Design

Have a Great Weekend.

Have a Great Weekend.

What are you up to this weekend? Tonight, we’re having pizza at the park, and tomorrow the boys and I are going to visit our long-lost friends, who moved to Connecticut (sob). It’s so hard when friends move away! Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Questions people ask me about dying.”

The most showstopping way to eat tomatoes this summer.

Really into these bags.

Pick-up lines that would actually work on me. “Hi, I’m Jim. I bet you’ve had a really interesting eyebrow journey, and if you’ll let me buy you a drink, I’d love to hear all about it.”

What it’s like to be white.

This house tour made me laugh so much.

Our favorite NYC restaurant is coming out with a cookbook!

A funny video about a married couple trying something new. (NSFW).

Roxane Gay’s celebrity crush, and why everyone can have one. Worth reading.

Wouldn’t this shirt be pretty for work?

Plus, two great reader comments:

Says Heidi on going for a 1970’s summer: “I have been doing to ‘Summer Of Yes’ with my little girl. I work, so we have to have a semblance of routine, but in the summer, I try to say yes more. Yes, we can go get snow cones or frozen yogurt! Yes, let’s try the new library location! Yes, you can have chocolate milk this time instead of regular! Yes, you can pick some fun junky stuff from the Dollar Store! I don’t know how, but it helps me to be intentional and whimsical at the same time.”

Says Kat on Jenny Gordy’s week of outfits: “Once, while getting ready, I walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and still had the heat glove on that I use with my hair wand. My husband looked and me and said, ‘Oh… you’re wearing… a glove…’ clearly trying to process and make sense of it. I’m really not an adventurous dresser so it was so hilarious and sweet to me that he was ready to get on board with a single black glove as my date night best!”

(Photo by These Matters. Dying post via Jocelyn Glei.)

  1. I love the daughter’s commentary in the house tour!! Too funny!

  2. marie b says...

    (Sorry for my English)

    Last Friday I was speaking with a friend about keeping morning routine short (make up, choosing outfit, etc. is such a waste of time). So I was very thrilled to read ZS point of view. Yesterday, I refered to this article with her and found out you took it off of the list. Why? I understand the criticism about ZS being binary. However, it is true that, we, women, have a responsibility in our acceptance of the pressure imposed on ourselves (and women and mothers have played a role in the transmission of patriarchie). Who is taking advantage of the contouring business? Is this needed to be self-confident? I agree we make-up for different reasons. As long as this time (and money) is spend with intention, I don’t see the problem. But is this silly, as a mother, to contain it in 15’?? I do make up (I have very fair eye lashes and like to stress my eyes with khol, I put foundation and contour lightly with sun powder – I takes 5 to 7’) but I don’t dedicate more time than my partner in morning routine ! I don’t feel less feminine. What’s feminity anyway???? And I don’t think my 6 years old girl should even think about it! I see ZS point of view as ENFORCING women to say no (or at least be intentional). And it is true that this should be extended to other areas (i.e. mental load ), and in general to every consumerist behavior (for male and female).

    Ps. : I loved the article you shared about “speaking to little girls”. I refer to it many many times.

  3. Trishita says...

    Such a heartwarming piece on dying by Cory Taylor. I cannot appreciate you enough for posting about it!

    The Being White piece was simply marvelous. Makes you think of all the privileges that you are bestowed with.

  4. Cassie says...

    The excerpt about being white was so jaw-dropping. Absolutely love the succinct, spot-on analogy and I want to send it to every fellow white person I know. Thanks for sharing that!

  5. Caitlyn says...

    Woah. The what it’s like to be white link just blew my f-ing mind. What an apt metaphor. Thank you for always sharing the best links.

  6. brianna says...

    If Jo and Co only posted happy, safe links, they wouldn’t spark discussion or interest or the sharing of other interesting links. The links make you think and get outside your comfort zone and I think we could all use a little of that these days.

  7. The tomato tart is calling my name!! Tonight for dinner I’m roasting a bunch of fresh tomatoes with some S&P and my good olive olive :) Adding those to a bit of spaghetti with light parm and the overflow from my summer basil! YUMMMMY!

  8. Lauren E. says...

    I am cracking up at the comment about the glove. One time I bought a foundation that was WAY too dark for me and my husband said, “Are you um… are you doing something different with your makeup?” Bless his heart.

