What’s the Nicest Thing Anyone’s Ever Said to You?

A friend said I am like the Pied Piper, my enthusiasm makes people want to listen and get involved or do what I am doing.

I come back to two very different moments when I need a boost.
1. Probably a month before the pandemic hit, my 3 year old son and I were at the grocery store and I was busily putting items on the conveyer while he was sitting in the cart. Out of nowhere, he said in a sort of wistful, sweet, spontaneous way, “Mama, I just want to get married with you.” I was stunned by the sweetness and purity of that. It means everything to me. It meant that he was whole and happy and had everything he needed.
2. Four years into my career as a public defender, I was burned out and ready to move away from the grind of trial work. I had poured blood sweat and tears into everyday, and like all the other public defenders, toiled in pretty much obscurity — no supervision, no recognition, just the work as its own reward and fulfillment. I accepted an offer at another organization and went to say goodbye to a judge I respected (honestly, a rare thing), and had appeared in front of every day for months. I expected nothing from him really, but as we exchanged goodbyes, he expressed curiosity as to why I would leave, and said, “you’re really quite good. very polished. you do excellent work for your clients.” To know that someone had not only seen me, and noticed what I was doing, but thought I was “good”!?!? It was the highest praise. I fall back on that in moments of self-doubt about my abilities.

Later told this: One choir member at church couldn’t figure out who “Elaine” is. Another responded, “She’s the one who always smiles.” Still makes me happy down to my bones.

Another mom at the park came up to me while I swinging with my 2-year-old son on my lap and said, “You’re such a cute mom. I just had to come over and say that because as moms we need all the cheerleaders we can get.” It was so genuine and I make it a point to pass on the good mama vibes to other moms too.

My now husband’s friend came to our new apartment for the first time. I didn’t know him too well out of group settings but I always thought he was nice. He looked at my rainbow-organized bookshelves, which take up a large portion of our living room wall, and I was feeling a little self conscious because admittedly my reads are mostly romance novels from the historical, young adult fiction, to contemporary. Later on in the night when we were just hanging out in the kitchen drinking the last bits of wine, he said to me very genuinely “you have a lot of love here. I can tell by your shelves and I’m glad he’s here with you.” And I always loved that.

My beautiful and gracious friend lost her husband in a tragic accident weeks after their marriage. It’s been a year since he’s been gone. She left a comment by my picture on social media, “I wouldn’t be alive without you. Period.” It left me completely humbled. But then on what would’ve been their one-year wedding anniversary, her mother-in-law came up to me to thank me. I tried to insist it away, but she didn’t let me. She held my hand and said, “No really. Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for her.” I was left in tears by both instances.

A couple of months ago my husband and I went out for a drink with our two friends. It was so fun to sit outside at a restaurant and chat (we really missed socializing during the Pandemic!). Afterwards when we were walking back he said to me “You really have a presence. You’re so warm and when you’re talking everyone listens and everyone has fun.” It just took me back. It was so unexpected and genuine and kind. My husband is very complimentary towards me in general but something about this comment just stayed with me. It made me feel really good. I think seeing each other interact with other people again has revived something in us too. Thanks for posing the question and reminding me of that compliment :)

Summer camp at age 12. A girl in my dorm who happened to be a foster care kid. She was quiet – kept to herself. We didn’t really hang out. All the other girls were bullying her one day and to defend herself she didn’t scream back. Instead, she started throwing things at them, hurling her belongings off of her top bunk. I walked in the room and yelled at them to stop harassing her and somehow, it worked. They stopped. I didn’t think much of the incident for the rest of the week and went along blissfully unaware of the impact I’d made on her that day. At the end of camp when we were all packing up to go home, she approached me and silently beckoned to follow her behind the main entrance area. “Here,” she whispered, “take it.” It was a rock, one from the pile of decorative rocks with inspirational quotes written on it that the camp counsellors had made for an activity. “I can’t,” I blurted back to her. “This isn’t ours to keep. It’s the camp counsellors’ and if they find out – ” “Just take it.” She ran off before I could say anything else.

I later found out from other friends at the camp that the home she was in wasn’t a good one. Her foster parents treated her and her foster siblings as outsiders, making them eat at separate tables for meals with less food for them than their biological children. I never saw her again after that camp and I don’t even remember her name, but I still have that rock she stole for me. It sits in a tiny box of my most cherished tchotchkes – priceless memories – in my bedroom. It reads, “You are a good friend.” I think I might’ve been the first person to stand up for her in her life. Ever. That profundity will never be lost on me.

