Motherhood Mondays: Would you Hyphenate Your Baby’s Last Name?

I think your son’s name sounds lovely. Good decision!!! I like the idea, tho I would be happy to take my partners name if and when we hopefully get married ( fingers crossed) im not a well known person ( ha ha) or don’t have any kind of career where my name is well known so the only reason I would keep my surname which I do like would be to remeber my father who has passed away ( tho I barely new him and had little contact with him) Townsend… But on the other hand having said that- I would really like to take my partners surname – one because it’s nice but two to feel more connected even because our son has his surname and I kind of feel like the odd one out now. It’s funny tho in Italy most women seem to keep their maiden name – it seems like the done thing. ( on a side note: I would have loved my son to have a middle name, my partner doesn’t have one and was quiet against it ?? I agreed, I’m hoping with future children I get to choose a middle name for them – it’s not just nice but handy for passwords and good stories or nicknames etc,) mine had a lovely story and I’m fond of the name too ‘eva’ . When my mum was young and travelling she made friends with a Swedish girl called Eva. They got along really well. Then when I was born my mum wrote to tell her I’d arrived. Turns out we share birthdays and never new. My mum tried to track her down but never could. I’ve seen photos of her, would love to of met her.

My parents hyphenated my name. I love them both very much but am to this day suffering the consequences of my last name. Taxes, Hospital records, University applications, loan documents…basically anything you do after you are a child have all been a personal hell storm.

Even if my future husbands last name was Shitbag I would be happy to walk hand in hand with him to the courthouse, DMV, and social security office and stand in four hour lines to become the proud, happy, single last name woman that I have always craved to be.

Please do not give your child this torment, unless childbirth was really painful. Then I get it.

I grew up with a hyphenated name and it was a pain :X So much so that I was very quick to change my last name to my husband’s when I got married. I do, however, like the idea of passing names from both parents on — I have a friend who has her mother’s last name as an additional middle name. I also plan on incorporating part of my old hyphenated last name into the first or middle name of any child we might have :)

Sorry for commenting on such an old post, was just following link after link from your newest baby names post!
I have a double barrelled first name

I definitely want my son to have both my last name (Pimentel) & my boyfriends last name (Mejia). But I also worry that my sons name will be too long, so we decided to not give him a middle name (sad face). But now that I see that you did it, I might just forget about what people think and do it. Also, I want to keep my maiden name and add my boyfriends last name when we get married. Family name is so important to me! So if I do this my name will be Daisy Celia Pimentel-Mejia. :)

Hmmm……quite an interesting post. I’m Indian, and I have two surnames, which makes it a bit difficult to explain to everyone else in the country as Indians normally don’t have two surnames. That, as well as making it clear that I’m not South Indian, which confuses them all the more. I have to tell them that it’s a hyphenated surname without the hyphen! Although I wouldn’t like to lose my surname later on, I don’t really know what I’d do when I get married!

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http://theeverygirl.com/feature/im-an-everygirl-and-my-husband-and-i-created-a-new-last-name/

Think you might find this interesting!

In Britain a hyphenated name can sometimes mean you’re posh – it used to, it’s more likely these days that you’re just pretentious!!

It is very unusual for parents to give their child both their surnames, I can only think of one child at my children’s school who has done it – and yes, it is mouthful. I wouldn’t do it for my child’s sake, if nothing else!

Not married yet but engaged, so I’m thinking about these things for sure I like either hyphenating it or combining it to form a new last name.. I think that’s cute! I don’t really want the kid to take my husband’s last name. I don’t want people to think I’m a feminist / bitch / Nazi.. I just don’t know why but that idea doesn’t sit well with me.

I’m a professional, I will most likely be supporting my husband through some school.

And honestly, if your kid has a long name, or 5 names, nobody uses those names anyway! They use the immediate first name and the last name. When that child grows up and gets a job and their employers have a problem calling them by the hyphenated name ‘Mr. So-so’ they can simply shorten it! Or use only one of those names.

I’m non-traditional enough that I kept my maiden name after marriage, but traditional enough that our kids have my husband’s last name.