  9. Linda says...

    In response the the race article, I am Caucasian and my husband is of Asian descent. We’ve been together for several decades and have only ever seen our “colors” as something beautiful about one another. His parents rejected me, while my parents welcomed and accepted him. I did not experience “white privilege” in his family… I was emotionally messed with and disowned. We need to start admitting that racism is active among all races. We need to start seeing one another as all being a part of the human race. Love is powerful enough to break the boundaries.

  10. Katrin Lambrette says...

    Thanks for linking to kottke.org! I hope this will get Jason the recognition (and maybe support) he deserves!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i love his site so much! we link to him almost every weekend, stella makes fun of me because we always have to pare down the kottke links :)

  11. Kiley says...

    Those pickup lines are hysterical! One used on me last week that made me laugh: “Hi, you look like a girl that’s read all the Harry Potter books!” :D

    • JB says...

      That’s the best line!

  12. Katie says...

    WOW! wow wow wow….That article on what it’s like to be White really hit me. The whole children of celebrity thing was so perfect it kind of left me stunned. It was so right. It’s an equal race once you get to the starting line, but getting to the starting line and being born there are totally different. I think every white person has to have a little eye opening breakthrough to grasp what our situation is and the issues with race going on right now. For each person it’s different. I think I finally had mine.

  13. Lucy says...

    I love so much how this blog, and particularly the Friday afternoon posts, contain both fun, lighthearted content AND really thought-provoking, serious pieces. It’s so nice to have a painfully beautiful article about dying and a link to a cute shirt all in one place– makes me feel like my brain isn’t all that abnormal for being hungry for both of these kinds of things. Thank you!

  14. Beatrice says...

    Anyone else not find the “Funny Video About a Married Couple” not funny at all? It made me feel sad, grossed out, and uncomfortable…. When I clicked to watch it I didn’t realize I’d be seeing porn.

    • It’s clearly labeled NSFW? Also the title is suggestive? Perhaps a closer read before clicking would prevent the discomfort?

    • Kel says...

      I agree, Beatrice. I usually really enjoy the Friday links, but several were more sexually explicit than the links suggested, which for me is a throw-off and not an uplift. Most of the content on Cup of Jo is so lovely, and I enjoy the positive community Joanna has guided here. If diversity is important, I’m a reader who feels that sexuality does involve self-control and boundaries, and likes to know before diving in to an article or video clip that it will mostly be about lust so I can avoid it. Just not something I like to spend time online with.

    • CB says...

      I agree. I love the diverse content posted on this blog, but I was not expecting to watch porn when I clicked on that link and would have appreciated a heads-up to make a decision to avoid watching it or not. It’s a very ethically charged matter so I think sensitivity to that would be good.

    • Amy P says...

      I agree – I didn’t find it funny (although I do sometimes find videos like that funny), and I was also surprised when I clicked through that CoJ had featured it. Not wrong; the blog can move in whichever direction Jo & team like, just surprising based on previous content.

    • CR says...

      hahaha, I agree. While watching the video I kept waiting on the punch line to come and I just felt a bit disappointed that it never came. The video wasn’t necessarily funny but in some ways it was thought provoking.

      The video sparked a conversation with my husband about how important it is to keep ourselves and our relationship engaging so that we don’t feel bored and do things that as a couple don’t feel comfortable, or are not interested, in doing and that we might regret later.

      I do agree that a warning might be helpful though. I always read coj at work. Luckily I was busy on Friday and watched it at home but I did open up the article about orgasms at work and I kind of freaked out for a second. Luckily, no one was around my desk but….

      Thanks Joanna and team for posting about such topics. I don’t have many girlfriends so it is really nice to be able to have girl talk even if its virtual.

  15. Arlen says...

    Thank you for posting the article about questions on dying. I’m a pediatrician, so the life and death theme isn’t unfamiliar to me, but these last couple of weeks I’ve been stumbling upon podcasts, articles and books on the subject and it’s really gotten me thinking about how we adress this difficult subject. One of the books I’ve read is “When breath becomes air”, it was so beautiful, touching and inspiring that I just wanted to mention it to you so that maybe you could tell your sister that her husband is making a difference, that a young pediatrician in a small town in Denmark is becoming a better doctor, and maybe even a better person, for having read his words. It’s so important that we talk about these big tabu issues that we’re all going to experience at one point or another, so thank you for giving it space on your blog.

  16. Erin says...

    NOT into that Zadie Smith bit, and I generally really like what she has to say. Yet another thing to shame girls for. Put it on the list right after vocal fry. I will be over here with my damn vocal fry and cute ass made-up self, and tell my daughter that she can do whatever she wants while also teaching her about intersectional feminism. Yay makeup. Yay loving women.

