Amidst an actual globe in crisis, the 77th Annual Golden Globes happened last night. Did you watch? It was star-studded, glamorous, and… kind of strange. (Halfway through, my boyfriend left the room to “go sew some buttons back on the duvet cover.”) Even so, it still had its fair share of high points…

“What the heck are the Golden Globes, anyway?” asked my boyfriend, who was recruited to watch along with me. Unlike the Oscars (which cover film) and the Emmys (which cover TV), the Globes celebrate both film and TV, and since they take place so early in the year, they’re seen as a sort of precursor to how the Oscars may go. Ricky Gervais hosted for the fifth — and as he repeated throughout the night — last time. It was a little like watching an uncomfortable best man speech, where you’re left wondering how much they had to drink, how much they prepared ahead of time, and when it’s going to end.

There were some major themes throughout the night — everyone made fun of Cats and 1917 won seemingly everything. Beyond that, here are nine real winners:

The Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Best Act of Defiance
“Don’t make a political speech,” Gervais said at the beginning of the night. “Come up, accept your award, thank your agent. It’s already three hours long.” But his plea, of course, was immediately ignored. After all, it would be callous to celebrate Golden Globes when the actual globe is in peril. Best Supporting Actor winner Russell Crowe sent along a message from Australia, where he was helping the effort to battle the devastating bush fires, a recurring theme throughout the night. Michelle Williams spoke about women’s right to choose. Joaquin Phoenix had a special suggestion for how people can do their part: “We don’t have to take private jets to Palm Springs.” Even the vegan meal served during the ceremony was its own political statement. Best Supporting Actress winner Patricia Arquette brought it home. “We won’t look back at this night. In the history books, we will look back at a country on the brink of war. We will look at Australia burning. We have to vote in 2020. And we have to beg and plead everyone we know to vote.”

Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Best Display of Emotion
Tom Hanks, who won the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award, has a clip reel to end all clip reels. Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Sleepless in Seattle, Saving Private Ryan… It went on and on, growing ever more poignant in a roundup that would be hard for anything to top. That is, until he took to the stage and was seized by a crescendo of emotion. “It’s my cold!” he kept saying, each time he got choked up. We know it’s not your cold, Tom, and we love you more for it.

Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Best Joke That Made a Really Great Point
This award goes to Bong Joon-Ho, the South Korean filmmaker who won best foreign language film for Parasite. (I was begrudgingly dragged to Parasite — I hadn’t seen previews and envisioned it would be about a giant worm! — and then discovered it was a highlight of the year. Go see it if you haven’t!) He spoke for a moment, then paused, so his interpreter could deliver the message: “Once you overcome the one-inch tall barrier that is the subtitle you will be introduced to so many more amazing films.” I could not agree more.

Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Best Pantsuit
Yes, yes, everyone is tired of hearing about Fleabag*. 2019 was the year of Fleabag. Must we start off 2020 by talking about it? But Phoebe Waller-Bridge — who won two Golden Globes for Best Actress and Best TV Series (musical or comedy) — in this sequin pantsuit is as fresh as ever. Backstage, Waller-Bridge told press she will be auctioning off the Ralph Russo suit and donating the money to a good cause — fire relief in Australia.

*But for those of you who still aren’t tired of talking about Fleabag, “Hot Priest” Andrew Scott donned a cream tuxedo jacket that was appropriately angelic.

Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Accidental Twinning Award
This award goes to Sarah Snook from Succession (left), who wore a voluminous black sequin ballgown by Christian Siriano and Ana de Armas, nominated for Best Actress for her role in Knives Out, in an eerily similar navy ensemble by Ralph & Russo. It was like Cinderella meets The Parent Trap, in the best way possible.

Best Argument for Getting a Short Haircut
This award is a three-way tie: Between Ellen Degeneres (winner of the Carol Burnett Award), her wife Portia de Rossi and Zoe Kravitz. Hide the scissors, I’m feeling inspired! (While we’re at it, Phoebe Waller-Bridge also rocked a new shorter ‘do.)

Real Winners of the Golden Globes

Best Entrance
Though he didn’t take home any awards last night, Billy Porter will always be a winner in my eyes. Over the past year, he solidified his place as the ruler of the red carpet. (See also: the Emmys, the Oscars, last but very much not least, the Met Gala.) His latest look — which included a removable train of white angel feathers — was designed by Alex Vanassche and accessorized with Jimmy Choo boots. Walk on!

Best Attempt at Making a Joke That Really Didn’t Land
Brad Pitt won the award for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy for his role in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. As he spoke to his costar Leonardo DiCaprio, he quipped, “I would’ve shared the raft.” Cue a seemingly endless awkward pause as half of the audience didn’t get it, and the other half didn’t find it funny. He was, of course, referencing the iconic scene at the end of Titanic, when Rose and Jack cling to the wreckage. “But… it wasn’t a raft,” said my boyfriend, echoing the overall sentiment.

Real Winners of the Golden Globes Olivia Coleman

Most Endearing Acceptance Speech
Olivia Colman’s speeches never disappoint and this was no exception. She was regal, yet adorable as ever as she accepted her Best Actress award for her role as Queen Elizabeth II in The Crown. “I’ve already gotten a little bit boozy because I really didn’t think this was going to happen!” she said. And that is, perhaps, the greatest takeaway of the evening. Sometimes, we don’t expect great things to happen, but then they pleasantly surprise us.

Eventually, the night was over. “Get drunk, do your drugs, and f*ck off,” said Gervais, to conclude the show. A fitting salute for a rather odd night.

Did you watch the Golden Globes? What were your favorite (or least favorite) moments?

P.S. Infidelity, Netflix style and a Q&A with Fleabag’s costume designer.