Do or Don’t: Honeymoon Registry

I was told if you contribute to a honeymoon fund or a new home fund the newlyweds really don’t know who has contributed $$ what?It’s thrown it all together.
Is this true? If I’m going to contribute money I want the couple to know what I gave and I do expect a thank you . Is this not reasonable?

Totally tacky. This makes me appreciate more the cultures where the only wedding gift given is cash — it’s more honest! Don’t pretend you’re buying 2 sun hats for $30 or spending $20 on glasses of wine that are free on international flights.

But considering you’re making money off everyone who clicks through to the buy-our-honeymoon site (it’s not like you objectively mention alternatives), you’re not beyond a little tackiness for the sake of making money.

When I first heard of these things, I thought they sounded fine. But when a family member actually used one, I have to say it just didn’t feel right.

I want to give a wedding gift that will last and (hopefully) be part of the couple’s daily life, not a the one-off that a trip is going to be. And reading through the list of activities we were supposedly paying for if we gave through the registry, their honeymoon sounded so over-the-top and self-indulgent. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone a dream vacation that they could, you know, pay for, but seeing them ask for handouts to take one nicer than I’d guess most of their guests had ever taken left a bad taste in the mouth.

There was a lot of grousing among the extended family over that registry. It just felt very manipulative to a lot of us. And in the end, I noticed that not many seemed to give through it.

can’t say I’m a fan of this. Tacky to ask for money. If you can’t afford a honeymoon, don’t take one! I didn’t. I sure as heck wouldn’t ask for anyone else to pay for it. We didn’t register for our wedding at all. We had what we needed and I just think its tacky to ask for gifts. I did register for baby items for my first born, after being repeatedly asked to by my aunts and sisters. It was more of a “wish list” and only given to those who asked and insisted on being told exactly what to buy. I would never have advertised the list in any way. Just tacky, selfish, materialistic, greedy…

I may be alone in my opinion, but I am not a fan of any kind of registry. We requested that guests not give us gifts, but if they felt compelled to give one, we requested that they make a donation to their favorite charity. There is something offputting to me about the idea of creating a list of gifts that you want people to buy for you. I just couldn’t bring myself to register for anything. We received donations to Heifer International, various humane societies and Unicef. It made us feel good to know that people and animals that really needed help benefitted from our wedding.

We did this, rather than asking for crap from Macy’s or Bed Bath and BEyond.
But then again we already lived together before marriage and have everything we ever needed before we got married.

But really- traveling is more important that what plates you will eat on – IN MY BOOK :)

We often say if we got married this is what we would do. After living together for so many years, and at our age, there is just nothing we really need. Would rather travel!

By the way where is that photo at???? I want to go ..

Honestly, I think entirely way too much money is spent on weddings. If you want to do a fabulous honeymoon, and you’re paying for a 30K wedding, cut back on the wedding and use that money for the honeymoon.

When it comes to registries though, people like getting others something a bit more specific and tangible. A lot of people feel it’s a bit impersonal to just throw money into an account.

And someone mentioned all the shower gifts and ROI for themselves. I think the most tacky thing is when people track what others gave them for gifts and give the same. I knew someone who had a spreadsheet that tracked how much money people gave her for her wedding. When those guests later got married, she gave them the exact amount. Despite the fact that she got married young, so many of our friends really weren’t in a financial position to give much.

I think this is a great idea. I always give cash/check for weddings anyway – I am too disorganized to get to a store to buy something on a registry, am usually too late to get the inexpensive items online and am too lazy to think of a great unique gift. So this idea works perfectly for guests like me – it is a slightly prettier way for me to give the money I was going to give anyway!

I want a wedding redo, so I can partake in help the honeymooners. We didn’t have a honeymoon as the wedding set us back and instead were stuck with 6 crockpots, a slow cooker and various other things I think are used to cook. I don’t cook…or crock pot, a honeymoon would have been fantastic!!

I got married last September and my husband and I did a traditional gift registry. For us it was the best choice since most of our household items were old and worn out (towels from college) or hand-me-downs from relatives. It was so nice to get all pretty new household/kitchen/bathroom items! However, I know someone who did a honeymoon registry and loved it, but she and her fiance already had a child and had lived together for several years and purchased their own new household items. I think that this completely depends on an individuals stage of life/age and whether or not you really need traditional items or not. If you’re happy with what you have or have purchased the items yourself, then opt for a honeymoon registry!

It’s a big DO. My hubs and I registered at three places, Bloomingdales, Target, and for our honeymoon. It turned out to be a great solution – the price range was varied to suit everyone’s budget, and the choices of items went from traditional to fun which suited both our older relatives and our younger friends. Everyone ended up being happy – especially us. :-)

Hummmm… seems kind of tacky to ask for cash, which is essentially what you’re doing with a honeymoon registry. But then I also think registries in general are tacky. If your friends don’t know you well enough to know what you’d like as a token on your wedding day then why are they invited to the wedding in the first place?

I think that as these become more common, they will seem less tacky.

I still would be hesitant to do this, because it does seem sort of … not quite right… – but when I think about it, I don’t know why telling my friends which cake plate I want doesn’t.

