The Thing That Has Surprised Me Most About My Marriage

My partner also tucks me in every night. I wish he would stay and cuddle for a bit but the ritual is nice, sometimes he puts lotion on my back. For the first few months I had slightly resented the change in our routine but recently we had to go to bed at the same time for a few nights in a row and I found I fell asleep much easier without him taking up half the bed. I also think knowing someone is awake in the next room makes me feel safer than having him asleep beside me.

I think the key is that he “tucks her in”…my ex would never do this. I could deal with the different sleep schedules if he would just spend some time with me before I fell asleep. I used to ask all the time. He couldn’t do it. Makes me sad. And he wonders why we’re no longer together…

We have been married for 35 years now and we have allways been going to bed the same time. I fall a sleep after 10 min. My husband reads for an hour. We found that the best time to cuddle and have sex is when we both go to bed earlier. When i’m a sleep he gets the time to read.

Marriage is interesting; all about coping and getting used to one another I guess

We’ve been married for more than 23 years and rarely go to bed together. We have our nightly rituals and from conversations with sisters, the majority of the time they don’t go to sleep at the same time either. I think this comes from having babies, working different shifts, and varying circadian rhythms. We make it work for us. After all what goes on in our bedroom is between us, not weird, just uniquely us.

Confession; about a year or so after our twins were born, my husband and I stopped sleeping together. We are both severely introverted and found that, with the stress of parenting young children, we both needed more alone time than ever. Now, we do the twins bedtime routine, hang out with each other in the living room talking, watching a movie, etc., then we part ways around 9:30/10pm to retreat into our introvert caves. I swear, it SAVED our marriage! We are so much more refreshed and able to handle the next day having given ourselves the space we so desperately need.

My husband and I are the same….except I am the introvert going to sleep early! Plus, I have to get up much earlier in the mornings than he does.

Surprisingly, our separate bedtimes routine has gotten criticism from some that have come to know about it. It works so well for us though. We say goodnight, I head into the bedroom to read alone in the very quiet room while he stays up, watching TV or talking on the phone with friends. It is ideal for us both for the past six years of marriage :)

My husband’s self-employed and often works all evening. When I tell people they generally look horrified – as though we don’t have any quality time together – but we do! We have a lovely long breakfast together most mornings (egg muffins and fresh coffee fuel good quality conversation!), my husband often gets to do the school run and is always there cheering our daughter on at sports days, and he takes a couple of hours off mid-afternoon when she gets home from school.

I’m useless in the evenings and always fall asleep super early, so I love the fact that we have pockets of quality time during the day instead. And when my husband does have an evening off, we always make the most of it because curling up on the sofa together is a treat rather than the norm!

I’m the one with the routine, going to bed early, etc. He stays up way later and it drives me INSANE. Our sleep patterns are completely different. I can’t even handle it sometimes haha. Because he tries to take a damn nap everyday! Guess what.. go to bed on time, no nap!!

We do not go to bed at the same time and also sleep in separate beds. He gets up at 4:30am and I get up at 6:30am. He snores so loudly too. It works for us and has for years but people STILL give me crazy looks.

What I love best about this is the honesty. In reality, so many of us are in the exact situation, but many would never share this info lest someone judge something about our relationships.

In marriage, it is important to be realistic, especially about something as important as sleep. (One often wonders if the world would be less hostile and people less angry if they simply got more sleep. I suspect the answer is “yes.”) When you care and respect someone, you want them to have, at the least, the basics of what they need.

It is lovely that you and Alex have your ritual bedtime and that neither of you needs the other to follow some idea that loving couples MUST go to bed at the same time.

Ironically, for many couples, where the work schedules are very different, and people work shifts, some people are never even sharing the bed at any time. Again, this is a practical thing and NOT a commentary on the closeness of a relationship.

As someone who struggles with sleeping, getting enough sleep is paramount and woe betides anyone who would get between me and my sleep. A loving partner who accepts this has made a huge difference. I cannot imagine a relationship where both partners MUST be in bed at same time as dictated by one partner.

Thanks for sharing this.

hahaha on your graphic – my brain does that ALL THE TIME! why??? Also it makes “The List” a la the SJP character in the movie I Don’t Know How She Does It – “Birthday party theme – pirates or princesses? Make a playdate with the kid that doesn’t bite. Wax something – anything! BAGELS!”

We’re bed at the same time folks, but often times in the lead up to bed time (about 1030ish) I need to sort of unplug, read or journal, while he wants to get one more check on the weather, news, etc.
The thing that surprises me the most is how much I rely on the physical aspect of him being in bed next to me. I’m a light sleeper, so if he gets up in the middle of the night, I sense that shift and it wakes me. Equally, even when we spend a few nights apart when one of us is traveling for work, it’s amazing to me how not having the person next to me affects my sleep. Even though we aren’t huge cuddlers and spend most of the night on “our sides,” I think my sleep patterns are so attuned to having him next to me and how that affects my comfort levels that when we aren’t together in bed, neither of us sleeps well at all– and that was very surprising to me since in past relationships, especially my former marriage, that solo bed time to sprawl out was a special treat.

This is me and my husband as well. He also tucks me in most nights! It’s honestly one of the best parts of my day if I’m having a great day, or puts me in a calm mood if I’m struggling.

