Over these years, I’ve learned a few things things about marriage (and, of course, am still learning). Be a united front to your children. Say thank you. You’re allowed to get annoyed. Kiss each other in the kitchen.
But Alex, who is older and wiser, does something really great. If we’re in an argument, he says, “I love you” right in the middle. It’s amazing.
Here’s what he told me this morning: “The secret to a long and happy marriage is not the idea that nothing bad is ever going to happen. But it’s that when something bad happens, you know how to get through it together. One of the most important things is that when you’re having an argument, instead of ratcheting up the emotion, you diffuse it. In the middle of a fight, say, “I love you; you’re the most important person in the world to me,” even if at that moment, those words are the hardest ones to choke out because you’re so mad. It reminds you both of the big picture. It doesn’t make it instantly better, but it takes it down a notch. And in the cool-down period afterward, you’re not left questioning. You know everything is going to be ok. Half an hour after the fight, it’s over and you feel good.”
Great idea, right? I cannot tell you what a difference it makes. I’m still too hotheaded to do it myself, but I’m so glad he does. :)
Also, have you ever read this Huffington Post article about 15 marriage secrets? It’s fantastic, funny and enlightening.
What little secrets and tips do you have for relationships? Do you fight fair? I’d love to hear…xoxo