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How Are You Feeling Today?

Women's March 2017

Today, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford, a university professor who has accused him of sexual and physical assault, are testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee about her allegations. We had two other posts scheduled, but they don’t feel right for today. Instead, let’s just talk, and we’d love to open up the comments. Here are a few things we’re thinking about…

Christine Blasey Ford

The view Dr. Ford was facing as she testified.

You can watch the hearings, or read live updates. As she recounted the incident, Dr. Ford said she felt “terrified,” and she has wondered if coming forward would just be “jumping in front of train that was headed to where it was headed anyway.” I hope she felt the groundswell of women supporting her, tearing up with her and thanking her for speaking out and being so unbelievably brave.

The brilliant strategist/writer/podcast host Aminatou Sow has a Twitter thread that is worth reading. Here’s part of it:


I hope it is not the case but I fear [the] hearing will confirm what a lot of us have known in our bones forever: women’s pain is inconsequential. This fear is a big reason so few of us disclose our assaults. What’s the point of getting hurt and devastated all over again?

I was sexually assaulted as a child and as a teen repeatedly by different people and it still affects my life on a daily basis. I have done my very best to move past it to lead a productive and fulfilled life. It is hard. It feels impossible some days. Especially this week.

I resent having to disclose this or hear survivors tell their stories over and over for assholes to pretend systematic violence against women is new information. Most men do not care. Our bodies are just weigh stations on the way to the rest of their lives…

Daily I struggle with feeling like I am weak. If I hadn’t been weak, I would have never been prey. I now know this is a lie. The people who assault women are the weak ones.

The truth is our strength. We are each other’s strengths. To the womxn who are struggling: I see you. I am sorry we have to through this. Thank you for trusting us with your stories. I am heartened by them and honored to know about you. xx


The news can feel overwhelming. More than ever, voting matters. The midterm elections are right around the corner, and you can make sure you’re registered here. It takes only 30 seconds. Learn about the candidates running for office in your community and where they stand on the issues here.

How are you doing these days? What’s on your mind? Sending a big hug to anyone who needs one. xoxo

P.S. On sexual harassment, and five ways to teach kids about consent.

(First photo by Kisha Bari. Second photo by Tom Williams via New York Magazine.)

  1. KimG says...

    What she wrote echoed my own thoughts and feelings so much. I’ve taken a huge social media and media break. I had to. Reading and hearing and seeing this on the news day after day made me relive those hellish moments of my life. I am still processing them.

    I have a young daughter and I’m so worried for her. I want to protect her from the likely tragic moments she will have in her life. It feels so hopeless.

  2. Nicole K says...

    The whole situation leaves me feeling terrible for the many reasons others have articulated. What is making me feel real despair, though, is the sense that our ability to reasonably consider both sides and make an informed judgment seems lost. I feel that since the 2016 election, and maybe earlier, our country’s political divide keeps getting wider and wider.

    These are generalizations, but I see Republicans acting in ways that seem so, so morally reprehensible (supporting easily proven lies out of the Trump administration, allowing steps backward on climate change and social rights, changing Senate rules to rush votes on divisive issues, refusing to honestly consider serious allegations against a nominee for the Supreme Court, etc.), and I see Democrats exhibiting behaviors that are also troublesome (villainizing anyone who supports Trump is top of mind, probably because I am guilty of it myself). In my heart of hearts I am so angry at Trump, those who voted him into office, and those supporting his detrimental and divisive agenda — I do try and understand it from the other side, but I just can’t, and that’s the problem. I know there are people who feel the same way about anyone who supported Hillary Clinton, which boggles my mind! How do we get past these absolutes and meet in the middle somewhere?

    It’s disheartening to think how this gap is widening — in the case of Kavanaugh and Ford in particular, I feel despair because there is no good outcome. If an investigation turns up enough evidence to stop Kavanaugh from being confirmed, his supporters will still believe it’s a Democratic plot. If there is not enough evidence and Kavanaugh is confirmed, opponents will still believe he is an entitled sexual predator. It seems hopeless to think that whatever the outcome is here won’t make any difference to the real issues dividing us.

    • RE says...

      If you want an answer to why some people could not support Hillary it is because many of us see ‘progressivism’ as mob rule and regressive—the attempts to stamp out and demonize speech and views progressives disagree with (see the ongoing mob rule happening at universities, including the cancelling of distinguished speakers who don’t toe a progressive line) , the demonization of people who disagree about the size and scope of government, and the unkind generalizations made about white people and men especially (see many comment on this thread). I hear so often from progressives about kindness, but they seem to only extend that outreach to people who share their overall worldview.

    • CathyMA says...

      I’m trying to respond to Re and Nicole K, but it seems I must place the response here. Re, I agree with you. Nicole K, it straight out shocks me still (though I should be used to it by now since I hear it so often from the Left) how you can say Republicans are acting in ways that seem morally reprehensible. From MY view, not only from what I read (and I read BROADLY, thank you) but also from what I witness face to face, it is the Democrats who are reprehensible. Feinstein had knowledge of Ford for weeks and weeks and sat on it?! How did this show she cares ONE WHIT about Dr Ford? It doesn’t. And what about Trump? I have NEVER been a fan of his, but clearly he hasn’t done everything wrong! He has accomplished quite a bit already. Is he a perfect, polished politician? Absolutely not. Sometimes I’d like to wring his neck, but he is NOT the evil of all evils like the Left would like for me to believe.
      It is excruciating to constantly hear from the Left that not agreeing wholeheartedly with their point of view, means i believe in “alternative facts” or that the GOP is simply spewing opinion. That can be said of your sentence “If an investigation turns up enough evidence to stop Kavanaugh from being confirmed, his supporters will still believe it’s a Democratic plot.” You don’t speak for me.
      Some don’t stop there, they actually resort to name calling and bullying. But that’s OK, cause it’s from the Left, right? Stop it! Absolutely horrible and laughable at the same time.

    • JA says...

      “the unkind generalizations made about white people and men especially (see many comment on this thread). I hear so often from progressives about kindness, but they seem to only extend that outreach to people who share their overall worldview.

      Sorry, I’m never going to show kindness to those who aid in white supremacy and patriarchal systems of oppression. My worldview ain’t about that.

    • Nicole K says...

      @ Re and @Cathyma – Thank you for your replies. I meant it when I said I spoke in generalizations, so I hope you did not take personal offense to my comments. COJ is an interesting platform for this kind of debate because it reminds me that we’re all here for our shared interests (or we wouldn’t be reading this blog), so I especially appreciate hearing the differing viewpoints of people I likely would have at least a few things in common with.

