best dating advice

best dating advice

Dating can be exhilarating, exhausting, everything in between — and something we’ve all got a lot to say about. Whenever we post a story about the single life, without fail the comment section offers smart takes on the ups and downs of putting yourself out there, falling in love and breaking up. Here are some of our favorites…

On unexpected questions:

“I was recently on a first date with a guy who asked, ‘What’s one personality trait you hope other people pick up on about you?’ It caught me off-guard, but it led to my taking a moment to think about what I like about myself. I told him I wanted other people to see me as someone who is present and lives in the moment. He then asked if I was living in the moment right then with him. It was a kind of sexy, intimate exchange.” — Susie

On fun activities:

“My best first date began with a trip to the movies. I’m awkward when I first meet people, so this was perfect. We didn’t have to talk too much at the beginning; we could just spend time in each other’s company. Afterward, at dinner, there was plenty to talk about.” — Emily

On being upfront:

“I have always believed in being just as upfront, direct and ambitious about my personal goals as I am about my career goals. I think too often we think that being ‘feminist’ translates into being relaxed about marriage and kid timelines, ‘seeing where things go,’ and not having high expectations of the people we’re with.” — Bea

On date prep:

“My friend and I had this ritual of singing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ to each other over the phone before a first date to help calm each other’s nerves.” — Jenny

On being yourself:

“On my first date with my fiancé, I brought up this old (slightly embarrassing) video game about dogs that I played as a child and said that I wanted to track it down. After blurting that out, I immediately regretted it. Had I exposed too much ‘weird’? But then he told me that he had bought that same game on a whim just two months earlier. On our second date (the very next day), we played it together on his front porch.” — Sasha

“When I was starting to date after my divorce, I felt this horrible need to apologize for the ‘complications’ of my life. But then I thought: ‘Wait. If I’m hiding who I am from the person I want to love me, who are they really loving, anyway?’ (I’m 38 years old, by the way; the learning never stops. Also, three cheers for good therapists.) The relationship I’m in now is so different: I feel loved for who I am, all of me, even the difficult parts. Asking for what we need and believing that we deserve is EVERYTHING.” — Molly

On feeling confused:

“I read a great quote once that summed up dating for me: ‘If he or she likes you, you will know. If he or she doesn’t, you will be ‘confused’.’ I wish I had read this when I went through a long period of confusion! I’m now in a relationship with a long-time friend who I’m not embarrassed around and isn’t embarrassed by me, even when I car dance to Copacabana on the radio.” — Emmy

On breakup advice:

“The best breakup advice I ever had was from an old boss who told me to do something for myself. In a relationship, you often consider someone else and never just focus on YOU. I took up running and that was (and still is) my head space time. It has helped my self-esteem – whenever I was worried about something relating to my ex, I’d either have resolved it by the end of the run or be too exhausted to care!” — Loveyesok

On romantic walks:

“When my partner and I were still dating, we used to walk from one of our apartments to the other, across San Francisco. We didn’t check cell phones or anything, just walked and talked. It was the best way to get to know one another.” — Lily

“A long time ago, I read a study that men are often more comfortable talking side by side and women are more comfortable talking face to face. (Next time you’re at a party, you’ll see this behavior happening!) I’m always afraid of running out of conversation, so my trick is to schedule a first date activity – a walk through a park, sitting at the bar – whatever allows us to walk side by side. I don’t know if it always makes a difference, but it makes me feel more comfortable!” — Kimberley

“I ALWAYS wear flats. That way, if we take a walk after dinner or stand up at the bar, I won’t be wobbling around or getting blisters.” — Natalie

On knowing when someone is the one:

“For me, this ‘lightbulb feeling’ everyone talks about just comes and goes. Some days, I feel that my boyfriend is the absolute one and I cannot possibly live without him. And other times, I’m just not sure. I feel there’s unnecessary pressure on couples to feel/find/determine this one moment of certainty that will define their relationship forever. That’s unrealistic. People are so much deeper than that.” — Amy

On loving yourself:

“I met someone new and started training for a marathon in the same week. Training has made me feel super connected to my body in a new way and has helped with the confidence of getting to ‘be seen’ by someone new. He commented one day that my legs feel ‘so solid’ — not big or muscular or strong — and I loved it. Solid they are: these legs that can handle 26.2 miles are the same two legs that wrap around him at night to feel safe and secure. Cheers to solid women who are loved by solid men.” — Allison

On going for nice:

“My grandfather recently passed away at the age of 94. He and my grandmother were married for nearly 74 years. I spent time with her on the day of the funeral, just holding her hand and listening to what she had to say. At one point, she turned to me, looked me in eye, and said, ‘He was never mean.’ A fine legacy for a wonderful man.” — Tricia

Thoughts? Do you have any dating advice?

P.S. 12 genius reader comments on career, and the best comments of all time.