Design

Have a Loving Weekend.

west village by stella blackmon

What are you up to this weekend?

First, and most important, have you been reading about Ahmaud Arbery? “Arbery was enjoying a nice run on a beautiful day when he began to be stalked by armed men. What must that have felt like? …Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday.” Will you join me in running for Maud?

Stay safe this weekend, and here are a few links from around the web…

Black boys don’t grow on trees.

Swans for relief.

This 355-square-foot West Village studio makes the most of every inch.

Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in three minutes.

Daily Harvest helps you stock your freezer with meals and snacks that are ready in minutes. Today they are offering Cup of Jo readers $25 off their first box using code JOANNA. (I love their smoothies — this one tastes just like mint chip ice cream.)

Have you seen the Seinfeld special? We’re watching it tonight.

Made me laugh.

We made this cheesy broccoli and it was delicious.

Love this wallpaper.

The SNL finale will air from home.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Lauren on 11 feel-good reader comments: “One moment that makes me chuckle from my own life: My three-year-old daughter was going through a phase where she would say, ‘You’re not my best friend!’ when she was mad. I was putting her to bed one night and she said it to me. I said that was ok, that even if I wasn’t her best friend I’d always be her mom. She replied with a very angry, ‘AND I’LL ALWAYS BE YOUR GRANDMA!!'”

Says Miriah on 11 feel-good reader comments: “I came into an empty living room after holing myself in the ‘home office’ to finish a work deadline. There was classical music playing, and I looked out the window to see my husband and three boys, all shirts off, having a water balloon fight in the backyard. I couldn’t hear them, but with the classical music, it was like a modern, male-only ballet. It was beautiful.”

(Photo by Stella Blackmon.)

Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

  1. Yulia says...

    Jo and team, would you ever consider doing a virtual Zoom event sometime? I for one would love to see you, show you my support however I can, and connect with other readers. We could all use an extra dose of this loving community. Dress code will be sweatpants and a drink of your choosing. Tooth brushing not required. If it takes too much energy during this trying time, I understand. I hope you are all doing okay. <3

  2. Haha! That kid quote reminds me of an interaction my mom had a couple of days ago with my nephew (he’s 3 1/2). Mother’s Day was on Sunday, so on Saturday night she reminded him, “Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. You need to be nice to your mother.” And he looked up at her and asked so sincerely, “Are you a mother?” He’s the sweetest ever. :)

  3. I’m so tired of internet anger. Post the jog, don’t post the jog. Just don’t be a jerk to people.

  4. Amy says...

    I worry that running with Maud is a way to feel like you’re doing something…without actually having an impact. It feels like a social media moment that creates the good feelings without actually taking difficult actions. I’m not sure what the right answer is… Is it donate to NAACP? I seriously am not sure. But I’d love to see this powerful group of women take the next step and start thinking about what we could each do that would lead to lasting change.

  5. Rosie ? says...

    Seinfeld dated a 17-year-old girl when he was 38. He would drop her off at high school in the morning! Romance!

    • Sasha L says...

      He’s problematic for sure. His behavior today would not get a free pass and he’s not about to apologize for it.

    • Joaquina says...

      I have never been a fan of his shows, humor, any of his work. But maybe it is because I am Mexican.
      Then I heard his homophobic and transphobic comments on an ep of Comedians in Cars or whatever it is called. Gross.

    • Amber says...

      Never found him funny. Too whiny.

  6. Erin Mary says...

    Thank you for highlighting Ahmaud Arbery’s murder. You’ve said everything I would write here, so I’ll just leave it with: thank you.

  7. Sarah says...

    Appreciate your mention of running for Maud. Would also love your thoughts on Alison Roman.

    • C. says...

