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We feature an original illustration by the lovely Mari Andrew every Friday morning. Here’s today’s.
P.S. Random turn-ons, and falling in love.
Dating After a Breakup
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22 Comments
My fiance called off our wedding about 9 weeks ago. Told me he needed time and space and then said we are done-ish (whatever that means) because I didnt try hard enough to show him i changed and accepted his family… How to even think about dating is a mystery to me now…. But i have been and how do I go on with the hurt doubt and blame this man has left me with? I guess time will heal most/some wounds.
My fiance called off our wedding 9 weeks ago, and just told me yesterday I didn’t do enough to show him i wanted to be a part of his family and told me we are done-ish??? (WTF) ( How to even begin thinking about dating?? ) I want to though… eventually. How to not carry around all that emotional baggage? Blame? Doubt? Hurt?
Ohhhhhh boy. This one hits close to home. ‘Scuse me while I cry at my desk for a minute.
SAME.
I would love reading on dating after being on a 15 years or more relationship…a long time. I just got “divorced” (actually never got married but with a kid is the same thing). I met him when I was 21, had a baby at 26 and now I am 37. We’ve been kind of not together for like 5 years meaning not knowing what to do with ups and downs, but finally we decided to end it. Recently been on a date or met some guys and the dating scence is really terrible, because men my decade or in their 40’s want to date 20 something girls. All were not fun I felt unwanted and too old for dating. Anyone else out there???
Always has been a silent reader & enjoyed every post by Marie but THIS POST is what I’m going through right now. Finding hard to fight this mentality and it comforts me that I’m not alone in this journey. Thanks n much love from Malaysia! xx
Yes, this.
Widowed for 15 months and dating again, after 12 years with the love of my life. Trying not to have unrealistic expectations of new people without settling for mediocre. So hard.
21 years. He’s just moved out and I’m so relieved. I’m 44 and don’t see myself dating anytime soon. I want to enjoy it being just me for as long as I feel like it. Keeping my sons steady and discovering who I am in this stage of my life are my main priorities. I’m both exhausted and excited.
My four year marriage ended suddenly and unexpectedly this past Christmas. I thought dating was something I would never have to think about again but here I am. I have a four month old daughter so she is my main priority but I’m sure one day I’ll feel like dating again, even if right now it doesn’t feel like this pain will ever go away and the thought of meeting someone new is absolutely terrifying.
Heather, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a breakup myself a few months ago and have been unable to bring myself to date. I am 39, and tired of multiple 3-5 year relationships that just … end. But I’m rooting for you & I know, with time, you’ll feel better and feel like putting yourself out there. In the meantime, I hope you can show yourself compassion and self care. xo.
Oh this really hit home, a five year relationship ended this past New Years Eve and my heart still aches
For me, it feels like, “Why does this person understand me better than my partner of 11 years did?”
And that’s heartbreaking in a different way.
Woah. I feel you!
This got me right in the feelings. Mari is so wise…
This hits home. Recently ended a 2.5 year relationship. Even though I initiated the break-up, I’m the one who kept fighting for the relationship. Still am I guess. Full of fear and worry, but glad to know I’m not the only one. Thanks Mari!
Same here! We can get through this ?
yes, and the more you fought the harder it is to let go. Learning self-compassion and doing things that will feel good the next day has been my main priority.
Stacy- It’s hard and it’s true. But there is a fun and light quality about getting to know someone new. With everytime I have someone try to understand me, I understand more about myself. You got this!
My relationship of 7 years ended 6 months ago. I haven’t started dating yet, and this is such a huge fear of mine. We say it every week, but – Mari is spot on. Again.
Stacy, been right there in your shoes, except my relationship of 7 years ended 3 years ago, yesterday. I call it my independence day. Getting back into the crazy, tech savvy new world of dating can feel overwhelming, but as someone who did it and found a gem of a man on tinder, can i suggest a few things to make it easier?
1. Read Aziz Ansari’s book, Modern Romance (it helped me understand how dating works these days and made it feel much more approachable. Plus, it’ll make you laugh)
2. Give yourself time to grieve your past relationship. I didn’t start dating until I’d been out of my relationship for a year and a half. I wanted to be okay being single first. Also, therapy helped me tremendously.
3. Remind yourself of this quote when times feel hard: “I’ve come to trust not that events will always unfold exactly as I want, but that I will be fine either way. The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.” – Marianne Williamson.
Dating is terrifying, but it’s also electrifying, fun, and full of surprises. You got this!
My 7 year relationship ended 5 years ago :) We were a destructive pair, I had to break away from him in order to get myself back on track. My life now is super awesome, and as fate would have it, I met my husband only months later. He and I are so perfectly matched, if I didn’t believe in soul mates before, I do now.
Naseem’s answer is very much like a mini Cup of Jo,’s post! I’ll follow your advice.
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