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I’m in an interesting situation – my bf is technically a “junior” since he shares the same name as his da, but I come from a family of all sisters, and none of my dad’s siblings have male children, so I’d rather like to keep my last name and keep the line going. Both our names won’t hyphenate well, either. We’ll see how he feels about it later, I suppose, but I certainly won’t be giving up my last without a fight! ;3

We had this dilemma as well when we got pregnant with our son. I kept my maiden name when we got married. So our son has a hyphenated name as well. We kept his first and middle name short since my last name is long. So he’s Quil Macy Madrilejos-Towne! But, of course, they messed up his birth certificate. We filled it out correctly, but when they put it in the system, they failed to put in the hyphen. We then had to go through the tedious process of getting his name corrected! Oh well, we love it nonetheless :)
-Crystal

The number of comments here is a pretty good indication of just how complicated an issue this is…

I consider myself very traditional about most things, but this topic? This is one where I break with tradition and say that everyone really should do what feels right to them and works best for their family.
When I married the first time, I really wrestled with the decision, but eventually added my husband’s name to the end of mine. Over time, my original middle name (which was also my deceased mother’s middle name) became lost completely. On top of that, I struggled to get people to include both of my last names and often ended up using only my husband’s last name against my wishes. When we divorced, I returned to my maiden name and promised myself that I would never change my name again.

My second husband and I had a child a few years back and I worried that naming our son would be a real struggle. However, my husband, who has a fairly common last name, very graciously agreed to give our son MY last name. He knows how important it is to me, and between my brother and my two cousins with our family name, none of them had male children to carry on the name, so my son is doing it. I’m relieved and thrilled! The one thing that bothers me is that we can’t be referred to as “The Blank Family,” but I think the trade-off is worth it.

We thought about the same thing and it is still a bit unclear at times due to the requirements of social security etc. When we got married my wife took my name but kept her surname, unhyphenated, much like Hilary Rodham Clinton. Sometimes she goes by the single name but tries to go by the unhyphenated two names where possible. As for our son, he has taken my surname but all his names have significance form both sides of the family. See my comment on your baby names post of 12/5/2011.

My parents each kept their names, and hyphenated my name, and I have loved it. I only wish more parents did as you do–its a great thing. I didn’t care that I had a longer name and had to spell it for people–that’s my life, and a little name spelling now and then is worth it! I was glad to be part of both families in spirit and in name, and was glad my parents kept their names, instead of one parent ‘taking’ the other’s name (the politics of women becoming men’s property, etc, so loaded with so much problematic history!). Using both names teaches equality of both parent’s histories and names instead of favoring one (usually the man’s) over the other. I prefer equality! When I have children, I will keep my name (it is who I am, I am not him, or ‘his’, therefore don’t need to take his name, I’m happy being me without needing his name), and combine part of it with their fathers to create a new hyphenated name from both he and I. So, i think your son will be just fine, and will appreciate your solid reasoning for why you named him this way! Don’t worry, there is no harm in it, only good :) Great topic of discussion, thanks!

If I do ever get married I will definitely keep my last name. By this point in my life I’ve had it for sooo long that it’s a major part of my identity that I couldn’t see giving up. My sister got married in October and is now Lesley Zinn Abacar (née Zinn); she also felt that her birth surname was a big part of who she is but wanted to take her hubs’ name as well.

I changed my last name to my husband’s when we got married, but I added my maiden name to my middle name, so now my legal name is ridiculously long. But I love it because I’m still tied to my parents and my grandmother (her name is my middle name), while being tied to my husband too.

My husband & I married in our mid 30s and were both pretty attached to our names. We also both hate hyphens. Luckily we have one syllable names so we just combined them to make a new one Jamesleigh. Some people still don’t get it & put a hyphen but when we (politely) correct them they think it’s pretty cool. We wanted to have the same name as each other and as our kids and this works out great.

Our cousin & her wife both changed their names to a totally different third name. And our friends each kept their name and gave their daughter her last name and their son has his last name (not too confusing!). I’m just glad that there are so many options for everyone =D

I had no issue about changing my last name when I got married. Many think it was because my maiden name was ‘unfavourable’ but to me it was more about making a family unit. I wanted us to be all part of the same unit. Whether that was my surname or my husbands surname didn’t really matter in the long run, but his made more sense because his family held on to their name and were proud of it (and their history). My surname came from my dad’s dad (most obviously) and that was a grandfather I’d never met, who didn’t want my father and always resented his birth. There was no sentimental reason to hang onto that name.

I know everyone is different, and lots of families have different surnames between mother, father and child, but I was trying to imagine when my child learns their full name and trying to explain why there name was different to mine and I don’t know what I’d say. I want them to know that they are part of something that we all have in common.