  17. Lauren says...

    I have loved Zadie Smith’s work for a long time, but I can’t lie that her comment about minimizing time putting on makeup felt really narrow-sighted and judgmental…I feel that makeup is something that I use as an expression of my femininity and pride in myself, and is also a form of enjoyment. This statement could be applied towards any superfluous time-waster (blogs, YouTube, social media, etc.) and is tremendously subjective. I understand she wants to address issues with self-consciousness and vanity she maybe sees in her daughter, but is limiting her time getting ready really the way, as opposed to adopting a more holistic way to work with her on the issue? Looking at deeper causes of insecurity and vanity? For many of us, this practice isn’t an expression of insecurity or vanity, so why shame us by contextualizing as so??

    Also, please feel free to reach out to me if you decide this is too negative to post.

    • Allison says...

      I see your point but makeup is way more a feminist issue because men generally have no pressure or sense of obligation around it and so get the associated time and money without having to give up anything. Blog reading or social media use are not so gender specific. While I couldn’t read anything beyond the synopsis and I certainly wouldn’t want someone to feel shamed for enjoying makeup as a fun activity, I think it is problematic when women are expected to wear it and I would personally be uncomfortable with my 7 year old wearing makeup.

    • t says...

      Lauren I totally agree with you.

      Allison, the funny thing is when I was in high school I would always say how bad I felt for guys because it wasn’t socially acceptable for them to wear makeup. What if they want to as a way of expression or to highlight their eyelashes or cover a blemish or contour! I still know some men who get shit for spending too much time getting ready. We need to allow people to value themselves and look/dress however they wish.

    • T, I was just thinking about this today and was coming back to say the same thing! I know my husband wants to make sure he looks good at work and makes sure he takes care of his skin, and while it’s not makeup per se, he has his own routine of creams and things that he feels works for him, and I guarantee he takes as long working it out as I do with my makeup. Also, what about men who have beards and the trend to use beard oil and wax and those fancy combs? Men are not exempt from the trends.

  18. Sarah says...

    Kat’s glove comment cracked me up!

    • Kel says...

      I so lol’d that too!

  19. Lauren taylor says...

    That work shirt reminds me of the pirate blouse from Seinfeld 😉

    • Aida says...

      Was just coming to post the same thing!

  20. Cynthia Miller says...

    right on, Zadie Smith! I tell my daughter that makeup is an invention of the patriarchy to keep women down- but I also give her the freedom to experiment with it and play around. She gets that agency. I love that by not wearing makeup I’ve freed up my mornings- and my brain from worrying about touchups and meltings throughout the day.
    I do need to get more things done with all my free time, though!

    • Allison says...

      Not just the time but the amount of MONEY that is spent on cosmetics is incredible to me (I view make-up as special occasion only largely because my mom rarely wore any). I think it’s important to a custom people to what we look like without makeup and have that become just as ok as wearing it (because I’m all for the choice). Given compound interest though, I think anyone with a serious makeup habit or hobby should check what they’d have in the bank after a few years if they skipped the makeup. At least make it intentional.

    • Luna GC says...

      Agree, time & money! I don’t wear it everyday & at most I use it for blemishes during my ‘monthly’. The only other time is a special occasion, our Wedding day this past June. My very wise Mother said that in our Culture, make-up is used only when entertaining. Also, it feels heavy on the skin & you’re weighing your skin down, therefore it sags & wrinkles earlier than it should. Both her younger sisters look older than my Mother & I remember they had two dressers each laden with make-up! One Aunt had permanent badly damaged skin from 80’s products. Thankfully for her advice, I can get away with being younger.

      The link has been removed from the main article. Ridiculous.

  21. Emily says...

    To be honest I was a little creeped out by the post on celebrity crushes by Roxane Gay. I have a hard time with how we as a society objectify men and women, reducing them to mere objects for our viewing & fantasizing pleasure. We literally are only seeing a person for their physical traits and how it can bring pleasure to us, which is the furthest thing from healthy intimacy.
    I know some people may say it’s empowering but just think if a man wrote that article. We all would be grossed out and have many names for him. For me it isn’t ok for anyone, man or woman, to objectify a person to the image of fantasies. So to write an article about it is just creepy.

    • Sarah says...

      I’m with you on this. Objectification is never, never okay.

