Have a Lovely Weekend.

What are you up to this weekend? Today is Alex’s birthday, and we’re having cheesecake with the boys. Then tomorrow night we’re going out to dinner, and I’m wearing this and this. (Just have to remember to shave my legs:) Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…

Have you seen the movie Mid90s? I’ve heard great reviews.

What a beautiful neutral apartment.

Um, THESE PIES.

“How beautiful they go to their graves!”

The one piece of advice every young woman needs. (Hear, hear.)

Two penguins in love.

Great weekenders for fall trips.

A husband did a daily doodle to Twitter to help with grief after his wife died. Really beautiful.

Also loving this book about a marriage with lots of twists and turns.

Six fun things to do on email, haha.

Good news: Winc, the wine club, is offering Cup of Jo readers $26 off your next purchase, through this link. (That equals two complementary bottles of wine!) Cheers!

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Emma on things that inspire you: “I don’t have any background in music, but the first time I heard Beethoven’s 9th (with student tickets at the Boston Symphony Orchestra), I had such strong feelings that I started bobbing and sobbing at the same time. When my boyfriend asked if I was okay, I looked around me and couldn’t believe all the quietly sober people in the dim light, yawning and suppressing coughs. Were we even listening to the same music!?! Now, I save it for rare occasions so that it never loses its ability to make the sublime come into view and lift me up beyond buoyancy.”

Says Jennifer on things that inspire you: “My son turned six last week. He has never been into typical ‘boy’ stuff – he loves princesses and unicorns and castles and rainbows. In past years, the presents his friends brought to his birthday party were things like Lego speedboats and Marvel action figures. I don’t think they knew enough to explain to their parents that my son didn’t like those things. This year, though, he ended up with a riot of gifts that were perfect for him. Just looking at our couch after the party, covered in gift wrap, princess dolls, mermaid pencil cases and unicorn crafts, made me tear up. His friends know him and love him.”

(Photo by Amy Merrick. Twitter doodles via Kottke.)

62 COMMENTS

WRITE A COMMENT

Name*

Email*

Website

62 Comments

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

October 29, 2018 8:53pm 8:53 pm

Thank you for the great reader comments you post. I love seeing the beautiful insights and experiences other readers have being highlighted.

AlliHold

October 29, 2018 11:56am 11:56 am

The career piece… My husband and I met in grad school, we have the same degree and work the same position at different companies. I have flexibility at my job and I can work from home, so in addition to my full time job I am also responsible for school drop-offs and pick-ups, doctor appointments and mid week playdates. He started his job after me and already makes double of what I make, in just under 4 years. I resent it sometimes, not because he has the freedom to focus on his career full time, but because I can’t’ really give my 100% to either. It just constantly feels like I am failing at both.

Emily

October 29, 2018 10:40am 10:40 am

I fully understand the piece about finding a partner who is as committed to your career as you wish to be. I have a very supportive husband and he has prioritized my career over his due to my fantastic work opportunity. This is not an argument for or against the piece, and I don’t think there is a right solution here, it’s just food for thought:

A missing piece is that the article does not consider the change in a female career drive (or maybe just a personal problem?) after having a child. I have always been professionally driven and take pride in being successful. However I struggled emotionally when I returned to work 2 months after having a baby. At that time, I did NOT want to continue working. My professional drive was gone. My mind was not at work, it was thinking about my baby and sobbing during my breast pump sessions. (Also, perhaps it was a short term problem that wouldn’t have happened if the US didn’t have terrible child/family leave policies.)
Regardless, my husband expected me to jump right into the saddle (work related) and did not understand why I was not motivated to work and an emotional wreck. I am in sales so if I don’t work, the money doesn’t come in, so he would get upset when I left early to pick up my daughter, etc. He admitted to not understanding why I could not focus on work like I used to do, even after explaining post-partum feelings, mother-baby attachment, etc.
Three years later I have learned to compartmentalize my yearning to be with my daughter and focus on work (most of the time). But it would have been nice to have the opportunity to choose between a career or stay-at-home-mom.

Jessica

Reply to Emily

October 29, 2018 11:26am 11:26 am

Just wanted to say I really relate to this. You articulated my struggle so well. I was a super career-driven woman until I became a mother, and then my priorities shifted in major and unexpected ways.

