has the coolest circular door frame.

Yummy soup.

Kristen Stewart will play Princess Diana. (New York Magazine)

An open letter to the folks in 2020 who allowed me to speak to them through my mask for extended periods while we waited for things.”

I’ve been hearing rave reviews of this customized face serum; can’t wait to try it. (Here’s the quiz.)

Hahaha.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Emily on the cutest book I’ve ever read: “More than once, when I’m bored in the car, I’ve thought, ‘Oh, I should call my dog’ (who is a dog, um, has no phone).”

Says LCS on what grief feels like: “My nine-month-old daughter died in 2017, less than a month after being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. The first two years were filled with a kind of wild grief. A while ago, on another post on this website, one of the commenters said, ‘My grief has not gotten smaller, but my life has grown bigger,’ and that has been a truth that I continue to hold close to my heart. I sometimes imagine my life as a house, and right after she died, her death and my grief were like the only room in the house – inescapable and suffocating. But over time, rooms have been added on – my oldest son’s growth, the birth of another daughter, a strengthening of my marriage after this profound test, new and deepened friendships, a job change, now a fourth pregnancy. I still find myself in the same room as her grief, and it is just as painful as ever, but this happens less often and I find I am able to treasure other parts of my life in ways I couldn’t or didn’t before.”

(Photo by New York Flower Group/DFL.)

  1. Mollie McAuley says...

    PS- my toddler already rocks warm ankles. She INSISTS the socks go over the leggings #trendsetter

  2. Jackie says...

    OMG, I have been sporting the warm ankles look this winter, having become particularly obsessed with colorful wool socks (check out Fits!) while simultaneously enjoying the cropped mom jean look, which necessarily shows your ankles. I thought it was just me being 40, but maybe, jumping the shark again, it’s just FASHION in Cobble Hill BK.

  3. Sasha L says...

    Happy birthday Joanna! It was my Dad’s 82nd on Saturday, and will be my 48th on Friday, but we celebrated last night with take out sushi (a big platter all arranged like a birthday cake, complete with candles!!) and a chocolate raspberry tart my youngest made for me (professional baker, lucky lucky me!). Our pandemic birthdays. Sigh. I’m just grateful our little family has all made it this far. Hope you had a wonderful day too. And I hope by this time next year birthdays feel very different!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      happy birthday to you both! and so cool to have a professional baker in the family :)

  4. pmia says...

    Crying after that beautiful comment by LCS on grief.

    • Meg.F says...

      My goodness, me too! Heart breaking and wow her strength shines through.

  5. Kari T. says...

    Random comment, remember the post about what word do we not have in English that would be nice to have? Just had a convo with a co-worker who said he’d spent his vacation painting. My first thought was of the artistic variety but no, he’d been painting his stairs and hallway. Apparently there is a distinction between these two types of painting in Dutch, but not in English to my knowledge. Anyone?

  6. Jordan G says...

    Happy Birthday Joanna!

    I recently bought myself a few pairs of Dickies wool socks from the men’s section at Walmart so I could share w/ my husband. They were meant for a cold weather trip we had coming up, but they have since become a daily staple. I am a person who is constantly cold, and I did not realize what a difference it would make to cover my ankles all day while I work from home in my workout leggings. Previously I only had no-show ankle socks for my sneakers, but this is so cozy for winter. Game changer!

  7. Courtney says...

    Thought of you today! Hope your birthday was wonderful. xoxo

  8. melissab says...

    happy birthday, joanna!
    cup of jo always warms me up and is so fulfilling.
    have a great year!

  9. Julie says...

    I made the soup and it was so cozy and simple. Exactly what is needed on this cold night!

  10. Chrissie says...

    Have you tried Telestrations? It’s basically the game of telephone but with drawing. We play with our 7, 11, and 14 year olds and we always crack up. The drawings my 7 year old does are so sweet! Everyone gets into it!

    And happy birthday to you and your sister!

  11. Cynthia says...

    The roses in the picture are so pretty! I hope you and your sister have a Happy Birthday!