      Re – I hear what you’re saying about demonization of people and absolutely agree it’s a problem, on both sides — and something I admit to being guilty of myself. With your example of cancelling distinguished speakers, I have a follow-up question because my understanding is that from a “progressive” point of view, the line is drawn between free speech and hate speech. Personally, I don’t mind anyone sharing their personal views, but if we veer into territory of, say, white supremacy, that’s when it becomes a problem for me. Not saying that was the case in all such examples, but curious for your thoughts about where it is appropriate to draw a line, if ever.

      Cathyma – I don’t know all the details of Feinstein sitting on Ford’s info, only that Ford had originally wanted her testimony to be private — will read a bit more about this to make sure I’m fully informed! If you have any specific articles to share, I would love to read them. It’s actually really helpful for me to hear from you (if I’m reading your comment correctly) as someone on “the right” who doesn’t agree with everything “the right” does. I think I am that kind of person on “the left.” My sentence that you quote is a big generalization, but you have to admit there ARE a lot of people out there for whom it holds true (just as there are a lot of people on the other side who will never, ever see anything Trump does as positive — I am trying hard not to be one of them!). This is the crux of what is making me feel helpless — I truly don’t know how to find common ground when both sides are so quick to demonize each other.

    • CathyMA says...

      Nicole K, thank you for your response. I think you and I would actually get along if we had the chance. One striking thing I do see we have in common, is the hope for making humanity better. Have a wonderful evening! :)

    • Rc says...

      Nicole K—per your question, there are many, many examples of speakers driven out of speaking engagements who are not white supremacists or anything remotely close. In fact I would say, everyone I can think of—Aayan Hirsi Ali (a POC who is a victim of forced female circumcision), Christina Sommers, Charles Murray (married to a POC), Arthur Brooks. The list is endless. The problem with hate speech is that phrase has been deployed (with violence) as a way to shut down ideas and debate on any number of ideas that have nothing to do with ideas that promote actual hate.

  3. I know I posted a comment but I want to be very frank. Kavanaugh’s questionable answer about boofing goes right along with, and coincides with his claiming he was a virgin. As a younger person, i’ve heard that if you don’t have traditional sex, it doesn’t count. Though i realize that this is a complete lie, and quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, it would coincide with Kavanaugh’s friends asking if he had boofed yet, meaning that at least, it was SOME type of sex, and moreso, that he was still technically a virgin. All of that aside, every time I read more about this whole situation, it just makes me more angry and more frustrated and more annoyed, because it’s quite possible that he will get away with this and be voted in, and it just enrages me because it just isn’t fair and a complete slap in the face to all women.

  4. Caroline says...

    I so love and value this site. Thank you for opening and holding this space for all of us.
    With love, Caroline

  5. Jamie says...

    I find my comment could probably run the length of a novela. Not the appropriate amount of space for a reply to your thoughtful article Joanna. Like you I was abused at a young age, as a teen came within inches of loosing my virginity by rape, as a young woman had sex when I didn’t want to in order to avoid being forced physically. The sad and crazy thing is the abuse began within my family by the people who are supposed to love and protect you on this earth.
    Here’s where I stand today. I believe her. I may not know where, I may not know the date, or year but I certainly know every face that was within inches of mine during these acts. To discredit her is a shame. Take the politics out of it. Our pain is consequential. Our consent or lack there of – no matter what the circumstances matters. I told someone recently that setting and re-setting boundaries with men is aging on the soul.

  6. CM says...

    I am so grateful for this. I have been distracted all week and trying to deny that stuff that happened so long ago didn’t matter and doesn’t effect my life now. But it does, and it will, and it is normal to feel this way. I just keep thinking as a mom, each of these men have been birthed onto this earth via a woman and these baby boys instinctually fall in love with their mothers and I know this bond is reciprocal and exists as such intense love, how does society have these horrific norms in place, it’s baffling, how do we get to this place.

  7. Glenda Bell says...

    This seem so trivial after all the serious issues being discussed in this blog today, however what pie is photographed in the opening? I’ve glance through the various topics and don’t seem to be able to find it>

  8. Jill says...

    I believe her AND I believe him. I do think he was heated but he has his life at stake. He would have been judged just as harshly if he had remained calm and collected. Dr. Ford is a brave person. She didn’t ask to be publicly outed and used as a political pawn. The whole situation is so very sad. No one wins.

    • Maggie says...

      Except his life isn’t at stake. Nor is his freedom. His lifetime to appointment to the DC Circuit Court isn’t even at stake.

    • Court says...

      I do believe his life is at stake. He is a husband and a father and this is ruining the members of his family’s lives. I think my reaction might be the same of anger if someone were accusing me of something that would potentially affect my children and their happiness.

    • Caroline Cooper says...

      Court– please. His concern for his future happiness was and remains situated within a white, straight male dominance. That narrative is now being questioned, not because everyone else is “out to get him” but because he has potentially participated in–if not led–a felony. To be clear, if someone accused me of something that I actually knew was true, I would hope I would have the ovaries to stand up and face that. For our Supreme Court, there can be nothing but the highest standard.

    • Jill: Anger is one thing, and yes, it is understandable, but his lying is not. He’s making implausible claims that jeopardize his credibility. He’s painting himself a choirboy when there is overwhelming evidence to show he was not a choirboy. Not being a choirboy in high school and college is one thing, but lying about it 35 years later indicates to me that he hasn’t grown up all that much. He’s acting like that 18-year-old who got caught and is trying to get out of trouble, not a SC Justice nominee.

      As far as Feinstein sitting on this – she respected the wishes of her constituent and did not reveal her identity. She did refer the information to the FBI. Dr. Ford outed herself with a Sunday editorial.

    • Jess says...

      Ford said she is “100 percent” certain that Kavanaugh is the one who assaulted her. He says he did not do it. If you believe his story, then you do not believe her.

  9. Shannon says...

    Many commenters have mentioned believing both of the testimonies, or otherwise finding them both credible, emotional and compelling. And me, too. After Kavanagh’s testimony, I was shaken and started doubting that it was him, and started thinking that maybe I was also in the camp that considers the possibility that Dr. Ford might have the wrong guy.

