Relationships

Do You Pee in Front of Your Significant Other?

Ok, we’ve talked about enough intimate stuff on Cup of Jo that I think I’ll just go for it today and ask the big question: Do you pee in front of your significant other? My answer…

…is no way.

My friends tease me for being crazy because I don’t let Alex (and haven’t let any past boyfriend) come near the bathroom when I pee. Since our apartment is small, I even run the faucet so he won’t hear anything. (And we’ve been married for almost three years!) The few times I’ve been in the bathroom when Alex pees, I have gotten the giggles like a five-year-old. So immature!

But, seriously, I once read a quote in Oprah Magazine that said something like, “You wake up one day, and you look at your spouse and realize you’re relatives.” That stuck with me. Can’t you imagine growing so familiar that you feel more like comfy relatives than romantic partners? Don’t you need a bit of separation and mystery to keep the sparks alive? Alex hopefully figures that I only use the bathroom to brush my teeth and apply lip salve. :)

One exception: When I was pregnant, I started peeing in front of Alex (simply because I peed all the time). And he started peeing in front of me. And it was fine. But after a while, I was like, this has got to stop! Now, if one of us forgets and leaves the door open, the other jokingly shouts, “Relatives!”

I like having some separation in our marriage so that we still feel like two separate people. But maybe I should be more laid-back and just keep the door open? There’s something sexy about that, too–just being super open and natural with your body.

So, tell me, do you pee in front of your partner or keep the door closed? Haha, I’m curious! (Update: I’m getting this app!)

P.S. Another marriage tip, and a funny intimate question.

  1. suyen says...

    i always thought about this. i guess it is easier since i married a biology major! i couldn’t possibly hide that i never do #1 or #2. :D to him, they are both normal bodily functions and they don’t bother him at all. i do think about that notion of becoming more of relatives instead of lovers, so we’ll see what happens.

  2. Keep the mystery alive?! How does closing the door while you pee keep the mystery alive? He obviously knows what you’re doing in there…but that’s just my opinion! :)

  3. I pee in front of my husband, but he has to leave when I wipe. And I never poo in front of him, that’s reserved for sisters, haha.

  4. I think I’m a guy. I don’t even shut the door if it’s just me and him in the house. Maybe I should learn a bit more ladylike behavior?

  5. Well I dont fuck my relatives so, yeah.

  6. Anonymous says...

    are u people crazy? my wife urinates in my mouth and vice versa…i really enjoy this

  7. jack says...

    What is wrong with some of u people? there is no secret..on the contrary, me and my wife both have a golden fetish and we both routinly observe each other, and do much more than that which probbaly cannot even be mentioned here

  8. Ali says...

    I really like your blog! Great question- I believe that going pee or poo doesn’t kill your loveeee. Truthfully I think all these people that are so embarrassed, really have the curiosity of doing it in front of one another, bc humans are like this…we like having these secrets that are NOT necessary. I do number 1 number 2 number 3 and whatever in front of my bf. We have been together for 10 years and I think that if I couldn’t do this..I wouldn’t be with him. Imagine when you have a baby… I think that’s even worse than doing poop in front of him! But well I respect that each person has their own boundaries :P I guess I’m just too open haha

  9. Anonymous says...

    Yea my husband and i are very open with each other we pee infront of one another we poop with the door open and everything…theres no reason to hide it if we both do the same thing theres even times when we both have to pee so im on the toilet and hes at the sink or if hes on the toilt i sit over the edge of the tub and pee…lol we are not shy

  10. Anonymous says...

    Married 13 years. We give each other private time but we also have no problem peeing in front of each other. In fact, when we go camping and I pee in the woods (which I totally enjoy), my husband thinks it is very sexy. Go figure!

  11. Anonymous says...

    Joanna, where is the photo from (the woman laughing?) so cute:)

  12. SO many comments. I read through about 50 before I gave out. I wanted to say that I agree with Ashley Ford. It’s not necessarily the concept of going to the bathroom that’s the problem, it’s the wipe. Never done it. We’ll see if it happens in the future…

  13. Anonymous says...

    Just found this post….hilarious. Married 28 years and yes, no problem peeing with doors open….no children at home now. A step further…I was the “holder” when he pee’d – because I wanted to see what it was like…..

  14. definitely not with my current boyfriend. I did with my ex, we use to share the bathroom for everything but no. 2. Never again though, I’m sure it part of the reason we split up, not seeing each other as romantic partners any more, more like relatives as you say. With my current boyfriend, we definitely keep bathroom stuff private, what ever we are doing!

    http://www.clairebrewster.co.uk

  15. Courtney says...

    This is funny because, while I have no problem peeing in front of anyone (it surprises me that so many do!), the whole “relatives” thing is why changing my last name has no appeal to me. It’s like, “I’m a [last name] and you’re a [different last name], and I’m so glad that you’re my best friend/lover/parter/boyfriend, and *not* family. Does this make sense to other people?

  16. I haven’t got a problem with peeing in front of my boyfriend. Although I would never poop when he’s around, I just can’t.

    It’s a bit weird that some of you think peeing in front of each other might take away the spark. Most of the women want their partner to be there at the birth of a child. If he doesn’t mind seeing that (which, I imagine, is kind of gross), why would he mind peeing?

  17. Arsby says...

    My wife is of the “no, never” persuasion, thinks the whole idea of watching one another pee is beyond gross. One night, unknown to me, she was in the bathroom, sitting, with the light off, and I walked in. She screamed very loud. It was traumatizing, I am now extremely careful about walking into even a dark bathroom.

    When I was younger and single I had a friend who was gay who told me about taking a non-sexual shower with a woman friend and surreptitiously peeing down her leg. I remember at the time I was jealous. But that was probably because I didn’t have a girlfriend and would have given anything to have a shower with one, pee or no pee.

  18. kate says...