      Dear god, no, please. what good will come of that – trying to judge and condemn and attack people we really know nothing about? Our national past-time seems to have become looking for excuses to take offense and jumping into an online frenzy of outrage and accusations, as if that puts us on some moral high ground. It does not. It does damage. Why do damage to someone you don’t know? So what if she made an offhand remark that offended someone? everybody is always offending someone else. It happnes in spite of the best intentions. Look for reasons to be offended and you will surely find one. I read her comments and honestly – who cares? Maybe she was tired, maybe she was stressed, maybe she was distracted or not prepared for the question she was asked, maybe her back hurt or she had a headache or cramps. It can happen to any of us. Why not just give her the benefit of a doubt, assume positive intent, and move along to tend to our own business- we all have a lot of our plates these days. Marie Kondo and Chrissy Tiegan are intelligent, accomplished, successful, capable, empowered business women. They do not need to be rescued or defended. The world, especially now, is better off without more bickering, judgment and condemnation of women, by other women. I swear sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

    • Becky says...

      C.,
      I agree. The way people are coming after her for snippets of an interview is insane. What were her thoughts before or after she said it. What led her to that comment specifically. We dont know but yhe internet does not care. People want to jump on the popular team destroy the other. Her words were unfiltered and should have been chosen more thoughtfully so that her message of consumerism was not lost. And it was. People want to label her an awful name that could possibly follow her professionally and could very well not be true. Labels are powerful. She was unprofessional but I highly doubt she is the monster people are making her out to be. I know people are not worried about her being bullied but now it is to the point on ig threads that people bully people who try to give her the benefit of the doubt. I doubt this would be blown up to what it is if we all weren’t socially isolated.

    • Christina says...

      C. – I agree that continuing to bully her on the internet is unnecessary. But I disagree with your premise that we should give her the benefit of the doubt and assume positive intent. No matter the intent, she spoke out against two women of color, and it follows a pattern of appropriating cuisine from other cultures and passing it off as her own.

      An apology is needed, and it should be more substantial than, “That’s not the kind of woman I am.”

      I would say that it IS the kind of woman she is, especially if as you pose, she was under stress or distracted. When under pressure, true colors come out. Alison should take time to do some introspective work about why women of color were the first two examples that came to mind, rather than Martha Stewart, who she mentioned as an idol in her interview with Cherry Bombe.

      Holding people accountable without internet bullying — it’s a fine line, but many journalists and individuals walk it well. There’s room for accountability here.

    • Sasha L says...

      Becky, it wasn’t isolated, it wasn’t flippant, it wasn’t just what she said about Chrissy and Marie (and the crap apology, to only Chrissy) and it’s been going on for years. Feel free to not care, but the backlash she’s experiencing today is entirely of her her doing.

    • Kay says...

      I wonder why she didn’t go after Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman), or Rachel Ray who also have a line of products out? Hmm what do Teigen and Kondo have in common?

    • C. says...

      Christina- I maybe did not explain myself very well. I take issue with the idea that it’s worthwhile to engage in any public bullying -regardless of what the justification may seem to be. I do not find it constructive or helpful to anyone, and it reinforces a culture of anger and hostility. And it seems to me the thing people are interpreting as inappropriate about her behavior is exactly what they are likewise doing in their reactions. It’s a cycle of meanness. Women hating on women is a real thing, it goes on all the time, and no good comes of it.

    • Anna says...

      Another case of white fragility. Casual racism is NOT ok and should be called out.

  8. Andrea says...

    That apartment is so amazing! As someone who lives in less than 500 sf, I love that they renovated their place to be as tight as a ship.

  9. J says...

    Swans for relief. Wow. There’s something so special about seeing these artists from across the globe in their own home. But I was most struck by their expressions. I felt an intense feeling of grief for what is happening now, from the lives lost, to the dreams destroyed and the injustices happening everywhere. I felt the loss of and also the strength of the human spirit. The loss of Ahmaud Aubrey. I keep wondering how to grieve, how to not be numb, how to cope with these mounting losses. And felt these swans grieving with me. Thank you for sharing. There is much work to do, but I have felt some paralysis over not knowing what or how to process this. Seeing their movement is cathartic.

