Anton and Toby have said many wacky things over the years, but I figured their magical thinking would stop once they hit a certain age. Yet, at 8 and 11, they’re still going strong. Anton, especially, is in that in-between stage, where he tries to be grown up but is still very much a kid at heart. Here are a few things they’ve busted out lately…

Toby: “When I grow up, I think I’ll be a basketball player.”
School therapist: “That’s a really hard thing to be.”
Toby: (happily) “Yeah, actually, I think I’ll be a basketball coach.”
School therapist: “Cool! How do you become a coach?”
Toby: (happily) “Actually, I think I’ll be a season ticket holder.”

Anton, during dinner: “You guys, I can make a movie in my mind. Like, if you say, think about the ocean, and I try really hard, I can make a movie about the ocean in my mind.”

Anton: “People always just walk into my bedroom. I need privacy.”
Me: “You could make a sign.”
Anton: “Yeah, it will say KEEP OUT. But I still want you and Daddy to cuddle me at night. So, my sign will say KEEP OUT EXCEPT FOR CUDDLES.”

Anton, out of nowhere: “Why didn’t you name me Vaughn????”

Toby: “You and Dad always say I’m so beautiful, but I don’t see it.” *looks through my phone photos for 10 seconds. “Ohhhhhh, now I see it.”

Anton: “Do you know you can do online dating? And you describe the person you want to date?”
Me: “Yeah. What would you put in?”
Anton: “Outdoorsy, dog lover, likes the chicken fingers at Union Market.”



Joanna Goddard

Alex Williams

Have you tried the app that turns people into cartoon characters? Anton put us all into it. I couldn’t believe how realistic they were. Alex’s made me laugh for 20 minutes. He looks like a sexy villain.

What wacky things have the kids in your life been saying recently? I’d love to hear.

P.S. Talking to kids about sex, death and everything else. Plus, my kids’ passive aggressive notes.