    PEE. and poop and fart for that matter. it’s natural and americans make WAAAAYYY too big a deal out of normal, human body functions.

    and while we’re on that list: vomit (he holds my hair and gets me water), sweat (works outs are sexy) and cry. this is my life partner, we should be ok sharing it all as far as i’m concerned.

  19. Anonymous says...

    We are being together for 9 months, but I am “open for him”, and he also is.
    I close the door when I go to pee, because of “melody”, but when he’ s taking shower, or cleaning his teeth I can pee near hon with no shy. He does the same)

  20. I peed in front of my ex-boyfriend and he made a comment that the romance had died–which was SO true! I am comfortable with all of that stuff, so it’s not an issue. But with my current boyfriend, I don’t want him to think of me in that “gross” way when we are intimate. I don’t even pass gas either, and I did with my last bf as well. It’s really important to keep some mystery and romance. You don’t want to be seen as his guy friend.

  21. Anonymous says...

    I though it was so weird when we bought our house because our master bath seemed to be laid out so well…except for the potty corner. It’s on the other side of the shower so there is a little bit of privacy but I wish we had a door. I would definitely be a closed-door person but I am pregnant with our second child and duty calls!

  22. I lock the door even when I’m all alone in the house.

  23. I’m really surprised too by the number of ‘no ways’. We pee in front of each other. And if I didn’t fart in front of him too, I’d either explode or take off like a balloon. It makes me so uncomfortable to try to keep any gas in!

    I accept that some people find it embarrassing, BUT I would exhort you not to be so vain as to keep the faucet running. It’s wasteful and frankly a bit silly. I gave up being embarrassed about the sound of my peeing when I was eighteen. It’s all natural. My husband finds it sexy that I am so relaxed with my body – fluids and all.

    That said, no no.2s with the door open, and door closed when it’s that time of the month…

  24. We had an open door policy at first and then it quickly changed to a closed door policy;)

  25. Anonymous says...

    I absolutely pee in front of my boyfriend. He does too. We have been together for 3 years and we feel completely comfortable around each other. I never realized so many people didn’t! I could do anything around him and I feel lucky that we have such a close knit relationship.

  26. I’m really bothered by the idea of people running the tap while they pee to cover the sound – sorry guys, but given the global water issues we have and the amount of processing it takes to produce that very clean water that comes out of your taps, that’s just really wasteful. So peeing makes a sound. Grow up!

  27. Lauren says...

    Funny post! We go #1, but for courtesy and privacy #2 is mostly with the door closed. I mean, it smells. I never thought about keeping the door closed for mystery. I enjoy feeling like I can be comfortable in my house with my lover and partner. I respect that others don’t want too, thats your thing, but the running water thing I can’t get behind. It’s a waste! In CA, that would be a no no : ) one thing I do NOT do is be in the bathroom when someone is brushing their teeth. THAT totally grosses me out. Its one of my little picadilos (quirks), but I just can’t do it, it makes me gag!

  28. Anonymous says...

    Wow, it is so great, that everybody is telling what they think! I love it, it is so funny and honest and great. I’d like to bring a may be new point: At home I do not pee in front of my BF, but when we are outdoors, like in a boat all day or on our bikes for weeks, sleeping in tents etc. than I do everything in front of him – because that makes the adventure much easier :)

  29. We’ve been together almost 10 years, married for almost 6, and I’m 12 weeks pregnant. We are best friends, lovers… and going to be parents. The spark is obviously still alive (with baby on the way)… and… we pee in front of each other. It hasn’t killed our spark one bit. (c: We are just super comfortable.

  30. Funny topic! we never pee or poo in front of each other – and we’ve been dating for 14 years! no farting either at least if it can be avoided ;) He was there with me when I gave birth, but that was an exception for both of us! We have a great relationship, but I really think the bathroom door needs to remain shut to keep the spark going. i never understood the necessity of girls going to the bathroom in flocks, either – unless its for gossiping. I’d much rather go on my own.

  31. Not really an issue for me yet, since I don’t have a husband or even a boyfriend, but I can’t really imagine doing this! My family is pretty reserved… definitely doors closed all the time, and I even felt weird sneaking in to use the toilet if my sister or mom was in the shower… definitely never even considered it if the boys were in there. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed about bodily functions but I figure there has got to be *some* privacy in life, right?

  32. Anonymous says...

    Hmm…well I’ll all for being mindful, etc., but in response to Leigh: whether or not we run the water when peeing in North America has pretty much no impact on whether those 884 million people without access to potable water see an improvement in their life situation. I work for a national government (not American), debating and negotiating international policy, and so I’m not saying this out of any lack of concern for those without potable water. I just don’t like self-righteousness when it is not warranted. You really cop a lot of flak, Joann!

  33. scate says...

    The man has seen me give birth. I have no problem with the door being open for anything. Wees Poos. Showers. And for the record, after 20 years of marriage we are still romantic fools.

    There are more important things in the world to worry about.

  34. Anonymous says...

    Yes I do. I really don’t see the problem here. After you’ve had a REALLY bad stomachflu and he has been taking care of u throught that, is there anything he hasn’t seen? For #2 I mainly shut the door though. He doesn’t, and sometimes I even keep him company if we are in a middle of a conversation when he has to go:P

  35. Anonymous says...

    I’m astounded to hear American women turn on the tap to go to the toilet – don’t you know how much (expensively produced) potable water that uses? I would be ashamed to waste so much water under the guise of ‘feminine mystery’.
    Sarah, an australian

  36. I do pee with the door open! In fact, i NEVER close the door, unless if I have to go #2. That is private for me. But peeing, is the most natural thing in the world. We mostly leave doors open at all times. I think this makes me feel comfy. I guess it is kind’a a cultural thing, cuz I was bought up peeing with my close relatives and that is just a normal thing for us. We don’t “confuse it” with romantic partners, they are just 2 separate things for us :)

  37. Um YES I pee in front of my boyfriend all the time!!! Maybe it has to do with us being young (19 & 20) but it’s totally normal for us. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and I don’t think it ruins the spark between us. Then again, we don’t have kids or “real” jobs yet (college doesn’t count, right?). In my opinion though, peeing in front of each other, getting ready together, sharing bathrooms, it makes me feel like we’re married or just more adult, which I really like. It’s like playing house.

