Have a Great Weekend.

Zadie Smith is stunning beautiful and achingly chic. A friend of mine says she’s one of those people you can’t stop looking at.

Oh my goodness, that article about the way women speak was wonderful. I stutter and am already stressed out about the ways in which I literally cannot control how I speak, but in addition to that, I also find that the strategically placed “um” or “like” give me just enough momentum to get the words out. So which is worse? Am I just doomed to never be taken seriously? Because to be honest, that idea can go eff off.

I guess I’m just already hyper-sensitive about people not hearing what I’m saying because of how I say it and these layers upon layers of “you’re doing it wrong” critiques make me want to just give up and never open my mouth again.

In the Islamic tradition, women don’t change their last names to their husband’s, and this is out of respect for the woman, her family and her lineage. When I got married, I didn’t change my name and no one expected me to and it was great. Made it easier when I got divorced too ;)

Zadie Smith’s dress… so pretty!
Dying to see inside out

I live in Spain and it was funny to read the article about the maiden names since here, and I think that in most of the western European countries, nobody change her name when married. It is completely unthinkable that a woman change her last name following her husband’s one.

My last name is Hungarian and is annoyingly impossible for people to pronounce or spell. I’ve been waiting my whole life to change it, but turns out my hubby’s name is almost as hard. Still haven’t changed it yet (almost 2 years in–mostly out of laziness; we were moving, I’d just gotten a new license and didn’t want to pay to change it, etc). My husband actually wants me to keep mine ‘ cause he thinks it’s cool, but my plan is to change it once we have kids so we all have the family name. My mom kept our name after my parent’s divorce which I thought kind of noble of her.

Anton turns 2 already! Looking forward to hearing about his birthday party. I love that you do not go over the top with your kids birthdays while still giving them something to remember…

I didn’t change my name when I got married. I like my surname, and my father had died the year before – as an only child, it felt important to me to keep it. I’m glad I didn’t now. Our son has a hyphenated surname, but I feel like it works perfectly well for us and retains the history of both our families. He gets to deal with it when he marries, if he does, and depending on who he marries, maybe they won’t want to change their name either. Who knows!

I lost my sunglasses over the fourth of July. Thanks for the link! I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I’d do if I got married. I think I’ve decided I’d hyphenate. But since I’m not even engaged, who knows what my final decision will be. :)

I got married after receiving an MD, and have an ethnic last name, so I’m keeping it for now- when kids come in the picture, I might change it. It’s a harder decision than I thought it would be, though.

When I got married two years ago, I ended up taking my husband’s last name, after a lot of thought. Actually, as many of my friends have been getting married, it is so interesting to see who and why they do/don’t change their last names (male or female friends). For myself, I teach at an elementary school and so am referred to by last name pretty exclusively. Looking at all the kids, I have seen how there can be complications and confusion when you don’ have the same last name as a child and how hyphenated names get complicated quickly too. Plus, while I worked in school, I was going to a new teaching position and felt my “new” last name was easier to spell and pronounce for the kids. A small thing, but… I loved my maiden name- it had way more history- but ultimately am glad to have become a “unit” with my husband and with any kids I have.

My husband and I LOVED Inside Out! We are still grieving for Zurich a year after moving back Stateside and it put it all in perspective. <3

The Friedman article put so eloquently my disdain for policing women’s speech. Thank you for the link!

Happy birthday, Anton! It’s amazing how much he still looks like his new baby self. (When the Maugham preschool, we’d have the kids bring in photos of themselves as newborns, then mix them all up and try to match the picture with the kids. It could be crazy hard! Some of the kids at 3 and 4 looked nothing like they did at birth.)

I kept my name when I got married, but not really for the reasons the article described. For me, it had a lot more to do with emotional attachment. Like, I’m starting this new family unit, but I’m still “from” somewhere – I still have my roots in my family of origin, and my name represents this huge piece of my identity. Transitioning to the role of “wife” was much harder than I anticipated; I can’t imagine having had to process a new name, too. It’s different now that we have kids (who have my husband’s last name)… but so far I haven’t changed anything ;) Though I don’t really mind being called Mr. & Mrs. [Husband’s Last Name] or The [Husband’s Last Name] Family.

This isn’t against you Jo but just against the term as society grapples with how to move the conversation forward. I don’t like the term ‘women of colour’ to differentiate non-caucasian women. The whole problem with the way history has tried to title us is that it creates an us vs. them mentality where white becomes the norm that everything is compared against. While I agree the term ‘women of colour’ is better than ‘non-white women’ it still creates a comparison to me because it’s lumping all of us, latino, east asian, south asian, middle eastern, west african, east african etc. into a category excluding just one, the caucasian! I hope in the future, people will start realizing that even white people come in colours. Most of the ones I interact with are pink or pale yellow, others slightly blue/grey. In fact none of them would come close to looking like my WHITE printer paper if I held it up to them, however, I definitely look close to the colour of caramel.

I can’t get over The Onion article. As an over-accommodating human, I just keep rereading the headline and giggling. Like, tears giggling. (Nailed it.)

About the maiden name to change or not to change. I have been married twice, (thank God for second marriages that make the first a distant memory) and I changed my name to my husband’s both times. I wouldn’t change a thing, you wear a wedding ring or symbol of your marriage, to show the world your commitment to your husband, to me the last name change is no different. I’m proud to be a Simmons, to associate myself with my husband and His family. I don’t understand why women insist on keeping their last names.

I love Caroline’s book recommendations! This summer I’ve been working my way through her “5 favorites” list. :)

Inside Out was really good! I think you both will enjoy it! I love the picture you used here, specifically the dress!