By the lovely Grace Farris.
P.S. Kid love languages, and what are your simple pleasures?
By the lovely Grace Farris.
P.S. Kid love languages, and what are your simple pleasures?
We just came back from a trip to visit friends who recently moved to a little community about an hour south of London. Over the course of our 5 day visit, we ran into my friend’s neighbor, a young mom with a baby and a four year old, several times when they were all outdoors playing. Every time the lovely mom seemed so desperate for adult conversation and she would ask about our adventures that day. It made me wonder how much she has the opportunity to interact with other adults.
As someone well beyond child rearing years, I thought how nice it would be to get to know this woman and her family if I lived there. Hopefully my friend will get to know her!
I always run away from moms who want to be friends bcause we are mothers or our kids are friends! I don t want to talk about motherhood or my kid! (Cup of jo essays are enough for me). Love your drawings !
There’s a friend I met at mommy group six years ago that I’m still close with now, and grateful for it. I’m an aspiring author and just had my manuscript turned down by my favourite publisher. Immediately texted her. Her response? “Well, I love it!”
Don t give up. Proust did not find a publisher he had to be self published first….
Are we now doing cartoon Fridays instead of the usual Friday post?? 😭
Aw. This is coming at a good time for me. Last week, I created these dorky little cards with my name and number, and name and age of my kid to try to hand out to parents at daycare pickup. So far, I haven’t had the right timing/courage to give any out. (My kid is too little to give them to his classmates). Also I was at a brewery today sans kid and saw a woman and her toddler hanging out, and I wanted to just randomly give one to her too! But again, don’t quite have the courage. These stories are giving me a good kick in the butt to just try it.
If I had received one (especially as a shy person), I would love it!
I did this (with a basic post it note though!) with one or two daycare moms and am still good friends 8 years later. It was a big leap for introverted me. I would have loved to receive one! Go for it!
Love this, Cat! Do it!
Me too, as a shy person who practically daydreams about making good mom friends!
Totally do it! There was a Mum at my daughter’s daycare who I totally had a friend crush on for ages, I kept saying to my husband how cool she seemed. It took a year, and her and her son turning up to my daughter’s birthday party, but we’re now great friends and have roped in a few extras. I think primary school (grade school) is a bit better for making Mum friends. Firstly, my kid seems to find friends that have fun parents, and you can totally use the pretence of ‘oh my kid loves your kid lets have a playdate’ and then see whether you click sitting on a park bench. There’s also a few more school based activities where you can chat with a bit less rush than daycare pick up and drop off.
Someone gave us one of these once! I’ll admit that we chuckled about it a bit, but we did always remember their names!
22 years ago I went to a “How to Find a Nanny in San Francisco” class at the Jewish Community Center. One the handful of folks there turned out lived down the block from me (our babies newborns 3 weeks apart). We realized our proximity, took a walk in the park a few times, and talked about our return to work-plans. We ended up hiring and sharing a nanny, traveling the world together, and being lifelong friends. I could go on.
I met a best mom friend on the tram. She had a lovely accent and three boys. We exchanged numbers in the space of two tram stops. It was love at first sight.
When my baby was about 3 months old, I said hi to another mom out hiking at Mt Tabor w her little babe in a carrier. Turns out we live a block away from each other and were both new to the neighborhood. Our babies are now almost 2 and we hang out all the time. I always say “hi” to people with little ones out in public. Who knows, they could become a friend.
This hit really hard for me today. My daughter (20 months old) was up in the night a lot last night for some reason and my downstairs neighbor and friend sent me a passive aggressive text that I read after failing to soothe my baby ( “Can you get her? It’s real noisy down here.”) I’ve been a jumble ever since. I think it’s because I don’t have any mom friends near me and I’ve felt a chasm open up between me and my friends. Craving a relationship with someone who just *understands* this stressful and emotional time. Any tips to meet mom friends? It’s so hard at the playground to take the step from acquaintance to friend, and near me, a lot of classes I take my daughter to have more nannies and grandmas than other moms.
Ooof Lauren, that sounds really hard! I was the first of my friends to have a baby so felt the same chasm – as much as you love your friends, it’s so helpful to have people around who are going through the same/similar moments and you can bounce off with “is this normal?”, “how do you deal with this?” type questions. No tips for specific places to me but, keep trying! Other than classes are there other activities that run “mum/parent&bub(baby)” sessions? I know a few of our local climbing gyms do mum and bub sessions but also local libraries and craft workshops, there’s even mum and bub surf sessions where a few mums surf and a few stay on the beach with the babies and then you switch (I’m on the Gold Coast, Australia). Is there an activity or type of activity that you really enjoy/enjoyed/want to try that might have a group of other mums doing it that you could tap into (through community pages, sports groups, facebook pages etc.)? Good luck, I hope you find your person or people! Last thing, just ask for the phone number, it’s so hard but “hey, are you ever free for coffee or a playdate, here’s my number”, “what’s your number?” I always felt like it was a big ask and I don’t know why so now I tell myself, just ask.
