Joanna Goddard

My beloved boys — Anton, 10, and Toby, 13 – make me laugh 100 times a day. Here are a few things they’ve busted out with recently…

Toby, on a walk: “Oh my god, I see a naked guy!”
Anton: “Toby, that’s a mannequin.”
Toby: “I know, but it doesn’t have pants!”

Toby: “I’ll make you a deal. Every time someone tells me I have a cavity, I get to switch dentists. Because it’s annoying.”

Me, at Foot Locker: “Omg, the baby sneakers are SO CUTE.”
Anton: “Yeah, but I don’t get why people want their baby to look drippy. Like, is it that big of a flex?”

Toby, walking home from the grocery store: “I can’t believe basically every band started in the ’60s.”
Me: “That was a great decade for music, but tons of bands started after that.”
Toby: “Mom, I can’t think of a SINGLE band that started after the ’60s.”

Anton, wearing a baseball cap: “Okay, I’m ready for school.”
Me: “Are you wearing a hat so people don’t all ask about your new haircut?”
Anton: “Yeah, I’m doing a soft launch.”

Anton loves doing accents, especially those in Bad Sisters and Derry Girls.
Anton: “We should go on a weekend trip somewhere and pretend we’re Irish.”
Me: “Yeah, but what about Toby? He definitely would not agree to that.”
Anton: “He can just be our American cousin.”

Hair stylist: “How do you want your hair cut?”
Toby: “My mom wants it short.”
Hair stylist, laughing: “So, you just do whatever she wants?”
Toby, laughing: “Happy mom, happy life.”

What funny things have the kids in your life said recently? I’d love to hear…

P.S. More kids in conversation, and how to talk to kids about sex, consent, periods, and death. Plus, three words that changed how I parent.