The Best Gifts

I have three kids (ages 10, 7, and 8 months). By far the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me was bring me a ready-to-eat meal for our family. After the last baby was born, a friend brought a meal AND took our dog for a walk around the neighborhood for 30 minutes. It was wonderful. Also, when you offer to help, be specific: suggest a few dates and offer ways you can help rather than saying “let me know if I can help.”

I have a two week old and a two year old and I would love someone to fold my laundry and do my dishes. I want to sit and hold my baby but doing those things are helpful!

Grubhub gift cards. (Mother of a 3-month old.)

I read somewhere (here?) that the best gifts for new parents are toilet paper and hand soap – something every guest uses and they may run out of. Now I always bring a few of each!

When my first child was born and probably about a month old, my aunt and uncle showed up with a big brown paper grocery bag full of butterbeans from their garden that had to be shelled! They never had children and had no idea of what life was like with a new baby. Had I been a member of their church, they would have showed up with a casserole, homemade rolls, and dessert. They thought their way to believe was the only way, and since my husband and I went to a different church, we didn’t count. Eventually, the butterbeans were shelled.

Also, for family/close friends, offer to take the baby for a stroller/carrier walk so baby can nap and they can get a real break. Don’t go far – just endless circles around the nearby blocks – but most babies will sleep with motion and that way you can give them a half hour to shower/breathe/eat something that requires both hands.

My sister just had her first baby last night, and we’re visiting her in 2 weeks (she lives an 8-hour trip away – don’t worry, we’re not staying with her haha!). I’m bringing homemade frozen meals: 2 kinds of burritos to pop in the microwave as needed, a batch of hearty muffins, and chicken fried rice fixings so she can throw everything in a hot pan and have a fresh dinner with almost no work. Plus some dry shampoo and tinted lip balm to help her feel good even when she can’t grab that much-needed shower and some local coffee to keep them going.

I agree with those who say bring fresh, *prepped* fruit! I craved it for a good week or two after my deliveries. Doesn’t have to be fancy – just cut up that melon, or wash those grapes and cut the stems into small clusters – whatever is juicy, fresh, and easy to grab!

My first baby is due Monday! Ahhhhhh! (I mean, we’ll see if it’s punctual or fashionably late.) I’m grateful to have a friend who’s setting up a meal train for us. (And my mom, who’ll be showing up in the first few days :))

One thing I’ve been mildly stressing about is how to navigate the health/safety concerns with low vaccination rates in my area (I live in Portland, OR—across the river from the recent huge measles outbreak). How do I gently tell friends/acquaintances to respect my wishes that if they or their children aren’t vaccinated, that I’d like to delay their meeting my child? I know I shouldn’t care, but it feels … awkward? Esp. since you never know someone’s stance on things …

If you know her well enough to know what she’d like, some fancy / favorite shower products a favorite thing of mine to give. As many comments have said, a nice hot shower is a treat when you haven’t slept and you’re healing and bleeding and leaking and crying all day (surely im not the only one) – some extra special soap and a shampoo really makes the best of that 10-minute break!

I just had my first baby and one of the best gifts I received was homemade smoothies in mason jars. So handy to have something delicious to drink with one hand, especially during the night feeds when I am ravenous!

I really recommend reading The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson. It will help you plan your postpartum if you’re expecting and it’ll help you be a significantly better support if you’re a family member or friend.

Warm food with high nutrients and good fats (no dairy!) are actually best postpartum because they’re easiest to digest vs raw veggies that ask your digestive system to work harder. A lot of people get dinner sent but I felt lunch was harder. I wasn’t going to really cook for myself and I didn’t have energy for it. Now I make two big hearty soups and some homemade rolls for new moms. I send the soup portioned in little containers and the rolls wrapped individually so she can pop everything in the freezer. Whenever she needs a meal she can reheat a soup and some fresh bread, easy as anything!

The best thing my friends gave me was one night of a night nurse once my twins came home from the NICU. OMG it was amazing to get a full 8 hours of sleep.

Kombucha is supposed to be bad for nursing moms because it makes you detox, and toxins can come out in breastmilk. It just came out as some new study. That said, I drank it everyday I nursed and we’re fine.

I’m 4 months along and TERRIFIED for the first weeks at home. Wishing I could send this list to my friends and family without being rude haha. Adorable, love these illustrations.

