What are you up to this weekend? We’re hanging out with my mom, and the big plan is for the boys to get Pez dispensers. (It’s the little things!) Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…
Whoa! Is this the prettiest cruise ship of all time?
If you’re looking for a good rom com, I stumbled upon Set It Up on Netflix the other night and it was really enjoyable.
Rating vs. ranking. Why can’t everyone get A’s?
I would have LOVED these sparkles as a little girl.
Do or don’t: Clapping when the plane lands.
The wonderful Minnesota boutique Mille launched their own collection. How pretty is this top?
Brownies with cranberries, sign me up.
Mindy Kaling tries different ice creams.
One of the wisest parenting books I’ve ever read; I still think about it all the time.
Things you’ll never hear a three-year-old say.
A modern way to find peace = gardening video games.
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Jenny on a picky eater dinner hack: “We sometimes have rainbows for dinner, which my four-year-old loves and is a great way to a) not cook, b) clean out the odds and ends in the fridge and c) get her to eat something other than mac and cheese. We basically open the fridge, pick one thing of each color (e.g. red watermelon, orange cheddar, yellow corn, green cucumber, blue blueberries, and purple plums), slice everything and put it on a plate in roughly the shape a rainbow. Serve with a side of hummus and pita and you’ve got an easy meal that’s perfect in summer when it’s too hot to turn on the oven.”
Says Tara on what are your personal rituals: “I eat two cbd gummies and mow the grass with GUSTO. After, I have a Stella beer and sit in awe of my work. I am terrible at mowing the grass and each time at least two people each time ask if I need help because I’m mowing in zig-zags. THIS IS MY SELF CARE, I’M GOOD. Important to note my mower is gas and I have to get a running start. I have created so many new rituals post divorce. Walking my dog to the farmers market, ballet on Wednesday with my bff, church and churros on Sunday but we never went to church. Long baths with lavender bath salts and Anthropologie candles that I cannot afford.”
(Photo by Sarah Jampel. Gardening video games via Kottke.)
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I’m here for it if Tara writes a book.
OMG I love Tara’s CBD gummy/lawn mowing ritual! When I have the house to myself, I like to make myself a yummy dinner (usually with mushrooms because my husband hates the smell), park my butt on the couch (literally, no pants), and watch Fixer Upper. Personal rituals don’t have to be Instagram worthy but they also don’t have to be shameful or secret either. I’ll shout it from the roof tops–SOMETIMES I DON’T WEAR PANTS AND IT FEELS AWESOME!
For awhile in my late teens and early 20s I liked to be the person who introduced the clap (yes…I was that person).
I have to say that I think it’s really fun. It’s not often that a group of people in small quarters who are generally unhappy to be doing what they’re doing band together with claps and smiles. And it’s great to hear the claps grow…stars with a trickle and maybe you get up to 20 or more with a few whoops and yeahs thrown in there.
Thank you both, I see your points and understand it a little better now.
I live in Wellington, New Zealand, a place notorious for its strong winds. Clapping when the plane lands is an all too regular occurrence here, but totally warranted and kinda lovely. Trust me, you’d do it too if you were in a plane trying to land in gale-force winds.
Oh gosh, I was so ready to be bored but somehow Mindy Kaling makes testing ice cream so charming
I *thought* I would have loved the reversible sequin shirts as well, but my very very wise 10 year old niece Tessa told me during our last family vacation she hates shirts with sequins because EVERYONE TRIES TO TOUCH THEM! It never even crossed my mind. If your kiddo loves them, it’s a great opportunity to talk about personal autonomy & consent!
Yes, I actually find flippy shirts a GREAT way to teach consent.
NO CLAPPING!!!! It’s their job, yes it’s difficult and potentially dangerous but so is brain surgery, so is driving a taxi! Does your boss clap for you at the end of the day? Just say thank you to the staff and treat them respect. Plane clappers make me insane!
This crostada or whatever it is looks INCREDIBLE!
Happy weekend!
xo Jessica
Just wanted to share this video I watched on the BBC of some hilarious wedding photos as taken by a documentary style wedding photographer!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-us-canada-49130875/meet-the-warts-and-all-wedding-photographer
Reminds me of stuff I’ve seen on Cup of Jo before.
B x
Watched Set it Up and loved it! Thanks for the rec!