    And then I realized that I was falling into the EXACT SYSTEMIC SEXISM that allowed this entire drama to unfold. I was putting the doubt back onto the woman, thinking that yes, she was surely assaulted, but perhaps it wasn’t him. Why wasn’t my instinct to say: perhaps HE was either so “blackout drunk” or had otherwise compartmentalized this event into convincing himself that he had not done it? Or as many have opined, for him, this was not a significant event – surely not worthy of a mention in his convenient, so-called “calendars”. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone had psychologically re-written reality to the extent that they truly believe their own version to be the truth and nothing but.

    Because even as a woman who considers herself a feminist, I still live in this world where we have been so completely indoctrinated to place doubt, first, on the woman. The burden of proof: on the woman.

    “Emphatically, unequivocally” sad.

    • Rachel says...

      I believe everyone who reports sexual assault must be treated with utmost respect and care. But the facts must be pursued dispassionately and without bias, and the facts must prevail.
      There have been many, many historical injustices to women who are victims of sexual violence, but we correct injustice with justice. Justice is evidence and innocence until proven guilty.

  10. A says...

    Thanks for making space for this. I’ve been struggling especially hard with this particular iteration of the sexual assault news cycle (because that is what it feels like — a cycle of women speaking up about something real, and horrifying, and being dismissed. I know there is progress being made — that fact that these women even feel willing to come forward shows that — but right now it feels futile). The reason it’s been hitting me especially hard is because I was raped over the summer. I’m still processing what happened to me, and I don’t feel ready to tell anyone in my life yet. But that’s made the past few days quite difficult, since I can’t talk to anyone I would normally turn to.

    So I just want to say, thank you, Cup of Jo team, for making space on the internet for me to say something I haven’t been able to say in real life just yet.

    • Nigerian Girl says...

      I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope you find someone kind, understanding and trustworthy to talk to in real life. Sending you strength, love, light and healing.

    • E says...

      I can’t even imagine what you are going through and reading your comment my heart just opens to you. I hope you can find a kind, compassionate person in your life who can offer you support and love during this time. And if you can’t just yet I hope you keep coming back to this wonderful community here.

    • J says...

      hey, I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. i’m so sorry this happened to you. take good care of yourself. you’re not obligated to talk to anyone but this, but if you feel it might help you, you can also reach out to people like RAINN (sexual assault helpline). take your time. sending you love & support.

    • Geraldine Conway says...

      My stomach lurched when I read your comment. I’m so bloody sad that you went through that torture so recently. I hope that you can share your story with a therapist soon. Go gently xx

    • Juliette says...

      I’m so so sorry. I feel so much for you and my heart dropped when I read your message. It is such an impossible thing to endure. I was raped 14 years ago. I would never have imagined it then or in the years after, but I now speak openly about it with my loved ones. I’m sending lots of hope and love to you that you can get there eventually and use all the support that is on offer. Take so much care of yourself, and well done for beginning to talk. It’s the biggest act of self care I think you can do. Xx

    • A says...

      Though I don’t know you, my heart ached as I read these words and just wanted you to know that I’m praying for you this night. For the space and the courage to slowly walk forward as you face the pain and the trauma and for the day to come when another kindred soul or two can help carry the burden that I’m sure feels heaviest when carried alone. I’m just so sorry. So incredibly heartsick and sorry for the pain that you are having to hold. Sending so much love to you…

  11. Jody D says...

    I’ve been watching this quietly from Australia. The politics matter none to me or mine. I’ve watched both Testimonies and have been afraid to voice out loud what has swirled in my mind constantly since. I believe her. I believe him. I believe she was sexually assaulted. I believe it’s possible she has the wrong guy. I work in child protection and my job revolves around helping those affected by trauma. I’m also a survivor of child sexual abuse. The mind/brain moves in complex ways to deal with trauma. SOMETIMES not ALL you remember is in fact what took place. You will almost ALWAYS remember the assault accurately but OFTEN the details are confused. This can include, who, where and when. I believe she was sexually assaulted. I believe it was not him.

    • CK says...

      Brett Kavanaugh grew up in a culture that makes drunkenness acceptable and cool. Since he totally denies any culpability, I believe he also cast this event out of his mind right after it happened because he was drunk and it didn’t matter to him. This 15 year old girl wasn’t even a person. She simply didn’t matter. Maybe that is his truth.

    • C G says...

      Thank you so much sharing these thoughts. As a woman in these glorious United States, I feel that I am not allowed to say I believe him. But I do. I believe him, I believe her.

    • Brooklyn says...

      Hi Jody-
      I have been discussing this with my husband over the past week and he has the same thoughts about it as you do. He has been in federal law enforcement for over 20 years and one part of his job is to interview subjects and gain information not just from their words but from how they speak, their body language, etc. As we were discussing how they both seemed credible (to us), he mentioned the possibility of this having happened to her but that she may be confusing who the assaulter was. He said that he has seen wrong people identified numerous times over his career in lineups when the person was positive they could identify their attacker. It is terrible that this happened to her. And if he didn’t do it, I hope he is proven innocent because I can’t imagine being accused of a crime so heinous and having everyone believe you did it.

    • Courtney says...

      Jody-Thank you for wording this so beautifully. I believe him. I believe her. I don’t even know if she “confused” her attacker. I believe she was assaulted. I believe he doesn’t think he did it. Whether it’s because he doesn’t THINK it was assault (which I understand is a fundamental problem in itself) or if he actually didn’t do it-this is something we will never know. The sad thing is that there are families, daughters, wives, and husbands at the bottom of this that will never be the same. This will destroy families and it could destroy our country. And we will NEVER know what happened.

  12. Kumi says...

    It’s simple, I believe Christine Ford.

  13. Allison says...

    Thank you, Jo, for making space for the important conversations. Anything else seems irrelevant at the moment. I think it’s clear Dr Ford is telling the truth but I appreciate that this is a safe space where people can respectfully disagree and discuss why.

  14. Ellen says...

    thank you for opening this up, but I have to say, the call to vote just rings so hollow for me on this topic. Non-voting did not get us here. Patriarchy and sexism and the dismissive treatment of survivors is rampant in both parties as well as in activist circles that consider themselves “the resistance” or “radicals.” Centuries of history give us zero evidence that voting will stop the sexual assault and ignoring of victims. Our voting system is f*ed up and there are a million reasons, both systematic and personal, that people don’t vote. Shaming them for “causing” this or implying that voting will fix it is lazy at best and offensive at worst

    • emily says...

