Have a Great Weekend.

same.
i was 17, in high school in nyc at the time and took the same public bus every morning, with the same people every morning. we didn’t know much about each other except that we lived in the same place and they worked in manhattan.
when i went back to school something like a week after 9/11, i noticed a few people missing. i figured they hadn’t gone back yet, and those of us who were back waiting for the bus together began to talk and we all hoped the others would come back. our local community had a mass memorial for everyone who had passed on that day, and i searched the crowd for some missing faces, to no avail. my parents could see me getting upset and hugged me. i then felt a tap on my shoulder to see one of my bus mates, not any of the ones i was looking for. they just said, “i know, miss them too,” and gave me a big squeeze.

hahaha that happens to me every single time with my work passwod..

I googled him too and also came across that story. So moving.

I feel like I am going to see strangers in a different perspective now.. Thanks for sharing Kay.

yessss to the travel diary Mims! I am not a diary person, or even a sentimental person (I have a reputation as ruthless because I refuse to keep anything). However, there is just something about the travel diary and the way it can transport you back to the holiday that means I will always keep one. Even better than leafing through it straight after the holiday is reading it years and years later…. it’s like time travel x

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I am a physician working full time, my husband stays home with our 4.5 year old and 11 month old. Even with him being home during the day, there is always more that could be done around the house.

I am learning that it comes down to priorities- you simply cannot exercise daily, sleep enough, work, cook dinner, and spend time with you kids every day. I am slowly learning to simplify dinner so I can be truly present with my family. Our house is often somewhat messy because we choose to go ice skating rather than cleaning.

I think the biggest thing for me is just deciding throughout the day what I will do with this moment of time, and trying to commit fully. So if I’m playing Candyland, I’m not also thinking about the grocery list. That and trying to minimize time on my phone (even podcasts and site this Cup of Jo) help me feel more present and less busy.

I hope other people respond as well, because I would love to hear more strategies to make this work!

This is such an important conversation and would make for a great post. I’m a yoga and meditation teacher with two young children and I too struggle with this. Much to say on this topic as our society and economic structures are tied into it too but that’s a longer thread. How: embrace the mess of it all, let it carve you deeply, simplify schedules, simplify stuff, remember what matters most to you and do that/hold that everyday, move your body every day (anything counts and mix it into the mill of life), make space just to BE every day (5 min counts), clean up your diet and simplify it, and make art with your kids! 10 min. Goes a long way… This is my way. I drop all comparisons of what others are doing too…that helps a lot. It’s so hard, messy and I struggle surrendering to it all too but I’m doing what I love on all levels so that’s rich. For inspiration on the history of the women’s lib movement check out the pbs series, Makers. I’ll let that say the rest… every woman should watch this with her daughter at some point.

Can you bump down your work hours? After having kids I went to 30 hrs/week (and work from home) and its one of the best decisions we’ve made. More time with the kids but still engaged in fulfilling/stimulating work. I’m lucky to have an employer that supports this (I’m a scientist with a consulting company).

For us, slow down meant me quitting my job. My husband and I both had well-paying, somewhat demanding, full time jobs. But we had no time for the family adventures, date nights, vacations, and full nights sleep you speak of. Luckily we had purposely bought a house that we could afford on one salary, because I had an inkling I might not want to work forever. But if we hadn’t, we would have downsized. It was hard giving up my salary, but now I have time to homecook all of our meals, keep our house clean, do all of the logistical stuff. My parents stop by frequently so I get to see them more, and watch them spend quality time with our daughter. To us, that’s worth it. I felt like it was society telling me we needed to have two incomes. But when we thought about what was important to us (health and family time), we realized that it wasn’t working for us. It was the best decision I ever made. I was worried about giving up the money, but since I have time now, I save us a lot by cooking at home and other random things that take more time but save money. That and we basically stopped buying crap. Now we mostly just buy groceries and experiences. It’s all we really need.

Do not get a dog. Don’t make the same mistake I made A dog is like having another child. Except you can’t take it everywhere and it will never grow out of diapers. Never. You will be cleaning poop off the ground for the next twenty years. Speak about busy…a dog is loving and kind but it’s not meant to slow us down…

I’m at the end of this with my only child heading off to college this summer…my only advice is to get your child involved in all the household stuff – developing the grocery list, grocery shopping, doing laundry, folding it and putting it away, and finally prepping everything you can for the week on Sunday morning – food prep, lunch prep, laundry, to do lists for the week. All of it on Sunday morning. Also, getting up an hour earlier to have space to think and read. It makes a HUGE difference to get up and start your day ready for whatever is there.

I’m 41 and my husband is 46. We have a seven year old and an almost two year old. We also have no family help. Because of that, I cut my hours at work. We also pick low key, not demanding extracurricular activities for my son. We would rather relax on a Saturday together than spend the whole day on a ball field. You have prioritize what’s important for your family.

Christie, I don’t know! Our economic system and lack of safety net that supports is when we need it must is the heart of this problem. Paid parental leave would mean you had some time at the beginning. Universal health Care would mean lower health care costs overall, that your health care isn’t tied to employment and a certain job (you could leave a job without writing about your health Care), and one partner staying home wouldn’t create the additionally burden of paying for his/her expensive health care. Universal child care would relieve parents if the unfair financial burden if the first five years. What would American families look like in this scenario? A lot less burdened and overworked and worried.

What else may help? How busy is your 8 year old? Could she be less so? We are passing on our culture of busyness, overachievement for the sake of achievement, and overwork to our kids. If you are spending any time ruining her here there and everywhere, just stop.

Re a dog. Imho, dog time is quality family time and so worth it. Going for walks, playing, petting, care, that’s all time well spent as a family. But I realize that isn’t true for everyone. If yours is the kind of family that would have to hire it out just to meet your dogs needs, or one partner would bear the burden and feel resentful….. Then no. Dogs do need a lot, and deserve to get it.

Best of luck!

ohh, that`s so nice! “my lake” :)

I love this comment. So true.

Same here! I felt a twinge of sadness watching her in that video.

Same. </3

Girl please, that song is by Tom Waits! Give his growly original version a listen if you don’t know it.