  10. Gaby says...

    Joanna,
    I’ve been a loyal reader of your blog for 10 years (!) and I thank you for using your platform to bring awareness to Ahmaud Arbery. It has weighed heavy on many of us all week, and I know it is tempting to keep your blog light and to avoid hard issues. But I think it speaks to the integrity of this blog that you speak up about such a tragedy and the heinous injustice that followed.

    I admire how this blog has evolved to tackle hard issues and become more inclusive. It shows that you really listen to your readers and care.

    • Maya says...

      Yes, I second that. Thanks Joanna and team.

  11. Ksm says...

    I never thought I will ever say this about Seinfeld but the Seinfeld special is the worst ever by Jerry Seinfeld. Forget about comparing it to his own work it cannot be compared to many other mediocre comics. There is probably only one brilliant joke that is a saving grace. I cannot believe he would approve to release this as special.

  12. OM says...

    #AhmaudArbery

  13. Kelly says...

    Regarding that first reader comment: my almost 3 year old has lately taken to angrily yelling “You’re not married to me!” whenever my husband or I tell her to do something that she doesn’t particularly want to do. My husband and I don’t order one another around (at least I don’t think we do?) so I’m not sure where this is coming from, but it makes me smile every time, which I have to try to hide, because my laughter just makes her more angry.

  14. Nikki says...

    I’m glad we are jogging and raising awareness but white people… we need to do more than take a performatice selfie as we jog today.

    We need to show up for and honor Black lives every single day until the system WE designed for our benefit is different.

    • nora says...

      absolutely YES! Let’s call it what it is: white supremacy. And it needs more than a solidarity run to deconstruct a racial and capital systems that is made to benefit white people. It needs more than raising awareness.
      Donate money to black families and organizations, shop at black businesses (e.g. we buy black), engage actively in protests (e.g. white people for black lives), listen to black people!!

    • Yes! I just want to amplify this comment – calls to action by White people to a mostly White audience to run a mile or use a hashtag further the illusion that these small acts fulfill an “activism quota”. Joanna, did you donate to any racial justice organizations? Can you make a call to action for your followers to do so?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Thank you for your note, Jenny! We donated to a few organizations — to ahmaud’s family for their legal funds and also to national bailout to free Black mothers. We also brought food and supplies to Chips, a local food bank in our neighborhood. I’d recommend those organizations to donate to or get involved with, and we’d love to do more in the future. Thank you!

    • Heather says...

      A big yes to both these comments! My family just donated to the Loveland Foundation, established by Rachel Cargle (a really powerful woman to follow and learn from and *pay* for her time and instruction). If white people are looking for concrete ways to fight the institutional and societal white supremacy we all benefit from, financial contributions are a great way to support black people and really all communities of color.

      https://thelovelandfoundation.org/
      https://www.rachelcargle.com/

    • AMK says...

      ?????

    • MOLLY says...

      Thanks for sharing this – so beautiful!

    • Angela says...

      It was beautiful! Thank you for sharing. There are never enough links to goodness, in my book.

    • Gretchen says...

      Thank you for sharing this! It’s beautiful and much needed today.

    • M says...

      Beautiful, thank you

    • Sasha L says...

      A haunting read. Is a new world coming, I hope so.

  15. Amy Jeske says...

    I hope to get some flowers or ice cream for Mother’s Day this weekend and time gardening!
    We watched Jerry’s special last night and it had good moments but didn’t generate as many belly laughs as hoped. Workin moms however killed on Netflix.

  16. A says...

    Small correction: Pacific *Crest* Trail.

  17. Tiffany says...

    Heartbroken about Ahmaud Arbery!! Sending love to his family ❤️

    • RM says...

