Have a Cozy Weekend.

I gave birth to our first child, a daughter, in December. Like the author’s wife, I had an unexpected c-section after an induction and reading that article brought me right back to the OR. The last couple of sentences made me cry. My soul fell out, too!

Seeing Kim’s (amazing! wonderful!) GoFundMe succeed (four times over!) is so inspiring – this community has so much impact. Would love to see in the future, on a blog with lots of power and privilege, more mutual aid being shared often and openly, maybe recurring posts? Mutual aid challenges us to reframe giving in addition to being about communities coming together in crisis, as understanding that capitalism and its systemic oppression exist for people, disproportionately BIPOC, disabled, femme, and undocumented folks, every day. Confronting our models of giving, that are often in exceptional circumstances or to nonprofit corporations, rather than radically reckoning with economic inequality and dedicating ourselves to an outpouring of financial support for those who ask for it is essential to destabilizing the power structures that keep people oppressed. I highly recommend Dean Spade’s Mutual Aid for more on this. As Spade says: “Robust social movements…argue that all the aspects of our lives—where and how we live and work, eat, entertain ourselves, get around, and get by are sites of injustice and potential resistance. At our best, social movements create vibrant social networks in which we not only do work in a group, but also have friendships, make art, have sex, mentor and parent kids, feed ourselves and each other, build radical land and housing experiments, and inspire each other about how we can cultivate liberation in all aspects of our lives. Activism and mutual aid shouldn’t feel like volunteering or like a hobby—it should feel like living in alignment with our hopes for the world and with our passions. It should enliven us.”

I think this is the right place to come — the comments are so great! I haven’t lived in NYC for many years, but I’m hoping to visit this weekend with my husband, 11 year old, and 7 year old. Does anyone have advice for a great breakfast place where we can sit outside (my husband is post cancer treatment)? My kids are super adventurous eaters and have no problem sitting quietly/waiting for food. Bonus points for a place that opens early. Thank you New Yorkers, so much, in advance. I’ll come back and see if anyone’s weighed in.

Oh your seeing Worst Person in the World with your dad reminds me of seeing Sideways with mine. That was a tad awkward and I loved that he made some funny comment when he saw how uncomfortable I was:-) Also wanted to tell your dad that I once dated a guy simply because he had a 356C in British racing green…..

Thanks for the great round up!
I’m disappointed to see the comment thread about defining “woman” deleted. My hope is to see meaningful, respectful dialogue about this, especially with regards to the future of women’s sports. If the comment section is not the appropriate place (apparently it devolved), perhaps COJ could lead the way on this with a dedicated post. Thanks for considering!

Worst Person in the World is an extremely worthwhile watch! It’s complicated, compelling and experimental in a way that makes you feel like you’re being dropped right into the director’s brain.

Love the every day uniform; it reminds me of Mo in Allison Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch Out For!

Thank you for keeping this safe space. I appreciate the edit. Hate has no place here and that is why your readers come back again and again. I’ve been reading CoJ since my first son was born- nine years!! I now realize that this little space on the internet for me is a reflection of a world in which I hope my kids will someday live. In this blog, we are reminded of what is possible. In the last two very difficult
years especially, that gives me the energy to keep working for it myself. Thank you!

On parenting……my son is 27 now. When he was in his teens he was addicted to video games and wouldn’t leave his room, even to eat. As a busy working single Mum I noticed I had allowed this to happen so one day made a decision that both he and I had to eat at the table together every night. For weeks he wouldn’t speak and I could see and feel how much anger he was carrying. I kept it up until one day he finally answered a question. We slowly began talking about my Grandmother (Nana) who we both loved and then “olden times”. About a year later when I suggested we have dinner on a tray and watch a movie one day he told me he liked sitting at the table.
As an adult, dinner table conversations with family and friends is one of his favorite things to do
So……I would say be patient with a good habit! It worked for us

It is comments like this that make me use my middle initial when I post. Marys like this give the rest of the Marys a bad name. Please just go away with your bigoted self!