      It’s interesting – I am so angry at people who didn’t vote in our last election (or those prior to that), because the non-voters really did put our president in office, who is appointing kavanaugh. I used to think Trump was actually maybe doing some good for our country by sparking emotion (not apathy), but I am now on the other side of that thinking too. However, I live in NC, and our state has been ordered by a court (2 courts) to fix our gerrymandered map (and our state was found guilty of enacting racist voting “conditions” but nothing has changed), but it still hasn’t been redrawn and won’t be before midterms, that voting just feels like a fraud to me now too in a lot of ways.

  15. Nigerian Girl says...

    This Kavanaugh saga is exhausting and triggering. I tried to stay away from it and follow it marginally for my own good; but alas, here I am. I believe Dr. Ford. I stand with her. And I know all too well that she would have been viciously pilloried if she had conducted herself in the same boorish, cringeworthy manner as Kavanaugh during the hearings. There’s a double standard applied to women (especially women in positions of power and women seeking public office) when it comes to public conduct. Women are expected to be demure, warm and composed. Men, not so much.

    I’m reading through the comments and it’s funny – in a sad way – how often women worry about being regarded as man haters when men rarely worry or think about being regarded as woman haters. They say whatever they want to say about women without sparing women’s feelings. They treat women however they want because they know they can get away with it. On the other hand, women are taught to please men right from childhood and this dangerous social conditioning runs deep. I see it in my country where some women push back against feminism “because they like men and they aren’t man haters.” Such wilful ignorance in the 21st century. What a shame. If men cared about women as much as women care about men and pander to men, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

  16. Rebecca says...

    Hi,
    I’ve read your blog since I was 18, I’m 28 now. I’ve never commented before, but I’ve always appreciated your warm writing and the friendly environment you’ve created here. I was sexually assaulted in college and didn’t report it. I try not to think about it, but it does creep in.
    I hate having to share it or the way these stories affect me based on my past. I hate carrying this around with me, and as much as I love hearing other brave women come forward, I selfishly hate what it stirs up inside me. It takes me to a dark place, where I’m 19 and ashamed again.
    It honestly feels overwhelming to hear all of these stories, but I know it’s necessary. We have to report and come forward in order for all of this to stop. But the backlash and response from the country and lawmakers makes me feel powerless and embarrassed. I hope things improve soon.
    Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your bravery.

    • N. says...

      I am having very similar feelings, I know it is so important to talk about these issues, to confront our attackers, but at the same time it is bringing back so many awful memories from being a child and touched inappropriately by a teenage cousin, memories I don’t want to keep reliving. Even typing this now I’m pretty sure I’m going to delete it before sending, and I can’t even be explicit with what happened, just say that it was ‘inappropriate touching’, though it was much worse than that. Having a daughter I’m very aware of how this has affected my life and how I talk to her about her body and how vigilant I am with who she is alone with, so I know it has never left me. Yet, I feel torn, guilty to not be able to speak up against him, when I see him at every Christmas dinner, guilty because as a woman I should speak out, but so scared of making it real, and having to relive it again, and the fear of tearing my family apart and actually having to say it outloud….and most of all the fear of finding out if it happened to my younger sister as well. I’ve never shared this with anyone before, not even my husband ….

    • Holly says...

      I am so sorry about what happened to you, Rebecca. Even more sorry that you felt voiceless and ashamed. I hear you–we hear you–and it is a brave thing to speak about your trauma no matter how you do it. We carry your burden with you in spirit. Much love to you.

  17. after 506 comments, I am not even sure if mine will even be read. anyway…
    Yesterday during the frustrating hearing I was inspired to hear a speaker at our Womens Legacy luncheon. The speaker was Ted Bunch, from NY, who spoke on A Call To Men. He was brilliant and I think every man woman and child would benefit from his words. Take a peek and read what he is all about
    http://www.acalltomen.org

    • I read it! Thank you for sharing the link. ❤

    • Nancey says...

      I read it too, thank you I will check out this link, much love <3

  18. Jen says...

    Someone posted something about becoming men haters. I want to address this kind of attitude. I am not a man hater. In fact, I like most men. I am surrounded by ordinary, everyday men. My family members are all nice guys. Republican and Democrat. My neighbors, even the guy who worked on my garage door today, nice guy. But if you want me to support a man who yelled and shouted beer a dozen times, well I wouldn’t want to sit next to him at the bar, much less make him a Supreme Court justice.

  19. Alexandra says...

    I have been feeling so, so sad, angry, overwhelmed, and tired. I keep reliving my own trauma again and again. Thank you for asking and checking in.

    • B says...

      So very sorry. This has been a really tough week. You are not alone. Take good care of yourself.

  20. Bondy says...

    The problem with #believeAllWomen is that it’s too absolute. Sadly, it sounds like something a child would say: “If I’m bad at basketball, then I’m bad at everything!” People will quickly bring up cases of false rape (eg, Brian Banks), no matter if there are only a few.

    The pushback against #believeAllWomen is saddening, but I can see why people are against it. What if a woman accused you of sexual assault, and you didn’t do it. But you’re a supporter of #believeAllWomen. Do you have to support her false claim?

    I know where you’re coming from, and I know this all so intense. But, I think there would be much less pushback from the right (or whoever pushes back) if it was #believeWomenWithEvidence, or something of that nature. I think they would be less driven by the fear of us, and much more likely to support the cause.

    Love to all.

    • edie says...

      YES.
      feels like #metoo has been high-jacked.

    • Beth says...

      I think this notion is well-intentioned, but is missing a few key nuances:

      1) This view doesn’t take unconscious bias and systemic society views into consideration. The reality is that we have all been conditioned to subconsciously default to disbelieving women and view them – as you say – in need of evidence in order to begin being seen as credible. Men are not held to the same standard in society. In order to make any progress towards leveling the playing field, we need to challenge ourselves to begin “over-believing” women, if you will, in order to even begin overcoming this bias.

      2) Testimony is evidence.

    • Alexia says...

      I also think there’s a very legitimate point being made about #believeallwomen having racial issues… historically (and currently) white women have used claims of sexual assault against black men as a way to further uplift the system of white supremacy. I definitely side with this idea of believing most women/women with evidence though.

    • Kiana says...

      Hi bondy,
      “Believe all women” is just a slogan such as “black lives matter”. It’s not literal. It means believe and listen to women because historically people haven’t. Black lives matter, not because white lives don’t matter, but because historically their lives are treated as inferior. I hope this clarification helps you. No one is saying that just because a woman points a finger at a man in accusation everyone should believe her over him. That is why, in this case, Dr. Ford and the other accusers have been asking for an FBI investigation to gather evidence.