    • Laura says...

      she references magic mike – and wasn’t that a big intent with magic mike? i’m not a movie critic, but i took it as a way for women to approach movies in the way many men have in the past. in terms of a man writing an article it’s different because of historical context and because women are more supposed to be more “coy” about what they want.
      idk, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with a celeb crush. i mean, you never truly *know* these celebs, only their characters and personas they put out in the media, but i bet it’d be difficult to find anyone who’s never had a celeb crush.

  22. Sarah says...

    My husband’s pick up line to me (in a salsa club in NYC): “may I cut in?” Yes, you may!

    • I love that! So romantic.

  23. Irene says...

    My mom always spends an hour getting ready and as a form of rebellion I can not spend more than 15 minutes on myself. I agree with the over all idea Zadie Smith brings up. I think a long routine can be prohibitive. If I tell my mom about a last minute plan she won’t join in because she’s not ready! However, I do feel this sentiment is contrary to many of your beauty posts where the woman rely on endless morning and night products!

  24. Claire says...

    The best pickup line I ever got was “I just got a Kindle. Do you have any book recommendations?” Reader, I married him.

    • Sara says...

      Claire, This is 100% adorable.

    • Jo says...

      This is so perfect. Smiling hard over here.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      so, so cute!

  25. Sarah Jensen says...

    It’s interesting that many of those pickup lines start with a phrase that downplays the man’s credibility, such as “This is going to sound completely nuts, but I’m sick of everything I normally eat for lunch so I’m crowdsourcing suggestions. Got any?”

    It caught my attention because of CoJ reader Katie’s recent comment on A Week of Outfits: Jenny Gordy: “I feel like recently on another one of these someone else started a sentence with “it sounds crazy, but…” and I had the same reaction. Are we (women) just conditioned to downplay good ideas and call ourselves crazy?”

    Do women see it as a weakness when women do this, but as endearing or approachable when men do it?

    • What an interesting observation, Sarah! I hadn’t noticed that before.

      I think part of it is, in the pick-up lines, men seem to be soliciting your opinion. In the example from the outfits post, a woman is typically saying it before sharing her own idea. So, I’d find someone valuing what I have to say attractive versus someone devaluing what they themselves have to say.

  26. Jennifer Manzano says...

    In college, I spent several days trading glances with a graduate student in the cafe where we both studied almost daily. We’d clearly been looking at each other & smiling. He watched me go outside for a cigarette (yes, I quit a very long time ago), and I watched him. When he finally made his way over to talk to me, he said “I don’t know if you smoke, but I’m going outside, and I’d love it if you’d join me.” Obviously, he knew I smoked. I found it very charming somehow. We dated for just 6 months, but split very amicably while he went away for research over the summer, and we continued to hang out regularly for the rest of college. It was 15 years ago, but I still remember that line.

  27. maggie says...

    Kat’s comment made me smile…you’ve found yourself a good guy!!!

  28. Kathryn says...

    The link you posted about racism is one of the most succinct and elegant descriptions of white privilege I’ve ever read. Lately, a lot of my white girlfriends have been asking me about whiteness and why they should “feel guilty” for being white. This is the perfect way to summarize—it’s not about feeling guilty, it’s about understanding your own privilege and how it tints your entire worldview. Thank you for sharing that link and for continually trying to talk about these hard things.

    • Katie says...

      Agreed! I just left a comment on this same article and was reading readers comments to see if anyone else loved it like I did. I’ve struggled too, like your friends, with thinking I should feel guilty for being white. Why should I be guilty, I didn’t do anything wrong, I was born white. I won’t deny or promote the unfairness of race but I didn’t quite see my place in it all. The article didn’t even go there. For me it was just about helping us realize the situation we’re in to begin with. It was wonderfully eye opening. I get it now. It just clicked and I finally get it! I felt no anger or hostility or shame through the article about either side. Which was amazing! How to fix it is another problem, but if we can really realize what we’re dealing with, that’s a healthy place to start.

  29. Angela says...

    I’m not sure I really appreciate the view of the Zadie Smith article. (Full disclosure: I read what was available without signing up, so perhaps she redeems herself later on).
    The article starts off with “young girls were fools for wasting time when boys were quickly ‘out the door’ to achieve things”. This seems like it’s making a leap – just because someone gets dressed quickly doesn’t mean they’re actually going out into the world and accomplishing anything.
    Additionally, girls and women have a hard enough time being bombarded with images, movies, books, companies etc that all tell them what it “really” means to be feminine. Calling girls “fools” because they take time to feel good about how they look is a terrible way to add on to that.
    Also, Zadie Smith seems to have great skin and generally pleasant features, so her opinion that women and girls shouldn’t take the time to get ready in a way that makes them feel good seems really privileged.