  38. Emm says...

    #1 is one thing, #2 is another. My issue is frequency! Not married, but when spending extended time with boyfriends I definitely count how many times I have to go. Loved when one of my exes would drink water constantly so I could always use the (other) bathroom when he was going. Sneaky, right?

  39. Ever since we got married, it’s been the norm between my husband and I. But when it comes to the No. 2, hells no. Door stays locked, and whoever isn’t on the john, needs to stay on the other side of that door.

  40. Kate says...

    Love this topic! I guess I just don’t see what’s so difficult about just closing the door. I don’t go so far as to run the water, but if either of us has to go #2 we will say something in a jokey voice like, “hey, why don’t you….go downstairs” or “how about you turn that music up?” We do fart in front of each other though, perhaps maybe a little TOO much (mainly because farts are never not funny), but also that is just way too hard to control and it would make your life too difficult. I just think bathroom time is the one area in which I can try to maintain a shred of dignity.

  41. ha ha I don’t but I’m uptight and British ;-)

    But seriously my parents didn’t so I guess I learnt that. They’d leave the door ajar but I think that’s because I was small.

    Catherine Zeta Jones insists on seperate bathrooms and I think in an ideal world (ie with their money) I would too. Yes to shared showers and baths, no to shared loos

  42. Not married yet, but I found this post so funny! I don’t know what I’ll do when I’m older, but I guess that if I feel close enough to my partner than I will! Hahah :)

    Kate {Something Fabulous}
    http://thesomethingfabulous.blogspot.com

  43. Every night he runs us a bath, calls me and gets in. And every night, as soon as I see the water, I need to pee. So I pee in front of him. And he’s peed in front of me, too.

    I asked him whether it bothered him, after reading this post. He said no, first of all, if I did anything as stupid as use running water to mask the sound of my running water, we’d get into a serious argument (he hates wasting water). Secondly, he is the only person who gets to see me in this rather vulnerable position, so it actually increases the feeling of intimacy between us. And finally, he sees my “mysterious bits” up close and personal on a regular basis and assures me that seeing me sitting down without pants isn’t going to restore any lost “mystery”.

  44. Hell yeah! I don’t know any “relative” who actually would pee in front of each other so maybe that isn’t the best analogy :) The fact that I know EVERYTHING good bad and smelly about my spouse and vis versa is the beautiful part of marriage for us. We love that we are so comfortable in front of each other that we can do the deed in the bathroom in front of each other. It’s that comfortable-ness (is that a word?) that keeps the sparks alive in our marriage. I love being that comfortable with my man. And you’re right, there is something incredibly sexy about being so open with your body.

    Thanks for the post, it was hilarious and awesome :)

  45. I simply loved your post. It is totally common for many marriages. Have a great weekend.

  46. Anonymous says...

    poo and pee in front of each other. doesn’t even phase us.

  47. Anonymous says...

    I can’t believe SO MANY people waste so much water just because of peeing!! Yes, I totally pee in front of my guy. We think it’s funny. Ni kids, no marriage and the spark is still alive. ;)

  48. Anonymous says...

    Sometimes I pee in his hands, and he tastes it. It’s quite funny. But then, he really really loves me.

  49. I grew up in a house with 7 kids and 1 bathroom for the kids – so it was no big deal to pee in front of my siblings – had to be done. But when I married my husband he had always had his own bathroom so it has been closed door policy ever since – and I have to say that I am glad – the mystery thing is real.

  50. I try to close the door but my cats always bust it wide open to come in (the latch doesn’t close completely). They come and sit at my feet and walk between my legs. Then sometimes my husband comes in to talk to me and all at once I realize we’re all in our little tiny bathroom and it makes me laugh! The only thing is I make him leave or turn away when I wipe. This is so funny to admit!

  51. Sara-hare says...

    I grew up as the oldest of 11 children in a house with one bathroom, and for many years that bathroom had only a curtain. However, out of respect for each other, we always tried to preserve as much privacy as possible. And after 10 years with my partner, we still close the door. It’s not a gender matter, either, for all you commentators harping on that – nine of my siblings are brothers, and my partner is a man, though I am a woman, and we have equal preferences in our wish for privacy, and our respectfulness in giving each other privacy.

  52. laura m. says...

    In our apartment my boyfriend and I never never never ever use the bathroom in front of each other. But in the summer when we go camping and rafting we pee in front of each other regularly just out of convenience. After years of standing in a river and peeing with the whole rafting crew it just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore.

  53. Anonymous says...

    This is such a funny topic. I totally get where all the women are coming from who say that they would never ever, because I have felt the same way with other partners and them with me. However, my wonderful husband was raised by two lovely…well, hippies, I guess is the right word and his confidence and openness with his body was inspiring to shy little old me. Not to mention a nice change from the emotionally/physically closed off ex-partners. I am still a bit shy and don’t do it that often in front of him and all other bathroom necessaries are kept quite private out of just plain politeness, really. But the peeing-in-the-open has not effected the “sparks” in the least. After 6 years together, half that time being married, we still hold each other up on the romantic pedestals we always have and our relationship only seems to get better as the years go by. Women are human beings and sometimes we sweat, and get sick, and have unwanted hair, and smell and our life partners should know that and love us anyways, and hopefully even love us more because of that humanness. But honestly whatever works in your relationship, more power to you!