The whole plane erupts in applause each time the airplane lands in Uruguay. Who’s going to judge enthusiasm and eagerness to be home?
In Uruguay they also clap on the beach each time the sun sets over the beach. It’s a whimsical tradition that my family has carried home from our visits. Life is hard enough! Let’s celebrate every chance we get!
Criticisms usually say more about the critic.
BRILLIANT reader comments! Both are absolutely wonderful:) Thank you for sharing them! Those little bits of perspective/wisdom/humor/love continue to be one of my FAVORITE CoJ features! xoxoxo
I want to be friends with Tara! What a lady!
🙌🏻
AGREE!
I totally want to be Tara’s mowing friend!
Re: clapping on planes; why do some people care so much about policing the benign behavior of others? If clapping at the end of a flight helps a person relieve the stress of being afraid to fly, ( or even just if it brings you joy!) who cares what some curmudgeon from Condé Nast thinks? It doesn’t occur to me on my own to clap, but I’ll always join in to others’ applause, because I love a surprise jolt of positivity. It’s not the same as eating smelly food on a plane, which actually does affect the experience of others. I’m especially chafed at the idea that clapping is tacky- this is rooted in classist and racist ideas about public expressions of emotion, and guess which groups are more likely to clap? And which groups are not? All of this is a construct, and we should be wary of that which we uphold, even if it feels trivial. It all counts. If you don’t want to clap, don’t clap, but mind your own business.
100% clapping for this comment
I love this response so much
Preach!!!!!
Agree entirely with your sentiment, but not everything is race related. Germans are the most notorious clappers, after all.
YES! Agree with all of this. The comments by the “anti-clappers” in that article are hilarious. They sound like an Onion post: “Area Woman Incensed By Clapping Upon Plane Landing.”
Agreed!
I’m all for this comment. Also, it really annoyed me that he judges people who get on the plane and immediately use the lavatory. Which is ridiculous.
1. NOT ALL WAITING AREAS HAVE TOILETS
2. They can keep you stuck in a loo-less waiting area for a really long time
3. It makes sense to just duck in and use it before settling down in a seat. Also there’s usually no queue.
Yes, YES!
YES! Brilliantly put, Kara!
Agree with this comment 100%! Live and let live! I also don’t understand why clapping is seen as tacky. Even though I’m not necessarily a clap starter, others clapping doesn’t bother me in the slightest…I even join in when I feel like it!
Yes! Why judge something harmless and honestly pleasant? Also as a pilot’s daughter (and having developed flight anxiety later in life) I appreciate it more and feel like especially when you can tell it was a windy, tricky landing that somehow still managed to be smooth, it just feels like all is right with the world when everyone claps for them.
Tara,
I just have to say: you are awesome! That’s all :)
thanks so much for the tip on the rom-com. Tonight my partner is going out and was just looking for something like that to watch after I put my little one to bed.
My school district is inching toward mastery based grading and we get a lot of pushback from parents! Parents expect to see A/B on report cards and think the idea of looking at improvement is unrealistic in the long run. I’m happy to see this conversation extending past K-12 though bc I think it has to be a larger conversation!
Small beef re: the top. It looks very pretty. But why do they not have a picture of the back of it!? I don’t understand why companies do this. The back is literally half the shirt. I need to see it!
Witloof, I am so glad you have found the classes helpful!
So, I always want to start reading a parenting book and then I think, why? I am pretty stinking proud of my children, (7, 5 and 3). They are kind, loving and so good with people and animals. Why do I need to read a parenting book if they cannot stay asleep through the night or they need some extra hugs. They’ll sleep eventually and I’ll hug them forever. Something has to be going right for them to be so ultimately good! Why mess with that?!?! That tart! and I died laughing at Tara’s comment, I want to be like her when I grow up!
I think if you’re a parent that is struggling with something (sleep, sibling fights, et) then parenting books can be so helpful. If things are going great from your own perspective (as it seems is the case for you), then no need to read one.
But also no need to shame those parents that do need the help, and actually, I applaud those willing to seek the advice/guidance they need to become better parents. Nothing wrong with that.
I had high expectations of Set It Up – two highly successful people of color who have white assistants! romance! – but then there was the elevator scene with the horribly racist, demeaning depiction of the overweight black man. That’s when I stopped watching. It still makes me angry to think about it.
