A Genius Wedding Registry

I think it depends on what culture you come from. In some cultures, it’s perfectly acceptable (preferred, in fact) to give money. It’s not unusual in my area to see both a gift table and a deposit box for envelopes with money. A lot of couples I know would prefer the cash because they live in small spaces and don’t have the storage for a ton more stuff. When my friend had her first child, she was very stressed at the idea of getting a ton of gifts she wouldn’t use, and couldn’t fit in her apartment. I suggested that she ask her shower guests to give a favourite book. Books take up hardly any space, and you can never have too many books for a child. I think this would be a wonderful idea for a wedding, too!

Personally, I think it’s a great idea and not tacky. As people get married later, I think there’s less need for The Things. I know I already have most of the kitchen and home stuff that I want/need, or have the income to save up and buy those things for myself. But I think most people are going to still want to give the bride/groom *something*, so why not it be something they really want? Like Joanna said, you are then contributing to an experience for the couple. I recently gave money to a couple that got married — they went to Fiji and sent me a postcard as a thank you gift. I loved feeling like I helped them have a great time and memorable experience, a foundational moment for their marriage. That’s better to me than giving a mixer that they maybe only use twice.

Totally understand feeling that way, but it turned out I was really happy to help my cousins go on an amazing honeymoon that they might not have been able to without some assistance. And it felt very Marie Kondo/minimalist being able to give them a gift of experience rather than material :)

In Spain gifts are not at all usual… and the rule is to give the amount of money that YOU CONSIDER equal to the cost of your meal.
that is… you pay to sit down and eat. I think it SUCKS, it turns a wedding into an investement the GUESTS have to make (so as not to look bad) even if you aren’t the one planning a ridiculously expensive event to comply with the social bullshit. if you are familiy… you are expected to give more.
and.. sometimes you DON’T have the money (think a couple… is 200euros+, in a country where many people strive on the 1000euros a month) and you kinda… have to say something to the couple or.. simply not go. my position… if you ask for money, keep it low key, do not say “hey, you’ll be paying for my travel”… and OF COURSE don’t put a number. and honestly… you get married because you want to, and nobody has to give you anything for that. let alone pay for it. (oh my god… I get really upset on this subject!!!)

I always give household items at wedding showers and cash for a wedding gift. This gives them the flexibility to combine it with other cash gifts to put toward their home, furniture or honeymoon. They then have the freedom to use it to help establish their life as a couple in basically any way they see fit. I love the idea of the honey fund or house down payment options because then you can see how they will be enjoying your gift!

I dunno, the registry seems tackier to me. I’ve scrolled through a lot of registries and it feels bizarre to say “I recognize and appreciate the unending love you have for one another. Here’s those $8 silicone pudding cups, $12 dish rags and $120 gilded salt and paper shakers you wanted”.

I was never a fan of wedding registries. Then I fell in love with a guy whose entire family makes registries for Christmas presents. Lord help me ?

Yes! Lists of things-and-why (so that if this item is *the best* for ice cream making and there is no way that you will be making ice cream, you can pass; see also: do not just buy a set of every single available vessel type for alcohol if you don’t ever serve sherry, etc.) are such fun things to read even when one is not building a registry.

(one of my favorites from our wedding over a decade ago: more flatware than might seem reasonable, if you find flatware you both really love. We found a really perfect-for-us flatware [visually attractive, goes fine with casual or formal china, dishwasher-safe, well-balanced in the hand, sturdy, comfortable to eat from, perfectly nests together] that was upscale store-brand stainless steel and registered for two packages (total of 16 place settings!) of it. Individual pieces will almost inevitably go missing [more if you have kids or if you have dinner parties with alcohol where your friends will be in the kitchen helping clean up…], but due to the initial number, there are still plenty of each item for everyday use and for hosting regular-size dinner parties. So instead of having to eventually find and buy a new set of flatware or deal with mismatched won’t-nest-nicely flatware, we’re *set* for ages and it is glorious.)(I mean, maybe 30 years into marriage we’ll have lost enough pieces that we’ll need to figure something out. But it is *nice* not having to do that yet.)

For registry-makers, it’s great to start with a list of “here are categories to think about and some numbers/ideas for different lifestyles” [if you’ve got a NYC apartment, your registry will probably focus more on compactness than if you’ve got 2000 sqft with extra garage storage space? And if you eat 90% takeout and like it that way, then you probably don’t want a fully maxed-out all-the-options kitchen – but it’d still be good to have the basics covered].

And then it’s also really nice to have the lifestyle reasons for specific things that might not be totally obvious, so that you can avoid just blindly getting One Of Everything (that you won’t ever use), instead shaping things to go with your life/home. (and I love reading those things. So this is not totally altruistic, here. :-) )

I second this and would like to add a few of my recommendations :)

If you cook- (a) a high quality Dutch oven, (b) a set of knives or a chefs knife that you have gone out and experienced how it feels in YOUR hand, (c) a set of glasses or plates or flatware that are pretty and you can look at as forever pieces.

If you prefer experiences, don’t set up individual experiences people can buy you. Instead get the cash and in the thank you note, write what you did with the money.

For decorative pieces or longevity prices for the home, think of- for example- quality linens that you wouldn’t necessarily splurge on for yourself or things that are of heirloom quality.

I had a similar problem (my registry had to ship to Canads but be accessible for my US family too) and we ended up just doing a wix site and an Amazon registry/wish list. Lots of people sent cash instead (we kept the list short because we knew it’d be that way) and we used it for furniture :)

We have some sheets from Restoration Hardware and then had to get a replacement bottom sheet when we upgraded our mattress to a queen from a full and went with Parachute. Both are great but Parachute seems more durable.