I wonder if wedding registries, which now seem “traditional” to me were once thought of as tacky?
What does Miss Manners say about this new practice, does anyone know?

My husband didn’t think it was proper to outright ask for money so we went the traditional route and registered for a bunch of things we didn’t need (uuugh!). If it was only up to me, we would have registered for a honeymoon fund…especially since we took a 5 week trip through Europe! Would have helped with expenses for sure. I do have one current complain about the honeymoon fund idea, however…. a friend of mine registered for a trip that she and her husband never went on, they’ll be married two years this November! Of course, I would never say anything about it to her, but I sort of think that was a tacky move. As a guest, it have me pleasure to know that I was contributing to such a fun trip in their life and I was excited to hear about it. But once a year went by and now almost two… I feel a bit swindled! I know a gift is a gift and I shouldn’t care whether it was used, spent or thrown away but something about asking for cash and not using it the way it was intended, really left a bad taste in my mouth. Do you have thoughts on situations like this? Should a couple be expected to use this registry money on a honeymoon or trip?

My husband and I tried to do this- in addition to a traditional registry, for our older and more old-fashioned guests (we made it clear it was a one or the other sort of thing- like registering at two different stores).

The only problem was, though, that most guests didn’t purchase gifts until a few weeks or days before the wedding. I imagine this wouldn’t be a problem for most people, but as poor grad students, we couldn’t afford to purchase plane tickets, etc, ourselves, and then use the honeymoon registry gifts to “pay ourselves back,” and we didn’t know how many people would be contributing to this instead of purchasing a regular gift.

We ended up having to cancel our plans for a week in London, and figure out a last minute-trip that we could afford. It led to some awkward explaining among our relatives concerned their gifts had gone to waste (they hadn’t- we just used the money on a much smaller, road-trip type honeymoon).

So I’d say it’s a great route to take, as long as you plan ahead more than we did!

a lot of people have said that any kind of registry is tacky. i think in some ways, it feels awkward to make a list of things you want. it can also feel awkward to look at this humongous list someone else has made about what they want! the whole thing IS a little bizarre.
BUT: my mom always tells me she loves when people have registries because it makes gift giving SO much easier. then she knows that whatever she buys a couple is something they want! and it prevents people from receiving 10 of the same thing, or 100 things they never even wanted :)

I like that idea a lot! The list is cute, and I’m sure many guest will enjoy seeing what the couple’s plans are for their honeymoon.

And I absolutelly think it’s perfectly fine for a couple to ask help with their honeymoon/ some other project, if they really don’t need any household items! I can’t see what is the difference gifting money or gifting a toaster!

I’ve been living with my fiancé for 3 years now, and we’re getting married in September. Since we have everything we need, we are not going to do a traditional wedding register. Since my family and some friends is coming from abroad, it wouldn’t work neither with everybody. Instead we have mentioned, that if our guests want to gift us something, we would prefer little help for our honeymoon.

And to reply to some previous comments.. It’s absurd to think about the wedding as a cash collection party!

Ciao from Italy,
M.

I just wrote a blog post tonight about wedding gift registries.

I dont like them. They are not personal.

Its sad the pratice of gift giving has become just a cash contribution.

I like giving gifts that I choose with love and care :)

I don’t see the problem with it, and kind of wish my husband and I had done this. We live in CA but got married back in our home state of NY and because our guests were worried about us transporting stuff we got mostly money anyway. I wil say that most of
My family is very small town and still goes into a store and prints the registry etc. so I am not sure how having an entirely online registry would work for them. In the end though I think any registry is kind of tacky but I also think people genuinely want to buy the couple something they could use! If that’s a honeymoon who cares?

I HATE the idea of registries- it definitely seems so demanding and tacky to make a list of things you want people to buy for you, somehow I would much prefer to have things that people saw and thought of me, rather than being told. (although, you would end up with a lot of money spent on stuff you don’t want at all..)

I think that this idea is kind of between no registry and a normal one- it seems less tacky to ask for specific experiences than items!

I don’t think it’s tacky at all. Who cares if it just goes into a fund? They will still appreciate your gift, even if it funds a meal at McDonalds on the way to the airport instead of a hat or a book. Maybe you should just love your friends, and want to make them happy on their special day instead of caring how much satisfaction you get from giving a specific gift.
I had to stop reading peoples opinions…it was making me sad for them.
I had a wedding registry, but I wish I hadn’t. Not because I didn’t need the things, I did. But more so because now I don’t have many of those things, seven years later. I would have rather get gifts that my friends picked out themselves and thought I would love.
That was long, sorry :)

It sounds fab as an idea, but am sorry to say this, I think it turns out pretty tacky.
One – A honeymoon is such a personal memory, a very private celebration. To include family and friends into this is just a wee short of gimmicky.
Secondly – I, on the whole, do not like the idea of a registry. In India, guests bring gifts (in kind or cash)when they attend weddings. The wedding includes not just the couple’s 50 friends, but a big, group of family (first, second, third cousins and their kids and parents etc.), neighbours, office collegues etc. As such, to tell these people who may not really be knowing the couple to get them sthg specific is rude. The friends of the couple of course know what they like and would use and get gifts accordingly. Which is waaaaaay better than the couple registering and forcing their friends to purchase them specific items. A Gift is not meant to be asked for.