    • I was thinking the same thing regarding the last part of your comment. She is absolutely gorgeous with beautiful features so she could easily skip a whole makeup routine and still look fabulous.

    • Erin says...

      YES! Also, why the dang binary? Enlightened women can wear makeup while crushing the patriarchy. And good points about Smith having the kind of cheekbones that don’t need makeup.

    • Elizabeth says...

      Glad I’m not the only one who was disappointed by the Zadie Smith (whom I love!) article. And agree about it not being binary! Makeup can be a form of self-expression in the same way fashion is to some. If it’s your choice, it’s fine!

    • Cat says...

      Exactly! Women are smart. Many of us recognize that we get treated better in the world when we look “conventionally attractive”. Lucky for her that she does not need makeup to achieve that, but many of us do. Additionally, I am sure each of us has some routine or hobby that others would consider an absurd waste of time.

    • Amy says...

      I liked the link. I felt a little defensive upon reading it, thinking of studies like this: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2011/10/13/fashion/makeup-makes-women-appear-more-competent-study.html
      But I think ZS makes a good point. Comparing to other hobbies ignores that only women are expected to spend such time and money on primping. And it does stink to not feel like you can leave the house quickly if you want to be spontaneous. I appreciate the perspective, even if I ultimately don’t agree 100% and, more importantly, I hope you (Joanna) don’t start taking down links that spark disagreement! (For some reason I feel certain you never would have done so with the link on being white, which was much more substantive and provocative, but it threw me that you did for this article!)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh we would never take down links just because they spark disagreement — i actually changed my mind about zadie’s point once i was reading comments and that’s why we took it down. we kept up the threesome video and the link on being white and we post about many things that spark controversy all the time — we definitely welcome respectful and smart debate and discourse!

    • Cat says...

      I agree with Amy to keep the link. If keeping the link feels like an endorsement that you don’t want to make, maybe add a note that CoJ doesn’t necessarily agree but to see the comments for a lively conversation around the article. It’s definitely an interesting topic to talk about.

    • Amy says...

      Thank you for clarifying, Joanna! I was just bummed bc I was looking forward to a debate on that topic; I am so ambivalent about makeup. Oh well! Thanks for your response.

  30. Nora B says...

    Ohhhhhhkay, this prob sounds super creepy….but… in case you’re visiting Sharon and fam, she is SO rad. (I’ve seen her photo pop up on here occasionally so thats where i figured you knew eachother.)
    I dated her cousin for a while so we’re fb friends and I’m so inspired by her journey/honesty/genuineness.

    Stalkerish behavior aside, this is one of my favorite places on the internet, thanks for your intelligent, fun, and meaningful work.

  31. LeighTX says...

    I’m in Houston, so my weekend will be spent waiting for Harvey and obsessively watching weather reports. I’ve brought in the patio furniture, stocked up on water and beer, and charged all the portable chargers; now the only thing left to do is think of new ways to answer my mom when she suggests we evacuate. :\

  32. Carol F. says...

    I am laughing so hard about Kat’s comment about her husband and the glove. “Oh…you’re wearing…a glove…” So funny. Thanks for the refreshing blog. I really enjoy it.

    • rachael says...

      Me too. Cracked up at Kat’s comment. Very sweet, too.

    • B says...

      Oh man, me too! I was feeding my baby late at night, trying to be super quiet – then I literally burst out laughing! Haha I couldn’t help it! Too good 😂

  33. Beth says...

    Haha – the pickup lines that would work on me…My now-husband sauntered over to me and said “So, I hear you’re a lady of the sea” (I’m a marine biologist). I laughed – and it worked!

    have a great weekend (my favorite part of Friday afternoon is your blog post)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      haha that is so cute!

  34. Sarah says...

    i am LOL-ing at the cute comment by Kat. One time I was waering a shirt inside out by accident and i guess my boyfriend assumed it was the style. He was totally down with it! It shows how wacky our guys must think some of the OTHER fashion trends are (cold shoulder shirts, for ex) for them to think that really anything goes at this point.

  35. Lily says...

    I look forward to these post every single week too!

  36. Kate says...

    I may have been refreshing the front page waiting for my “have a great weekend” post from you, Joanna :D I’m out of work to do but I’m still here for another hour so thank you for keeping me entertained (and at least looking engaged at my computer!)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      awww haha you’re so sweet!