  54. I’m with Leigh! How incredibly wasteful.

  55. My husband and I pee in front of one another, and the occasional #2 and we have two bathrooms in our home. We don’t stare at one another mid-act or anything, usually the other is getting ready for bed or work. If we need privacy, for example if we have an upset stomach, then we ask for privacy and close the door. We are definitely very open with each other and I don’t think our relationship suffers one bit. We are an exceptionally close couple, closer than most of my girlfriends are with their husbands and I think it makes us stronger because we communicate so well. The romance hasn’t been lost, we are always very affectionate. We walk around naked in front of each other and shower together almost every morning, although now with our new baby we don’t always have that opportunity. Nothing is really taboo, even farting. Although I do request privacy for any bathroom breaks during my period.

  56. April says...

    My husband and I joke about having role reversals in our marriage. And this subject is one example. I will comfortably pee with the door wide open for all to see. He sometimes even goes as far as locking the door.

  57. Anonymous says...

    I don’t pee in front of my relatives, but I do in front of my husband. I love to pee with an open door, so if he passes by I”m fine with it.

  58. I always leave the door open. i guess its a little weird, but we use to live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment, so it kind of just happened one day, and then we stopped closing the door.

  59. Growing up with 5 sisters there wasn’t enough space to be shy about anything. If we were carrying a conversation and somebody had to go #2, we would move the conversation to the bathroom (door open for ventilation, of course)

    With my boyfriends I have ALWAYS peed openly. One ex freaked out when he was washing his hands and suddenly realized that I was peeing right there next to him! He jumped in the shower and giggled! Later he told me he had never seen a girl pee!!!! (this guy was 36 years old)

    My current boyfriend and I even go #2 in front of each other. We always have. However, I don’t think that there is a right or wrong. There have been guys in front of which I would have NEVER pooped, not because I was shy, but because I know they wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. And all relationships go through rough patches, so I’m even willing to set boundaries if my relationship ever gets to a point where I think it becomes necessary. Currently, we are too lazy to bother to close the door. I admire those who are willing to spend the energy to be more discrete! Mistery is always fun

  60. In our 7 years of marriage I think that we never saw each other peeing! He saw me puking, giving birth, leaking milk! But we try to keep some privacy in the other areas!

  61. Anonymous says...

    I am slightly aghast that you would waste water to mask the sounds of your own waste water, bit odd, but perhaps it’s a cultural thing?

    I don’t think it hides anything, just creates different cues – the sound of the tap = that’s my wife going for a wee.

  62. Sarah says...

    Nope, never. We’ve been together for 15 years now, and bathroom stuff is still strictly behind closed doors. In our case, it’s not because we are embarrassed or inhibited (we recognize that everyone has to go!), it just helps us keep some of the sexiness in our relationship and avoids some of the “we’re relatives” factor. So much in a long-term relationship is not-so-sexy or glamourous (countless stomach flus, childbirth, on-and-on-and-on…), so we do what we can to keep some of the new-relationship sexiness in there too. :)

  63. Anonymous says...

    It all depends on how close I feel with the guy. With my ex boyfriend. I pee-ed in front of him all the time but never #2. If I was doing #2, i would tell him to get as far away as possible from the bathroom and not to go in there for at least 20 min. But with another guy I recently dated, i couldn’t pee, let alone let him know that I do #2. Whenever I used to go for the weekends at his place, I would not do #2. I would come back Sunday with my belly all bloated and hurting. We were never open in our relationship that it resulted in me not being able to show him that I am human.

  64. Danea says...

    My husband and I have been together 10 years – married close to 5, dating for the remainder, and now expecting our first child! The reason I say all this is because we don’t hide anything from each other and have accepted each other for who we are – human beings. We’ve seen it all and have been through a lot of worse things. So to put things in perspective….seeing and hearing each other pee/poo/fart is the least of our worries! :-) We still have an amazing sex life, are incredibly attracted to each other, and feel blessed for everything we have in life.

    To those who feel they need to keep up this mystical charade of hiding bodily functions from their partner: your partner will love you regardless!!

  65. Married for 23 years. 4 daughters. Never peed in front of each other. We like to keep some things private.

  66. I’m with anon up there! I leave the door open ( only when I pee), two small kiddos kind of necessitates that i can hear them at all times! However, my husband & I have been together for 19 years (married 10)…& i think the open door policy only started a few years ago, probably while I was pregnant. But yes, my husband saw everything to be seen during the births of both our kids, so, really, peeing is nothing!

  67. Ha ha, Joanna, you are amazing! i would like to meet you sometime in my life..

    Well, i do not mind pee in front of my partner, less now that he saw me giving birth. But he never pee in front on me…

    http://mykitschworld.blogspot.com.es/

  68. We’ve only been married for four months and YES we do pee in front of each other – and did even before we lived together. I never thought it was a big deal, but now I’m starting to re-think it…

  69. Peeing is not an issue – sometimes you just gotta go. Now that we have a baby/toddler leaving the door open has become the norm as well. I do think your “relatives” argument is valid though. :)

  70. Anonymous says...

    I’ve been with my husband almost 10 years, and we are expecting our first baby at the end of the year. We’re pretty comfortable with each other (walk around naked through the house, etc) We don’t mind peeing in front of each other. However, when we need “alone time” we make sure and let each other know. I don’t think it’s a big deal….but I can understand why some might. :)

  71. Anonymous says...

    I thought of you this morning while I was getting ready in our bathroom! Ha! Thought it amusing that you slept with your husband on the third date (what could be more intimate?) and then, now that you’re married you have to run the water. Hee hee.

  72. Berenjena says...

    Omg guys, seriously. Keeping the ‘spark’? You’re married, for god’s sake. You’re supposed to be love and feel sexy for each other with everything included.

    I get it that we all need boundaries, that’s not what bothers me. For instance, I can totally pee with my boyfriend there but he can’t (mental block). We fart around each other all the time, but we don’t poop in front of each other (door closed).