      Ditto. I have been thinking about it constantly. I have a 17 year old white son, and I worry about him making stupid decisions all the time. What I
      I dont typically worry about other people’s stupid decisions and how they could end his life. This is so wrong, and it hurts my heart. I made a small donation and I hope it helps the family in some way. It will not bring their son/ brother/ cousin/friend back, but hopefully it helps to activate change. I’m so sorry .

  18. Erin says...

    Oh my gosh, what a beautiful ballet it must have been! I have 3 boys, and I can just picture it! A memory to treasure for sure

  19. Katherine says...

    Thank you for using your platform to share about Ahmaud. It is incomprehensibly horrible how we treat Black folks in this county. I am grieving.

  20. Sasha L says...

    Thank you for the Ahmaud Arbery post, and the black boys don’t grow on trees poem. I’ve had Billie Holiday’s Strange Fruit playing in my head on repeat since I heard the news. I don’t have words for this pain. I refuse to become numb to this injustice.

  21. Sasha L says...

    Feel good comment:
    Today at the grocery store, a mom with a 3 yo little girl, sitting in the cart seat (yes, I’m going to assume the mom had a valid reason for taking her grocery shopping right now), I overheard the little girl say “you’re mean, I want a new Mommy.” Oh man. The mom didn’t bat an eye, she caught my eye and said “would you like to be her Mommy, she wants a new one?” I replied, “of course!” And seeing the little girl’s face suddenly become uncertain, “but I know a good mommy like you would never EVER let her go! Besides I’m extra mean.” And winked at her. She broke into a big smile and her mommy laughed too.

    Later at check out, the little girl saw me and said “there’s that mean mommy!” And waved at me with a big smile.

    Happy Mother’s day to all the mean mommies out there. I see you. You’re killing it.

    • Sara says...

      I love you!! That’s great!

    • Cait says...

      This gave me a big smile! Love it!

    • Agnès says...

      ah aha ah! I’m amazed that you found the right words! bravo!

  22. Alice says...

    I’m all for running in memory of Ahmaud but I think that harder work is for us white people to think about how we contribute to the white supremacist systems that contributed to his murder … and challenge other white people to do the same. It’s easy to walk and “raise awareness”.

    • Kay says...

      Thank you for saying this!

    • katie says...

      How do you propose we white people do? I’m all for constructive criticism. But only if there are suggestions to improve/change, which there wasn’t.

    • N says...

      Katie,
      That was not constructive criticism, that was a call to action. You needing suggestions to improve/change is lazy. If you had a black son, you’d do the research. Since you need suggestions, here are some:
      1. Stop being lazy (your lack of action is your white privilege — recognize that)
      2. Read some books about what life is like as a person of color in America — educate yourself about our experience, our oppression
      3. Listen to people of color, even when what they are sharing makes you uncomfortable
      4. Begin to examine why you felt offended by Alice’s comment

      I’m not saying this to be harsh for the sake of being harsh. I’m saying this because my life is on the line.

    • AN says...

      @Katie, for real, educate yourself, look it up, my God, there is so much to be done, so much to know, so much to learn, so many answers all around you, all around us. To sit in front of your computer and wait to be told? I’m sick for you and for all of us.

    • MS says...

      Katie, sometimes people of colour get real tired of always having to tell white people how to be better. Do some research. God forbid you put some time and effort into figuring out for yourself how you can improve race relations in your own country.

    • Nora says...

      yes, yes, yes – just wrote a similar comment #blacklivesmatter.
      And don’t forget: white women voted for Trump.

    • A says...

      Katie, I believe expecting others to teach you how to treat black people or be allies is overreaching. I believe you have to take it upon yourself to educate yourself on how you may or may not have contributed to racism and how to resolve in your own little way.
      Also, the tone of your message sounds like “if no one tells me or teaches me how to help reduce/eliminate injustice for black people, then I am not doing anything.”
      The tone of your message also sounds very privileged and I think to should reconsider. This is the exact problem we continue to face

    • Sg says...

