This morning, just like every morning, I took a shower. And just like every other morning, I made sure to keep my eyes open THE ENTIRE TIME…
Sometimes, I’ll see a commercial for shampoo or body wash, where the person is luxuriating in the shower spray, enjoying the scent of Herbal Essences with their eyes closed. And I’ll think to myself, “But how will they see the monster?!”
I suspect it began with that blobby bathtub slime thing that frightens Sigourney Weaver in the original Ghostbusters, and only grew from there.
As a kid, I was afraid of all kinds of things. I saw wolves in the shadows (thank you, children’s books, for always casting a wolf as the villain) and alligators in the drains. I lived in perpetual fear that clowns would pop out of the closets. Why? Who knows. Most of these fears have fallen away, but others remain.
In all moments right up until this one, I am low key terrified of other people’s spit. I never want to share a drink, and if some unknowing person takes a sip of mine, I will very quietly put it down and never pick it up again. I picture the saliva swimming around in there, multiplying. I just… can’t.
But if anyone asks, “Can I try that?” in reference to my beverage, I never say no. I good-naturedly offer it over with a smile that I hope won’t give away the panic rapidly unfurling in my heart.
(“How do you kiss people?!” says everyone. My boyfriend is the only person who is exempt from this rule, which means I must like him.)
For similar reasons, I am afraid of Kombucha. There are organisms doing laps in there! I’m also freaked out by aerial trams (they dangle on cables!); every knife anywhere, other than butter knives; and lighting a match. And back when I had a bed frame that left ample space under the bed, I was known to leap into bed from a few feet away. Because of the ankle-grabbing monsters, obviously.
Anyway! I always think it’s interesting to hear about the random things people find terrifying, so…
Do you have any irrational fears? No judgment — the more ridiculous, the better.
P.S. A trick for whenever you’re freaking out and a comic about irrational fears.
(Photo from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.)