How Are You These Days?

I just attended a session on mindfulness during faculty orientation week at the school where I teach. The facilitator said this thing that has been with me all week: When you feel like your thoughts are a runaway train, remind yourself that just because they’re your thoughts doesn’t mean that they are true.

Anxiety has always been a big problem for me, but my anxiety has been off the charts this past month, with a big change in my responsibilities at work, as well as a car accident. These days, I’m overwhelmed and anxious to the point that my back muscles actually feel like hard, twisted knots and I’m always tense. Surprisingly, the mindfulness meditation app, Headspace, has been very helpful for me and it has been making it a little bit easier to be gentle and kind with myself. I’m still awed by the fact that there’s even a meditation app around these days, but I’m so grateful for the relief (however temporary) it has given me. I wonder if anyone else here has tried it out? :)

I totally feel you on the anxiety front! I have to fight it all the time too. It’s been extra hard to battle lately. Great thoughts in this post!

Oh boy, have I ever been feeling anxious lately. And a bit helpless, which contributes to the funk. My grandmother is not doing well and I’m visiting again for the 3rd time in as many weeks because we don’t know how much time she has left. And I’m currently between jobs, finally got an interview set for what I hope is a dream job, and trying not to get my hopes up too much while also not fretting about paying my bills on unemployment (don’t get me started on trying to get insurance through the government!) But I’m also trying to be grateful for the fact that my open schedule allows me to spend more time with my family right now, and that they live close enough to see them often. I’m grateful for a wonderful and understanding boyfriend, and I’m looking forward to the trip we’re taking in November for my 30th birthday. Oh yeah, and I’m turning 30. So there’s all the (self-imposed, no one is directing it at me!) pressure, seeing my friends getting married, buying houses, having babies…and I’m just planning a trip to Disney World here.

Thanks for sharing your heart. It’s comforting to hear about others with similiar struggles who still find a way to make it. I’m reading a couple books right now that have been really encouraging in these areas: Self-Compassion and Anxious to Please.

I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings I don’t want to have. My therapist told me that it’s impossible to unthink thoughts or unfeel feelings (think the ‘don’t think about a white polar bear’ example). He said I can acknowledge them (not feel guilty for them) and re-focus on something else. Easier said than done, yes. However, it has been freeing to know I can have the thought and acknowledge it, rather than eliminate it. I’ve been imagining a clothes carousel at the drycleaner. Yep, there’s that thought again- ok, let’s move on to other things. :)

I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for a couple of years now and i have always though of you as a great mom and writer. i am now a mom myself with an 8 and a half month old that lately started to climb up on sofas and coffee tables and has stop eating and drinking his milk. God we ADORE these babies, but yes, sometimes can be a little stressful being a stay at home mom with no family or friends in the same country… yesterday i had my boiling point and i burst into tears out of frustration. When finally in bed at night i started thinking about all things with led me to a couple hours of insomnia…
I guess sometimes we just need to think about how good we actually have it compared to the rest of the world, take a deep breath and pour a huge glass of wine..

Im with you, sometimes just being a woman alone is overwhelming…these hormones …

Oh Jo, I’m sorry you feel this way! Since having my whole life turned around two years ago (moving countries, getting married and changing careers all within a six-month period) I started having episodes of crippling anxiety just as you describe. After spending quite a long time doing nothing about it (“it will pass, it’s just a phase”), I started doing things about it: eating things that made me happy (and pulling on the pounds haha), trying very different exercises (yoga, pilates, jogging, calisthenics, surfing, water aerobics, you name it), travelling more, travelling less, getting a dog, moving apartments, I can say that all worked and had different levels of success in improving my life quality, but none were incredibly effective in controlling my ever-returning anxiety. For that, what has worked the best was going back to the activity I enjoyed the most growing up: swimming. I know it’s not for everyone (my husband gets super bored haha), but for me it’s meditation, I feel incredibly relaxed and even quite numb (in a good way) after having a few laps. And I feel exhausted in the evening, which helps me have a good night of sleep. I still get anxious these days (early this week, for instance), but now I know how to feel better. I don’t know if this will work forever, but it has worked so far, I feel proactive and better, and that’s what counts, isn’t it? Anyway, all that just to give this tip: try to picture what activity you enjoyed the most growing up, and go back to it (and see what happens – who knows!). I really hope you feel better soon!

I’ve been doing some reading lately and realizing how social media is a beautiful thing, but has sent so many people into a tizzy trying to keep up with the life that everyone else projects. Most people post the things they’re good at, their Olympic events if you will, and we never see the places they’re messy or failing. So anyway, I’ve started to take ahold of where I think I ought to be, and how I should look, and the things I should do and say. I want to be okay with saying no in each season of my life to everything but where I should really be, who I should really be with, and what I really should be doing.

And I’ve been working hard to let people into my messy, which is so difficult for me, but I don’t want to hold authenticity at an arm’s length.

Maybe you miss some transcendence/God? :D I remember you writing that you’re not religious. It would make interesting series – you going to different churches from different religions and then writing about your impressions/thoughts. Or maybe I’m just ridiculous XD. Anyway, hope you’ll get better :)Cheers!