Agreed. Also, I watched it after watching Always Be My Maybe and while trying to compare ANY romcom to that gem is probably unfair, I also lost interest because like, why do I care about seeing these two boring white people fall in love? Not faulting the leads for being white, but they were such generic romcom stereotypes (the sporty girl who’s never been in love! the shallow dude who realizes he wants something more!). I was rooting for Taye Diggs and Lucy Liu way more.
I agree wholeheartedly about How to Talk so Kids Will Listen being a brilliant, wise book. When I made the conscious decision in my pediatric occupational therapy practice to handle upsets by acknowledging feelings, offering choices, and setting limits, my colleagues started asking me why my sessions run so smoothly.
One of the authors has a niece, Susan Nason, who carries on her work in NYC, and her parenting classes are so empowering and transformational. http://theparentwhispererny.com
What the heck!! No recipe for the wondrous fruit tart? Please, please share.
Thanks much.
I wish we had it! Sarah Jampel made it: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzmE9Gyh_ZC/?igshid=y5mueba3p6du
I found something sorta similar (and you could use plums and peaches instead of the apple in this Food52 recipe). Although I’m not sure what Sesame Sugar is?
https://food52.com/recipes/73210-apple-galette-with-tahini-frangipane-honey-hibiscus-glaze
Any chance you could put a little warning note about sound for these links? COJ is my absolute go-to for nursing baby down time and whoops… Mindy’s ice cream just started my guy awake :-/
Oh I’m so so sorry!!!! Yes will add!
All Hail Tara!!! That post made me LOL and want to do every one of her rituals. Wouldn’t I love to read her beauty uniform!!!
XOXOXO Have a great weekend
I’m from Dominican Republic and Dominicans always clap when the plane lands in DR. I thought it was tacky growing up but once on a plane from Madrid to Santo Domingo no one clapped upon landing, the Captain went on the PA to ask “why didn’t you guys clap? Was the flight not good? It’s what we always look forward to landing here, please don’t lose that wonderful tradition” . Everyone laughed and started clapping and cheering loudly in true Dominican style. Ever since then when I fly home, I never think it’s tacky, I just know we’re all happy to have arrived to our beautiful, warm piece of heaven, specially around the holidays. It makes me smile every time :)
That is so so sweet!!!
Everyone claps when the plane lands in Jamaica too, always…except for my family trying to be cool. But I clap proudly! The flight was great and we’ve landed, five thanks!!!
I am from Puerto Rico and we do the same thing! My friend is a pilot and he says he gets a kick out of hearing the passengers clap! Also, whenever I visit PR I love to hear the clapping upon landing–despite the frequent bad news about my island I love that we remain a joyous and celebratory people!
Just picked up this book on parenting because it seems like what I’m doing already, lol. ParentShift: Ten Universal Truths That Will Change the Way You Raise Your Kids https://www.amazon.com/ParentShift-Universal-Truths-Change-Raise/dp/194193210X/
Will try to remember to post an update when it’s finished!
Found myself on a flight through a typhoon. We were being thrown around the sky for two hours trying to land in Hong Kong. From the time they said we were descending to actual landing was two full hours of being a tiny marble shook around in a tin can. I felt our odds of crashing were 50/50. Every. Single. Person spewed. You can beg your ass I clapped on landing.
You poor, poor thing! Did you hair go gray from that flight?! My god!
Siblings Without Rivalry by those same authors is saving our lives right now with our two girls (2 and 4). Highly, highly recommended
Don’t mind the clapping on landing with planes (hooray I’m alive!) but reclining on seats really irks me. Last time I flew was a short flight with a toddler and a baby on my lap and the guy in front of me reclined as soon as we took off. As if I wasn’t squashed enough buddy!
I completely agree with the parenting book recommendation. It is my favorite, second only to the sister book, Siblings Without Rivalry. That one was a game changer in my house and I recommend it all the time. It feels amazing to give my kids the gift of conflict resolution skills, and to give myself the gift of never having to get in the middle their disputes. My kids still fight, but they usually do so respectfully and they have the skills to bring it back down without needing me in the middle.
Yes!!!! LOVED that book!
Yes, just recommended that book to someone again yesterday! I don’t purchase many books (big library user) but after taking it out for the second time I purchased both How To Talk and Sibling Rivalry. Classics.