We have a similar routine! I tend to like to go to bed earlier then my husband. It takes me about 15-30 minutes to settle into sleep. My husband can fall asleep super quick, and he snores! He also tends to like to stay up later anyway.

When I wind down for the evening, I write in my journal then call him in to straighten out the sheets and tuck me in. We talk about our day, and make up stories about our stuffed animals (yes, at 37 we have stuffed animals that live in our bed).

It is also interesting because on nights in which my husband is tired and wants to go to sleep at the same time, I get upset! I know that he will fall asleep in 5 minutes and snore.

My husband and I never go to bed at the same time – he’s practically nocturnal. I crash around 10:30, he’s up til at least 1 or 2. Even when I used to work at a music venue, and come home around 2 or 3am, he’d stay up til I was home and usually go to bed after me.

Bedtime = comedy gold as my husband is a sleep talker (and even acts out his dreams at times, too — it’s like his other persona). This happened most recently while I was getting ready for work at about 5:30 AM. Out of a sound sleep, he asked “how far away is Erie, Pennsylvania?” After I answered, he told me he “needed to go there.” Why? “I need an Amish hat.” Immediately back to sleep.

He also once urgently blurted out that he need “cellophane, petroleum jelly, and a stop sign!”

(Insert crying laughing emoji)

I make my partner come to bed with me, I sleep sooo badly when I can hear him moving around downstairs. We have an agreement, we both chat and talk for a while, and then snuggle down together in the dark. I fall asleep almost instantly, and then he will turn over and either go on his phone, watch a tv show with headphones or read.

It means we both get to do things we need/want, but in a joint comfy location!

Lo
http://www.themixtures.com

My husband and I never ever go to bed at the same time. He likes to work at night on his personal work.(He is a photographer) And I am a morning lark so I like to go to bed earlier. I never thought as a married couple you went to bed at the same time. I suppose its because all my life I dont remember my parents ever going to bed at the same time. My Dad was always in bed first.

We’ve been happily unmarried for 24 years and rarely go to bed at the same time! I am the extroverted fast nodder-offer, and he is the introverted night-owl. I don’t remember wondering if it was strange because it just seemed to make so much sense for us! It took me a lot longer to solve his cover-stealing…separate blankets

Ha it’s funny, my fiancé and I are the same but we do it the other way round. I take at least half an hour to drop off usually, and to wind down. So I go to bed first, take ages getting ready for bed and relaxing and about an hour later my partner will come to bed and fall straight asleep beside me. I like the idea that you two still chat and have time together before bed though. Maybe we’ll give that a go!

My parents go to bed at the exact same time every night and sit up in bed reading their books and chatting together about their days/what is on their minds before going to sleep. I was always sad that I’m not the same as that because it’s just the cutest! But now I realise that everyone is different and what works for them just doesn’t work for me :)

Haha, that quote made me smile!! I’m glad that I got to see it at the beginning of my day :) Aw, I think it’s so nice how he will come to bed with you and have a chat and a cuddle – It seems like a really nice time between you both! It’s a good way to make your separate sleeping patterns work as well!

Anyway, have a great weekend :)

Chloe @ https://girllgonerogue.blogspot.co.uk/

My heart leaped when I read the words ‘tuck in’! Most nights my boyfriend and I go to bed at the same time, talk about silly things and say I love you over and over. However if he doesn’t come to bed the same time as me I’ll always call out to be tucked in. Last night I did it and I caught myself thinking maybe I’m being childish but now I know it’s completely normal from the other comments on here. It takes me so much longer to fall asleep without him or without being tucked in – it’s kind of the full stop to the day.

Never go to bed at the same time. The only time he comes to bed with me is when he wants sex but I also love that debrief time so he has to endure at least 20 minutes of me updating him on every funny, weird, cute things the kids have done since he last tried to have sex with me.

My husband is a brewer and on a rotating schedule- three weeks morning, three weeks afternoon/evening, three weeks overnight. I love the first two because we are both introverts and end up in a rotating schedule of coveted evening alone time. The overnights are the worst, though. Even if I try to go to bed, I end up falling asleep on the couch watching TV. We are newlyweds, though, and all of it feels so sweet to me, having someone to worry over sleep schedules with.

My husband of 21 years and I only sleep together 4 nights a week. I am a critical care nurse and I work the night shift. He likes the alone time and I like the bed to myself during the day when I sleep. But on the nights we spend together we try to go to bed together just to have alone time to talk and cuddle. We have been doing this for about 10 years and it seems to work for us. We don’t have a tv in our bedroom so talking is how we stay connected. Sometimes because I sleep mostly during the day I do get up and clean the house, read or watch the stars above after he falls asleep. But sometimes I just watch him sleep and think how lucky I am to have him in my life. Can u tell I am very deeply in love even after 20+ years. :)

Oh goodness all the supposed to’s about marriage. What a drag! It will be 9 years for us in September and we have always slept under different blankets. The few who ever found out teased us, but using the same cover ALWAYS turned into middle of the night half asleep tug-a-wars. So now we each have a blanket that is made of the fabric and weight we prefer and it is bliss. I think it was actually a blog post here a while back that finally made me feel normal about it.

A friend recently told me in regards to marriage advice, “do whatever will cause the least amount of resentment between the two of you.” Life lessons right there!

We are just like you guys only reversed. I even rub my husband’s head.