Have a Great Weekend.

Thank you for posting the article about questions on dying. I’m a pediatrician, so the life and death theme isn’t unfamiliar to me, but these last couple of weeks I’ve been stumbling upon podcasts, articles and books on the subject and it’s really gotten me thinking about how we adress this difficult subject. One of the books I’ve read is “When breath becomes air”, it was so beautiful, touching and inspiring that I just wanted to mention it to you so that maybe you could tell your sister that her husband is making a difference, that a young pediatrician in a small town in Denmark is becoming a better doctor, and maybe even a better person, for having read his words. It’s so important that we talk about these big tabu issues that we’re all going to experience at one point or another, so thank you for giving it space on your blog.

I have loved Zadie Smith’s work for a long time, but I can’t lie that her comment about minimizing time putting on makeup felt really narrow-sighted and judgmental…I feel that makeup is something that I use as an expression of my femininity and pride in myself, and is also a form of enjoyment. This statement could be applied towards any superfluous time-waster (blogs, YouTube, social media, etc.) and is tremendously subjective. I understand she wants to address issues with self-consciousness and vanity she maybe sees in her daughter, but is limiting her time getting ready really the way, as opposed to adopting a more holistic way to work with her on the issue? Looking at deeper causes of insecurity and vanity? For many of us, this practice isn’t an expression of insecurity or vanity, so why shame us by contextualizing as so??

Also, please feel free to reach out to me if you decide this is too negative to post.

To be honest I was a little creeped out by the post on celebrity crushes by Roxane Gay. I have a hard time with how we as a society objectify men and women, reducing them to mere objects for our viewing & fantasizing pleasure. We literally are only seeing a person for their physical traits and how it can bring pleasure to us, which is the furthest thing from healthy intimacy.
I know some people may say it’s empowering but just think if a man wrote that article. We all would be grossed out and have many names for him. For me it isn’t ok for anyone, man or woman, to objectify a person to the image of fantasies. So to write an article about it is just creepy.

It’s interesting that many of those pickup lines start with a phrase that downplays the man’s credibility, such as “This is going to sound completely nuts, but I’m sick of everything I normally eat for lunch so I’m crowdsourcing suggestions. Got any?”

It caught my attention because of CoJ reader Katie’s recent comment on A Week of Outfits: Jenny Gordy: “I feel like recently on another one of these someone else started a sentence with “it sounds crazy, but…” and I had the same reaction. Are we (women) just conditioned to downplay good ideas and call ourselves crazy?”

Do women see it as a weakness when women do this, but as endearing or approachable when men do it?

I’m not sure I really appreciate the view of the Zadie Smith article. (Full disclosure: I read what was available without signing up, so perhaps she redeems herself later on).
The article starts off with “young girls were fools for wasting time when boys were quickly ‘out the door’ to achieve things”. This seems like it’s making a leap – just because someone gets dressed quickly doesn’t mean they’re actually going out into the world and accomplishing anything.
Additionally, girls and women have a hard enough time being bombarded with images, movies, books, companies etc that all tell them what it “really” means to be feminine. Calling girls “fools” because they take time to feel good about how they look is a terrible way to add on to that.
Also, Zadie Smith seems to have great skin and generally pleasant features, so her opinion that women and girls shouldn’t take the time to get ready in a way that makes them feel good seems really privileged.

Haha – the pickup lines that would work on me…My now-husband sauntered over to me and said “So, I hear you’re a lady of the sea” (I’m a marine biologist). I laughed – and it worked!

have a great weekend (my favorite part of Friday afternoon is your blog post)