Do You Talk to Your Friends About Your Sex Life?

My friends and I put EVERYTHING out on the table. I have actually described our world as Seinfeldesque. I love it, it feels so loose and fun, and we all feel so close to one another. On any given night I could expect my closest friends (two of whom are married) to be sitting around our living room and anything at all could come up. The only thing marriage has really changed is talk of ex-loves. It doesn’t seem right to discuss those sexual experiences now.

Even distance hasn’t really stopped us. This past year, we have all spread across the world but we keep a text-group active and have group discussions over text daily (still, completely uncensored). It’s fun to still have them in contact this way, but my heart aches for the days when on any given night I could expect any number of my friends to burst through my door with an exciting story they couldn’t wait to share.

I wrote a little about it here when I was feeling especially nostalgic for them…

http://www.timogloria.com/2013/08/09/a-tribute-to-my-friends/

It’s so funny you mentioned this. I was just talking about the exact same thing with my husband recently. My girlfriends and I shared so many (probably too many) stories with each other and now it feels weird bringing it up. I’m the only married one, but others are in long term relationships and it just seems…different. Maybe it’s age?

not really but occasionally. sometime depend on mood.

Yes – we do. I have a group of 6 girlfriends, some are more open than others, but it definitely comes up!

I don’t have many friends that I would talk to about sex, but just before my wedding a group of friends (6 of us) surprised me with an in-home sex workshop with a “sex educator” from New York’s Babeland. Lots of alcohol was needed for the night to be as fun and shameless as it was; but it was SO MUCH FUN. I feel like we all really bonded that night. We also all purchased various “toys” and everyone got pretty into it. It wasn’t awkward at all! My stomach ached the next day from laughing. I would HIGHLY recommend to anyone living in New York (they have a store on LES and in Park Slope.

It might be because I’m the last single friend left but all of my (married) friends discuss their sex lives with me all the time! Losing girl talks is something i was afraid of when everyone got married but it hasn’t been a problem. They do get a little preachy when I discuss my man problems though. :-/

I do with my best friend/ roommate from college. And it hasn’t changed since she got married.
I feel weird talking about it with my newer friends though, especially with the younger and curious ones. I don’t know how much info is TMI.

my last comment has horrific grammar errors!!! english is not my first language but i’m not that bad either, sorry!!

When my friends and I are single, we totally dish. It actually gets pretty down and dirty! But when any of us is in a serious relationship, the details don’t come out. Just like you, someone will say, “Do you guys still have sex a lot?” but it’s never as raunchy as when there is no emotion involved.

Maybe it is even the other way round?

Once you do not have the urge to talk about your sex life so much anymore, you are ready for a serious relationship? Like valueing intimacy with your partner higher than telling interesting stories. Which might be a necessary circumstance for your partner to feel the respect that is needed.

All the time. With my closest girl friends, that is. We are young (23) and not settled into serious relationships, plus i think we are still ‘exploring’ so we share everything,the most intimate and sometimes embarassing details – it’s always fun. However, one of our friends is now in a serious relationship, and i’ve noticed that she seems less willing to share… And it’s also impossible to talk about this with male friends. One of my best friend is a guy, and there’s absolutely no ambiguity between us whatsoever and we talk about very private and intimate stuff but everytime i try to bring sex to the conversation to get some masculine insight, he is SO embarassed and change the subject immediately, it’s hilarious :)

http://maellesmarie.blogspot.fr/

I’m a prude this way. I feel like it is disrepectful to my partner to go into full detail. On the other hand my sister in law blabs on facebook, not in detail…but enough to make me cringe.

You are right though…was less concerned before marriage and kids. Somehow it is a bit more precious and private now.

We are quite open and share a lot, but the wine helps for sure! Love your posts :)

http://www.dancingthroughsunday.typepad.com
x

I am 22 and not in a serious relationship so my friends and I discuss every detail of our sex lives with each other. Every hair, position, gross weird detail is discussed. Its pretty much an over-sharing fest but I love it and hope that it never changes even as we get older because it is a strange connection that everyone shares and often the conversation ends in uncontrollable laughter. Love this post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

♥

Krystal | http://www.moorekrystal.wordpress.com

I watch Seinfeld everyday, nothing like friends ;-)

I’ve been in serious relationships before and i’ve always spoke about sex.
It helps solving so much doubts and worries that we might have. And obviously that with time it might get harded to speak about it, but i found that one way to talk about it with friends without being too crude is to actually speak with no jokes.. or at least start that way, like you are having a conversation over the weather (acting normal i mean xD ) it will late develop into a more natural conversation and later it will be so casual you won’t even think about it as something abnormal.

And i think that friends knowing the husbands is no big deal, people need to separate things. Friends are still friends whether you know the husband/wife or not. It’s a skill to maintain an impartial position and realize that if my friend is telling me about her sex life is because she trusts me enough not to intrude or comment after the conversation ends.

Besides, when girls are talking i always think of that saying ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’.

I personally don’t think it’s disrespectful to our spouse, because we all need to vent out some of our concerns and opinions to someone and sometimes we want to do it with someone with a diff/ perspective and insight, or simply we just want to share it with some other person that isn’t our partner. As long as we do it in a respectful way, IMO there is nothing wrong in doing so.

(sorry about any mistakes, typing from my old phone)

my best friend is a guy. we talk about everything.

I’m 23 and my two best girlfriends are 21 and 25. We all settled into serious relationships during/after college and talk about sex openly. The longer you go without talking specifics the harder it can be to bring them up in the future!

Absolutely agree that it’s a loyalty to your partner thing. I’ve actually been with my spouse since we were in college, but I had, ahem, a fun few years before that. My best friend and I would ALWAYS dish about the specifics, and since he’s a gay man, we usually talked a lot about penises. He actually got really mad at me when I refused to talk to him about my sex life after I started dating my now-spouse.

But what’s happened now, 13 years later, is that they’re good friends too, and I’m glad I stuck to my guns — there’s no reason that friends need to know the size, shape, and direction of each other’s genitalia (which, ha, is what my friend ALWAYS used to ask me to tell him)!

I actually think that feeling like you don’t want to spill too much about your sex life is probably a good indicator that you’re taking the relationship really seriously! Of course, everyone’s “too much” line is different…

I’m not married, but I didn’t start having sex until I was 24, with my current boyfriend (which was almost four years ago!) Since EVERYTHING was so new to me, I talked about it with girlfriends I didn’t even know that well–I was just so enthralled with every part of it, it was all so new and exciting to me :) I’m sure I over-shared and drove my newer friends crazy.
Four years later, I’ve finally learned when to keep my mouth shut. But I am NOT above sharing details, especially on a girl’s night. But I’ve learned where the line is, where my boyfriend’s comfort level is. And honestly? I don’t care if he tells his friends details about our sex life–I don’t care if they all know how awesome I am in the sack. ;)

I find I do this with my sister more than anyone, although I do have some close friends that have shared much more than I ever wanted to know about their husbands :)

i think its loyalty, our partners are now our best friends.