    • Kathleen says...

      I agree that “believe all (insert any gender, ethnicity, religious denomination, etc)” is a dangerous road to go down. It also discourages critical thinking and analyzing issues fairly on a case by case basis, which I think is really the endstate we strive for. #believeallwomen is a catchy hastag, but words are powerful things, and should be used accordingly. As an attorney with investigation and prosecution experience, I can tell you no single gender is always right or always, and to assert otherwise is a disservice, and, arguably, even sexist.

  21. Patricia says...

    I’m really sad. I’m sadder now than I have been in the last two years. I’m sad that I have to raise a son, and a daughter in a country that may treat them differently based on their genitals. I’m sad that I had to disclose a sexual assault that happened to me 17-years ago, when I was asked why I cared so much about Dr. Ford’s testimony. I’m sad that there are fellow American’s out there who just don’t want to believe her, based on who they support politically. I’m sad, I’m exhausted, and I’m overwhelmed.

  22. Di says...

    This week, yesterday especially, has been brutal. Thank you for being here, and for asking.

    I know reflecting on governance wasn’t why you started this blog, but it has meant a lot to me that in the midst of the niceness you direct us towards, you’re also aware of grime of this era. Thank you.

  23. Dawn says...

    If there was ever a time when we needed to bear witness, it is now.

  24. Catherine says...

    Isn’t it possible to believe two things at once? To believe that both testimonies were both convincing and moving? I don’t know Dr. Ford or Judge Kavanaugh. I wasn’t even alive in 1982. We will never know for sure what really happened even if there was an FBI investigation. That is what makes sexual assault allegations so difficult. I believe they are both good people caught in the middle of something very very sad. I am tired of everyone treating this issue like it is as simple as being for or against women. The world is a complicated place.

    • jet says...

      Did you watch Brett K’s testimony? Cant believe you did. He screamed, shouted and cried like a drunk.

    • Megan says...

      Thank for saying what I have been to afraid to say. After reading a lot of the comments on here I was afraid to say anything for fear of immediate backlash.

    • Robyn says...

      It’s not possible that they’re both telling the truth, although one can feel empathy for both sides and try to avoid jumping to conclusions. But the larger issue is why the committee won’t permit an FBI investigation, because there are multiple other accusations and corroborations out there which call Kavanaugh’s credibility into question enough that this deserves more scrutiny and consideration. Maybe the FBI would never determine what’s true, but why not try? There are a lot of people willing to talk. The way the judiciary committee is trying to brush these accusations aside and flatly refuse any further investigation before awarding this man a lifetime appointment in such a powerful and influential post is what is most demoralizing and infuriating. It’s not about being for or against women; it’s about a willingness (or lack thereof) to use the information and resources readily available to try to determine whether Kavanaugh is a liar and sexual predator. Their refusal to dig deeper indicates that they simply don’t care enough to entertain that possibility. That is very disturbing.

    • Nina says...

      Its not about good or bad. The bigger issue is that society makes exceptions for white men to make mistakes and makes it everyone else’s responsibility to carry the pain and consequences. I have no doubt that Kavanaugh is suffering right now- but our government is going to overlook Ford’s suffering in order to alleviate his. And so many people are comfortable with it.

    • Rachel says...

      I would not describe Kavanaugh’s testimony as moving. It was too unhinged and bizarre. As a judge – and potentially a LIFETIME appointee to the highest court in the country – I would expect him to value decorum a little more and not evade questions or belittle senators who disagree with him. I thought Dr. Ford was quite poised and handled herself with grace – and Kavanaugh came in guns blazing and disrespected the whole process. Regardless of whether someone believes her, his behavior was shocking for a judge and (to me) completely unacceptable for someone who is supposed to be an unbiased and rational judgment figure.

    • Kate says...

      How did you feel about his conduct during his testimony? To me, even after putting aside the “he said-she said” of this particular sexual assault allegation, his behavior was very alarming. The angry and entitled tone, multiple lies under oath about small things that are easy to prove, inability to take any responsibility for ever making a bad decision, and obvious deep partisanship (Dr. Ford is really part of a Clinton revenge plot!?) is all just as troubling as the multiple sexual assault allegations against him. While I am pretty sure I would not be politically aligned with any nominee the Republicans put forward, I used to think of all Supreme Court Justices as honorable, decent and measured people who really worked to be impartial and thoughtful. It is really hard to imagine Kavanaugh as that kind of Justice.

    • Catherine says...

      Megan, I think a lot of people feel like we do but its easier to stay quiet and listen because it seems like there is only one acceptable answer. Jet, I did watch Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony and politely disagree.

    • Carrie says...

      I really appreciate you speaking up and saying this. I feel the same, I am torn also. I am NOT saying I believe one over the other. I don’t know what to believe, but I do believe (because it’s a fact.) that there are some women who will lie. I feel that when a person’s life is at stake, something more concrete is needed. While it may be for the good, there is a mob mentality happening, and many are willing to cast aside due process and evidence for feelings. We’re going from fighting for equality to a generation of straight up men-haters.

    • Laura says...

      Thank you for writing this, Catherine. I dislike very much the chorus of voices chanting “but he yelled!”, as if that were a legitimate indicator of whether someone is telling the truth or not, or whether someone is of a stable judicial mind.

      I have personally experienced that exact same situation where you are speaking extremely passionately about something (like your innocence being called into question on a national stage) but also about to cry, and it comes out as yelling because you’re so intent on what you’re saying and you can’t quite control your vocal chords…

      You can believe them both. I believe them both.

    • B says...

      There are obvious differences between my story and Dr. Ford’s, but I still think it is relevant.
      In college I drunkenly brought a (also drunk) friend home. We were making out lying down and both into it, until I wasn’t. He didn’t catch onto my subtle cues and I eventually had to knee him in the groin, shove him and scream for him to get off of me. He pulled away shocked and ended up apologizing profusely (and brought it up, still horrified that anyone would ever think of him as I obviously had in that moment, multiple times over the years apologizing sincerely each time). He was drunk, I was drunk and in the moment neither of us were paying much attention to the other.
      I’ve been thinking of this night over and over this week wondering, what could have happened altering either or both of our futures and where blame for a shitty situations lie.
      I feel bad posting since I can’t articulate a “point” as I would like to. Just that there are some aspects of parenting my kiddos that I’m really dreading.

    • CathyMA says...

