How to Make a Plan With Friends

My oldest friend and I always pick a next date before we say goodbye. It can be 2 or 3 months away, but we save the whole day (our initial plan is always: going to the coast, a 1hr drive, but babies under a year don’t make that easy at the moment). We’ve done this for more than 8 years and it works for us, we see each other more often now. Sometimes with babies, sometimes with babies and husbands, sometimes it’s just us. Activity depends on weather and family circumstances. Sometimes the day turns out to be just 2-3 hours, sometimes it is a whole day at the coast, yay :-) But we do see each other on a regular basis now.

facebook events tend to work out well! you can make a set date and change the time/date if needed. also, it’s not quite as annoying as text messaging! :)

Joanna, try the Frenzy app! (getfrenzy.com) When you’re trying to get your girlfriends together for dinner, this app helps you put the idea out there and then they can say whether they’re in or not. If not enough people are in within a certain amount of time, it’ll disappear and your night is freed up to plan something else instead. Hopefully it will save you on finger fatigue from those forty texts. It’s also great for “Hey I’m going to the park with Toby and Anton this morning, anyone want to join?”

I use the sunrise calendar because it’s syncs between my apple and non-apple products. They just came out with the “meet,” which works just like a doodle poll except directly off your calendar. Anytime I need to set up meetings, I pick three times that work for me on the keyboard on my phone, and it emails it to the other person as a link. They pick what works for them, and my calendar notifies me. It works if they don’t have the app of course. This has made planning brunch with my friends A LOT easier!

’40 texts later…’ >> YES! SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT :D :D :D

This is SO relevant right now. I am trying to start an “article club” and made a FB group and asked everyone about the date. Created the event after most people responded and now only one of the three ladies (who actually said they could go) is for sure going. Ugh! That’s why I asked about dates far in advance, ladies- so we could have a GROUP discussion. If I only wanted to talk to one person I wouldn’t have tried to make an “article club” now would I? Ha, sorry. Guess I just needed to vent.

We use Doodle a lot at work for organizing fun outings (happy hour, bowling, kickball). But as for my friends, I just make sure I have one friend I can count on coming and then I send out a group text or a FB event invite depending on the number of people. If people can’t make it, that’s their problem. I won’t rearrange events/times. Someone is always busy so this way you aren’t having to pick who gets left out (some times the issue with doodle). If they really want to make it, they’ll adjust their schedule. If not, no big deal. And personally I prefer more 1 on 1 interactions with my friends in which case scheduling is so much easier.

I don’t really have that problem, because we are all so used to using Doodle, and it is sacred. You just don’t forget that you have a work event!

I know some ladies in my hometown who have this very strict and very old habit of meeting every Wednesday evening, same place, same time. It sounds like a religious meeting, but they’re actually just really good friends, they drink wine, gossip, and have fun together. Although they are all very busy during the rest of the week, they always try to make it on Wednesday night.
I find this amazing, and now I’m trying to initiate something similar with my core group of four friends, and I really hope it’s going to work!

this is so interesting! i am in my last year of university and i live like 2 seconds away from my friends at the moment, plus we all study in the library so we see each other constantly – no scheduling required! so weird to think how little we will see each other once we are in the workforce and in grown up jobs – and that’s those of us who will live in the same city, let alone people in other cities! thanks for the reminder to make the most of my current situation :)

my friends and i have a facebook group (a holdover from our first year of uni when we had a floor group and noe 3 years later we’ve created a new group with the people we actually still talk to) and it’s still impossible to figure out plans! half the time you have to text people a million times to even get them to respond on the group. i feel that this is just a universal problem that can never be solved haha

Yeah, it gets annoying fast. I’ve just taken to saying those who can make it, can attend and those who can’t will just have to wait until the next gathering otherwise scheduling becomes a downer. I’ve also found that if we plan too far in advance, by the time the date rolls around, I’ve totally lost interest in going.

My closest group of friends is really good with scheduling and I appreciate it so much, because I’ve had other friend groups that are terrible at scheduling and it’s maddening! When we get together, somebody initiated by sending an email, usually with a specific time/place already in mind. (“I’ve been wanting to try X Restaurant, let’s go Friday at 8pm, let me know if you can come!”) And those who are available go. It’s low drama and we hang out all the time! I think the key is having friends who are willing to just step up and make specific plans without having to poll the whole crowd about where, when, etc.

OHMYGOSH! This hits the nail on my dear friends’ heads! Of course, everyone has a legit excuse from time to time, and yes, we all have kids, but it has gotten bonkers.
You know what I think contributes to this mostly is our dang phones. Back in the dark ages, we used to call (landline) and make a plan for dinner. And then, bam!, folks showed up at said time and place. The cell phone/email/text/whatever makes it too easy to notify everyone last minute about scheduling changes, i.e. bail.
I think I may resort to sending out actual paper invitations. It seems more permanent, or at least important that way. “Dear Friends, Let’s meet at the corner bar on Monday for much needed beers. Be there or be square.”

I have a group of friends I met when I had my first daughter 18 years ago, we still meet once a month, I co ordinate, every month it is an email nightmare, there will never be an app or a ‘thing’ that will simplify it – what will is when everyone has less to do (in 30 years time!!)

Yes! We had this same issue – even with Doodle scheduling. My college roommates and I figured out the answer. We have a set date every month and whoever can make it, can make it. This way I have the second Tuesday of every month already scheduled for our Ladies Dinner and try not to make plans for that night.

I was just having a conversation about this with a member of an older generation this weekend. She said she believes that having text/email/other means of constant communication—helpful as they usually are—seem also to have made us a lot flightier, since we know we can just reschedule, even last minute. It’s an interesting thought!