What’s your mom’s? By the wonderful Grace Farris.
P.S. The new vocabulary and ways to unwind.
What’s your mom’s? By the wonderful Grace Farris.
P.S. The new vocabulary and ways to unwind.
“Life is sad without tomatoes”, my mum always says, and she’s so right!
My mom always says, “you are fully empowered”. This touches just about everything in life– you are empowered to choose how you feel, how your react, how you treat others. It also means taking responsibility for your actions and life choices. Sometimes I feel frustrated when I come to her feeling down because someone said something that hurt my feelings, or I want to whine about my day, and she responds with this instead of sympathy. But I know she’s preparing me to stand on my own two feet and live my life to the fullest.
A happy belated Mother’s Day to all the moms and mother figures out there!
My mom always advices me to go back to bed whenever I plan to watch movie at late night even she wants me to wake earlier but I start sleeping at 3.am bt I love her n want her to do all this always as this all shows her care ….
Oh I loved this!! Especially that I didn’t like The Goldfinch :-) Now I feel much better about not finishing it. I felt kind of a pressure, as its famous and won prizes … but it just didn’t work for me.
I didn’t care for it, either!
Always and forever, whenever I found myself spiraling into anxiety late at night, my mom would advise me to go to bed. “Everything looks better in the morning with a good night’s sleep,” she’d say. And she’s right! Now I find myself advising the same thing to my husband, my sister…and my mom still reminds me of this whenever I call in a panic.
My mom’s advice: never leave the house without lipstick.
Her quick go-to look was–and still is–bright coral lipstick and big black movie star sunglasses.
“It’ll look brighter in the morning.”
This is STILL the truest mom phrase. No matter how bad of a day it is or what terrible thing happened, my mom has assured me without fail that it will be just a little better the next morning. And she’s always right.
The goldfinch is also the book I could not finish.
My mom often said, “Your ship will come in someday”…and various variations of it…she was right!
My grandmother shared her fix it when she was feeling depressed….go buy a new bra! Keep in mind, she was born in 1913 and dies when she was 94!
My wonderful mum has never ever left us without a properly made up bed. It was the one thing she always did before she left me or my brother at university; whenever we move into a new house now, my mum always makes sure we have a properly made bed with clean sheets before she goes. It’s such a wonderful thing to sink into at the end of a long day and the clean smell of freshly laundered sheets at that time always feels like a big reassuring hug from my mum.
Mine always said, “take a shower and then see if you feel better.” She was so right.
My mom’s two most important pieces of advice are:
“you have to flip your own switch” –meaning, only you can make you happy again. It might sound frustrating, but now I realize how much power it gave me to control my own feelings.
When I faced a decision where I didn’t know what to do: “There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decisions. Just decisions and consequences. You won’t know if it’s bad or good for a long while.” I can’t tell you how helpful this advice has been in my life, how it helped me make decisions instead of just waiting for life to happen to me or agonizing over every choice. Having the perspective of time makes me realize how wise her advice is. A decision which seems wrong now can be the best one you ever make.
Tawnya, I just wanted to thank you for posting this. I have a hard relationship with my mom, who’s a narcissist and hardwired me to feel constantly guilty and responsible for the feelings and experiences of those around me. I’m only now figuring out how to deal with this, and that it will be a lifelong process for me. This mother’s day I thought of your mom’s words many times and they were very comforting.
I grew up in an Asian household and my mother taught me that trick of measuring your rice water with the tip of your finger. Most Asian families do this – I live alone now and this has been my default rice-cooking technique for my entire life. Only at 21 did I learn the use of the rice measuring cup. Who needs it?
The most sacred of my mother’s advice is the ways she taught me to be resourceful.
“I’m not letting you out of this car until you yell f%@k really loudly. Here, I’ll demonstrate. F%@K!!!”
My mom drove me to high school most mornings as it was on the way to her office. One morning, I was recounting a recent experience in which I’d felt really uncomfortable due to the way a creepy guy had been looking at me in public. I was already running late for school and vividly remember that anxious feeling of wanting to get out of the car and run to class. But she refused to let me go until I’d screamed f%@k at the top of my lungs.
