Relationship Question: Are You Similar or Opposites?

My husband and I are completely opposite. He is outgoing and gregarious. I love the quiet. He watches tons of sports, I read a lot. He wears loads of bright colors. I wear loads of neutrals. He sleeps heavily, i’m a light sleeper. He loves big birthdays. I only want cake with one person. He wades deep into the ocean. I hang back at the sure. He loves lots of noise. I love deep silence.

MBTI notwithstanding, a lot of respondents seem to say they are very different from their significant other. I wonder how much of that is just the nuanced understanding that accompanies intimacy. There was a time I would have said my significant other and I were extremely similar (we are the same type), but the more we discover each other, the more different we seem. This is a broad and incomplete generalization, but when you’re in a relationship, you’re looking to know and understand and get down to the core of the other person. So I wonder if when you really see what makes them tick–all of their idiosyncrasies–the thought that anyone else is like them, including yourself, feels absurd.

This is a tough one! I think we are both similar and opposite in different ways. We both love music, food, and travel and would be just as happy camping for a weekend as we would staying in and watching movies. We both feel very deeply and are hard-headed af. We enjoy time with friends and making people laugh. We are opposite in that he is more introverted, I am more extroverted. He remembers verbatim quotes from movies he’s seen once (and can do the voices) while I confidently stumble through lyrics I’ve known for years. He plans meticulously from the birds eye view; I’m better at going with the flow and thinking on the fly. At the end of the day, we can almost read each others’ minds so idk if it’s the alikenesses or differences, but it works.

My husband and I are complete opposites in EVERY kind of way. He’s decisive and motivated. I’m analytical and passive. He’s big picture. I’m detail oriented. He’s incredibly messy. I’m tidy. When we are each on our ‘A’ games, our differences are the perfect balance. When one (or both!) of us is “off” in some way, we may initially butt heads a little . . . but then the other person is able to swoop in and help provide the perspective or guidance needed. And, where it counts, we are on the same page: we are passionate about the lives we want to build now that we have a baby boy and aim to model kindness and good-heartedness in what we do.

My partner and I, married 3 years, are similar. He’s an ISTJ, I’m an INFJ. It’s made for a harmonious relationship. Both of us are structure-loving introverts. I’m fairly analytical for a feeler and he’s pretty in-tune emotionally for a thinker. The area we don’t have in common is that I’m all about ideas and possibilities and he’s very practical and grounded in the present. We balance each other out nicely in this area, although it stressed him out in the beginning :).
I used to worry that we didn’t have enough balance otherwise, since we tend to feed off each other in terms of staying in and doing routine stuff. We decided recently that we would get out a few days a week and do things we’ve never done before. While not the natural tendency for either of us, it’s been so fun and good for our relationship.
My parents are complete opposites. While they have had to work hard to see eye-to-eye over the years, they really balance each other out and were a fantastic team as parents. I think there are benefits and downsides to both.

We are opposites, and it works so well with parenting! There have been times in our relationship where I’ve wished my husband was more like me or that I was more like him (he’s a complete extrovert and I’m an INFJ, which is sometimes described as the most introverted of the introverts), but now that we have a very energetic, extroverted 3 year old I am so thankful for the differences in our personalities. My husband will take our son out on lots of adventures and is great at introducing him to new social situations without approaching it with hesitation or anxiety like I would, but he’s not so interested in just sitting down and playing or doing an activity or craft, which is what I like to do. So we kind of cover all bases and can expose our kid to different ways of engaging with the world, and we both get to avoid doing things that we really don’t like, at least some of the time. I don’t think I would survive parenthood if I were married to another introvert, especially with a super active, outgoing child. Some friends of mine are both introverts with an extroverted five year old and they decided to only have one kid because they’re both just too exhausted by the whole thing.

We are complete opposites! Sometimes I wonder how two people with so many differences can survive in a relationship, but it just works. He is everything I’m not and everything I need.

Complete opposites, even in Myers-Briggs-personalities. He’s a ESTP, I’m an INFJ but it works pretty well, we’ve been together for 8 years now. He pulls me out of my comfort zone, we do adventurous things that I alone would be too hesitant to do and he can comfort me when I’m anxious or emotional. I am the responsible one and remind him that he can be a little too direct or insensitive at times. I think the key is to have similar hobbies if your personality traits are different. I mean, sure, he’d rather go whitewater kayaking (forever into extreme sports) and I like endurance running (anything that is meditative) but we both like to be in nature, go camping or go hiking. And we respect each other’s traits and don’t see it as flaws (99% of the time ?)