      Katie, honestly if you’re white it’s on you to figure it out. Black people aren’t responsible for fixing white supremacy or educating you about it.

    • Sharon says...

      YES Alice! I completely agree. The system is large and the roots are deep. I am really trying to be more vocal in my own household and friend group about what is wrong with racism and sexism and how white privilege continues to suppress minorities. How it plays out in little and big ways every day. With Ahmaud, it’s HORRIBLE that he was shot and killed. But it’s even more horrible that our justice system had the video and did not arrest the two killers. And it’s MOST horrible that these two men thought they had the right to “defend themselves” against an unarmed man by pointing a gun at him. We will always have bad things that happen, but having a system that allows it is not acceptable. The local law enforcement and DA need to be investigated and prosecuted if they did indeed not arrest after viewing the video.

  23. NSH says...

    #Iranformaud

    I ram 2.23miles at a 6:33min/mi pace this morning. I am 38. I am a WOC that is also Palestinian. In 2000, when I was in high school I ran varsity on the CC team. My dad is not white and so one day I overheard a person on my team and their parent say “she runs like a n*gger even though she looks so white.” I will never forget that moment. I knew I wanted to be better and…faster than people like that. I am still faster than those folks. Eat my dust, racists. EAT MY DUST.
    America has a long way to go but it can do so much better. We can do better. Let’s run for justice and for Maud.

    • isabelle says...

      What a senseless and stupid comment, especially for a PARENT to be participating in that kind of talk with their child! I’m sorry that happened to you.

      I ran cross country in high school as well and I loved how chill the sport was. You really didn’t need much other than decent shoes (no fancy pads or equipment) and for the most part running is free with minimal gatekeeping or barrier to entry. I’m glad you’re still running today!

  24. Stephanie Chen says...

    thank you for writing about ahmaud aubrey

  25. Colleen says...

    Thank you for putting Ahmaud’s story at the very top of your post.

    I am white and trying to make a point to talk with my (also white) loved ones about his murder and the murders of other innocent black men and women.

    Also, for those wanting to help his family, his best friend set up a Go Fund Me page to support his loved ones…

    https://www.gofundme.com/f/i-run-with-maud

    May he rest peacefully ?

  26. Thank you for Amaud Arbery. Yes, I will join you. For mentions like this, you are so difficult to put in a box ( which makes it challenging for box-ers).

  27. Dawn says...

    I ran with Maud this morning – less distance than I usually run but I was running for Maud! I’m an essential worker and forgot to Instagram post before I left for work but reading CoJ on my lunch reminded me to show my support by posting it. Thanks, CoJ!

  28. Laura says...

    Just a quick edit — it’s called the “Pacific Crest Trail” rather than the “Pacific Trail”

  29. RS says...

    Your first reader comment took me back to when my oldest was a 3-year old. He had a brand new baby brother at the time and whenever anyone asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he answered that he wanted to be his baby brother’s grandpa. xo

    • Cait says...

      Oh, that is so precious.

  30. Catherine says...

    The Swans for Relief video made me weep…. so beautiful

  31. Emily A Keane says...

    Joanna – thank you so much for leading this post with calling attention to Amaud Arbery. As a fellow white woman who seeks to be an ally, we have been complicit in the physical and mental torture experience of black and brown men and women for too long. I’m looking forward to reading how other people are processing and experiencing this horrible tragedy in the comments in the hope that I can learn something knew and understand a different perspective.

  32. Laura says...

    Thank you for using your platform to bring attention to important issues! Ahmaud Arbery’s death and the unforgivable delay in the arrest of the perpetrators has been weighing heavily on my mind. #irunwithmaud

  33. AE says...

    Thank you for being an ally, Jo, and mentioning the murder of Ahmoud. So many of the white and non- black people in our lives claim to be allies but refuse any meaningful action and often outright refuse any acknowledgement of the travesties of this country.