      I agree with you Catherine. There simply is not enough evidence to 100% believe Dr Ford. I also absolutely REJECT the notion that Judge Kavanaugh is unbelievable because his statement was so passionate. Crying and screaming? Yes, and yes. Seven years ago I was falsely accused of a heinous crime. You better believe I went absolutely BALLISTIC. In fact, I probably made Judge Kavanaugh look like a sleeping kitten. It was only after my accuser began harassing others and landed herself in a mental hospital did most people realize she was lying and I was not. For the record, both my accuser and I are white women. Which one would most of the women on this thread or others like it would they have believed? It gives me chills to think of it.

    • Kiana says...

      Carrie, this is not a disregard for due process because this is not a criminal trial. You are right that there is no evidence and that is why Dr. Ford and the other accusers have repeatedly called for an FBI investigation. Judge kavanaugh has not joined these calls. Why not? He was asked point blank why not by Sen. Harris and Sen. Durbin and evaded. If I were innocent, I would demand an investigation as well.
      Catherine,
      When I watched judge kavanaugh’s opening statement, I felt bad for him. He seemed genuinely upset and crushed and angry as anyone would be if charged with a crime they didn’t do. I feel terrible for his wife and young daughters. But then I watched the way he lied or didn’t answer questions. He lied about provable things like what booing us, or a devils triangle, or the renate alumni. He wouldn’t answer how many beers are too many. He hesitated when asked if he ever blacked out. Then he claimed he had never been to any gathering where mark Judge and pj were and it’s actually written on his calendar!
      He is trying to downplay his party boy past and why? Nobody would find drinking, drug use or risky sexual acts disqualifying. But they need to know the answers to those questions because they possibly led to a violent crime. And he lied about those things.

    • Meredith says...

      I appreciate your perspective, Catherine, and that you posted it here. It’s helpful to me (as someone who was absolutely appalled by how this has all gone down, and who found Kavanaugh’s testimony really disturbing) to hear this kind of perspective. Thank you for posting it.
      I did want to just say in response to Laura, not that I don’t think you make a valid point, but that, for me at least, it’s not as simple as ‘he yelled!’ (I think Nina is saying something like this, too). The New Yorker article Joanna included in the Friday links captured this, and might be worth reading if you have time. To me, the yelling seemed like an expression of indignation that anyone might question him, and it’s resonant with other examples of men who have had privilege and opportunities their entire lives simply not being able to comprehend that their behavior is under scrutiny. So, I appreciate your interpretation and connection to your life–but did just want to say, for me, it’s not just that he yelled. It’s part of a pattern. And it was deeply disturbing.
      Again thanks for sharing your perspective; it’s truly very helpful, and I appreciate it.

    • jet says...

      Well, now the FBI will investigate and we’ll know for sure. And, please, dont say because you werent born yet, you cant figure anything out. I used to have students who talked like that, like history began with them. Please, use your brain. And if you didnt recognize a mean, nasty abuser in those hearings, I envy you.

    • Catherine says...

      Jet, I feel as though you are intentionally belittling and oversimplifying my point. It doesn’t make me naive (or as you say like a student in your class) to try to understand and have empathy for both sides. In fact, I think it takes strength and dispassion and ideological maturity. The principle that many people on this thread are upset about-that women have historically not been heard- is upsetting and valid. It’s also upsetting and valid that many people are wrongfully accused and had their lives destroyed in the court of public opinion.

  25. Christina L Conaway says...

    I have been heartbroken. What as a country are we saying if there is no investigation, it appears that may happen thank goodness. What is killing me is that they have tried to vilify Dr Ford. To see Kavanaugh have a melt down to questioning shows he does not have the appropriate temperament to serve on the Supreme Court, aside from all the other stories that need to be looked in to. I have been involved in different threads where other WOMEN are stating that no one would wait and why can’t she remember every detail because they would. My heart cries. I was sexually assaulted multiple times in my life, many times by a family member and i remember the fear and the terror. I remember believing him when he said that I would get in trouble, that no one would believe me. I kept my mouth shut, my only way with dealing with it was making sure I was never alone with him. I still have not told anyone in my family b/c he is now dead and I can’t even begin to deal with how it would affect everyone and how it would tear my mother’s heart apart. I was then abused by another family member and to this day, I scream inside, the anger. But again, I think what would it do to say something, it would destroy my family, how can I do this? So I keep it inside and most days, I can box it away and not think about it, but on days like today it become roaring back and I feel like I’m dying inside. This is one of the reasons why women don’t come forward because it’s not simple, it’s complex, there are so many emotions, so many people affected. So I rage inside, I look to my support system, and I hope that someday women won’t feel like they have to hide. I send my love and respect to Dr Ford, what many of the non believers don’t realize is that it takes amazing courage to re-live these experiences on your own, but in front of a national audience, that’s just mind blowing. My heart goes out to all victims. What day at a time, you are loved, it was never your fault.

    • cnm says...

      The Democratic senators behaved horribly. How can you excuse them? The Judge was defending his family, reputation and he was NOT over the top. You are blinded by Prejudicial Bias!

    • Sarah says...

      Sending warmth and love to you for all you went through and still go through, silently. I hear you and I believe you.

    • CD says...

      I feel your pain and was in the same situation. Yesterday at work I went in to the bathroom and cried. Wish I could give you a big hug.

  26. Bondy says...

    We used to say #believeInScience when discussing climate change. Why do we then ignore the scientific method (ie, gather and analyze evidence) when a woman accuses a man? …Bear with me…

    I think there is this feeling that we, women, will only be equal if we push the status (or treatment or privilege or opportunity or happiness or whatever) of women above men. We all know, men held the upper hand for a very long time (and it may still exists it some ways).

    We want equality, right? But how do we do this? Imagine for a second…

    We are in a boat, and it’s leaning hard to one side. What do you do? You quickly move to the other other side, to balance it out. …But that’s not how you balance things out. That’s overcorrecting. That’s how you end up where you used to be, just on the opposite side of the boat.

    We want equality. But we are going about it the wrong way. Equality means just as many #believeMen tags as there are #believeWomen tags. I know, you might be thinking, “Well they don’t need it, their lives are so easy and privileged already.” That may be true, but this is about equality. Don’t overcorrect. Don’t put “men above women” OR “women above men”. Instead, move to the center. That’s how you keep moving forward.

    • Laura says...