    Yes, boundaries are fine. But this whole ‘keeping the mystery’ business and running the fawcett????? Has anyone heard of climate change, and saving our planet before it’s too late (too late would be, like 2025 at current rates). To keep the SPARK?

    Ladies, get over yourselves. They will never treat us like normal, strong human beings if we ourselves believe we are made of glitter and rainbows.

    Also: being intimate builds a stronger relationship. You’d think that one is obvious?

  73. I have honestly never thought about it! We pee in front of each other and have for 18 years! My best girlfriend and I do as well, and my daughter. What’s the big deal?!

  74. God, no!! I can still remember the first movie I saw where couples actually peed when in front of each other – eyes wide shut. It is still the only part that bothered me in the whole movie.
    I never EVER went to the bathroom in front of anyone, despite having many girlfriends that do. I do not do anything physiological, I even hate wearing deodorant in front of any boyfriend – I suppose I didn’t want them to know I could possibly smell.
    I even remember finishing dates earlier because I had to go #2 and couldn’t possibly while in a romantic mood.
    I have been married for the past 7 years and still will do my best making believe I have no human bodily functions at all :)

  75. I think peeing with the door open is ok, in general I don’t like closing the door when I pee, but I wouldn’t let him in whilst I was midstream.

    I think think keeping that private maintains a bit of mystery…

  76. Anonymous says...

    This is so funny. I especially love how so many people put that by no peeing/pooing in front of your other half you preserve the “mystery”. My husband and I talk a lot after a long day’s work and bodily functions don’t disturb that. If we’re in mid conversation I just say hang on I really need to pee and we might move to the bathroom and continue,#1 or#2! Wiping and all! Plus I developed some stomach issues and home is the place I can really relax and not worry about trying to pass gas without a sound/smell. Hubby was so sweet about my initial embarassment. Now it’s a kind of celebration (LOL you’d be right in thinking I let rip with abandon and lots of laughter from time to time). Sorry to gross you all out!

    It really must be a cultural thing. I mean don’t your kids get all fascinated about the yuck of poo etc and talk about it? I didn’t think there was mystery to be had ;P

    Hubby and I relish the chance to shower together, that’s often necessarily preceded by peeing first before jumping in. Now that HAS to be done. We stop at peeing together in the shower! XD

  77. Anonymous says...

    This is all about personal preference. For some people it is natural and intimate. Others like to have a bit more privacy. I personally don’t mind peeing in front of my husband if it happens, but that is as far as I go. I prefer to maintain a bit of privacy in this arena.

  78. Sorry, but I think anyone who does this is gross. And it’s not a man/woman thing. It’s a “you don’t do certain things in front of other people” thing. Why would anyone even be comfortable peeing in front of someone else??

  79. We’ve been together a bit over two years and lived together over six months and we both can pee when the other is there, he also does number 2’s when i’m there, when i’m having number two i close the door but don’t lock it and we also fart all the time but there is still lots of romance, sex and sparks :D I like it that we can be so naturally around each other. And i just can’t understand those people who don’t do number 2’s in public restrooms, i mean come on that’s what toilets are for, it doesn’t matter if someone hears.

  80. Anonymous says...

    ladies, pee ON him. that way you relieve yourself, keep the spark alive, AND the comfortable closeness. duh!

    ;)

  81. I agree being confident in your body is sexy but there needs to be some mystery.

    My Mum told me that when she and Dad were on their honeymoon she had to send him away to get the newspaper so she could pee. I think that got into my head so its very much a no go.

    That said, we only have 1 toilet in our place and he has had to go while I showered (which is fine since I can close my eyes and the water is already running to cover the noise).

  82. Anonymous says...

    I guess it’s ironic that this admission of wastefulness was done on World Water Day.

  83. Anonymous says...

    Yes we do. There’s nothing to hide between us.

  84. we have no issues peeing in front of each other. no pooping directly in front of each other but occasionally one of us will hop in the shower and the other will take advantage of the toilet.

    I do try and keep period details to a minimum but while it may not be “sexy” I find it important to be able to be honest and realistic about everything that goes on down there if you’re serious with your partner and particularly if you’re sexually.

    sometimes I think we are TOO candid with each other to be normal but it works amazing for us so I guess to each their own.

    fascinated by the variety of responses to this question!

  85. I’m with you! We’ve been married for 10 years and do our best to keep all “bodily functions” private. We both appreciate the fact that even though we all do it, no one else needs to see it. He’s my best friend and we are still madly in love; so if this helps, then we will continue to keep the privacy! :-)

  86. I have a friend that used to pee with, not only in front of her boyfriend, but at the same time as him. Whenever we were at little get-togethers with each other, they would go into the bathroom together and go at the same time. I asked her how it worked and she told me that she spread her legs open while he aimed right in between them. That’s a little too close for comfort for me.
    While I worked as a nursing assistant and I’m very comfortable talking about any bodily function, I prefer to keep certain things private. :) I can understand the appeal, I just don’t think my husband and I are the type of people who would be comfortable enough peeing in front of each other. Who knows, though. We’ve only been married a year. Maybe some day things will be different.

  87. We pee in front of each other and have been for quite some time… can’t really remember when it started (we’ve been living together for 10yrs, married for 2yrs).

    In a way, yeah, not very romantic. But its intimate… we don’t go #2 in front of each other… but its not like pooping is some sort of secret.