We’re opposites. I’m the outgoing friend-maker, get worked up over everything, ask you a million questions when you walk in the door, and always need a project. He’s much quieter, very even keeled, and is great a stepping back to look at the big picture instead of getting bogged down by details. When we first started dating I was like “Why doesn’t he ever ask me how my day was?” but when we talked about it he said “If you have something to tell me you can just do it!” Even though our personalities are so different we have similar interests (reading, travelling, eating), and I have come to love (and need) our differences.

This is such a nice post! I’ve loved reading the comments!

When we first started dating my partner and I thought we might be the same person. We had similar upbringings, liked doing all the same things and had a weird tendency to be thinking the same thoughts. As we’ve grown in our relationship I’ve realised how different we are! He’s always so steady and grounds me and I bring the emotions (both good and bad)! I love to plan and he would rather see what happens. He reminds me finances are a thing, and I remind him to have more fun! Although I’m happy we both want to go skiing/climbing/biking on the weekend, I love that he sometimes has this totally different take on the world from me! It’s what makes our relationship so special :)

I have a personal theory that yin&yin works and yin&yang works but yang&yang is a recipe for disaster (maybe very passionate but ultimately unsustainable).

I’ve been with my opposite for 12 years (plus 4 months and 3 days if my partner was asked). He is quiet and kind hearted while I’m not afraid to speak my mind. He thinks everyone is nice…and I’m suspect. He likes the golf channel while I’ll be surfing the net just fuming over some misdeed or catching up with reality tv. Over the years our differences have been a learning tool to broaden each other. He triumphantly walked in the front door a few years back with a neighbor’s front yard sign that had annoyed me…while I have been kinder with my words to phone solicitors…well I do try now. Though I may have turned him into a sign thief…he did let me steal his heart. The irony of it all….we met on match.com 12 year ago….and 4 months and 3 days and 16 hours.

My husband and I are so similar – this might be TMI, but the other night we were gettin’ down to business and decided to pull out this “sexy” deck of cards we received once. They say things like “lick chocolate sauce off my body” – I won’t go too much into detail. We each went through our halves of the deck and finally picked out a card to show the other. The killer? Both of our cards said “blindfold me.” Just about died picturing us trying to have sex while both blindfolded! (And in the end, we took turns).

Sweet to hear about the ways couples match up! Dated a Yang but he wasn’t my yang.

Also, a book recommendation for you & Alex – The Ghost Keeper by Natalie Morrill – won best new fiction from Harper Collin. Just finished it this morning (4 days of can’t-put-this-down reading) I am not a fan of WWII books because the darkness seems too much – but the author walks the reader through the horrors with such tenderness. Emotional deep dive for sure. Holding back tears on transit moving ?

I am surprised I haven’t noticed any comments about a shared passion! My husband swears that is the key. For us it is playing outside, namely mountain biking. Which of course is no bueno for the years when the kiddos are young… but sure enough they’re riding with us now and it is super fun to have this family activity that totally shapes how we live. And cheers to the yin n yang, I would have never believed even a time travel version of myself… but sure enough our oppositeness is our magic ??‍♀️❤️

I honestly can’t decided if my partner and I are opposites or the same. On one hand, we both love staying at home, watching funny TV shows + superhero movies, and eating food together. On the other, we’re also very opposite.

For example, he likes savoury foods whereas I have a huge sweet tooth, he’s a math whiz and I prefer to write my numbers as words because I despise math as much as I love words (which is a lot), and I am a collector of collections, where he is content with only the necessities, IF that.

Whatever we are, we have an amazing relationship and both genuinely love spending every moment that we can together, so I don’t mind either way. I’ve certainly never had a relationship or a friendship that I have loved as much as this one, and we’re still going strong five years later!

My husband and are similar as far as being introverts who also need time with friends (as a stay at home mom, a girl’s night out or food adventure with a friend can be great, but playdates and park time can still wipe me out emotionally for the day). I’m moody and struggle a lot emotionally/mentally sometimes, and my husband is the most laid back person I know – I’ve never seen him angry. It’s interesting to see which of our kids takes after each of us, because our first two especially are very distinct!
I’m a Gretchen Rubin fan, and her book, The Four Tendencies, is really interesting for relationships. I first thought, ‘wow, a Questioner is probably the hardest for me to get along with.’ And then I realized….my husband is totally a Questioner!! It only comes out in certain situations, and we talk about it, so it works ;)
This topic makes me think of a memorable sermon on marriage we heard early on….how God gives us a partner who will be weak in the places you most want/need them to be strong. Not that you don’t see and admire the strengths too, but there are often recurring issues that feel so important but are just how we are, and it’s there to make us better people. My faith says that marriage is not about compatibility and happiness, it’s a calling and something that can be beautiful but will always take work. No one person (nor yourself) is ever going to be satisfying in a relationship, and that makes us look to Christ even more.