      Your comment is respectful and well-intentioned, but this is akin to saying that equality means as many #WhiteLivesMatter tags as #BlackLivesMatter tags, and that is not equality at all. The point is that everyone already believes men, in the same way that white people are already not under threat of police violence. I encourage you to go read comment sections on any articles talking about Dr. Ford’s testimony and see all the people coming out of the woodwork saying it’s so obvious she’s lying because anyone would report something like this, etc., when very easy-to-find statistics about frequency of reporting say otherwise. The vast majority of the country is in one side of the boat, and the smaller group of us running all the way to the other side still won’t balance the boat out.

    • Laura says...

      This argument feels like the equivalent of the #alllivesmatter argument to me. It’s a terrible truth that all lives don’t matter in this country. They simply don’t, which is why #blacklivesmatter is so important. It’s forcing people to face the fact that there is a devastating inequality that is alive and well in this country. In a similar way, we don’t believe women when they report sexual assault, thus #believewomen. Until women are believed and their claims taken seriously–until we don’t need #believewomen because there are no longer millions of sexual assaults–there is no equality. We don’t need #believemen because men already are believed, don’t you see?

    • Rachel says...

      When the Black Lives Matter campaign was gaining traction, I saw a lot of ALL Lives Matter retort. And I agree, all lives DO matter. But people who say black lives matter are NOT saying all lives don’t matter – they’re just emphasizing the value of black lives, which are often valued less than they should be. The Me Too movement (to me) wasn’t discrediting the life experience of men, it was giving women validation that this is a part of our culture that needs to be examined and changed. What I do agree with is that our extreme partisan stance on these types of things (like everything else) is counterproductive and unhelpful. I am not against Kavanaugh because he’s conservative. I’m against him because he was indignant and disrespected senators who disagreed with him. He was condescending and lost his temper repeatedly. Even if Dr. Ford is lying, his decorum was appalling for a judge – and his inability to control his anger and handle himself professionally is reason enough for me to question his appointment. There are plenty of other conservatives who handle themselves professionally (recently appointed Gorsuch, for one). Do I agree with him politically? Not at all. But I respect his ability to handle conflict like an adult.

    • J says...

      Bondy, I love what you say about “over-correcting,” I think about this all the time. It’s so tempting to think in black/white (men/women, them/us) terms, but the sense of certainty that accompanies such thinking comes at a cost. If we care about justice we have to care about finding the truth (whatever the truth is), not by balancing the system by equal-but-opposite injustices. The latter isn’t justice–it’s revenge.

      BUT WAIT THAT’S NOT ALL!

      I’m not saying this because I don’t believe Dr. Ford–I do. But I’m disturbed by the “believe-her-simply-because-she’s-a-woman” attitude that is on display. I believe her–but not because she’s a woman. I believe her because she told people about the experience long ago, and her experience squares with what we know about abuse victims and trauma. I believe her because she has nothing to gain for testifying. I believe her because her voice cracked as she spoke. This might not be enough for a judge (or the senate), but as an individual who has no actual impact on this process–it’s enough for me.

      Also, to Laura who commented on Bondy’s thoughts, you encourage people to scroll through comment sections that accuse Dr. Ford of lying. But scroll through this thread–it’s proof that you’re statement “everyone already believes men” is incorrect. Not everyone believes men. Not everyone believes women. That’s not the point. We shouldn’t be choosing which sex to side with in 100% of cases–instead we should focus on gathering evidence so that this doesn’t have to be a he said/she said conversation. This article from the Atlantic illustrates what Bondy is saying about the scientific method of evidence-gathering, It’s titled “Don’t Pretend the Kavanaugh Facts are Unknowable:”
      https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2018/09/did-ford-tell-truth-committee-can-find-out/571603/

    • Dianne says...

      I understand your analogy but feel we need to focus far less on equality and much more on equity. Not all people have the same needs. Giving all people the exact same thing is not going to achieve equity – it may be equality, but it does not achieve a more fair system. This image really summarize what I mean. By striving for equity – giving people what they need when they need it and recognizing that some people need different things – will go much further to achieving more balance and fairness. With all these kinds of difficult conversations, if we ignore the past, we get sucked in to all the ways the past has failed us in equality. When we let that into the conversation, we can more quickly get to a fair place. Equity. Check out this image to try to see what I mean https://www.storypick.com/equality-equity-teacher-band-aids/

  27. Mel says...

    Too raw to say more, so in short: Thank you for this post, Cup of Jo team. And for all of the comments, CoJ community.

  28. Amy says...

    The hearing was tough to watch. The whole situation is infuriating. Rather than stewing in my fury, a bunch of my friends and I are throwing a voter registration drive!!! Let’s turn this (completely justified) anger OUTWARD into action! Thanks for being a rallying point and validating our feelings! You’re great!!!

    • Amy, this was much needed. I shake my head and think “what can I do?” and action in voting is where it’s at!

  29. Sahar says...

    I would really appreciate any advise on how to talk to my partner about this. He texted me this morning that he watched the news with his mother and grandmother and they both think Ford was put up to it by the Dems and is a liar.. he proceeded to go on and say he does not have an opinion on the matter. I pressed him further and he said it is sad.. either way whether she is lying or it really happened. To be clear, I stand with Ford 100% and believe her as all victims deserve to be believed and heard (if they so choose to come forward in any capacity). Then we started debating the ins and outs of sexual violence against womxn and he just doesn’t GET IT. I got really upset and angry as I tend to do when it comes to these topics and we just stopped talking about it and haven’t spoken since. These types of discussions make me feel like I shouldn’t be with him, but tbh when I have pressed any of my ex-partners on female issues they always come up short and have highly disappointing views. Does anyone else struggle with this?

    • Ciel says...

      Sahar I wish I had the answers. I’d welcome them as well. My spouse is not a US citizen so he is very disconnected from these issues. But I am a sexual assault survivor and would like to help him understand better what it is like for women.

    • Oh my gosh yes! Even with the “good guys”! It is all brand new to them or they think we’re being overly dramatic and then they get defensive. “I didn’t do it” I hear over and over.

      Yes, Joanna and team. How do we get the “good guys” to listen and believe us and not get defensive?

    • Cali says...

      Omg yes. I don’t have much advice but I can tell you I feel this too. My boyfriend says he doesn’t have an opinion on who is right or wrong. And if I try to explain why that makes me feel hurt and angry, he gets defensive and it becomes a big argument. We have had so many debates like this recently over women’s rights issues. It makes me wonder what will happen if we have a daughter? A son? What will he teach them? It makes me doubt our relationship. I would love to hear how other women speak about these issues with the men in their lives. Is anyone out there with men who actually get it? Has anyone worked through these issues to a happy resolution with their partner?