And I know it’s just a name but at a young age that’s sometimes easier to explain than something deeper

This is such an interesting topic, and one that I’ve spent so much time thinking about! My husband’s last name is Johnson, (the 2nd most common name in America, I think you said?), and my last name is Wachter (German: Vok-ter; American: Whacked-her). I didn’t take his name because I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of it. Also, I’m not crazy about my husband’s father, and I love my own father so much that the idea of taking a man’s name who I dislike (even though I love my husband who, of course, has the same name) seemed absurd. And then there’s the whole feminist aspect of it – women are treated as property, men aren’t expected to change their names, blah, blah, blah. I still have moments where I think that I should take my husband’s name, but I don’t think I will. We don’t have kids yet, but hyphenating is something we’ve talked a lot about. I think we’ve finally decided that we’ll either hyphenate both of our names, or just hypenate the kids’ names. Goddard-Williams is a great sounding combo! Ours is a little more of a mouthful: Wachter-Johnson. Add to that the fact that no one can pronounce my last name, and it makes me a little bit reticent. It makes me dread what other people will say. However, I just can’t imagine having children who have a different last name. I don’t want to be the only Wachter in the house. I want my name represented!

P.S. I just started reading your blog and I love it!
xo, kat

I really don’t like our patriarchal naming system, and I don’t like how little thought women put into changing their names and naming their kids. It would be a little easier to take if more men were willing to take their wife’s name, but since society deems that to be emasculating, it probably won’t happen any time soon. I will be keeping my name when I get married, and the current plan is to hyphenate our kid’s surname. We discussed combing the names, which would be easy to do, but I don’t know if I would really want to do that. (And seeing the actual statistic about how few women hold on to their own name after marriage is depressing!)

When my mother got married, she hyphenated her last name. So, when I was born, my parents gave me the same hyphenated name. Honestly, despite it being long, I prefer having both last names. I find it quite outdated and a bit sexist to just expect a woman to take her husband’s last name and drop her own family name. If I ever get married, I will not be changing mine.

I love the idea of hyphenated names! When I was in Brazil it was interesting to hear that everyone has two surnames. The mother’s and father’s last name. I think it’s a great way to appreciate both sides of the family. In fact, if I ever have baby-they’re definitely going to be named after a family member.

I have a friend that has a hyphenated last name. He hated it and changed it as soon as he could. The neat thing was that he had a choice, right?

I was happy to leave my maiden name as it was very silly. But I know one girl who had REALLY silly maiden name (we are Czech, and it ment something like Stinky) and her husband has very common and nice name (meaning fox in Czech language). And she decided to keep both names. So now she is Vera Stinky Fox.

HI HI HI!

thank you for writing about this
a friend and i were just talking about this yesterday

when i was 13 i legally changed my middle name to a family name (after my great great grandfather Lawence Spencer, I am Lauren Spencer now)
i am not married but already know i will keep my last name, King.
for lots of reasons: one, i think it is an old tradition, one that as a feminist makes me uncomfortable, and i am an artist already working under my name, and my family name means a lot to me, and it is an awesome last name if i do say so myself – King!
who wouldn’t want that?!!

and – also – as my friend and i were talking yesterday, we have both had parents that have passed away, and i only have one sibling, and he is gay and has strongly said he would not have children (though he would make a great dad one day), and therefore it is down to me to carry on the King family name as my dad doesn’t have any brothers and sisters anymore. it’s just me. and for this reason i wanted to keep my last name. but then became really sad when i thought about the name of my child (which i have already picked, a combo of my grandmothers names, lets just hope my future husband is ok with this! ha)

but i LOVE the idea of using both names…
KING is a good one, it seems like it would go with everything (sometimes it really doesn’t work as a combo) but my fingers are crossed. we will see what my future husbands name will be! i am hopeful!

i love toby’s name! he already sounds like a famous writer or historian!

L

I kept my madien name since I had already started my career and my husband’s last name (Thompson) is uber-common. We gave our twin daughters my last name as their middle name so their full names include both our last names, but techically the share (only) their father’s last name. They are 7 months old now and I think we made the right decision. They may decide to go by their full name in the future, or just Thompson, but it does help to make me feel like I’m a part of their legal identity.

LOVE this post & the comments. I got a lot of flack & rudeness for keeping my maiden name after getting married AND for giving our kids my last name too, so its nice to see so many others who went the same route(I don’t know anyone else personally who has).

I don’t understand why some people have such a hard time saying the “abc name- xyz name” family as opposed to the “XYZ family”; its silly.

Keep the maiden name, change the maiden name; whatever works best for you…I wish more people got that. Just because married people have differnt names doesn’t make them any less married, it doesn’t mean our family is less of a family.

My maiden name is Johnson, which as you know is very common. Though my husband’s last name is also heard often, Amy Baker just flowed better. It makes me a little sad now though, my father passed away when I was very young and I have never met any of his family. Even though there are a ton of Johnsons about, there aren’t many of THOSE Johnson folk left.
Then when I was pregnant with my daughter Evelyn, my husband and I talked it over and we decided we would carry on my father’s name a different way. Evelyn got both my father’s middle name and his mother’s first name as a middle name. She is Evelyn Jean Harlan Baker…which is also a mouthful, but a meaningful one!