Lauren! I was sure that your comment was going to go something like “my downstairs neighbour and friend texted – can I bring you an iced coffee and hold your baby for a minute, you’re an amazing mom!!!!” Was so sorry to read how things actually transpired. Ughhhh. Please know that there’s a mom with a loud baby and a downstairs neighbour situation cheering you on from Vancouver BC!!! You’ve got this.
Oh, and it can be really hard to make mom friends these days unless you set your sights on a mom on mat leave (if that’s a thing where you are!). My only encouragement is that any time another mom has asked if I’d like to grab a coffee or meet up at a park I am always thrilled, so if you ever feel the spark with another mom? Go for it!!! You’ve got this. Xoxoxoox
Ugh that’s so hard. And as I extend grace to your neighbor and friend – because who knows what’s going on at their end – I can imagine it was hard to receive the text. I’m sorry. Sending you a GIANT hug.
Aww thank you all for the support! I really needed it today. And thank you Becb for the ideas! I’m inspired to seek out some more groups! Appreciate you all. ♥️♥️
Ugh that text you got hurt my heart! You’re doing amazing and your toddler is just being a toddler!
Can you Google if they are any mom groups in your area? I found a couple in my area this way, one I clicked with and one that wasn’t for me.
I realized when i meet a nice mom at the park she is nervous to ask to exchange numbers too! If numbers are exchanged I try to definitely follow up within the next week to keep the momentum going.
Hi Lauren, I’m so sorry you got that text after a stressful night with your baby. I had a hard time meeting mom friends why my daughter was a baby. I tried parent and me classes but no luck. When she started preschool is when I met 2 wonderful moms. But, parent and me classes are worth a try even if it’s just for an hour of chatting with other parents! Or, a hike with baby group activity. Anything that gathers parents and babies because you never know who you’ll meet. Hand in there!
Lauren!!! I know, I had the same reaction as Lindsey Joy Fox…I thought your neighbor was going to have a compassionate response. So sorry they were incredibly rude and unsupportive. I don’t have babies (yet) but anyone with the slightest bit of life experience would understand that a mom is doing her very best. Sending you love and cheering you on. You’ve got this!! Don’t let the bad ones get you down. xoxox
Hahaha–love this so much!
Met life long friends in Mommy and me class, 27 years later!
My son met one of his good friends in Kindergarten so I’d hear all about him but didn’t know the family. At the spring music concert this kid’s mom found me and introduced herself and just said “Good, I’m glad you’re not weird.” Ours sons are still friends (now in 5th grade) and so are we!
I met some amazing moms at a mommy and me class when my kid was 2 months old. My favorite mom was a clown (like had literally been to clown school in France) and our walks together during the pandemic were a lifeline. She moved to Spain last year and I miss her terribly.
My son has been hanging out with a new kid all year at his private school. The kid’s on his baseball team, and I haven’t met the mom yet. She introduced herself when she pulled her truck over and I was walking my dog. That’s my kind of people, hahaha.
In my first week as a step-mom, I was at a store with my then 3.5 year old step daughter. She started having a tantrum about wanting a toy. I could feel myself melting. Was she going to hate me if I didn’t buy the toy? Should I just cave?
A woman with a young child came up to me and said, “you’re doing a great job.” and it meant SO much to me.
I remember when my daughter was throwing a serious tantrum and refusing to get in her car seat in the grocery store parking lot. I felt like I was losing it, but an older woman stopped and commented on how patient I was. Really made me feel better.
I like to tell parents will little babies, “You made it out of the house with the baby! That’s great!” You can add something like, “and you did you hair,” or “and you’re wearing real pants!” Made me feel like a success when someone told me that as a new parent.
Love these comments !
When my daughter was having a toddler meltdown on a commuter train an older man told me I was doing a great job, I was so heartened by that. I also had a lovely stranger (a Mum herself) barrel up the stairs of a train carriage to help us when my daughter started throwing up in the evening peak hour. I was desperately holding up a free newspaper to try and stop any vomit getting on the seats so the spare pair of hands was a very welcome surprise.
Ha, I love this concept!
I’m adding: Seeing each other at summer camp pick up, then seeing each other at the NEXT summer camp pick up for the other sibling.
I definitely had some meet cutes at music classes!
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