My husband and I are complete opposites. I’ve been obsessing over finding out that I am an INTJ personality type – http://www.16personalities.com is just insane in describing who you are as a person! Last night I was reading the relationship section and it says that though Intuitive (N) types are uncommon it is essential for my personality type with one or two balancing traits of either Extraversion (E), Feeling (F), or Prospecting (P). My husband is a Campaigner – EFNP – I couldn’t have a more perfect match!

For books, I have a great recommendation! Seeing his comment about WWII books and your love for emotional deep dives made me think of the book I’m reading now! Beneath the Scarlet Sky, it’s a true story about an eighteen year-old Italian who helped smuggle Jews over the alps into Switzerland and eventually enlisted as a Nazi and became the driver for Hitler’s left hand! The story is amazing and fascinating I can’t seem to put it down!

I support Alex’s need for alone time! Haha, I too am an introvert and I love my people, but sometimes I need my quiet space; but I love my fiance and the wonderful handsome social butterfly he is <3

for us, my husband is the gas pedal and i’m the brake. he’ll have an idea and want to pursue it in the next 15 seconds. i’m the one that says, whoa, wait, what about this? what about that? what happens if? then, 15 months later we do his idea. oddly, it works.

My ex-boyfriend, who I’ve been friends with for longer than we ever dated, once said, “The reason we couldn’t be in a relationship is that a couple needs a sane person and a crazy person. We’re both the crazy person. Your husband is a sane person.”

My relationship is a little non-traditional. I actually started dating my current partner when we were young teenagers, and we’re 28 now – without a single break! While we’ve both changed a ton since we were young, we’ve been lucky in that we’ve evolved and grown together over the years, and he really feels like another half of me at this point (despite that, no plans for marriage, ha!). We’re extremely similar in most ways – a little bit contemptuous, a constant need for humor, and a desire for equal parts relaxation and socialization during our free time. I actually can’t imagine not being in a relationship where I can look at my partner and know what he’s thinking and feeling because I’m probably thinking and feeling the same.

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years, since college. We knew from the beginning how opposite our personalities are (he is charming, high-energy and extroverted, and I am calm, measured and introverted). A couple of years after we met, we took a compatibility test for my sociology class and while waiting for the results we joked that we were going to “fail” it. The results were interesting…confirming yes, that we were different in many ways, BUT — we *wanted* and *valued” the same things. Fast-forward to 13 years of marriage and two kids, this common vision is what gets us through. We might go about it different ways but ultimately, we are moving in the same direction. The biggest plus is that we have very similar parenting styles. Sometimes I find him maddening and wish he were calmer — but at the same time, that would not be good for me. Daresay, I might find it boring? He has helped me come out of my shell over the years and look at life in a more positive and humorous way. Conversely, he would agree that I have helped him see the world from a more compassionate and informed viewpoint. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but when I look around there is absolutely no one else I’d rather be with. We grew up together and I love him, end of story.

Complete opposites. I inhabit the emotional realm. I cannot fix anything and I will never have any keen sense of spatial relations. My husband is the type of person who will take apart our dryer because he wants to understand precisely how it works. His world is black and white and I inhabit the grey area. I believe in many ways that opposites attract for a reason and after being married for 14 years, have come to realize that we often choose our partners because we are trying to heal something within ourselves or we are aiming to grow. If I had chosen someone just like me, I wouldn’t necessarily experience growth and vice versa. Sure, it makes the times when are having difficulty a bit tougher (sometimes I wonder if we are living on different planets), but in our differences we nudge one another toward our truer selves.

My husband and I are opposites. I’m outgoing and crave people-time. When I’m alone for more than a few hours, I get lonely and find myself wandering out of the house.

But – in nearly 12 years of marriage, we’re starting to share weird habits. If you would have told me as a younger woman that at age 35 I’d be able to tell you the difference between Star Trek, Stargate and Star Wars — and LIKE all of them — I would have laughed! Look at me now, all nerdy!