  12. Kate says...

    Happy Birthday, Joanna! (And Lucy!) We are all so thankful for you!

  13. Carla says...

    Happy Birthday Joanna! :-)

  14. Abbey says...

    Happy birthday, Joanna! You are a gift :)

  15. Jane says...

    We LOVE Outfoxed!!! It would be so wonderful to support small family owned businesses during Covid instead of Amazon. We bought Outfoxed from this VT company, they have the best toys and board games!
    https://www.novanatural.com/outfoxed

  16. Avigail says...

    Wow that comment about grief just stopped my heart momentarily.

    • alice says...

      Me too.

    • M says...

      Yes, how beautifully written.

  17. The Murad quiz thought my sunspots were blemishes and that I have no sunspots (sadly, I only have sunspots because I decided I wanted to “give myself freckles” by intentionally getting badly sunburnt).

  18. Anna says...

    Happy birthday Joanna ❤

  19. Courtney says...

    Happy Birthday Joanna! Hope you have a great weekend!

    I also have to say, the article about warm ankles made me laugh. I have been sporting long socks over my leggings on daily winter walks with my toddler because I am tired of cold ankles. I thought I was making a big fashion faux pas, but am happily shocked to learn I’m right on trend.

  20. M says...

    The soul baring post about grief has me wanting an article about abuse (physical, sexual, and/or emotional) endured in childhood. Specifically how to have a relationship with your parents after this. There’s a facet of grief for the childhood you didn’t get.

    You handle these delicate topics so well and with child abuse tragically being as prevalent as it is, I’m sure it would help a lot of readers.

    • Abbie says...

      YES. This would also be very helpful for the spouses/friends/loved ones of people who suffered childhood traumas. Survivors of abuse need lifelong support and it is a challenging and isolating position to be in for all parties involved.

    • Lynn says...

      Just bumping this up. So important.

    • B says...

      Yes to this.

    • Anna G says...

      M, I read your comment yesterday and it has stuck with me the entire time.
      I am a 60 year old who continues to struggle with the thought of do I or don’t I have a relationship with the parents who abused me as a child.
      I ended the relationship with my father many years ago but continue to have a not close relationship with my mother for the sake of my brother and his children. I will continue to think of you and send good vibes.
      Joanna, I agree with M. I am certain there are many of us in need of guidance and wisdom on this very tough subject.

  21. Christen says...

    Happy Birthday to you and your sister! I’ve been reading this blog for many years and have always loved it. We share a birthday and my daughters are the same ages as Toby and Anton. My oldest almost shares a birthday with Toby and my youngest almost shares one with Anton. I’ve always thought that was a neat detail and am reminded every time you wish your sons a happy birthday.

  22. OM says...

    Happy Birthday Joanna! Have a lovely day!

  23. Allison says...

    I found the conflation of the concepts of dishonesty and discretion really irritating in the Atlantic article. I kept hoping they were going to address this distinction but it seems more like they just trained themselves in mimicry of social nuance. I was left with the impression that even years later the author still has the idea that honesty requires verbal expression.

    • Rusty says...

      I thought it bordered on intentional Asperger’s. Very odd.

    • Mags says...

      Agreed! I really didn’t like this article at all because of this. It’s like the author has willfully not figured out what honesty means. I guess it’s easier to sell books that say you were too honest than that admit you were rude.

    • Heather says...

      Agreed – and I consider myself someone who strives for honesty in all forms of communication – but this was a really bizarre read. The example of getting fired reads less like someone being ‘too honest’ and more like they weren’t willing to improve. Granted this of course happens, but it seems inaccurate to label it honesty versus simple lack of desire to change ( and/or lack of interest in the position).

      Then from from all their experiences, it was so odd that the takeaway was to actively begin lying ( the salary but) and create seemingly fake relationships. Not sure what I’m missing, but I’m genuinely stumped at the conclusions here.

    • miranda says...

      agreed! Such a strange article and 100% agree with Allison about “the conflation of the concepts of dishonesty and discretion”.