When I was in Latin America, they always clapped after landing. More like a “well done!” to the pilot. I thought it was cute :)
LOVED that Kottke piece about the myth of excellence scarcity! Everyone exceeds with cooperation. The focus on cooperation over competition is why we choose and love Montessori schooling for kiddos.
But also, what is it with us Americans believing in scarcity? Rather it’s women being told to believe we have to compete with each other, students in schools for quality education, or the false narrative that minorities and lower income groups need to compete for resources! There is actually enough to go around. A
After I left a particularly stressful job, gardening video games helped me destress and regain my sanity.
Also, is it wrong just how much I want the sparkle tee shirts?
I am right there with you! After I left an incredibly stressful job earlier this, I played Story of Seasons basically nonstop for three blissful days. I’ve since then transitioned into real gardening, but gardening/farm games are still such a great way to decompress. My current go-to is an adorable little indie game called Garden Paws.
I want to clap sooo bad on a plane but my teenage kids look at me and beg me not to clap. As an Italian kid traveling to Italy I always found it so joyful when everyone clapped when we landed. To this day if I’m on a plane with people who clap I am certain that they must all be Italian or people of a certain generation who found air travel a marvel.
Lucia, I think the same way! I’m Italian American, too and ALWAYS clap. I have been on flights when I was the ONLY one clapping, and it flabbergasts me! My kids also give me the stink eye, and I LOVE to remind them that I’m ITALIAN ;) My husband has learned to clap right along with me, though he also laughs at it. It’s so darn enjoyable! Gonna do it forever.
Italian Australian over here and I always considered the clapping part of my Italian heritage. If you’re on a flight in Europe and there’s a few people clapping it’s usually the Italians! I always clap at the end of flights, even short ones, and here in Australia I’m usually the only person clapping, but I don’t care.
Fun to read the comments and find that the clapping is a thing all around the world!
Just chiming in to say Tara’s comment made me want to stand up out of my chair and applaud.
Trader Joe’s candles are inexpensive and fabulous subs for the antrho ones!
As a resident of one of the windiest cities in the world, I’m not gonna judge folks who want to clap the landing when it’s a rough one. It gets a bit exciting up there sometimes! I’m not applause-inclined myself (our turbulence is normal for the pilots, it’s all good), but where people aren’t used to it, you’ll definitely get a few gasps and yelps coming in to land on a windy day. I imagine there’s some relief for those folks when it’s over and the plane stops hitting potholes in mid-air :).
But from the non-turbulent point of view… hm. Thinking about it now, it does seem like an easy way to signal gratitude to the pilots and cabin crew who’ve been doing all the work during the flight, a bit like calling out thanks to the driver when you get off a bus. So maybe it’s not just “oh my word! We survived, what an unexpected turn of events, the pilots weren’t incompetent after all!” but “We reached the end of the journey, thanks for the care and we don’t take your work for granted!”
:)
Hard no on everyone getting an A. It’s clear that the author doesn’t understand statistics, school psychology, or education. This comment summed it up, from a college professor: “Well written nonsense. Abilities are distributed on a bell curve. Not everyone deserves a blue ribbon.“ he goes on to describe the pay-for-grades culture of today’s privileged (who think that they are well intentioned) parents in the college scene. I see the same problem in K-12. Entitled kids and their enabling parents who think they don’t deserve C’s and also don’t deserve discipline.
I disagree, respectfully. If the point of education were for it to find the person who is best at X skill, like a competition for show, then this would be the right approach. And it may be that the current nature of the college admissions process has indeed turned our education system into that, which would be tragic. But I believe education should be about educating children- teaching them to think, to learn on their own, and run their own race, instead of comparing themselves to others. In this scenario, someone may very well “deserve a C,” but only because they didn’t put in a stellar effort on their own path, not because someone else’s work made theirs look better or worse. I don’t believe anyone can “deserve discipline;” real discipline comes from within, and is a part of a strong structure of intrinsic motivation. External discipline is rarely educational, and often punitive, which is counterproductive to learning. (Can you tell I was a fan of Alfie Kohn before this, lol.) Entitlement from privileged classes is its own problem apart from this specific structural issue. I’d argue that a system more focused on comparing students to their past selves would be much less vulnerable to that kind of influence (or cheating!) than one where students are pitted against each other. The thing about statistics, school psychology and education, is that they exist within a set of assumptions that are problematic and damaging, but also normal.
