The Only Icebreaker You’ll Ever Need

I ask people how they spent their day. It’s open ended, they get to choose what to share, it encourages conversation without being interrogating, and people do really interesting things for hours.

I am known in my family for punctuating quiet moments with “What’s your first memory of _____?” It elicits good natured groans. My go-to is “first memory of cats,” but any random object will do. It makes people really think and you get to hear random memories people’s lives.

I LOVE asking people which character they think they would be on TV shows. It tells you so much about the person, and it’s really fun to hear their reasoning. Are you a Chandler? A Leslie Knope? An Elaine? I wanna know!

I wouldn’t even consider myself an introvert and I totally agree with this. One afternoon I was chatting with a friend in a coffee shop about how I wanted to redirect my career towards a new field but I didn’t know what yet. A business school friend of hers showed up and we mentioned we were discussing my career. So he decides to turn to me and go “So what’s your 30 seconds?” meaning whats my career spiel in 30 seconds. Of course I blanked! I felt bad at first but then I thought what a weird thing to ask a stranger! Especially one you aren’t interviewing.

I always liked ‘what keeps you busy during the day’ when I was navigating a town that mostly consisted of SAHMs and I was a working mom. Everyone seems to attach a different connotation (I actually often felt like I was pitied because I worked in that particular town) to working inside/outside of the home as a mother, but I never wanted another mother to feel like anything she did during the day was any less than what any other mother did. Every version of parenthood is hard and every day we manage to keep our kids alive and our sanity in check should be celebrated.

My favorite barista conversation trick was to ask people if they had anything big coming up. Customers would mention their kids, vacations, work conferences, etc. But the real trick! Is remembering and following up after said event. I’ve always found that people’s walls are much lower once you show them you actually care.

I went to a dinner gathering recently and was asked “What brings you joy lately?”. It was such a different, positive way to start a conversation. The nice thing about this question is that if work has brought you joy, it totally fits, but if you want to talk about something different the option is there. It actually took me a moment to think about it. I network often and it’s always about work!

I love to ask “tell me something true” and I get a variety of responses! Sometimes it’s something personal like “I had pizza for lunch” or “I walk to work”, other times it’s “Beyonce just dropped an album!” I love it, and it always carries a conversation along in an random little adventure.

I once heard a friend say to someone in our graduate program, “You know, I don’t know anything about you. Tell me about yourself…” and I thought that was a great opener for people you might interact with occasionally but barely know.

I do not like “How’s your day going?” from customer service people, either in person or on the phone. “Please,” I long to say, “can we just stick to business?” I learned to resent this especially after my mother died and I had to call the phone company, bank, lawn care people, etc. to settle her affairs and estate. I’m afraid I snapped at least once: “I just told you my mother died. How do you think my day’s going?”

I love to ask people what they’ve been excited about lately or if they have something they’re looking forward to. These questions often make people think about what they’re really passionate about and make conversation flow a little easier. Also, if you are being a genuine and sincere listener (and not just waiting for your turn to talk) people are way more likely to open up and share more of themselves with you ☺️

My go to is: where’s your next trip/holiday/vacation??
Mel x

I realized recently that most people really just want someone to break the ice. They’re happy to talk but need a little push. It’s made it a lot easier to be the one to “break the ice.”

This is so simple and yet so good! Coming from someone who is really awkward in social situations, I need to implement this more!

Paige

The only reason that works for her is people are expecting her to interview them! Haha :) if someone asks that I totally blank!

I always love “two highs and a low”….helps to focus on the great things that day/week/year but knowing the hard stuff can also open up really meaningful conversation!

My brother, who is brilliant and charming, always commands a room. His go-to party conversation game, once the music is light and everyone is typically sipping a cocktail and making idle conversation is “The Bodega Game,” which he invented one night. The gist is that you are on an island and there is only one store. You have to thoughtfully stock the store with the things that truly you love, that bring you joy, or you just KNOW you just can’t live without. He’ll sit casually sipping his drink and start throwing out topics… “Vegetables, pick 3!” and we all can’t wait to answer. “Board games… only ONE!”, “Books (only 2, TWO?!)”, as the night goes on it gets more absurd and hilarious “Part of your body that a professional masseuse will massage for you (appropriately!) but only one part!”, “Question you can get asked about yourself every day, but it will get asked to you EVERY time you walk in the bodega!”…

You learn so much about each other, whether best friends or new acquaintances, and it is always a hit!

Joanna:

Unrelated to the topic, but something that made me thinks of your grandmother: https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2019/04/new-ulla-stina-wikander/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+colossal+%28Colossal%29

One of my favorite questions to ask friends is “What’s on your mind these days?”. I also like to close long catch-up phone chats with “Is there anything else on your mind you’ve been wanting to share?”

My coworker who I have a massive crush on always asks me ‘hows today going’, and it always make my heart flutter. It’s open ended enough but not so wide open I freak trying to come up with an answer. But open enough that I can tell him about my drive to work or the coffee I had or how in anxious about my next tutoring session or anything really. The trick is that he listens. If you really listen to someone then they’ll open up, no matter what you ask. It helps that he’s very cute ;)

If I’m trying to make small talk with someone at their job (think hair stylist, nail technician, body waxer, etc.) I’ll ask, “What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened at work?” Everyone always has an answer, and I’ve heard the best stories.

I hate that phrase “Tell me about yourself”. It puts all the pressure on the askee to think of something interesting, and causes blank minds everywhere. It is way too vague. If someone were to ask me that then I know immediately that we aren’t going to be very good friends.

I did have a friend who would ask “Tell me a story”, but she would add “about 7th grade” or “about your childhood best friend” or “about a time you broke the rules”. This would help me reach into my memory for something that I hadn’t thought about in a long time, and would provide fun stories.

I also like on a previous post here how Jo sometimes asks “What’s your next vacation?” (or something like that). People are always excited to talk about vacation!