    • Samantha says...

      this really was a strange read. I agree with Rusty that it seems like intentional Asperger’s. Or perhaps the author actually is on the spectrum, and that is why the conclusion of the story doesn’t make sense?

    • Katie says...

      Glad I found this. It is almost physically impossible for me to lie. I’m not even talking about the effects afterward of guilt or anxiety. I mean, in the moment, I am incapable of coming up with a lie. That’s not the same thing as being a jerk which is what the author of that article seems to be.

  24. Maya says...

    I thought this magical community might be able to help— I’m trying to find a fabulous but affordable power suit for when I take the oath to become a lawyer! It will be over Zoom, of course, but I still want to dress up to bring a celebratory feeling to the day. I’m very petite (5”1.5 and 105 lbs.) so finding professional clothing that fits well is a challenge, especially with online shopping. Some inspirations: Michelle Obama’s recent Inauguration look, AOC’s awesome suits (forest green, burgundy, etc). I’m also open to prints if it wouldn’t break the bank and is subtle enough that I could re-wear it on future occasions! Thank you!

    • JET says...

      Anne Taylor!

    • Anna says...

      Asos Petite! Congratulations!

    • katie says...

      I second M.M.LaFleur!

    • EM says...

      Here is a range of affordability options:

      Mango (full suit under $100), has colourful/fun pieces
      Judith and Charles (Full suit under $500, with a lot of sales on now)
      Paul Smith (full suit for under $1000)

      Congratulations!

    • Christina says...

      quick and affordable – ASOS has a ton of fun colors of suits and it looks like they have decent petite options!

      If you have time, I recommend finding a local tailor to custom-make a suit for you! It can be more affordable than you’d think, and it might be as simple as making a couple of calls with what you’re looking for and what budget range you’d like to stay in, to see if they can accommodate. You might have more options with regard to color, too!

    • jane says...

      Regardless of size the number one thing that will make any suit you wear look fabulous is to invest in custom tailoring. Men have always done this and women need to likewise adopt it as essential. It IS the missing link. Especially if you are sized outside commercial standards.

    • Quinn says...

      Ooh, congratulations Maya! I’d second the Judith & Charles recommendation – a few of my favourite work pieces are from there (mostly bought on sale). Talbots is a great option for petite sizes if you’re going for a classic look (and they have great sales). I’m also a fan of both Club Monaco and Aritzia for more modern options (and/or more colour). Hope you find something you feel great in! :)

    • Anon says...

      I’m the same size, and, in the past, I had luck with Loft. I no longer have that store where I live, so I don’t know how it is now.

    • Kim says...

      Lawyer here. I honestly find that Ann Taylor has the best suiting (classic and professional). But judging from your style inspiration, you might like J Crew better. They are a little more modern and colorful. Either way, shop the petite section and find a good tailor to make sure the fit is perfect. Congrats!

  25. K says...

    My dad died earlier today, after a year-long battle with cancer. The grief community here is a huge comfort to me. Thank you.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, K. Holding you close in my thoughts today.

    • Rusty says...

      Thinking of you and sending you love from Australia. xx

    • Anna says...

      I’m so sorry for your loss K.

    • silly lily says...

      Deepest sympathy…….

      I lost my Dad 20 years ago and my Mom, 15 years. Of course I was devastated but that being said, I’m surprised that I don’t think about them very often. What I DO, though, is live each day in ways that I know would make them proud. I’m a very active and involved Grandmother to six beauties, and I imagine my folks watching me when I’m with the children and thinking; yup, we got that right. I feel that they are pleased with who I’ve turned out to be. It’s a huge comfort and I hope you come to feel that in your life. I’m guessing you already do.

    • Julie says...

      Sorry for your loss, K. <3

    • Kate says...

      Oh my, I’m so sorry, K. Thinking of you & sending love.

    • celeste says...

      So sorry K. I feel like we could have a Cup of Jo club for “adult orphans.” It is always hard…. xoxo.