    Personally, i think of my husband as a relative. He’s been a part of my life for so long… i love the familiarity that our relationship has. he IS a relative of mine… he’s my husband. in fact, sometimes i’m sad that he hasn’t always been there in my life… i wish we would have grown up together as kids…

    hopefully we get to relive our childhood a bit now that we have a baby. i’d like to get to know the little boy my husband once was.

    love that guy.

    thanks so much for the good conversation… i love reading other peoples responses!
    h
    Jessi
    finnpuppy@gmail.com

  88. Jenifer says...

    ohhh this whole thread has made me LOL. i could never ever pee when any boyfriend was in the house, let alone poop! It really sucked when my ex and I would travel and I would have to poop, i remember even sending him out for some coffee or water or something just so i could have a poo in peace! haha) Thankfully i am not THAT shy with my husband. I can definitely pee or poo with him in the house, BUT NOT if he is in the bathroom with me!!! no way, no can do. i have a very shy bladder! it’s funny tho cuz while we’re private and close the door, we have no problems farting. :)

  89. I pee, I share my deepest thoughts and dreams, but I clarify to him that girl’s do NOT poop! It’s the world’s greatest mystery.

  90. Anna says...

    Is it just me who is a bit concerned about all that wasted water when people turn on the faucet just to disguise some noise?

  91. ahahaha the running the faucet thing made me laugh as it’s something I also used to do. Sorry environment, I promise I am trying to make up for it as I know it’s a ridiculous habit…

  92. Anonymous says...

    I’m always amused by the premise that romance and familiarity are mutually exclusive.

  93. Why is it so horrifying? This post and consecutive comments (to which I am still shocked that the majority were a NEVER-NO!) that follow remind me of that scene of Fools Rush In where Salma Hayek’s character wants to talk to Mathew Perry while she’s pooping. So I wonder if it’s a cultural thing? My fiancee and I have been together for a little over 4 years and we pee, poo, fart, and burp in front of each other since week #2 (there is actually a hilarious anecdote about this that has marked the success of our relationship). To me it is not a matter of mystery but of comfort, love and trust. Also, I think, sex could be at times more grotesque, blunt, or crude (not in a negative way, of course!) than “sharing” normal bodily functions with your soulmate.

  94. This has been FASCINATING. Like, I think someone could come read all these comments and write a research paper! My natural proclivity is that I’ll pee pretty much in front of anyone, but I mostly try to shut the door. Which is silly because my little girl and my cats try to open the door whenever I close it.

    But the RUNNING OF THE WATER??? For going pee? This just strikes me as too much “I am now pretending that what is actually happening isn’t really happening.”, which I find a little bizarre.

  95. Anonymous says...

    We have one bathroom and it’s just the two of us. Sometimes you have to go in front of each other like when one is in the shower and you just can’t hold it in. I try to go before he gets in the shower to give him some privacy because that’s what I like too…my shower time un-interrupted. If I’m in the shower and he comes to use the bathroom–I turn around to give him what little privacy I can. Same goes if he’s in the shower and I have to go. On other occasions he sometimes forget’s to close the door so if I’m near by, I’ll shut it for him. The door and privacy are always a must if you’re doing anything else besides peeing.

    I have heard the suggestion that you wouldn’t doing certain things in front of each other while dating, and it should be the same in your marriage.

  96. I am exactly like you! That seems to just… cross a line somewhere for me.

    Except, now that we are living in an RV, it’s a little harder to get the appropriate “bathroom distance”!

  97. LLH says...

    Hahaha- I was pooping on the toilet with the door open while we waited for the pregnancy test (which was positive by the way!!)…to each his own!

    That said, there are times where I want to shut the door to poop- not really ever to pee.

    (I’m starting to wonder if you wish you hadn’t asked this question)

  98. We totally pee in front of each other. Even worse, sometimes if we both have to go, whoever goes first doesn’t flush. One flush to save water. lol I feel so disgusting right now! We are in fact relatives now. So very true.

  99. I ALWAYS pee in front of my husband. Haha, I’m sure that sounds so creepy- but it’s not at all!

    Before we got married last summer, I thought I might die if I ever let someone watch me pee. But we moved into a very small one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. After a short time, it got to where I’d have to pee if he was in the shower. Soon it just became the norm to pee in front of each other. My husband has no problems peeing in front of me. He even thinks its funny to stand there and talk to me when I’m peeing. Yes, it’s totally weird, but I really think it’s been good for us! Not just the peeing, but the close quarters have really forced us to communicate better and just learn how to really be together. I feel closer to my husband than I ever imagined I could be to another person. It’s really allowed us to be completely comfortable with each other and our own bodies. And peeing in front of each other just doesn’t seem like an issue when we think about how wonderful this first year of marriage has been and how much our relationship has grown in such a short time.

    So even though I can look at it objectively and see that it’s probably weird how comfortable we are with one another, I guess I don’t really care!

    We’re weird. We’re in love. We pee in front of each other.

    @rachelpow27

  100. Anonymous says...

    This discussion is so interesting and I agree with everyone! Both sides!

  101. eloise says...

    I thought relatives are the ones we won’t pee in front of..

    I guess it depends on the position of the toilet bowl in relation to the door, and also the distance..

  102. Anonymous says...

    Similar to you… except it was just after childbirth that I lifted the moratorium. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t closed the door until my husband actually said, “I guess I saw you push a baby out, I can see you pee now?” Once I’d recovered though, it was back to privacy!

  103. Anonymous says...

    my husband and i have been married for 6 years and we definitely have no problem peeing in front of one another. he even has been in the bathroom while i’ve pooped and vice versa. and believe it or not, he still finds me attractive and desires to kiss, touch, and, ultimately, have sex with me every day. even when i wake up with onion breath, matted hair, and drool on my pillow. those are the mornings when i say, “i don’t know if i can get into it because i feel gross” – but to him he still acts like i am the most attractive, sexiest woman in the world (and i’m no brigitte bardot even on a good day).

    so, i think the bathroom privacy is more of a matter of you feeling sexy than it is about your husband not finding you sexy. do whatever makes you comfortable and feel good and motivate you to keep having lots of sex! lack of sexual intimacy/satisfaction is what can destroy a relationship, not lack of bathroom privacy. (but the latter could lead to the former if it makes you feel gross.)