Martha

Reply to Emily

October 29, 2018 11:54am 11:54 am

I agree there are some secondary problems not brought up in the article. Now more women are encouraged to pursue their career after having children, which of course is great and I am for 100%. But I don’t think men are stepping up any more than before to help raise the children. Someone needs to be raising these children…not saying it should always be the woman…but so many households are now struggling with childcare, EVERY working parent I know expresses often how they wish they could have more time with their kids or feel like they are missing out on their kids’ lives, while those kids are being raised by nannies. Not saying everyone has the option to stay home, DEFINITELY not saying it should always be the mom, but I feel like now that two working parents are the norm, no one has come up with a great solution for how our precious children should be taken care of.

Nicole

Reply to Emily

October 29, 2018 12:53pm 12:53 pm

Completely agree. There was no doubt in my mind that I would work full-time after my son was born. And, then he was born…… 8 weeks later I could not even fathom leaving him for a few hours, let alone every day for 5 days in a row. Not that I wanted to give up my career (AT ALL), but I didn’t even see it as an option to return to work so soon. My husband was fully supportive of me whether I went back to work or decided to stay at home, and I ended up going back only 2 days a week. I felt very lucky to do that, and it worked very well while my son was an infant. Now, he is over a year and I wish that I could work more, though fully time is not an option for me currently due to my husband’s current job schedule.

I think that were we (women in US) given more generous maternity leaves, it would certainly be easier to return. Though, as many have mentioned, it is hard to be 100% committed to work when you have a sick kid, a daycare issue, or any of the other plethora of things that come up with kiddos. It limits us in terms of promotions, makes us seem less dedicated, etc. But, even if I could be super dedicated to my career, I’m not sure I would want to be- I want to spend my extra time and energy with my kid.

Ivy

October 29, 2018 9:08am 9:08 am

The pies! Immediately started following her on IG.

bisbee

October 28, 2018 7:39pm 7:39 pm

Jennifer…how wonderful! So heartwarming that your child’s friends know him like his family does. I am touched.

Shena

October 28, 2018 5:26pm 5:26 pm

Unexpected sob fest after looking at the daily doodles…very powerful.

JulieB

October 28, 2018 1:09pm 1:09 pm

I have the same feeling described above with music and dance. I’ve been lucky enough to see both regularly. I think it’s a combination of the way the art makes me feel and admiration for the talent and hard work of the individuals. I’m often moved to tears. My husband also thinks I’m crazy ;)

Heather

October 28, 2018 12:21pm 12:21 pm

Wow. First the widower’s doodles and then the last comment about the little boy whose friends gifted him so much more than toys…so many tears this morning! But also a warmed heart.

Meredith

October 28, 2018 11:08am 11:08 am

Just ugly-cried at those daily doodles. Wow.

Tara

October 28, 2018 10:37am 10:37 am

Jennifer’s comments made me smile. Everyone should be seen and loved as they are. ❤️

Heloise

October 28, 2018 4:44am 4:44 am

Beautiful words from Jennifer about her 6yr old’s birthday gifts, and much respect for supporting him being him. His friends sound wonderful!

Our pre-k boy lives in dresses, identifies as a girl, & mainly plays with pink sparkly unicorn type things! We 100% support him, and are relieved & thrilled that he’s growing up in a generation that will (hopefully) respect his choices in life.

Love the addition of ‘two reader comments’ on these posts, C of J team ???

Rose Mary Swart

October 27, 2018 11:22pm 11:22 pm

I felt the same way as you at the BSO for Beethoven’s 9th when, for the first time, I heard Luciano Pavorotti sing in person. Could hardly catch my breath!

Leah

October 27, 2018 7:23pm 7:23 pm

Those pies!!!!

Cynthia

October 27, 2018 5:33pm 5:33 pm

I hope Alex is having wonderful birthday. My youngest turns 33, today Oct. 27, and she and her friend took a personal day to come down for a visit. We had pedicures, and I treated us to lunch at a nice restaurant. Then we did a lot of window shopping. We had so much fun!