The food I found most helpful was what could be eaten with one hand. Salads and baked fish and soups were lovely (and delicious), but I couldn’t eat them while holding/feeding the baby – which is what I was doing 90% of my waking hours when she was first born. My favorites were: cut up fresh fruits and veggies, breakfast burritos (good for any time of day), muffins, peeled hard-boiled eggs, cookies/brownies (for when the sweet craving hits), casseroles that weren’t too saucy and wouldn’t drip on the baby. Though let’s be honest, she got a fair bit of food dripped on her anyway.

And I second the ‘drop it off and leave’ comments, it’s so hard to entertain when you’re healing and sleep deprived…

Ohmygod YES!! Especially to salad (though I preferred the fruit variety) and wine and kombucha. After both of my babies, I treated myself to big bowls of precut fruit from wegmans and it was the best! My other favorite was an egg bake or quiche.

And, clothes with zippers! Why do they even make baby pjs with snaps?

As a new mom myself I’d say the best thing you can bring is compassion. Most new moms just need someone to vent/cry to and for someone to tell them everything will be ok. If you can offer to watch the baby while she closes her eyes for a bit or even just takes a shower, that’s great! But what she really needs is a hug and some empathy! And of course cookies never hurt either!

We had moved to a new city not long before having our first daughter, so no in-person visits or gifts, but I will be forever grateful to my cousin and her husband who sent us a compostable party-pack of plates, utensils, and cups from Costco. Seems like an odd thing, but man was it nice to not have to think about dishes (or feel guilty for using plastic/styrofoam) for the first crazy weeks.

There are so many babies being born in my friend group right now (yeeee!), and we have been making the most of Meal Train to schedule goodies for all of the new parents. That way you can see what other folks are bringing and not repeat dishes they will already have leftovers of, as well as claim dates you know they’ll be available for a drop off and not overlap with other friends. https://www.mealtrain.com/ Would highly recommend this little organizational tool!

This post brought tears for me. I was in a weird place when I birthed my first baby. She was a month early and I had been forced to quit my job and go on bed rest months before. It was stressful and lonely and we couldn’t afford it. I had just graduated college the spring before and all of my girlfriends moved far away. My mom came when the baby was born, but we had to stay several extra days at the hospital and my mom left the day we went home. I came home from a traumatic pregnancy and birth, to a messy apartment (my water broke and we just left, no early labor putter cleaning), an empty refrigerator, and no money either (losing my job, +extra medical bills depleted all the money we’d saved). I remember literally standing in the kitchen, holding a baby and realizing we’d be eating cereal for dinner. I remember feeling tired, overwhelmed, afraid. Thank goodness my husband was kind and reassuring, hugging us both and saying we’d be ok. What I wouldn’t have given for a casserole at the door. We didn’t get a single thing.

A few years later, surrounded by new mom friends, and living in a warm neighborhood, we were showered with food and help and kindness when my second baby was born. I was so grateful, still am 20 years later. Wanting to help make sure all mothers feel cared for brought me to doula work. We all deserve to feel surrounded with love.

My son was in the NICU for a week after he was born, so my husband and I spent all our time at the hospital with him. One friend who lived nearby offered to pick up bahn mi from our favorite place and drop it in the hospital lobby for us. I had to force myself to accept her kindness because I’m always so worried about putting people out! Our friend offered to just hand the food to us and leave but we asked her to stay while we ate. That lobby moment was probably the only same 15 minutes from that week. Just talking about normal things for a moment and sitting down for a meal felt amazing.

Meals were lifesavers for us the first month or so. But some of my favorite gifts included friends that stopped by just to stock my fridge, do my laundry, or hold the baby. I had a friend swing by once just to put fresh fruits, vegetables and drinks in the fridge. Another came by a few times just to hold Cal while I laid on the couch and we chatted. Another lugged my laundry basket up and down stairs to load and fold laundry while I just sat on the couch and slept/ate/nursed.

Things my brain was not thinking about the first few weeks at home: cleaning, groceries, cooking. And try as my husband did, he didn’t get paternity leave and was up just as much as I was at night so it was a huge relief on him too!

The two most amazing things we got were:
Cooked meals from friends and an big edible arrangement filled with fresh fruits. I was so easy for us to snack on and felt fresh and healthy and also did not require any preparation or utensils.
Second to that was volunteers for doing the dishes and laundry.
And for the absolute heroes: take a night feeding shift (Thank you Mom!!!).
The first four weeks are just a blurred but if you are fed and surrounded by love from positive people, embracing the crazy is much easier.

I so agree with the salad! Our lovely friends and family brought us endless casseroles and pasta dishes which we loved, but the lean meat and vegetable dishes really helped balance out all the heavy food.

I’ve always thought that the standard present for new parents should be a gift certificate for house cleaning services. Honestly, as a mom to three, I would have loved this…still would!