  104. Anonymous says...

    Love this picture!

  105. Ok, for those of you who’ve been married for 5+ years and have NEVER farted in front of your spouse?!?! How is that humanly possible? Do you not spend that much time together? Eat only rice? Run to the bathroom every time you have to toot?? I am in awe of you.

  106. I don’t make a habit out of it, but my husband happens to be in the bathroom when I am busting then I will go.. I mean, what is a little wee to someone who has seen you give birth?!!

  107. Anonymous says...

    When I loved in France, a woman told me to keep the door closed and have some mystery. I am totally in agreement with you. I can also understand how some people feel more intimate being open.

  108. Caz says...

    I personally don’t pee in front of my boyfriend, and have only done so on a couple of occasions in the past, but I don’t see a problem with it – each to their own. (Although I draw the line at #2’s!)

    I must second the comments above about running the faucet – what a waste of a precious resource! It’s completely daft to think that your partner doesn’t know what you’re doing in there – he still hears the toilet flush at the end! And guess what – he’s seen the packs of tampons, he’s heard you blow your nose, he knows he’s not the only user of toilet paper in the house. Guys know you have bodily functions and it’s just silly to waste water trying to pretend otherwise. Fair enough if you don’t want to do it in front of him, but please don’t be ignorant about water usage.

  109. M says...

    He’s seen me give birth to two kids… I pee in front of him, while he shower and I never close the door (that is a bad habit and my brothers hated it ahahaha). But I cannot and will not do #2, what’s just crossing the line :P

  110. Anonymous says...

    it makes me so sad that women have such high expectations of themselves that they feel like they have to be more-than-human. i think not admitting regular bodily functions in front of someone that you love and share so many other intimate moments with all stems down to shame… women are taught to be shameful of so much. do we really think that pooping takes our sexiness away? being human makes our significant others less attracted to us? maybe this is an opportunity for many women to realize that it’s okay to be REAL. you are allowed to make mistakes, you are allowed to forget things, you are allowed to not be able to juggle it all with ease, and sheesh you are allowed to be human. actually, you are not just allowed, you are entitled to be human. it is your right.

  111. Anonymous says...

    i didn’t realise this was such a big taboo! my boyfriend and i pee in front of each other, and it’s a serious opportunity for lots of fun! (eg. sometimes i give him a hand, sometimes he laughs at me when i take too long etc). i like the intimacy :]

    -ju

  112. wow, you people are crazy. not peeing in front of your significant other, “going number 2 when he’s not home” !!??? i think being comfortable enough to do ANYTHING in front of your other, especially nature’s duty, is what intimacy is all about. if you think of sex as some separate part of intimacy, something that is supposed to be all pretty and sexy and girly, i don’t know how you can truly have good sex. our bodies are what they are and do what they do. once you come to terms with that, and really feel comfortable, it’s quite freeing. i’m not comfortable enough to use the bathroom without the faucet running around anyone else BUT my partner. not even my relatives. and i don’t mind that. i like that, to me, he is my family.

  113. Elizabeth says...

    I am so shocked about how many women can’t pee in front of their husbands/boyfriends! I can understand, I suppose, if you’re trying to spice up your sex life or something, but if it’s a comfort issue, then that seems like more of a self-esteem problem than anything else to me, and something you should talk to your guy about. He’s absolutely crazy if he finds you any less sexy after seeing you on the toilet! Why would you want to spend your life with someone that can’t handle a natural, every day part of your life (and everyone else’s!)?

    My husband (of 4 years) and I pee and fart in front of each other all the time, and I honestly think that level of comfort and closeness really improves our sex life because I have NEVER felt insecure about my body with him. I know that he finds me irresistible without me doing anything special to try to impress him, and I can’t imagine how damaging it would be to our relationship if, after all this time, either of us was still acting as though we weren’t totally comfortable with the other.

  114. Pee with door open, and how does closing the door ‘keep the spark alive’ I am curious?

  115. Pee with door open, and how does closing the door ‘keep the spark alive’ I am curious?

  116. definitely not. i am on the same page with you as far as keeping some mystery alive in our marriage.

  117. I’m kind of surprised by all these comments. What I think is the MOST awesome about this kind of bodily function intimacy is the fact that I know my husband DOES still find me attractive, even knowing and seeing (*shocked*) that I use the bathroom. And he is really the one who pushed to have this kind of openness, I think we underestimate the men who love us if we think they only do so when they think of us as being some kind of artificial life form who can only look good and smell good.

    It’s up to each couple of course. But I don’t think anyone should be grossed out by it. I think that’s a very puritanical way of thinking.

  118. listen, at some point one of you is going to reach that time when someone has to actually wipe your butt for you, and if you’re together that long, it’s probably going to be the other person. I like the idea of keeping things romantic and spark-y, but the reality is that women pee and poo, and there’s something about the idea that women should project themselves as beings that don’t have bodily functions that makes me uncomfortable.
    also, everyone should stop wasting water. seriously. set up a radio or a noise machine that plays babbling brook noises or something.

  119. Carla says...

    Never again. In my first serious, live-in relationship, we did everything with the door open; as the relationship died, it was that level of intimacy that bothered me the most, and I decided if I ever had another relationship, I would limit it to peeing in front of my partner. Then, as that relationship was dying (I’m not so good at relationships, I guess), it was the first level of protection I could enforce. If the third time is the charm, I’m keeping all the doors closed.

  120. I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than 4 years…we do #1 and #2 in front of each other. I mean, with #2, yeah, we’ll close the door, but it’s no big deal if the other person needs to go into the bathroom to get something. It’s more, the other person doesn’t want to smell the #2, haha. My boyfriend also farts in front of me all the time. It’s not that I haven’t, but I do try not to do it in front of him.