It’ s ok to feel overwhelmed. I do too on many days but ultimately the most useful way for me to overcome it is to choose to relax :)

I always love and appreciate you share your bad day too. I feel bad about not being able to be confident and always happy, but we hit bottom sometime. Thank you for your post and I look forward to next one.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Joanna. Yesterday was a high anxiety day for me (that Toothpaste for Dinner sums it up!), so it was a neat little gift to read your post along with the comments from all of these lovely people. Knowing you’re not alone helps with the crazy! A friend once sent me this quote after I had written to her about bad days: “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” Be gentle with yourself, Joanna and everyone! And I’ll do my best to do the same. xo

How good must you feel Jo after reading this out pouring of ‘me too’s’? Hope everyone takes your moms great advice, and you feel better soon.

Hi Joanna,

You’re not alone. Also super overwhelmed (maybe because I’m trying to start a business with various income streams, have just moved house, resigned from my full time job, am studying an MA degree and developing my freelance career – at the same time ;).

Thank you for this post. And for this community.

I love that in this space it’s ok (well, more thank ok) to say “We’re awesome, but we’re anxious. We kick butt and do our best. But we second guess ourselves. Our anxiety doesn’t make us any less successful, but it makes thing harder for ourselves”.

By the way – two books have recently helped me a lot!
1) Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
2) The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabana (especially good for workplace anxiety)

Good luck all!

Joanna, have you checked out the app Headspace? It’s wonderful, and only requires 10 minutes a day of dedicating to meditation and mindfulness. It’s helped me a lot, as has starting up my running again, and doing breathing exercises (to a count of 4 through the nose, then a count of 6 out through the mouth). All of these elements have helped ease my anxiety issues.

Thank you so much for sharing. I love and appreciate your honesty!

I’m overwhelmed. So often that is the word I use to describe my feelings. There’s something comforting in knowing I’m not alone. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts. I actually came to Cup of Jo tonight because I needed help unwinding. I think it’s working. Now I’m off to take a relaxing bath while I enjoy some Netflix.

(((Hugs))) to you Joanna. We have a lot on our collective plates: children, husbands, big jobs, people who count on us (for everything from employment to emotional support), the responsibility of running households, trying to stay marginally fit and put together, Then you throw in the little daily stuff: making lunches, getting school supplies and staying on top of having enough toilet paper and well it just becomes A LOT. Having a life (even a wonderful one) can just get big and overwhelming. I am not prone to anxiety but we all totally understand being overwhelmed. Thinking about you and all your readers in the same boat. xoox

What gets you through it, I’m curious? I often gently squeeze or pat my leg and tell myself comforting things. Something I can even do at work, in the face of my mean old boss. ha ha. I think of it as my sweet side comforting my anxious side. Sending you light and hugs, Joanna.

It’s so good to remember that we never know how someone is feeling inside, despite what perhaps all outward signs point to. :) I took a new job with my company and moved from Boston to Florida in February, after almost 8 years in Boston. The new job is INSANE and completely different from what I was doing, and I still don’t feel like I have a handle on it. And I usually like to be good at things pretty much immediately. Ha. My hometown is close by, so it’s wonderful to be near my family again, but I no longer work in an office, so I’ve lost that social structure. Feeling pretty unanchored, but working to let myself be okay with feeling that way for a little while. We all lay awake at night for a million reasons – wouldn’t it be nice to be able to, like, mind-meld with someone who happened to be awake at the same time? :) Sending zen thoughts your way!

Joanna,
You’re amazing. Thank you. You don’t know how helpful your blog has been for me in recent times. Like you, I have two little ones. After having my second baby (who is 9 months old now), I began having terrible anxiety. I kept trying to shrug it off, but after a severe anxiety attack and many smaller bouts, I knew that something was “not right”. I remembered your post about your postpartum struggles after having Toby. I was still experiencing the anxiety when he hit the six month mark and decided to wean him (so bittersweet) to see if I could get my hormones/body/life back in order… and sure enough, it worked! I visited many doctors, changed my diet, did yoga, got glasses (blurry vision, who knew?!) and the only thing that worked was something that I learned about through your blog! You have such a special space on the internet and touch so many people in a positive way each and every day. Keep doing what you’re doing and THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

THAT VIDEO. I literally had tears streaming down my face. So good.

Ah this is so timely, Joanna. Anxiety is so exhausting. I am feeling tired and overwhelmed today. I’m sorry you’re feeling the same! But it felt better just to read that someone else ‘gets’ how consuming it can be if you let it. I always find your advice on this topic so helpful – I practice dropping my worry into the Grand Canyon all the time (actually, I’m Australian so I use the 12 Apostles). So thank you, and I hope you wake up feeling a little better tomorrow.

I know, girl, anxiety sucks. Your mama is right and you’ve got all of us cheering for you. Take gentle care, we love ya!

I’ve been trying for years to address my anxiety. It comes and goes. What helps me is knowing how “normal” I am – that I’m definitely not the only one.
Wishing you generous moments of peace and clarity.