After two years of follow up from cancer treatments, my oncologist said “I think you’re good to go. I’ll always be your doctor. Call me if you have any concerns. BUT I REALLY HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!” And then she hugged me.

A family friend, a little while before he tragically, suddenly, passed away: “Everything you do, you with with an exclamation point!” It was our last conversation and I’ll remember it forever.

I needed this! A couple that stand out:
– My best friend in high school was an extroverted cheerleader and I was an introverted book lover–we were an 80s teen movie come to life! One day out of the blue she said admiringly “You touch everything like it might break.” Something about her, in all her bold vivaciousness, noticing my quiet gentleness was so meaningful.
– My mother had a long-term illness and was in and out of the hospital many times. Once when I had come home to help out during a hospital stay she wrote me a note thanking me and said “You have a way of making things special.” That was probably 20 years ago and she’s been gone for nearly 9, and I still tear up thinking about it.

After my divorce, my lawyer and I were wrapping things up, and she wished me well, and said, “You have such a grace about you.” I have never forgotten it.

Over 20 years ago when I was in medical school, my friend with whom I was madly in love (it was a complicated but truly lovely period of my life) would close his emails to me with “Always missing you.” It was so tender and sweet, a melodramatic nod to our situation. Thinking of it today still evokes butterflies and nostalgia.

In the middle of the night a bad wind storm woke up our infant. I took her in my arms and settled into the chair in our bedroom. My husband asked that I don’t sit it the chair. He was thinking of the very slight possibility that our tall chimney would blow down, and just maybe fall over where we were sitting. It’s just nice being reminded that he doesn’t want me to die. Or maybe it was more for the baby. In any case.

Said about me – over 20 years ago and I still remember being told about it shortly after – “She’s the way everybody should be.”

Said to me “Everything’s better when you’re around.”

I’m Caucasian and, speaking one day years ago to an African American friend of mine and my mother’s about racism, she said that she didn’t think of us as being any race at all. Meaning we didn’t ever treat anyone differently. It made me proud to be the daughter of a woman who saw no color, no differences. I get choked up every time I remember that conversation. It was such a lovely thing to hear.

One day when my mom (who is very spare with kind words, greeting cards would say “from, mom”) and I were playing with my three month old baby on her bed, paused for a moment and said to me, “ you are a really good mom.”

I was talking with my uncle last week and ended up being more vulnerable than I originally planned on. He said “you’re precious to me, Eden,” and I teared up. I’m in my early 20s and he’s always been a father/friend figure to me.

When I was in college, I rode on the Equestrian Team. My sophomore year, I qualified to ride in the National Championships. I knew I wouldn’t be anywhere near the best rider there and my coach Jon knew it too. I worked so hard with him in the weeks leading up to that horse show but we both knew my chances were slim at best. The day of the show in New York, I was due to ride in the National Championships within the hour. I knew I was out of my league there and that a lot of luck landed me with an opportunity to ride in that ring. Jon knew it too. Jon and I had just “met” the horse I would ride and I desperately just wanted the class to be over so that I could hopefully meet my goal of not embarrassing myself or Jon (seriously – my goal was “don’t come in last” in that class of 24 riders). I had just jokingly told Jon this and he put his arm around me and said in that soothing voice of his; “Jess, your gift is that you rise to the occasion.” An hour later, I rode out of that ring with a blue ribbon and a College National Championship. To this day, when I feel overwhelmed and out of my league, I still hear Jon’s voice in my head saying those words to me. I am not exaggerating when I say that his comment has become a life mantra for me and although we lost Jon years ago, he is in my head and heart regularly, getting me through things that I thought I could not do, that are overwhelming, or for which I feel woefully under-skilled. Never underestimate the impact of really believing in someone.

I’ve been struggling with my career path the past year or so- when I was home last winter my dad told me he knew I was going to be ok because I could sit on the ground with a toddler or be at cocktail party with academics and talk for hours; genuinely enjoying myself in either situation. He said it’s rare people are so comfortable in any environment while also making those around them feel good too.

I’ve always been very social and extroverted but at best I thought it meant that I was a good party guest and at worst that people found me annoying and overbearing. It made me feel so seen and special that that’s how he sees me.

He also told me once that I’ve made him a more tolerant, accepting person which meant a lot. I was a big daddy’s girl growing up and as I’ve gotten older our differences have become more obvious which has been challenging at times. But I still think there are parts of my personality he understands better than anyone else which is comforting.

My friend told me I was her “go to – ride or die” person. Meaning she knows if her car breaks down I will drop everything to help – and that is the biggest compliment to me. That’s how I strive to be and how I hope to raise my children.