(She was also the type of mother to chastise us with, “language!” if my brother or I swore, making this experience all the more memorable!)
I love this! I’m about to head off to a shift at my restaurant, and I’m not terribly thrilled at the prospect. I’m going to consider your mum’s advice before I exit the car. :p
You never know how long you have –
My mom started saying this and explained this to me when I was a toddler and she said she told me she loved me so often because if she never came back she’d want me to know it, as we never know how long we have.
I think about this every day, especially now that I have little people of my own.
Love my Marmie ❤️
“Always make your bed when you get up, that way at least you know you did one thing right and it’ll feel so nice to get into it later.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
Don’t drink anything you didn’t pour yourself, hahaha. She was maybe a little paranoid in the middle school/high school years!
Speaking as someone who forced themselves to finish The Goldfinch, DON’T DO IT
Hahahahaha yes! Same!
So odd though, bc The Secret History Is my all-time favorite novel. I still recommend that one, even if you hated goldfinch!
Yes totally agree! I finished it because I felt like I had to and I was miserable!
This made me smile because I bought my mama fresh sheets for Mother’s Day this year! She’s always wanted linen sheets but has never thought she’s worth the splurge. Can’t wait for her to enjoy her nice fresh sheets!
What a wonderful gift idea! My mom and I have had that conversation too (aka me going on “omg mom you haaaave to get some linen sheets!!!”). I’ll remember this for the next gift occasion!
Don’t put anything in your mind (tv shows, scary movies, books etc.) that you don’t want to stay. Once in there, it’s there forever!
Thanks, Mom. This is legitimately good advice I still continue to live by as much as possible.
Just wanted to say thank you for a post you did last year about mother’s day being difficult for some. I still think about that post and read the comments several times, as I have a strained relationship with my mother. That post and those comments were very healing for me and I still think of them often.
I’m wondering if anyone has advice for someone who just lost a mother this Mother’s Day? My mother-in-law died 3 weeks ago (no, not from COVID, people still die regardless of the pandemic) and my husband is not looking forward to all the Mother’s Day messages out there.
i’m so sorry, emily xo
Oh Emily, I feel you on this.
My father succumbed to cancer on Father’s Day a few years ago (real funny, Dad!) and every year when the advertisements ramp up I get sad. There is a particular pain in a holiday everyone is celebrating that brings up tough feelings for you personally.
My advice, and it may be too soon this year, is this: Lean in to your feelings about your loved one. In other words: embrace your grief. That includes permission to brood, cry, take a walk, look at pictures, eat something they would have loved OR stay in your PJs and rewatch The Great British BakeOff and do nothing.
Last year I made chicken and dumplings for my family…not a usual meal for us, but it was fun to honor my dad in that way.
Also talking to a friend who has a lost a parent is helpful too. Especially if it is someone you can cry and laugh with. Grief is surprising like that, you might find yourselves hysterically laughing and then sobbing the next minute. Let yourself and your husband feel your feelings.
Sending big love to you and your husband and family. Go easy on yourselves. Also, you are allowed to ignore this holiday!
Dealing with the same thing, as my husband lost his mom in September. I got a card for him, and sent notes and small gifts to his siblings, knowing that Mothers Day will be a little different this year. Did the same for my mom and aunt the first Mothers Day after my grandma died…sent them flowers.
So glad I quit the goldfinch and every other book that wasn’t making me feel more alive. Thanks mom!
Oh my god, i came to say the same thing. I quit that book as I couldn’t see a reason why i should get depressed when reading.
My mom is a force brimming with wisdom. Some of my faves:
-Jumping jacks and vitamin D are good for what ails you.
-Almost anything is interesting if you ask the right questions.
-Never stop dating your spouse. (40+ years in, she and my dad still treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend in all the best ways.)
As a member of the Those Who Have Lost Their Mother or Have a Strained Relationship With Theirs Club, may I say that yours sounds absolutely charming. Have you considered loaning her out? XD
Sarz, she’d be down for that! SendiMy love on what I’m sure is a complicated day. Xx
My mom’s go-to advice, no matter the situation, is, “why don’t you have a glass of water?” Haha!
Mine too! :)
Mine too. I hate it.
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