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When pregnant, did (or do) you secretly hope to have a boy or a girl? Honestly, seven years ago, I was nervous when I discovered I was pregnant with a boy. What if I couldn’t connect to my son? Worse, what if he didn’t connect with me? But then of course (OF COURSE!), I fell head over heels crazy in love. Here, nine moms, including myself, share what they love about having sons…
Toby has always been a die-hard romantic (exhibit A, exhibit B). But recently Anton has gotten swept up in the excitement of all things fancy, as well. Last week, they asked if we could dress up and go to a nice dinner. They took a bath, THEY WASHED THEIR HAIR and they picked out nice clothes — including blazers and light-up sneakers. “Mommy,” Toby said seriously, as he combed his hair, “you should probably wear a dress.” We decided on our neighborhood Indian restaurant. During dinner, Anton wriggled off his chair, crawled into my lap, and spent the rest of the meal cuddled in my arms. I find these two so delightful — I literally delight in them. They are the great joys of my life.
I cried in the car after finding out the sex of our baby during my first pregnancy. What would I have in common with a son? But after Hugo was born, all those fears evaporated. The mutual adoration was real and intense. We were together so much during that first year that I called him my little barnacle. It makes me laugh to think that I ever questioned how we’d relate. Not only does he love so many of the same things I do — books and baking and knock-knock jokes and cuddles, to name just a few — but it has been remarkably fun to discover the other things that bring him joy — pirates and animals and music and his unbridled imagination. When we had our second child, I found myself hoping it would be another boy. I’m thrilled to be the mother of two sons, whose all-encompassing love is the most special thing in my life. — Luisa Weiss
Six-year-old Eli sometimes asks to “do my hair” and it’s so sweet. When I say yes, he gets excited like it’s a special treat. He brushes out my hair until it’s “really soft and smooth,” then he makes ponytails or braids (he just learned to braid). He’s always eager to find out if I like the results. I’ve raised my boys very gender neutral, supporting all their interests and never ever saying that something is “for girls” or “for boys.” But for some reason I never imagined playing “hair salon” with my son. It has been a pleasant surprise! — Lena Corwin
Oak is hilarious and has no sense of boundaries. Everyone is his friend: the crossing guard, the stranger at the flea market, the guy at the bodega. Literally, he will walk up to anyone and say “Wass your name? I Oakie!” And that free spirit and lack of self awareness is so new for me to watch and love. I’ve learned so much as his mother. — LaTonya Yvette
I don’t know what I thought it was going to be like, having a boy, but this beautiful, gentle 17-year-old who drives his sister to the town library and plays Joni Mitchell on the piano and says deadpan things like, “Same,” to make me laugh after I muse aloud that perimenopause is killing me — this is beyond whatever my wildest dreams must have been about babies, boys, people in general. Whatever it is you imagine boys are, or teenagers, I promise you want this. — Catherine Newman
I feared my son might prefer things foreign to me. What if he liked sports?! Would I have to fake liking them, too? (That had never worked for me when dating!) But it turns out that I’m so in love with him that experiencing something he likes is entirely different than trying to like it for myself. For example, the other morning at his soccer game, I found myself on the edge of my seat during a heated play. When I realized it, I laughed out loud — that had never happened to me before, but I couldn’t help being swept up in passion as I watched his little body race after the ball with all its might. — Linsey Laidlaw
I’m the mother of two sons — ages 28 and 35. When my sons began following their passions, I made a point of reading their Skateboarder and Surfer Magazines. It was fun to learn about those subcultures, and my interest gave us so much to talk about. Likewise, their graffiti phase sharpened my fascination in the tags we’d glimpse around San Francisco. Cooking is where our hobbies intersected. Ned discovered that baking a cake was a fun date; and Alex regularly makes his own gravlax to go with bagels. Nowadays, we talk and text regularly about what we’re up to in the kitchen. — Nicole Young
My nine-year-old son is hands-down the most sensitive and empathetic person I have ever known – all ages and genders included. (I have a daughter, too, and we openly acknowledge who the most sensitive family member is!) He notices if I am wearing a new perfume; he sees if I am a little stressed or sad and asks why and if he can help. When I ask if he wants a back scratch at night, he’ll often offer me one in return. — Rony Elka Vardi
When Beckett was three, he went through a major Batman phase. He was Batman, and I was his sidekick, fighting crime across every inch of our apartment. “I’m Batman, Mommy. Who’re you going to be?” has been the kick-off question, and, to amuse myself, I’d given some random name off the top of my head. At some point, as the Batman phase was winding down, I remember one of our last battles. We were doing our usual: kicking imaginary villains on the yellow sofa in the playroom, when I turned to him and said, “I love you, Batman.” He looked up at me, straight-faced, and said, “I love you, too, Milli Vanilli.” The image of that moment remains in my mind — those chubby, flushed cheeks; the nylon Batman costume. I had totally forgotten my sidekick’s name from a few months before — but Beckett had not. The most surprising realization of mothering boys is that, for the most part, I forget they’re boys. I think of them as children, as loves of my life, as interesting individuals, as the reason I’m excited to wake up in the morning.” — Lisa Rubisch
What about you? Do you have a boy or girl? What has your experience been like? For any mothers-to-be who are secretly nervous about having a son, let me reassure you: you will look back a year from now and not be able to comprehend how much you adore that little person. xoxo
P.S. When I showed him the top photo, Anton said, “Mommy, was I smiling in that photo? Is that smiling?” Haha, kind of!
P.P.S. Toby’s week of outfits, and how to talk to little girls.