    • Jenny/AdventuresAlongTheWay says...

      I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of your dad. Thinking of you, K…

  26. JW says...

    Happy birthday, Joanna! Enjoy a lovely weekend with your family!

    We love Outfoxed in our family too! If you haven’t already, check out Enchanted Forest. It’s fun for all of us!

  27. Laura says...

    Happy birthday, Joanna! I’m so grateful for this community you’ve created. It has brought me enormous comfort over these 10 months.

    And LCS, thank you. I have experienced great personal loss over the past three years, compounded by this time. And, it warmed my heart to imagine the new rooms that will be added to my house in the future. Hope!

  28. Maria Alberetti says...

    Grief, it catches you off guard, it makes me question it all. I will walk through it for now, and welcome the sun.

  29. Kim says...

    Thank you for sharing, LCS. I’m in tears, not just for your grief and loss but for the beauty you’ve built around it.

  30. Kate says...

    I took that serum quiz with Murad, and I’m not super impressed with the list of ingredients that they came up with for my skin. There are better Vit C derivatives and skin lighteners out there than what they are using.

  31. Lucy says...

    Just have to say that LCS’s comment is so profoundly beautiful. I have the urge to send it to everyone in my life experiencing grief right now. So much love and gratitude for the CoJ community ❤️

    • Chivonne says...

      Yes. Completely agree.

  32. Loren says...

    Joanna, I hope you have a joyous birthday!

  33. Laura says...

    The comment by LCS here made my heart stop. Thank you for creating a space where we feel comfortable enough to share things like this. I continue to learn so much from others who generously share about their experiences—painful, happy, joyful.

  34. Vero says...

    Can I put in an article request? I would love to read about people pleasing! I’ve recently realized this is something I’ve been doing for so long I don’t know who I am without it. I would love to read something on this topic from the bright folks of COJ. Happy weekend :)

    • b says...

      I would love this, too, Vero. I’m very much a people pleaser – I never want to do anything to rock the boat, at home or at work. Yet, I’m on the verge of turning 39 and feel like I don’t know how to stand up for myself or not bend to accommodate everyone else’s needs over my own.

    • Kelly says...

      Yes! What a wonderful idea for a post. I’m entirely in the same boat.

    • Meg says...

      I just finished reading a book called Burnout by sisters Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, and they refer to people pleasing as ‘Human Giver Syndrome”. It was very interesting!

    • Vero says...

      @Meg: yes! I haven’t read the book yet but have listened to their podcast episode with Brene Brown and it sure was illuminating!

    • jane says...

      Just bookmarked that podcast and can’t wait to listen. Thank you!

  35. H says...

    Happy Birthday! I hope this year is your best yet! Xo

  36. S says...

    I took the quiz for the Murad serum and it said one of my primary concerns is lines/wrinkles and anti-aging . . . I’m 22!

    Has 2020 been that hard on me?

  37. Julie says...

    Teared up reading the comment by LCS. So beautiful and touching.

    • Alice says...

      Came down to the comments to say the same thing. Beautiful.

    • Meghan says...

      Me too. Sending love out into the universe for you and what you shared, LCS.

    • R says...

      Most beautiful comment I agree.

      I visualized it so well. Virtual hugs to her

  38. Lynn says...

    Happy early birthday and thank you for the honesty article! Any other lover of The Four Agreements will enjoy it too.

  39. Erin says...

    Regarding Outfoxed: We recently discovered Dragomino and love it. Our family is always on the hunt for games that are fun for pre-readers through adults. Other favorites: Carcassonne, Uno, Labyrinth.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Ooh thank you!

    • B says...

      If you are a lover of Uno, you should try Skipbo!!! It’s so fun! Best played with three or more people.

    • Alice says...

      Labyrinth is AMAZING. My sister and I played it all the time as kids and I came across it while holiday shopping this year. I talked it up so much, my partner bought it for me for Christmas. It absolutely holds up for adults.