So funny! I just saw Set It Up this week and loved it! So charming and sweet.
Wow, COJ magic at work again! I just got “How to Listen So Kids Will Talk…” out of the little free library by my house a few days ago! As I clicked on that link I thought “lol what if it’s the book I got??” And lo!
Hahaha brain match! Xoxo
I knew it’d be that parenting book! It’s gold. I hate parenting books – they make me anxious – but I recommend this one to everyone I meet. It’s just how to communicate better and who doesn’t want that?
So interesting about the clapping. My family is Colombian and I would say that many Latinos clap after the plane lands. I think it’s because 1) flying is very much a luxury for many Colombians and so we clap to show gratitude for the experience, 2) flying usually means going to see family so it’s an extremely happy occasion, and 3) Latinos can find any reason to celebrate :)
Tara’s comment needs to go down in the COJ comment hall of fame. I am delighted reading it again the second time.
Tara, your personal rituals are pretty amazing. High fives, girl!!!
The lawn mowing! What a cool lady! THAT is the kind self care I can believe in: the kind where you do something that kiiiind of sucks but you just HANDLE IT so you feel great about it.
(My parents moved to Hawaii my freshman year of college and for the first time we had a lawn in our family. On winter break I volunteered to mow it to be nice and because it seemed like a novelty experience at the time. I pulled that string thing to get the motor running and it took off so fast I had to run-waddle to keep up with it! I have laughy tears in my eyes right now just thinking about how insane I looked to my family casually watching from the driveway. Everyone was bent over laughing.)
While I have no stand on clapping on planes, I have always thought that it would be great if it was a thing to clap (and holler – let’s go for it) for the first luggage off the carousel. Those moments of waiting for the luggage to come out are always oddly tense and everyone wants to be the first bag out. So why not cheer each other on? It’s like winning the luggage lottery to be first, and I think we could all use more reasons to be happy for one another and find room for tiny celebrations.
haha i love that idea! let’s start it!
Omg I’m on cup of jo blog. Feels like oscars. Xoxo
You are f*ing famous in the only way that matters. Well done.
Tara, you are a goddess.
Because your personal ritual is just perfect. :)
You are brilliant. I’d read any other self-care rituals you have! :) Love the church and churros minus the church. Lol
Best comment ever
Do you have a website? Hungry readers plead for more!
You ladies are making me gush <3 I had a website but legit on my Dad read it so it faded out like myspace. I have instagram and I hope to write a book this year <3
ig: tpilsley https://www.instagram.com/tpilsley/?hl=en
Love Cup a Joe, these comments filled me with so much joy after a long week. Whenever I complain about the internet is ruining all our lives and smell of old books for children, I will now remember the kindness of badass women that read this blog. xoxo
Brownies WITH cranberries? I love brownies, and I love cranberries. How have I never thought of this? This one goes into recipe rotation immediately, and repeatedly. I mean, seriously, how did nobody come up with this one before?
i know!!!! that blast of tartness would be so delicious with rich chocolate.
Okay- sorry to start off negative but I just have to weigh in and say – gardening video games? How about planting a garden and watching real plants grow? Even in a city a person can most definitely grow plants- house plants or balcony/window planter boxes. THAT I would say would be a good way to relax and find some peace…with a real plant in real soil.
oh i’m sure people do that too! (sounds WONDERFUL.) but if you’re at work or don’t have a garden, it’s a funny way to turn your brain off. it reminds me of the norway slow TV shows — like watching a train drive for hours or watching a fireplace flickering or watching people knit: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/norways-slow-tv-fascinating-viewers-for-hours-or-days-at-a-time/
I live in a city and sadly even my backyard is a concrete square. But I do have about 30 plants outside in containers, and over 50 plants inside. I ALSO play gardening video games. It’s not so different from a meditative hobby like knitting. To each their own!
I do both! They’re therapeutic in very different ways. I love my real garden. The smell of the dirt, the sun-warmed leaves on my little fruit trees, watching all my plant babies grow and change in miraculous ways literally every day. Walking out there every morning is a little bit of heaven. But damn, when I’ve had a real cranky day, sometimes I just want to sit in my AC with a margarita and stimulate my brain’s pleasure and reward center for a little while with minimal effort. Sometimes all you need after a tiring day is “Congratulations, you’ve unlocked a new flower!” Yay! They’ve both got their benefits. ;)