  121. Vanessa says...

    yes, i mean your significant other has seen everything else. why is peeing such a big deal? He’s already seen your vagina before :)

  122. NO WAY! I never let my boyfriend pee in front of me, and I never did in front of him. I don’t know why but it just freaks me out to be too comfortable when we’re together, I think it’s a bit related to respecting to the other. You know when you’re together so long and getting married, things might change, if he starts to pee in front of me, I feel like this is one of those changing things, being too comfortable as you’re siblings or mother and a son or something…
    I avoid it also because I remember in one episode of How I Met Your Mother, Marshall and Lily were freaked out from peeing in front of eachother too :) saying that if you pee, nothing will be the same again :)
    I’m glad you’ve posted about this Joanna!
    xxx,
    B

  123. Anonymous says...

    I don’t pee in front of my relatives.

  124. We both pee in front of each other and that doesn’t make us feel uncomfortable at all!! Nor makes us feel like relatives…
    It’s funny but there’s actually an app that makes the sound of running water, so you don’t have to waste any. So that any weird sounds in the bathroom are muffled… Check it out:
    http://youtu.be/aZ-Zr7ZFc_A

  125. I don’t know of any sane relatives that pee in front of each other….

    I think you got it backwards Joanna! Leaving the door open allows you to be more in touch with yourself and the other person and their is something risky about it and like you said something sexy about it too!

    BUT RELATIVES DEFINITELY DONT (SHOULDN’T) PEE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER…maybe next time one of you CLOSES the door, the other should yell “Relatives” instead :P

  126. peeing in front of your significant other is more than fine in our household. no 2s are smellier so i don’t see why anyone would want to stick around for that.

    about the “feeling like relatives” thing, maybe you should try and see him like your best friend in the whole world. for ever. you can pee in front of your best friend. or at least turn off the faucet :)

  127. N says...

    Absolutely no way! I don’t understand how some couples ever do “the other thing” in front of each other (although each to their own – no judgement!), but i would just be so embarrassed. Also I would find it super unsexy to see my other half pee/poo so why should they see me! Bleurgh! I agree – you need some seperation!

  128. Anonymous says...

    I would certianly pee in front of my romantic partner. Anyone who wouldn’t has a case of “bashful splatters,” as my college dorm-mate would call it. Peeing is natural and has nothing to do with being sexy or not sexy. Why worry so much? Let loose! Live a little!

  129. i really believe “being super open and natural with your body” thing. We do almost all things infront of each other with my boyfriend and its been this way since first day. i really like being natural with him, like our bodies are shared. i like being one with him :)

  130. When my hus and I first got married we kept the door closed. That was private until 4 months in I became ill. Long story short: I was up all night and could not take care of myself. At all. I couldn’t even drink water. Later I was hospitalized. Now, I’m better but,ever since that we have been very open with each other.

  131. Anonymous says...

    This is absolutely shocking to me! I always assumed most people were “ok” to pee in front of their partner, or at least pee/poo freely without water running.

    Upon thinking about this further, I believe it may have something to do with the household you grew up in. My parents were always open with mostly everything (including bathroom doors). Also note, they are still gaga over each other, and the romance has yet to die…

    xo J (www.oliveandclementine.com)

  132. Goodness, I’m so surprised! I just thought weeing (hey, I’m British…) in front of each other was what you do when you get close. I mean, my boyfriend has seen my baby’s head coming out of me.. you can’t get much more intimate than that. So why would I close the door when I go for a wee?

    I actually think that being naked, weeing, being in the same bathroom space that you’d not be in with any other man is *more* close and more beautiful.

    I do definitely draw the line with no. 2 though! And period stuff is private too.

    But weeing, there’s something cute about a little chat when the other is on the loo. It’s nice :)

  133. Anonymous says...

    This is awesome, I would rather not infront of him but if needs must he has to turn around. Totally agree that its the wiping thats really embaressing.

    We stayed in a hotel in Amsterdam recently where the toilet was in the room surrounded by a glass screen, that didn’t reach the floor or ceiling. So we shared a lot more then he he !!

  134. i totally pee in front of my husband and he pees in front of me.

  135. haha what a great honest post! For me always door closed when peeing… need to keep some mystery!!! And no. 2 = music from iphone + room freshener when done!!!

  136. Pretty early on in our relationship my boyfriend started leaving the door open, to tell you the truth I was and still am horrified…. I don’t want to have to hear him. We haven’t talked about it per se, but I have gathered that he sees it as a sign of intimacy. Yuck, I might have to have the “relative” talk with him, not that I leave the door open for my relatives either .

  137. almost 10 years of marriage and we have always felt comfortable using the bathroom in front of one another. I like that we are comfortable together, kind of like that old sweater that you adore and will NEVER, EVER get rid of b/c you love it too much.

  138. haha – this is funny reading everyone’s comments!
    We definitely pee in front of each other (no shame there) but I will NOT fart or do #2 when hubby is anywhere about!

    I don’t let him catch me epilady-ing/shaving/plucking tho… that’s my attempt at keeping a mysterious allure…..

  139. Anonymous says...

    I thought this was an interesting comment!…

    “junebug said…
    It’s funny to see what a majority of your readership will have sex with virtual strangers but will not pee in front of lovers.”

    It sure is interesting to see the different sides of people and what they think is acceptable or not within a relationship. I don’t know the correlation between the two comments as junebug suggests but I do find it funny as well!

  140. showers yes. pee yes. teeth-brushing yes. that is all. i’m an earth muffin, slightly exhibitionist gal, but there are lines to be drawn at some point.

  141. A definite and very emphatic ‘no’… I want to keep the romance alive and don’t think I can do that if either of us just peed in front of the other!

  142. these comments are killing me. i can’t stop giggling and i am at work!

    i’m with you! i could not do this in front of a boy. i’m all about the romance and mystery.