I recently got an email from a reader, who was stressed because her boyfriend gets on her nerves. “I love him, but sometimes he really bugs me,” she said. “Does Alex ever annoy you?” Here’s my answer…
YES. People are annoying:)
Annoying things that Alex does: Sneezes really loudly in the middle of the night (terrifying). Doesn’t take The Bachelor seriously. Takes forever to get through airport security. Never wants to go on vacations to rainy places (even Maine).
Annoying things that I do: Am bossy. Clip my toenails on the sofa. Can be super chatty, especially when he’s trying to read. Am chronically late. Steal bites from his dinner plate. Get inexplicably grouchy when I drink red wine.
Here’s the thing: Over the years, I’ve realized that literally anyone in the world you spend lots of time with will inevitably annoy you. Even if it’s your mom. Your best friend. Ryan Gosling. Gandhi. No matter who you date, they will drive you crazy sometimes. And that’s OK. You don’t have to fear being annoyed.
Alex is wise in his old age:) and last night, he said something great, as we were talking about this post: “Young people in relationships tend to give negative things too much weight and underrate the positives. Negatives often get three times the weight of positives. But look at married couples in their eighties. Their little annoyances are often all they talk and joke about. “Oh, Miriam always says this…” “Oh, Herb always does that…” The little annoyances are acknowledged, accepted and part of the fabric of their relationship. They try act like they’re driving each other crazy but they really can’t live with out each other. Annoyances aren’t a deal killer. They’re a natural part of a long, happy marriage.”
Great answer, Alex. I can put up with your scary sneezes. :)
So, let’s celebrate those annoyances! What bugs you about your significant other?