I’m pretty surprised that this comment made it through moderation. I love to see how many people commented to it to denounce it, but trans women who read this site shouldn’t be subjected to such an ugly and wrong-headed comment to begin with.

That New Yorker article was absolutely stunning. The way he thought of preparing his daughter for a future without parents. My heart. Us “young” parents (I’m 37) would do well to parent with such hope, optimism and intentionality.

Please, no. Just… no.

Mary, I consider Amy to be a woman just as much as I am. She has undoubtedly faced similar scrutiny in her life, has been up against great obstacles, and represents extreme intelligence and style that I am proud to be associated with as a hetero/cis woman. I guess I don’t understand how her winning could in any way undermine Women’s empowerment?

Trans women are women, and their accomplishments do not undermine women’s empowerment.

Transgender issues are so complex. I have no answers, but struggle with this in athletics, too. I think there is huge courage in coming out as your true self in a world that is not so forgiving still. Still hard to figure out any situation that compares genders, though.

Hi Mary, Amy is a woman, and therefore her empowerment and achievements contribute to women’s empowerment. Recognizing her for who she is does nothing to detract from the experiences of other women, and means so much to so many others–so I recommend trying to align with the side that is bringing some light into the world.

I hope this helps!

Just flagging this transphobic comment for the team.

And yes, you are being transphobic because you just misgendered her. She is as much a woman as I am, cis gender woman.

It costs you literally nothing to allow people to be who they are. The fact that Amy is a woman does not make me, or you, or anyone who identifies as a woman in jeopardy of losing our empowerment. Actually, we probably have a fellow women’s empowerment supporter in Amy.

It took guts to be a public figure with all the transphobic garbage being slung at her.

What’s interesting to me is that several years ago, we were told that transgenders just wanted the same rights as everyone else. But now it’s abundantly clear they want much more than that. First up: compelled speech.

Nothing on Earth could compel me to say Amy is a woman. Happy for this man’s success on the show, though.

We are celebrating people being their true self. That is empowering, no matter the gender.

The later teen years were a bit rough with one of my sons. He was cold and surly for several years (ouch), but I played the long game and remained patient. I remember one particularly painful moment when he was being just a jerk I said, “I’m your mom, and I always will be. I’ll wait around and will still here when you need me.” Now at 21, away at college, he calls me about twice a week just to chat or to ask for advice, and he ends the calls with, “I love you.” I will never take that for granted and am so grateful to be close with both of my adult sons.

I would sit with this for a minute: do you believe the barrier in place between women and true empowerment is transgender individuals?

From my observations, transgender people (maybe especially women) suffer from more discrimination and hold less privilege than cis gendered women. If anything, cisgender women like myself benefit more from lifting them up than tearing them down, because that brings us closer to equality as humans.

Mary, trans women are women. This article by Naiymah Sanchez puts it beautifully:

“Audre Lorde said, ‘I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.’ The experiences of trans women are a part of the quilt of freedom that women have been stitching for centuries. If we leave out those experiences, we are doing ourselves a disservice.

The challenges trans women experienced and the resilience they demonstrated deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated. Our work should be fueled by the desire to rise as a unified community full of uniqueness rather than a community of factions created from biases and painful discrimination that scars us all.”

https://www.aclupa.org/en/news/trans-women-are-women-avoiding-mistakes-our-predecessors

I just want to make a small correction that Amy Schneider is Jeopardy’s first openly trans person (how cool!) Americans are more likely to think that they’ve seen a ghost than know a trans person, so these small corrections in language are actually super important in acknowledging that trans people walk alongside cis people every day, deserving all the same safeties and acceptances without having to out themselves.

Tracey’s comment on parenting (or being an Aunt) spoke to me. In the eighth grade, I had a very small group I was part of. I had moved to a new school about one month before school started, so I knew no one, and was bullied from day one. I had no support system, except for my two youngest sisters, who were 2 and 5, so they couldn’t understand my problems. When they were my age, I tried to be there if they needed to talk, but they had friends who they could lean on and talk to.