Cydney

October 27, 2018 3:23pm 3:23 pm

I would seriously avoid engaging with Winc- we received 4 month gift card for our wedding last year. The company refused to validate any of the gifts outside of the first month, after which they charged my credit card on a month basis despite multiple attempts to contact the company and cancel the “membership”. It took me calling my credit card company and putting a block on their company to finally get Winc charges cleared. The whole process took over 5 months to sort despite weekly e-mails, calls, and (hilariously, their preferred mode of contact) Facebook chat.
Even if you consider my review as n=1, take a look at the comments on their Facebook wall- it is littered with customers trying to sort out these “memberships”.

Akc

October 27, 2018 2:05pm 2:05 pm

I think I just posted a comment about” advice every young woman needs to hear.”. . and I just reread her piece. “This is not just about “getting ahead” or lucrative boardroom positions — it’s about who gets to be dedicated to their work or passions, and who doesn’t.”. The author points to many truths. I fully agree with her. I think that my original comment was based on my feeling that women (and men) need to feel supported and valued for when they choose to not be career driven in a traditional/financial sense. Everyone needs someone to manage household duties. Everyone needs to be raised by someone at home … So decide how much you want those roles part of your life and what type of career allows you to try to pursuit that life. If you do want a companion in life it’s important to discuss what you envision your future will be along those lines.

Akc

October 27, 2018 1:29pm 1:29 pm

Re: “The one piece of advice every young woman needs to hear” . . . I feel there are quite a few perspectives missing from this argument. Cheifly, how big a role do you want your career to play in your life? (married or not. ). Do you primarily identify yourself by your career and does this bring you the most joy? Would like to have the ability to pursue other talents/ volunteering/ work:life balance. Perhaps you want to have children and you want to be able to spend more time with them and the sacrifice to your proffessional life is worth it for the time you spend working raising your children.

Avery

October 27, 2018 12:57pm 12:57 pm

Nice flower image!
Have a great weekend too!!
I’ll be sure to check out those links.

Leah

October 27, 2018 10:57am 10:57 am

RE: your legs: https://www.instagram.com/p/BpW9HC3ANEf/?taken-by=classes_at

Peppermint Dolly

October 27, 2018 10:17am 10:17 am

Have fun this weekend! Also, those pies look incredible!!

Rebecca

Ann

October 27, 2018 10:00am 10:00 am

There was a tour of Mel’s home at Emily Henderson’s blog with information about the furniture: https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/mels-new-place-minimalist-decorating?_sft_room-category=whole-house

Sharon

October 27, 2018 7:11am 7:11 am

For anyone considering the Cuyana weekender linked above, I wanted to share. I purchased the khaki one (along with a navy leather tote) after seeing them in a previous CoJ post. I love the look, but the weekender has not held up well. I think it’s because of the material (a canvas of sorts). It’s pilling almost like a sweater would. I love my leather tote from Cuyana, so I would recommend others stick with their more durable exteriors. Otherwise a great tote. Great space, pockets and zippers. Great handle length too.

Sally

October 27, 2018 4:59am 4:59 am

Jennifer, please keep telling that story to your boy as he grows up, because he’ll forget.
Perhaps he’ll need reminding in the future that there are ALWAYS people to be found out there that understand you, with no judgement. If you haven’t found your tribe yet, keep looking. They’re there.

Aren’t children wonderful?

Gabriel

October 27, 2018 2:44am 2:44 am

The article re advice for young women citing Avivah Wittenberg-Cox is spot on. I am fortunate enough to have Avivah as my mentor and her advice for a 35 year old mother of two with an exciting career but ALL the guilt, is just as good. Avivah is a feminist fairy god mother and I would urge anyone struggling with balancing career and parenthood to read her work.

October 27, 2018 1:12am 1:12 am

Let me say I rarely cry, but as I’m sitting in the early morning dark, snuggling my 18 month old for the first time since I got bronchitis and had to ween her three nights ago and would have never been able to do this without her insisting on nursing to fall back asleep…well I have tears rolling down my cheeks from your comment section! Particularly inspiring the comment from Jennifer regarding her son.
Hugs and inspired tears from Italy.

More to Love