      My sister has been going through a rough grieving process and, taking as many COVID precautions as humanly possible, I went to visit her — and of course brought my new copy of Labyrinth. Playing it together again was a delightful bright spot in a dark time.

    • Jo says...

      SLEEPING QUEENS!!! It’s the most fun kids’ game I’ve ever played. We’ve been playing it every night for the last two weeks with our soon to be 5-year old and his excitement over the cards and the play is so contagious.

    • D says...

      We love Outfoxed AND Carcassonne. Some other good ones are Keys to the Castle, Sushi Go, Gonuts for Donuts, and Ticket to Ride Jr. I’m going to check out Dragomino and Labyrinth, thank you!

  40. Erin says...

    As a fellow honest-to-a-fault person, I appreciated the Atlantic essay. I hadn’t considered how portioning out honesty relative to level of relationship builds trust and demonstrates intimacy.

    I’m not as extreme as he was (I can respond to a polite “how are you doing?” with “fine” without feeling ill, just silly), but my level of honesty turns off a lot of people. Fortunately, I have a (admittedly small) network of people who find it refreshing – or at least not critically annoying. I think I unconsciously developed the knowledge to titrate down the honesty relative to the superficialness of the relationship, but with this insight I’m realizing that the most awkward moments are probably when I thought we were at a level of intimacy where I could share honestly and they weren’t.

    • Johanna says...

      I enjoyed the essay as well. I think it brings up interesting ideas about ‘honesty’ and ‘sincerity’ really mean to us. Particularly this point: “talking through everything also meant obsessing over what otherwise would have been fleeting emotions.”

      That’s something I’ve observed in my own self — I’ve started to reflect that there’s actually something almost naive about assuming my knee-jerk response to something is somehow the ‘truest’ response, rather than just the one that’s been most heavily programmed.

      I’m trying to balance being aware of my emotional reactions but not ceding all control to them (especially in intense moments, like arguments or the rush of a new relationship). Paradoxically, this has given me more space to really understand these reactions and I think has made me more sincere, even if it sacrifices some openness/blunt honesty.

  41. Megan Lec says...

    We need to think of a term for the very real social discomfort that exists now when strangers get a tad too close in public. The sweetest woman was complimenting my little three month old in the customer service line at target but all that was happening in my brain was ‘BACK UP PLEASE.’

    • Andrea says...

      It’s so horrible! A woman touched my 6 month old baby’s nose yesterday. I was so shocked and upset and I didn’t know what to do

    • Monica says...

      It’s not just a social distancing courtesy…I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s ok to touch another person’s baby without permission, especially in store!

    • shannon says...

      Yes!!! Doing (what was supposed to be!) limited contact library hold pickup the other day, one of the volunteers reached out and touched my baby. I use a chest carrier which is not common in our neighborhood so we get lots of “is there a real baby in there??” type questions but this person touched instead of asking. It was really disconcerting.

  42. Colleen says...

    LCS thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of your grief and story. xoxo

  43. E says...

    Both comments are great in such different ways

  44. Joanna, wishing you a very happy birthday!

    • celeste says...

      Happy birthday to you and your sister! My 13 year old needed to bake something so we make flour less choc cake. That dog made me laugh, and Murad soap has the loveliest citrus smell.

  45. Tracey says...

    An update: Last week I asked the community here for help choosing a reading for my beloved Aunty’s funeral held yesterday. I’ve never had the courage to speak at a funeral but my Aunty asked me to before she died and I was made brave by this community cheering me on. I have never felt such a physical heartbreak as I did yesterday but am glad I was able to honour her with something beautiful. The reading I chose was suggested to me by Ana D but thank you to everyone who helped me through my heartbreak, I read all of your suggestions and they gave me comfort. This is the verse I chose:

    The tide recedes, but leaves behind
    Bright seashells on the sand.
    The sun goes down but gentle warmth
    Still lingers on the land.

    The music stops and yet it lingers on
    In sweet refrain.
    For every joy that passes
    Something beautiful remains.