I think mixing this with some of the expected items. Yours is sweet- a nice range of prices too! When my dad got remarried, my stepmom was in grad school and they had loads of books on their registry because, frankly, they needed those more than anything

I think times have changed even since I got married in 2009! When I was wedding planning and came across the topic, most people said it was a definite “don’t,” while today, at least on this blog, the majority says it’s a “do!” Just an observation.

Personally I doubt I’ll ever contribute directly to a honeymoon fund. I think it’s tacky, because I subscribe to the idea that any given couple has $X amount to spend on all of their wedding expenses (ring, wedding, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, etc.). Would anyone set up a registry for friends to donate to the purchase of a diamond engagement ring, much less a bigger, nicer one than they could afford on their own? I seriously doubt it. I just think it’s a matter of priorities. I know couples who can’t/couldn’t “afford” a honeymoon because they spent so much on their weddings ($30k and up), and then whine and moan about the economy, or taxes, or whatever else expense is supposedly out of their control and is responsible for why they couldn’t afford to honeymoon. At least for the couples I know in this situation, they all made a personal choice to allocate their money to the wedding day and not to the honeymoon. That is perfectly fine. But I’m not going to pay for someone else’s international vacation when they just paid $300 per beautiful, handmade driftwood centerpiece, and served a second dinner at midnight, and had four live bands (seriously). Obviously there are plenty of people who register for honeymoons because they legitimately couldn’t afford to go otherwise, but in that case, many are probably still registering for household necessities anyway and certainly aren’t having four bands play at the reception.

And, said in a less grumpy voice, I do believe in the traditional notion that the purpose of wedding gifts is to rely on the village (as in, “it takes a village…”) to help set up a couple for married life. If a couple truly does not need anything, which is common, and otherwise could have afforded a honeymoon (perhaps to Hawaii instead of Tahiti…) had they not spent an obscene amount on their wedding, I would prefer they recommend charities in lieu of gifts.

I love my best friends dearly, and if they told me privately their heart’s desire was an incredible honeymoon and not an extra setting of china, I’d probably write a check instead of purchasing a gift. But again, not through a website registry.

Hmm…reading the comments has me thinking quite a bit. At first blush I thought this was a good idea. On the other hand, if my partner and I get formally married in the next couple of years I am sure we will ask our friends and family not to give us gifts. We’ve both been working for a long time and we wouldn’t be comfortable having our friends and families fund a honeymoon for us. It’s tricky though because most people DO want to give something at a wedding. Friends of mine married last year and asked that gifts not be given. They have great jobs and are well-established, so I knew that that request was sincere. That said, they had just bought a new house and so I bought a nice card and put some cash in it to “contribute to painting and renos of the new house.” So I’m hypocrital on this front. A point though for those who say it’s tacky to do the honeymoon registry and that couples should suggest donations to charities instead. To be honest, this sort of thing annoys me. There are many charities out there with religious messages that I don’t support, for example, or NGOs who do work in ways that I don’t necessarily believe is the best for the population being assisted. Having friends force my hand on who to give to in such an instance I find a bit grating (not to mention that it comes off as a bit “holier than thou”). It seems much more graceful and classy to politely request that guests bring only themselves to share your day. Inevitably people will probably bring a gift anyhow, and hopefully something personal that they can afford.

I think that’s a great idea! When my husband and I got married, we asked for only money for gifts, but we needed the money to pay for our wedding and for my husband to move to Germany to be with me. That left us with a 3-day honeymoon where we mostly ate groceries in the hotel room. But we’re making up for it this year (just past our first anniversary), traveling every chance we can — it’s our year-long honeymoon. :)

Well this has sparked quite a debate Jo!

I’m actually not a huge fan of traditional gift registries OR honeymoon registries where you pick a specific item. It all seems a little too calculated, and I feel like it puts pressure on people to spend more than they may feel comfortable with, just because there may be no items within their budget, or they’re worried about the person knowing how much they spent.

However, it’s long been tradition that people give you money or gifts at a wedding – in Indian weddings they actually give you cold hard cash in your hand, and in Greek weddings they pin the cash to the brides dress! So I don’t think there’s a problem with the concept of giving at a wedding, but I think it should be done in a relaxed way.

My preferred method is the one my brother and his wife took – they had a fund set up at a furniture store, and you could make an anonymous donation online for whatever amount you felt comfortable with. The funds were pooled and they bought themselves some new furniture that they needed.

I’m getting married in 2 months and we’re headed to the Maldives where a contribution from guests would be welcomed. Ultimately, after speaking to quite a few people we opted not to. Many seemed kind of uncomfortable. I personally feel like it’s okay, but it’s a VERY fine line, IMHO. If it’s specific activities, meal, etc. it makes a lot of sense. But if you’re registering for a bathing suit, clothing, or other personal items like this I think you’ve crossed the line. It should be about things benefitting the couple.