  34. Amanda says...

    I’ve always wanted to hike the PCT and that video just cemented it for me. What a beautiful journey…

  35. N says...

    Thank you for calling attention to Ahmaud Arbery, Joanna.

    I am so mad. So so mad. I am black (mixed, but black). My father appears white, though he is Iranian. I’ve grown up with the privilege that comes with having lighter skin, and looser curls, and a “white” parent. But, like almost all black people in this country, I have experienced racism first hand — I’ve been refused service at a restaurant (took them to court), growing up in a small town, people who I thought were my friends said that they couldn’t be friends with me anymore because their parents told them I was going to hell (because, you know, I’m mixed). I’ve been followed around fancy stores, and like most black people, I am careful of how I show up in a room full of white people (not too loud, must be proper, smile, make sure other people comfortable).

    I live in Georgia. The man I love is a beautiful dark skinned black man. He comes from a very successful family and they all drive very nice cars and live in very white places. Every time we drive somewhere together, I’m scared that we’ll get pulled over because a black man could never have earned the car we drive …right? And when we get pulled over, how much proof will we have to provide to convince the officer that the car is his? And will he be asked to get out of the car for no reason? What will happen then?

    White friends, you don’t know with the anxiety that comes with living in black skin. We are scared every minute of every day that we will be killed for doing ordinary things. Sometimes, I convince myself that my fear is irrational — that I can actually get out of the car to use a gas station bathroom in a small southern town without something bad happening to me, that we can drive with the top down without fear of being pulled over, that my man can go for a jog without people thinking he’s running *from* something. But my fear is not irrational, and this is the society that we live in, and as much as I try to lift my voice, mine does not count as much as yours.

    Please speak up for us. Please do something.
    We are people. We are kind. We love the same way you do. We laugh the same way you do.
    Please please use your voices because ours simply do not matter as much as yours.

    • Megan says...

      Thank you for this.

    • Asma says...

      ❤️

    • Amanda says...

      “Where is it safe to be black???” One of my friends posted this yesterday on Instagram and I can’t stop thinking about it.

    • Sasha L says...

      Thank you for this N. Your fear is not irrational, the thought that it is is straight up gaslighting.

      I’m so so sorry. Trying every way I can think of to make our country better. All such tiny things and it hurts to feel so powerless to protect the innocent.

      I’m my preschool classroom where all of the children are white, most of the dolls are brown. Many of the books are filled with brown faces and I’m always buying more. I teach kindness and compassion and empathy to these little white children. I challenge my parents when they use inappropriate language or don’t understand why something is different now. I moderate fb forums where people are immediately deleted and blocked for any hint of racism (sexism and homophobia too).

      And none of it is enough. And I know it.

    • toi says...

      This is the sad truth. Will this moment in time be the turning point? I pray that it is.

    • J says...

      This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for posting. You too, Joanna.

    • Kara says...

      I was thinking today how exhausting it has to be to simply be black and wondering if black people get tired of always having to talk about race? Anyway, thinking of you and wanted you to know that you are heard and that your voice is an important one. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your world.

  36. Cassie says...

    I was supposed to hike the Pacific Crest Trail this summer; my start date was this past Tuesday. Letting go of those plans (for now) has been hard, even though I’ve been lucky to get my job back and have a place to live. The silver lining is that it’s good for the trail to have a “break” and recover from the impact of so many hikers over the years, but it’s still very sad for the hiking community and people who planned for years or gave up everything to thruhike this summer.

  37. Karen says...

    Thank you for posting the link to the Ahmaud Arbery run. It’s hard to believe that such things still happen so regularly in this country; harder still to accept that such a heinous crime took place in February, yet the perpetrators were only arrested yesterday. I am not black and I teach literature at the university level. My students are always taken aback when I paraphrase Toni Morrison’s statement that the history of America is a history of racism… but it’s not difficult to see the reverberations of that history regularly informing our present. Rest in peace, dear Ahmaud.