    — Martha Vashti Pearson

    I am also so grateful for my privilege to be able to even attend a funeral when so many of you have had to mourn without this ritual in this past year, I’m so sorry you’ve had to do that. xx

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      That is so beautiful, Tracey. And I’m so sorry for your loss. Xo

    • Abigail says...

      Just so you know, I spent at least 30 minutes on the Poetry Foundation’s website looking for a poem for you, to no avail. Your selection’s beautiful.

    • Tracey says...

      Abigail thank you so much for your efforts. So many people worked hard for me and I truly appreciate it. For back story. I’m this Tracey (link below) – and the aunt who died is the one I spoke about in the story. She was forever my “smoother” she made every tricky transition easier. She saw me for who I was – I was an outlier in my family and she loved me for it. She gave me the arts and culture. She showed me which rules to break and which to keep. Which priorities mattered. I also learned some things from her mistakes. But mostly, in her illness, I learned a tremendous amount about gratitude and the importance of using time deliberately. Thank you to everyone for using your time to help a stranger.

      https://cupofjo.com/2018/12/childless-by-choice/

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh my gosh, she was that aunt! Of bath beads and jazzy bra fame. Oh, Tracey, I’m so sorry. xoxo

    • Jessica says...

      Tracy, I vividly remember your blurb about choosing not to be a mom, and I still remember how much your words warmed my heart. I loved thinking about how an aunt could be a safe outlet to kids to say things they couldn’t tell their parents, what an honourable and important role that was. I’m so sorry for your loss of your own beloved aunt. You are right, having the privilege to celebrate with a funeral is so important, something I hadn’t given much thought to until this year. We often take for granted how necessary our rituals are in feeling human.

    • Vero says...

      Wow, I’m so glad this community was able to support you and that you were able to speak! We can do hard things, as Glennon Doyle says.

      The passage you chose is actually the one I submitted as my yearbook quote when I graduated high school :) Thank you for the memory.

    • Rusty says...

      Tracey, you’ve just helped me!❤
      A dear, elderly friend of mine died recently and there is a celebration of her life tomorrow.
      I wanted to have something ready to say/read, just in case, because others are likely to ask due to me being her youngest, close friend.
      The verse is perfect!
      Thank you.
      Sending you love from Australia. xx

    • Sam says...

      Tracey, I remember your aunt and your story from that 2018 post on here. I’m childless, but not by choice, and your love for your aunt, her influence on you, and your role as Aunty Tracey gave me so much hope in a very, very dark time. I really did think “Oh I will have to remember that bra trick.” Thank you for sharing your story and your Aunty. I’m so very sorry for your loss. <3

    • Kate says...

      Thank you for sharing what you read as well sharing about yourself and your beloved aunty. How lovely, my goodness. Thinking of you.

    • Tracey says...

      Sam, my sister is in the same boat as you. She now has a beautiful life and has learned to embrace being an Aunty and she is a spectacular one at that. I hope you also find something to help fill some of the gap that raising a child would have done. xx

  46. Quinn says...

    The comment from LCS had me in tears. What a beautiful way to think about grief alongside everything that follows in life.

    Joanna – we also love Outfoxed! And I hope you have a wonderful birthday! Sounds like Alex and the boys have it all in hand. :)

  47. Heather says...

    Happy happy birthday to you and your sister! I hope you have a cozy, food and love filled weekend. Thank you for all the joy you spread!

  48. Maryn says...

    Never understood the bare ankle thing, so I’m happy to see that socks are cool again (no pun intended). :) Warmth >>>

    Also—really needed that comment from LCS. Thank you.

  49. Caitlin says...

    Woah, Kristin Stewart looks so much like Princess Di in those photos I thought they WERE of Princess Di and was disappointed I couldn’t get a peek of K.Stew! Amazing. Also so many lol’s at that reductress article. I recently told my dad that his millennial children spin out when he end every text with a period.

    Hope you have the happiest birthday – what a lovely observation from Toby, a statue of your kids! What a conversation piece that would be. :)