    • Georgia says...

      I’m sorry if this is too blunt, but I think it’s simple: you deserve better than this. If you find yourself having to excuse or educate your partner about something so fundamental, you are not in a partnership. There are better men out there. Set yourself free.

    • Leah says...

      My husband used to be sort of…”lackluster” about those sorts of issues. I educated him about how he is indeed a feminist (because he thinks women should have equal rights) and he was surprised to learn what feminist actually meant, and he agreed with me.

      He was never into politics, but during the 2016 election, he saw how much Trump could destroy American and started educating himself. He doesn’t always feel qualified to talk to his Trump-supporting friends, but he tries his best. I’m very proud of him.

      Starting the conversation is EVERYTHING. Talking about your friends and family who are survivors, and telling him he KNOWS people who have been assaulted might help him see the larger picture.

      Sending you love xo

    • Laura says...

      I have been feeling this too. These are complex issues, and as women we are accustomed to discussing them (and, well, living with them, unfortunately). We’ve been together 8 years, he’s treated me with sincere respect the whole time, I value him immensely. We get along so well. I’ve also been in a very bad relationship which makes me really appreciate how good this one is. So. He’s a Good one. However he said something along the lines of “I don’t understand why she didn’t post about it on twitter when all the other big profile people were being called out during Metoo”
      Which totally caught me off guard but it seems so ridiculous. What, so there was only a small window in time that people can post their Metoo moments and after that window is over everyone who missed it missed their chance? And this was before he was nominated for Supreme Court so he wasn’t even that high profile yet. So many holes in that statement that infuriate. But, I move on. Try to educate a little at a time. My life as a whole is not consumed by politics and generally our life together is wonderful.

    • Nigerian Girl says...

      @Sahara, It seems to me that your partner deliberately doesn’t want to “get it” because getting it would force him to confront his unpleasant behaviour towards women and requestion his ideas about masculinity, which I suspect are flawed. Honestly, I don’t think you and anyone else in this situation deserves a “partner” like this. There are men out there who “get it.”

    • Kelsey says...

      Ever considered dating women?

    • Jess says...

      Sahar I’ve also struggled talking to my husband about this. He seems to be starting to understand though, and the things that have helped (I think have been) to:
      – make it personal so that he understands better. For example, he didn’t understand why I think it’s rape if a guy asks a girl to have sex a ten times and she says no nine times, and then just eventually gives in because she feels uncomfortable and that feels like the only way to get out of the situation. Technically she didn’t say ‘no’ the last time, right? But as soon as I asked him to picture himself as the guy in that situation, he was SHOCKED because he would never, ever behave that way. So he knows inherently that it’s wrong, but struggles to apply that knowledge and empathy when it’s more abstract. We’ve had similar conversations about a lot of feminist issues, and he usually seems to understand at the end (and gets very angry that other men think it’s OK to behave that way!).
      – I also tell him about it every single time a guy behaves inappropriately towards me, if it’s a cat-call or some guy squeezing my bum on the train. He gets upset about it every time, but was completely oblivious to it before, since these things never happen when he’s with me. It’s very different for him to hear ‘a random guy asked me for a blow-job today’ instead of ‘catcalling is a problem for women’. I feel like it makes it a little bit his burden too, and maybe he’ll be more aware and intervene if some other woman gets treated like that near him in the future.
      – secondly, it helps to give him time. We will often talk about issues and he doesn’t agree with me during the conversation, but I always try to make sure he understands my perspective (and I try to understand his), and I often notice that he will quietly have thought about it, done some of his own research, and changed his mind a few weeks later.

      This is, of course, coming from talking to a man who is incredibly kind, intelligent, and respectful. I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea how to deal with someone who actually behaves terribly towards women himself. But maybe getting more of the good guys to be angry, with us, is a good start?

  30. Christine Hart says...

    I haven’t fell this badly since Election Night 2016…and I’m Canadian.

    • Lois says...

      Same!

  31. shade says...

    How do we make sure we don’t raise our boys like this? How do we teach our young sons to respect women and to not go along with their friends who are engaging in this type of behavior? How do we teach them to be good decent human beings? Beyond just being the best parent possible – what are the conversations we have with our sons? When do we start talking to them about it? A post and conversation on this would be amazing!

    • Whitney says...

      AMEN.

    • Christine Schwalm Design says...

      There’s a good post on here about teaching young children consent; “you’re the boss of your body”. So starting at an early age by not forcing kids to hug and kiss people they don’t want to. Being respectful, but learning from an early age that it’s okay to say no and that other people are also allowed to say no.
      Found the link!
      https://cupofjo.com/2017/04/how-to-teach-kids-consent/

  32. Theresa says...

    I have felt quite down about all of this…supporting friends who have been assaulted and praying for better days. I look at my young daughter and vow to fight, resist and persist for her future!

  33. Laura says...

    Even though it was so long ago, his actions have shaped who he is. He has never taken responsibility, made amends, or even showed remorse. He has gotten away with it, and who knows what else. This type of person is very dangerous and frankly it scares me that this behavior is condoned and by by anyone, but especially people in power.

  34. SallyK says...

    I will be 70 on my next birthday. My father owned a printing and office supply business. From the time I was old enough to cross the street by myself, I did deliveries for the business. When I was in my early teens I took a delivery to a man whose office was in the same building as my dad’s business. I remember he asked me to sit down and have a little rest, so I did. Then he asked me totally inappropriate questions and eventually asked me to sit on his lap. I didn’t — somehow I managed to leave without him touching me. Until #metoo, I never told anyone about this.

  35. Megan Lec says...

    I’m going to continue working through these comments, they are providing a needed light. Yesterday reading through Dr. Ford’s transcript was harrowing and left me anxious and afraid. Today those fears were confirmed. A previous posters comment is too true, women’s stories and pain continue to be pushed to the side. I am deeply worried for our country and the power these men carry to alter the course of history. With a shivering voice, I’m not going to keep silent. I will vote. I will teach my son how to deeply respect women. I will use my voice to address sexism and racism and hate. I will cry for myself, for Dr. Ford, for all women who have been victimized. Then I will fight.

    • Fiona says...

      Thank you. I needed to read this today. Bless you and your little boy.

    • Ciel says...

      “I will cry for myself, for Dr. Ford, for all women who have been victimized. Then I will fight.” Yes!

  36. Sheridan says...

    As a young woman I appreciate that you always confront the tough moments in life. Thank you for always sharing your wisdom and courage.